Feeling great physically but falling apart mentally
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TonyaCrego
Posts: 59 Member
HELP!!!! Ugh... I have been dieting for 2 weeks now and started working out today and I feel great physically but mentally...Im falling apart! I have been to my dr many times and put on all different medications for depression/bipolar and prozac helps with ...welll idk what it works with but i feel somewhat better than i do with nothing at all! Its been 2 months now with NO MEDICATION bc hubby and I are trying to get pregnant and...well I have A LOT of anxiety and I feel like i need to talk to someone. I forgot to mention i have done therapy for over 2 yrs now and dont seem to be getting anywhere!!!
Any advice? What do you do when you feel like this???
Any advice? What do you do when you feel like this???
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Replies
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Hi Tonya, thanks for the add!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I get what you're saying, especially about the meds. I take Paxil daily for mine, and it keeps me functioning, but that's it. It allows me to get through the day without breaking down crying, sleeping, or being a mega-b****. It's doing nothing to clear my mind though. My head constantly feels cluttered and I feel overwhelmed and fearful somedays of 'losing my mind'. I am so thankful for my kids...they keep me grounded.
Congrats on your decision with hubby to get preggo! I hope it happens for you two.
The best 2 suggestions I can make are to ask your doctor about 'natural' (herbal/holistic) methods to try and help with your depression, and/or do something that totally defies what your depression wants.....
I know, that one sounds stupid, but for me....talking about it doesn't help (why counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy didn't help). My depression gets me down about myself, strips my confidence, and makes me fearful. The best way to keep mine at bay is to 'do something about it'. I need to be actively in control of my life so that the depression doesn't take over.
For example, since my ex and I split, I got my GED, upgraded, and have been in two really great college programs. While I was there, my depression was virtually eliminated. Life was moving in a positive direction, I was in control, it had meaning....
Basically what I'm saying is 'challenge' the depression. Keep busy with plans. You want to have a baby, ....plan a nursery...make something for him/her. Are there any courses you'd like to take? Any causes that interest you?....try some volunteering. Your weight loss efforts on here are a very good start!
I hope this helps a bit....I'm sorry it's not a bit more clear. I know what I'm trying to say, but it totally reads messed up lol.
Tracy :flowerforyou:
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Hi Tonya, thanks for the add!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I get what you're saying, especially about the meds. I take Paxil daily for mine, and it keeps me functioning, but that's it. It allows me to get through the day without breaking down crying, sleeping, or being a mega-b****. It's doing nothing to clear my mind though. My head constantly feels cluttered and I feel overwhelmed and fearful somedays of 'losing my mind'. I am so thankful for my kids...they keep me grounded.
Congrats on your decision with hubby to get preggo! I hope it happens for you two.
The best 2 suggestions I can make are to ask your doctor about 'natural' (herbal/holistic) methods to try and help with your depression, and/or do something that totally defies what your depression wants.....
I know, that one sounds stupid, but for me....talking about it doesn't help (why counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy didn't help). My depression gets me down about myself, strips my confidence, and makes me fearful. The best way to keep mine at bay is to 'do something about it'. I need to be actively in control of my life so that the depression doesn't take over.
For example, since my ex and I split, I got my GED, upgraded, and have been in two really great college programs. While I was there, my depression was virtually eliminated. Life was moving in a positive direction, I was in control, it had meaning....
Basically what I'm saying is 'challenge' the depression. Keep busy with plans. You want to have a baby, ....plan a nursery...make something for him/her. Are there any courses you'd like to take? Any causes that interest you?....try some volunteering. Your weight loss efforts on here are a very good start!
I hope this helps a bit....I'm sorry it's not a bit more clear. I know what I'm trying to say, but it totally reads messed up lol.
Tracy :flowerforyou:
Thanks Tracy! I will see what i can do about the natural rememdies (which ive heard from dr oz a million times...maybe i should just try those). That would save me a trip to the dr.
However its not gonna be instant so i feel like the dr is still in order...but again...for what??? Ive done this a million times!
My biggest challenge is my husband and daughter. Hes constantly yelling at her bc she dont listen (not bc shes not a good kid but bc shes 4 and at that age). He has NO sense of talking calmly, placing her in time outs, etc. Im so over it!!! And hes the one that wants another kid! Long story short, he has two girls and wants a boy! (his other daughter lives with her mom) He does nothing with them. He comes home from work and watches TV and when our daughter wants to talk to him, he tells her to go away! Shes wants him to read and its "No i dont feel like it" We never do family things! All I can say is WTH was i thinking when i got my BC taken out (i had implanon)! This is another thing i want to talk to my dr about. I wish i could just get it put back in but i feel like an idiot bc im so undecisive about it. At one time i want another kid but then again i dont. I feel like a ****ty mom bc i am the same way as my husband!!! I do know how to speak to her and i know if i tell her something and then just stare at her or count, shes gonna do it without all the yelling but then at times nothing gets accomplished and I cant stand it anymore and I snap! I have no desire to play games with her. I read periodically and was trying to implement into bedtime but that doesnt always happen. Id rather play on the computer or watch TV. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET RID OF THEM BOTH!!!! Ugh....
I realize I do not need to be a mom but I also realize that when Im good mentally...im a good mom! I have a great child and shes taken care of physically but I always wonder if she is "emotionally"!0 -
My biggest challenge is my husband and daughter. Hes constantly yelling at her bc she dont listen (not bc shes not a good kid but bc shes 4 and at that age). He has NO sense of talking calmly, placing her in time outs, etc. Im so over it!!! And hes the one that wants another kid! Long story short, he has two girls and wants a boy! (his other daughter lives with her mom) He does nothing with them. He comes home from work and watches TV and when our daughter wants to talk to him, he tells her to go away! Shes wants him to read and its "No i dont feel like it" We never do family things! All I can say is WTH was i thinking when i got my BC taken out (i had implanon)! This is another thing i want to talk to my dr about. I wish i could just get it put back in but i feel like an idiot bc im so undecisive about it. At one time i want another kid but then again i dont. I feel like a ****ty mom bc i am the same way as my husband!!! I do know how to speak to her and i know if i tell her something and then just stare at her or count, shes gonna do it without all the yelling but then at times nothing gets accomplished and I cant stand it anymore and I snap! I have no desire to play games with her. I read periodically and was trying to implement into bedtime but that doesnt always happen. Id rather play on the computer or watch TV. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET RID OF THEM BOTH!!!! Ugh....Hi Tonya, thanks for the add!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I get what you're saying, especially about the meds. I take Paxil daily for mine, and it keeps me functioning, but that's it. It allows me to get through the day without breaking down crying, sleeping, or being a mega-b****. It's doing nothing to clear my mind though. My head constantly feels cluttered and I feel overwhelmed and fearful somedays of 'losing my mind'. I am so thankful for my kids...they keep me grounded.
Congrats on your decision with hubby to get preggo! I hope it happens for you two.
The best 2 suggestions I can make are to ask your doctor about 'natural' (herbal/holistic) methods to try and help with your depression, and/or do something that totally defies what your depression wants.....
I know, that one sounds stupid, but for me....talking about it doesn't help (why counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy didn't help). My depression gets me down about myself, strips my confidence, and makes me fearful. The best way to keep mine at bay is to 'do something about it'. I need to be actively in control of my life so that the depression doesn't take over.
For example, since my ex and I split, I got my GED, upgraded, and have been in two really great college programs. While I was there, my depression was virtually eliminated. Life was moving in a positive direction, I was in control, it had meaning....
Basically what I'm saying is 'challenge' the depression. Keep busy with plans. You want to have a baby, ....plan a nursery...make something for him/her. Are there any courses you'd like to take? Any causes that interest you?....try some volunteering. Your weight loss efforts on here are a very good start!
I hope this helps a bit....I'm sorry it's not a bit more clear. I know what I'm trying to say, but it totally reads messed up lol.
Tracy :flowerforyou:
I realize I do not need to be a mom but I also realize that when Im good mentally...im a good mom! I have a great child and shes taken care of physically but I always wonder if she is "emotionally"!
Oh wow, I'm sorry things are so crazy for you right now!
IMO (just my opinion from one sufferer of depression to another :flowerforyou: ), maybe the best thing for you to do right now, is to talk to hubby about your concerns, and both of you could talk to a counsellor/join a parents group, etc to maybe tackle those issues you mentioned above. You mentioned several 'red flags' (of depression triggers ), and if you want to enjoy another pregnancy/child, you should let hubby know these are really important to you, and they need to be settled in order for you to be ok with moving forward.
If you don't mind me asking, how does hubby react/deal with your depression?
I hate to say this, but Autumn (my 2 yr old) was a complete surprise. Things were very very bad at that time, and she was a result of a poor decision on my part (slept with ex). The reason I bring this up is if we'd been together (circumstances being the same, very very bad...), and he'd wanted another child, I would've flat out said no because I knew I wasn't mentally ready yet. I'm a good parent to her, I love her LOTS of course, but it's been harder (mentally/emotionally) for me compared to the other ones.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if you're not ready to do this again yet, then you should wait. If he understands your depression, then he will understand why you want to wait, and will hopefully help you do what you need to get to that point. I'm not saying don't have another child ever lol,... just maybe hold on for a few mths/yr so that you're mentally/emotionally ready. You shared several valid concerns, and they can be improved if you guys work together.
Once again I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I LOVE my kids more then life itself, but most of my days are felt like I'm just going through motions, there is no attachment like there used to be (i.e.: dreaded doing my daughter's birthday party, detached from Christmas festivities....being Santa is becoming a pain....etc) That isn't me....it's the depression, and I hate the fact it is doing this to me. :frown:0 -
My biggest challenge is my husband and daughter. Hes constantly yelling at her bc she dont listen (not bc shes not a good kid but bc shes 4 and at that age). He has NO sense of talking calmly, placing her in time outs, etc. Im so over it!!! And hes the one that wants another kid! Long story short, he has two girls and wants a boy! (his other daughter lives with her mom) He does nothing with them. He comes home from work and watches TV and when our daughter wants to talk to him, he tells her to go away! Shes wants him to read and its "No i dont feel like it" We never do family things! All I can say is WTH was i thinking when i got my BC taken out (i had implanon)! This is another thing i want to talk to my dr about. I wish i could just get it put back in but i feel like an idiot bc im so undecisive about it. At one time i want another kid but then again i dont. I feel like a ****ty mom bc i am the same way as my husband!!! I do know how to speak to her and i know if i tell her something and then just stare at her or count, shes gonna do it without all the yelling but then at times nothing gets accomplished and I cant stand it anymore and I snap! I have no desire to play games with her. I read periodically and was trying to implement into bedtime but that doesnt always happen. Id rather play on the computer or watch TV. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET RID OF THEM BOTH!!!! Ugh....Hi Tonya, thanks for the add!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I get what you're saying, especially about the meds. I take Paxil daily for mine, and it keeps me functioning, but that's it. It allows me to get through the day without breaking down crying, sleeping, or being a mega-b****. It's doing nothing to clear my mind though. My head constantly feels cluttered and I feel overwhelmed and fearful somedays of 'losing my mind'. I am so thankful for my kids...they keep me grounded.
Congrats on your decision with hubby to get preggo! I hope it happens for you two.
The best 2 suggestions I can make are to ask your doctor about 'natural' (herbal/holistic) methods to try and help with your depression, and/or do something that totally defies what your depression wants.....
I know, that one sounds stupid, but for me....talking about it doesn't help (why counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy didn't help). My depression gets me down about myself, strips my confidence, and makes me fearful. The best way to keep mine at bay is to 'do something about it'. I need to be actively in control of my life so that the depression doesn't take over.
For example, since my ex and I split, I got my GED, upgraded, and have been in two really great college programs. While I was there, my depression was virtually eliminated. Life was moving in a positive direction, I was in control, it had meaning....
Basically what I'm saying is 'challenge' the depression. Keep busy with plans. You want to have a baby, ....plan a nursery...make something for him/her. Are there any courses you'd like to take? Any causes that interest you?....try some volunteering. Your weight loss efforts on here are a very good start!
I hope this helps a bit....I'm sorry it's not a bit more clear. I know what I'm trying to say, but it totally reads messed up lol.
Tracy :flowerforyou:
I realize I do not need to be a mom but I also realize that when Im good mentally...im a good mom! I have a great child and shes taken care of physically but I always wonder if she is "emotionally"!
Oh wow, I'm sorry things are so crazy for you right now!
IMO (just my opinion from one sufferer of depression to another :flowerforyou: ), maybe the best thing for you to do right now, is to talk to hubby about your concerns, and both of you could talk to a counsellor/join a parents group, etc to maybe tackle those issues you mentioned above. You mentioned several 'red flags' (of depression triggers ), and if you want to enjoy another pregnancy/child, you should let hubby know these are really important to you, and they need to be settled in order for you to be ok with moving forward.
If you don't mind me asking, how does hubby react/deal with your depression?
I hate to say this, but Autumn (my 2 yr old) was a complete surprise. Things were very very bad at that time, and she was a result of a poor decision on my part (slept with ex). The reason I bring this up is if we'd been together (circumstances being the same, very very bad...), and he'd wanted another child, I would've flat out said no because I knew I wasn't mentally ready yet. I'm a good parent to her, I love her LOTS of course, but it's been harder (mentally/emotionally) for me compared to the other ones.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if you're not ready to do this again yet, then you should wait. If he understands your depression, then he will understand why you want to wait, and will hopefully help you do what you need to get to that point. I'm not saying don't have another child ever lol,... just maybe hold on for a few mths/yr so that you're mentally/emotionally ready. You shared several valid concerns, and they can be improved if you guys work together.
Once again I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I LOVE my kids more then life itself, but most of my days are felt like I'm just going through motions, there is no attachment like there used to be (i.e.: dreaded doing my daughter's birthday party, detached from Christmas festivities....being Santa is becoming a pain....etc) That isn't me....it's the depression, and I hate the fact it is doing this to me. :frown:
Thats exactly it! My dr. changed my meds to celexa and Im on a birth control pill now. My husband didnt mind me getting it (or at least didnt say anything about it). I have been doing therapy for a couple years and had a few sessions with my husband and we talked about all the yelling and how when i get to that high level of anxiety...he needs to be the one to stop it from going higher or bring it back down and not escalate it. Does that makes sense? My husband has always been an easy going guy and i feel like that has been changing now that we have a child and i am going thru all this. I just need him to understand and i just wish it would all go away!
BTW...the above comment of mine about getting rid of them...i meant the computer and tv, lol. I reread it and it sounded bad! 0 -
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My biggest challenge is my husband and daughter. Hes constantly yelling at her bc she dont listen (not bc shes not a good kid but bc shes 4 and at that age). He has NO sense of talking calmly, placing her in time outs, etc. Im so over it!!! And hes the one that wants another kid! Long story short, he has two girls and wants a boy! (his other daughter lives with her mom) He does nothing with them. He comes home from work and watches TV and when our daughter wants to talk to him, he tells her to go away! Shes wants him to read and its "No i dont feel like it" We never do family things! All I can say is WTH was i thinking when i got my BC taken out (i had implanon)! This is another thing i want to talk to my dr about. I wish i could just get it put back in but i feel like an idiot bc im so undecisive about it. At one time i want another kid but then again i dont. I feel like a ****ty mom bc i am the same way as my husband!!! I do know how to speak to her and i know if i tell her something and then just stare at her or count, shes gonna do it without all the yelling but then at times nothing gets accomplished and I cant stand it anymore and I snap! I have no desire to play games with her. I read periodically and was trying to implement into bedtime but that doesnt always happen. Id rather play on the computer or watch TV. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET RID OF THEM BOTH!!!! Ugh....Hi Tonya, thanks for the add!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I get what you're saying, especially about the meds. I take Paxil daily for mine, and it keeps me functioning, but that's it. It allows me to get through the day without breaking down crying, sleeping, or being a mega-b****. It's doing nothing to clear my mind though. My head constantly feels cluttered and I feel overwhelmed and fearful somedays of 'losing my mind'. I am so thankful for my kids...they keep me grounded.
Congrats on your decision with hubby to get preggo! I hope it happens for you two.
The best 2 suggestions I can make are to ask your doctor about 'natural' (herbal/holistic) methods to try and help with your depression, and/or do something that totally defies what your depression wants.....
I know, that one sounds stupid, but for me....talking about it doesn't help (why counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy didn't help). My depression gets me down about myself, strips my confidence, and makes me fearful. The best way to keep mine at bay is to 'do something about it'. I need to be actively in control of my life so that the depression doesn't take over.
For example, since my ex and I split, I got my GED, upgraded, and have been in two really great college programs. While I was there, my depression was virtually eliminated. Life was moving in a positive direction, I was in control, it had meaning....
Basically what I'm saying is 'challenge' the depression. Keep busy with plans. You want to have a baby, ....plan a nursery...make something for him/her. Are there any courses you'd like to take? Any causes that interest you?....try some volunteering. Your weight loss efforts on here are a very good start!
I hope this helps a bit....I'm sorry it's not a bit more clear. I know what I'm trying to say, but it totally reads messed up lol.
Tracy :flowerforyou:
I realize I do not need to be a mom but I also realize that when Im good mentally...im a good mom! I have a great child and shes taken care of physically but I always wonder if she is "emotionally"!
Oh wow, I'm sorry things are so crazy for you right now!
IMO (just my opinion from one sufferer of depression to another :flowerforyou: ), maybe the best thing for you to do right now, is to talk to hubby about your concerns, and both of you could talk to a counsellor/join a parents group, etc to maybe tackle those issues you mentioned above. You mentioned several 'red flags' (of depression triggers ), and if you want to enjoy another pregnancy/child, you should let hubby know these are really important to you, and they need to be settled in order for you to be ok with moving forward.
If you don't mind me asking, how does hubby react/deal with your depression?
I hate to say this, but Autumn (my 2 yr old) was a complete surprise. Things were very very bad at that time, and she was a result of a poor decision on my part (slept with ex). The reason I bring this up is if we'd been together (circumstances being the same, very very bad...), and he'd wanted another child, I would've flat out said no because I knew I wasn't mentally ready yet. I'm a good parent to her, I love her LOTS of course, but it's been harder (mentally/emotionally) for me compared to the other ones.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if you're not ready to do this again yet, then you should wait. If he understands your depression, then he will understand why you want to wait, and will hopefully help you do what you need to get to that point. I'm not saying don't have another child ever lol,... just maybe hold on for a few mths/yr so that you're mentally/emotionally ready. You shared several valid concerns, and they can be improved if you guys work together.
Once again I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I LOVE my kids more then life itself, but most of my days are felt like I'm just going through motions, there is no attachment like there used to be (i.e.: dreaded doing my daughter's birthday party, detached from Christmas festivities....being Santa is becoming a pain....etc) That isn't me....it's the depression, and I hate the fact it is doing this to me. :frown:
Thats exactly it! My dr. changed my meds to celexa and Im on a birth control pill now. My husband didnt mind me getting it (or at least didnt say anything about it). I have been doing therapy for a couple years and had a few sessions with my husband and we talked about all the yelling and how when i get to that high level of anxiety...he needs to be the one to stop it from going higher or bring it back down and not escalate it. Does that makes sense? My husband has always been an easy going guy and i feel like that has been changing now that we have a child and i am going thru all this. I just need him to understand and i just wish it would all go away!
BTW...the above comment of mine about getting rid of them...i meant the computer and tv, lol. I reread it and it sounded bad!
I'm on Celexa and birth control (Tri-Sprintec). The Celexa has worked for several years now but now that I'm getting older, the triggers are getting stronger and sometimes the Celexa isn't enough. Try Valerian Root. It's a natural relaxant and I personally use it to help me sleep when my mind won't stop running.
Like an above poster said, definitely talk to your hub and let him know that his actions are having an impact on you, but also your children. He could also be frustrated, like many parents are when their children are at certain stages in their life. Take the time to communicate with each other and see what you guys can do to sort things out 0 -
Unfortunately if you are bipolar you will have to be on meds to help keep the crazy at bay. There are several types of holistic therapies, medications and treatments. Try art and music therapy (in addition to exercise). If you are on the computer then start and digital scrap book or make a music video with all your favorite pictures. I find that making a 4 or 5 song play list of music (that suits my mood at that moment), putting on head phone and locking myself somewhere private and blaring the music as loud as i can really helps me. Its 20-30 minutes of time and i really do feel better after. If you need to cry then let it out. walk away into a bathroom or do whatever you need to do, but trust me you will feel better after you just let it out. laughter therapy is very helpful too. I LOLCATZ for a good laugh (haha, don't judge)
there is also holistic treatments that can help with depression the most popular being acupuncture. I know some people that have amazing results with it. you can google Holistic psychology and a ton of websites pop up.
If your daughter is a handful, see if your gym or YMCA offers a 'mommy and me' (or something like it) exercise class. it will wear her out and she will be more calm at night. and the exercise will be good for both of you.
I am bipolar myself in addition to a personalty disorder or 2 (haha). I am a psychology student and I plan to focus on cognitive neuropsychology. I hope to someday have a practice that i will run holistically. I am telling you this in hopes that will you take my advice seriously and not just think i'm some *kitten* on the internet giving advice just to give it. With that said you should be in some sort of counseling especially since you are off your meds. No matter what anyone else tell you talk therapy (cognitive, behavioral, schema, ect) are the number 1 best method of controlling mental health. Please don't listen to anyone who tells you, you may not need to go. You do need to go!!
good luck with everything. I think you are gonna do amazing! its already very obvious how important you are to yourself and that is a great thing!! Keep it up!! 0 -
I'm sorry things aren't going well for you
I'm terrified of when I go med free for pregnancy. My husband and I would like to have a baby, but I take so many meds (in such high doses) for Bipolar I (predominantly Mixed) and Panic Disorder that it will probably take years to ween me off of them (especially the Klonopin, ugh). I'm actually hoping to stop my injections soon to see how I'll do. Anyway, I liked reading through your conversation, and I suppose I don't have much to add other than that I hope things get better and to keep exercising! It's a great accomplishment when you can still do that in my eyes. 0
