Agree with pink, no one will get better until they DECIDE they want to get better. When I was anorexic (in high school/college) my friends tried in vain so many times to talk to me and get me help. My mom even threatened me a few times. But I didn't WANT help. I wanted to stay skinny. It wasn't until I decided on my own that I wanted to get better that I did. It has to be a conscious effort.

I also have suffered from both anorexia and bulimia. I think the anorexia was more difficult to recover from but only because when I was bulimic; I had children and was scared straight by heart issues that the purging caused. So I literally stopped overnight. However, I find the mental aspect of either is very difficult to overcome. It's a challenge. I always told those who I counseled over eating disorders, that you CAN get better. However, you must realize that you can also fall off the wagon and have set backs. You won't just "get better" and never deal with food issues again. It just doesn't work that way for us. Whenever life throws stress our way, it will be tempting to fall into old coping mechanisms.

As I've dealt with both eating disorders, so I can relate to both sides. I was super skinny at one time. And I'm overweight now. And when I was purging I'd lost the baby weight but was never "skinny" like before, just average. I think sometimes I wish(ed) that I could have that insane dedication and commitment I had when I was anorexic. The "I'd do anything" to be small mentality. But then again, I'm scared of it because it is so all consumming that you cannot find happiness when you are thinking/living that way. It's just such a crazy battle

I agree with you to an extent. I think it just goes down to the different struggles ana's and mia's have with their illness. No one has exactly the same views on food eating and exercise. What might be ok for one isnt for another. I think being mia we dont have that fear of eating that anas do. Cos it dont stay in our belly long enough to make a difference really.

I guess we are all just struggling though! *sigh*

*WARNING: COULD BE TRIGGERING* I have a much harder time thinking of myself as anorexic than I do as bulimic. I *know* the binging and purging behavior is abnormal and not healthy. There is no confusion on that point. It's scary and bad, and feels horrible. It's also the behavior my husband is most concerned about. The restricting is different. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't on a diet or, if I wasn't actively on one, I knew I should be and was just not living up to my own standards. Eating fewer calories has been a life-long goal. In addition, I have read tons of research that supports the idea that eating fewer calories can extend your life and make you healthier as you age. (I like to ignore the part where it says not to let your BMI go below 18.5, though, and not to lose weight too quickly or restrict too far.) So, even though I meet the clinical definition for anorexia in terms of having lost my period and being underweight, I have a much harder time thinking of myself in those terms, because I still don't truly see my being underweight as a bad thing. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that B&P is horrible for me, and I can't allow myself to let that continue. So, anyway... I think what I'm trying to say is that I am sure anorexics do have a harder time recovering, because I know that, if my behavior really is anorexic, I'm going to have a much harder time accepting that (which is a necessary first step in recovering) than I do at accepting that B&P = bulimia and is therefore not okay.

Now annabelle I have a hard time believing I am anorexic to and my BMI is way lower than what the cut of is. I just dont see it so I dont believe it. It doesnt matter what the scale says I always think I am fat. So your ED is keeping you in denial so it makes ok to restrict. You just want to stop the B & P right? Not the restricting or exercising....

Sort of. I don't actually exercise a great deal at the moment (very little time and energy for it - right now, it's only one dance class a week, and I missed that last week and will probably miss this week as well, thanks to the flu...), and I don't really feel like I restrict *that* much (I know numbers are a no-no, but my kcals are high compared with what I see in most of the other diaries on MFP of those with ED...). It's more that I just don't see a big need to gain weight. My only adverse health symptom is the fact that my period stopped, but it stopped well before I was underweight. It stopped at a weight I hope to never, ever see again. In every other, measurable way, I'm super, super healthy. My fasting blood sugar is in the low 70s. My pulse rate and BP are textbook perfect. My iron levels, calcium, potassium, hormones, etc. are all totally normal. So I don't feel a strong pull to change things. The only real *issue* is the lack of a period, and, well... I'm 37. It's not entirely impossible that I'm just in early menopause. My estrogen levels were low even when I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am now, so although I understand that it's likely that the rapid weight loss caused the periods to stop, it's not impossible to think that they might have done so on their own, just because my body decided it was time for early menopause. The B&P is something that I can't argue with. It's a definite bad, bad thing. But my weight itself... I have a harder time seeing that as a problem. Part of me understands that a BMI below 17.5 is just unhealthy no matter how you slice it, but part of me says "screw that - where's the proof?" when I look at the rest of my health-related tests and see absolutely nothing wrong (other than a missing period... and who really *misses* that, anyway?)

Now annabelle I have a hard time believing I am anorexic to and my BMI is way lower than what the cut of is. I just dont see it so I dont believe it. It doesnt matter what the scale says I always think I am fat. So your ED is keeping you in denial so it makes ok to restrict. You just want to stop the B & P right? Not the restricting or exercising....

Sort of. I don't actually exercise a great deal at the moment (very little time and energy for it - right now, it's only one dance class a week, and I missed that last week and will probably miss this week as well, thanks to the flu...), and I don't really feel like I restrict *that* much (I know numbers are a no-no, but my kcals are high compared with what I see in most of the other diaries on MFP of those with ED...). It's more that I just don't see a big need to gain weight. My only adverse health symptom is the fact that my period stopped, but it stopped well before I was underweight. It stopped at a weight I hope to never, ever see again. In every other, measurable way, I'm super, super healthy. My fasting blood sugar is in the low 70s. My pulse rate and BP are textbook perfect. My iron levels, calcium, potassium, hormones, etc. are all totally normal. So I don't feel a strong pull to change things. The only real *issue* is the lack of a period, and, well... I'm 37. It's not entirely impossible that I'm just in early menopause. My estrogen levels were low even when I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am now, so although I understand that it's likely that the rapid weight loss caused the periods to stop, it's not impossible to think that they might have done so on their own, just because my body decided it was time for early menopause. The B&P is something that I can't argue with. It's a definite bad, bad thing. But my weight itself... I have a harder time seeing that as a problem. Part of me understands that a BMI below 17.5 is just unhealthy no matter how you slice it, but part of me says "screw that - where's the proof?" when I look at the rest of my health-related tests and see absolutely nothing wrong (other than a missing period... and who really *misses* that, anyway?)

Glad you are seeing a therapist my friend!! You are talking to a person who can rationalize anything. lol I am laughing as I read what you wrote because it sounds like something I would have said a while back. But that is ok. i am glad that you are healthy because it really sucks being sick. I would love to work out but I would prob drop over if I did. Just keep up the good work :flowerforyou:

Now annabelle I have a hard time believing I am anorexic to and my BMI is way lower than what the cut of is. I just dont see it so I dont believe it. It doesnt matter what the scale says I always think I am fat. So your ED is keeping you in denial so it makes ok to restrict. You just want to stop the B & P right? Not the restricting or exercising....

Sort of. I don't actually exercise a great deal at the moment (very little time and energy for it - right now, it's only one dance class a week, and I missed that last week and will probably miss this week as well, thanks to the flu...), and I don't really feel like I restrict *that* much (I know numbers are a no-no, but my kcals are high compared with what I see in most of the other diaries on MFP of those with ED...). It's more that I just don't see a big need to gain weight. My only adverse health symptom is the fact that my period stopped, but it stopped well before I was underweight. It stopped at a weight I hope to never, ever see again. In every other, measurable way, I'm super, super healthy. My fasting blood sugar is in the low 70s. My pulse rate and BP are textbook perfect. My iron levels, calcium, potassium, hormones, etc. are all totally normal. So I don't feel a strong pull to change things. The only real *issue* is the lack of a period, and, well... I'm 37. It's not entirely impossible that I'm just in early menopause. My estrogen levels were low even when I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am now, so although I understand that it's likely that the rapid weight loss caused the periods to stop, it's not impossible to think that they might have done so on their own, just because my body decided it was time for early menopause. The B&P is something that I can't argue with. It's a definite bad, bad thing. But my weight itself... I have a harder time seeing that as a problem. Part of me understands that a BMI below 17.5 is just unhealthy no matter how you slice it, but part of me says "screw that - where's the proof?" when I look at the rest of my health-related tests and see absolutely nothing wrong (other than a missing period... and who really *misses* that, anyway?)

Glad you are seeing a therapist my friend!! You are talking to a person who can rationalize anything. lol I am laughing as I read what you wrote because it sounds like something I would have said a while back. But that is ok. i am glad that you are healthy because it really sucks being sick. I would love to work out but I would prob drop over if I did. Just keep up the good work :flowerforyou:

Lol! Yeah, I am totally great at rationalizing and at arguing. I was planning to go to law school before we had my daughter. My husband hates it. I'm glad you are laughing with me. I hate feeling at odds with everyone, but being dishonest about where my head is at doesn't seem very productive, either.

I'm don't have bulimia or anorexia but selective eating disorder (SED) and I understand how hard it is to find help.
Basically, my diet hasn't really changed much since I was 5 and i'm 35 now. I can't eat meat, fruit or vegatables without being sick.
We all have an eating disorder and we should all help each other with theirs.

I find on this group and the forums the "recovering" Mias (Bulemics) and the Anas have a huge difference in personality, to say the least. Myself being a "mia", I have never been thin. I have no idea what its like to be too thin so it is really hard to relate with an ana. Although both having very bad relationships with food, I find that anas have a harder time trying to recover. A lot of the girls are very negative and very depressing, and I want them to know that they can through this. I am trying to help myself and help others, but it really just makes me more sad to see all the very negative posts. I wonder if anyone else is seeing this problem. I just want to get myself and help others get a grip on their life, because I do not see a good future of health ahead of me. I cannot control my purging even still, and I am trying so hard. The anas are so small, and a lot of the mias want to be small, so its just this vicious cycle I feel. Help me!

I understand. I've only ever been bulimic (although i have had/have some ana tendencies). I sometimes find it very difficult to relate to anorexics and yet part of me is jealous of them...

But as littlemili says all of us here have something of a dysfunctional relationship with food, and so can still offer support and more understanding of each other than perhaps those without ED have.

I know there is a difference between anorexia and bulimia.

But we are all in this group because of an EATING DISORDER.

I just stopped worrying about "Ana" and "Mia." I stopped worrying about how long it takes to recover (for both anorexia and bulimia nervosa)

I am focused on recovery. However long it will take. Relapse or no relapse. But I will survive this. I will NOT let this dictate my life, my death, my happiness. I just want to be NORMAL.

Personally I think that eating disorders are too complex and personal to be able to categorize. In terms of recovery all I would say is that when I was anorexic i was not leading a normal life, and therefore recovering and getting my life back was incredibly rewarding. However, I am still bulimic, because for me it is easy to lead a normal life whilst still b/ping at times of stress and anxiety. B/ping has become such an ingrained method of relieving tension that recovery from bulimia, for me, is proving to be a lot more difficult.

Yes, this is why they are so different, yet the same. Personally, it was when I was bulimic that I really could not lead a normal life at all. I did not only binge and purge during times of stress. I did it constantly. Not that I could lead a normal life when I was anorexic either, but when I think back it was bulimia that really put a damper on me being able to do anything.