EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!
when it comes to actually making a specific decision, i keep shutting down! I am an extremely opinionated person and always have an idea about what I want.... but with my wedding, its like Im terrified to make a decision because if I mess up or chose the wrong thing, i'll regret it forever.... HA. no pressure, right?
i keep trying to remind myself that everything will be fine, and on the actual day nothing else will matter - but still, UGH
I feel ya, girl!

as for the in-laws... im having a problem w all the guests they want to invite. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and his family isnt putting in a dime. BUT... they have ALL these relatives that they are adament about being included. (we're talking cousins and second cousins, their spouses, the kids, etc) and with the reception at $150 per, I am at my whits end. Im trying to be polite, because I honestly dont even think they understand (they are nice enough people) but come ON... I think Im going to just tell them that we have a cap on guests, and they have to limit their list to 20... pick your favorites (and hopefully they bring good gifts) hahahaha

The dress shopping was probably the worst part - I bought one dress and then had nightmares about it night after night so I ended up scrapping the first dress and I am now having one made. I am also stressing over the invitations. 98% of my guests are travelling between 3 to 6 thousand miles to be at my wedding so I have to give them a ton of planning information and I am making them myself using my very talented sister's skills - but I need to get them done and the timeline just keeps moving back... that is my point of stress...

as for the in-laws... im having a problem w all the guests they want to invite. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and his family isnt putting in a dime. BUT... they have ALL these relatives that they are adament about being included. (we're talking cousins and second cousins, their spouses, the kids, etc) and with the reception at $150 per, I am at my whits end. Im trying to be polite, because I honestly dont even think they understand (they are nice enough people) but come ON... I think Im going to just tell them that we have a cap on guests, and they have to limit their list to 20... pick your favorites (and hopefully they bring good gifts) hahahaha

I would tell them the budget for the wedding is $20,000 which means you can have 150 guests - the bride and groom have picked 100 guests which means the Brides parents get 25 additional and they can have 25 additional. If they would like to invite more people than you will happily make physical room, but you will need them to contribute $150 per person over 25 to cover the cost of them since the budget is non-negotiable. (Obviously fill in your own numbers here). They can whine and moan all they want, but the checkbook really the dictator here (so it isn't personal - just means they need to put up or shut up. They have to prioritize their guest list. The best part is that you can make the numbers work whatever way you like, if they aren't writing the checks then they won't know what you really spent and there is no way they will be sitting there counting guests at your wedding. I know it sounds terrible, but they can't have what they don't pay for. You don't have to be mean, just honest... then it is all their decision on who they would like to invite especially if they have to pay for it!

HAHAHHA - THIS WAS MY ORIGINAL PLAN!!!! but my fiance caught on and wasnt tooo happy that i was nixing his family in favor of our friends/my family's guests.
my parents are inviting about 75 ... heavy sigh. i tried to limit his familly to 30 and he wasnt too thrilled.
he says its "his wedding too and his family should be able to invite who they want and its not fair that MY parents have 75 and his only get 30".... BAH
I hate sounding so petty and (i feel like i come off as being selfish - which Im really trying not to) but this is a LOT of money that my PARENTS have put aside and saved for YEARS (32 to be exact- so they had quite awhile to accumulate ) and i really dont think its fair that my family would have to sacrafice guests to accomodate his family that isnt helping in the slightest. Sooo... if they are paying, shouldnt they be able to invite whoever they want???
he says no... but i also think it rubs him the wrong way that my parents CAN do this for us & his cant... i dont know.
its a sore subject for us - and Im sure we'll figure something out. When we start to talk about it, Stevie just walks out of the room cause he doesnt want to fight.

as for the in-laws... im having a problem w all the guests they want to invite. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and his family isnt putting in a dime. BUT... they have ALL these relatives that they are adament about being included. (we're talking cousins and second cousins, their spouses, the kids, etc) and with the reception at $150 per, I am at my whits end. Im trying to be polite, because I honestly dont even think they understand (they are nice enough people) but come ON... I think Im going to just tell them that we have a cap on guests, and they have to limit their list to 20... pick your favorites (and hopefully they bring good gifts) hahahaha

I would tell them the budget for the wedding is $20,000 which means you can have 150 guests - the bride and groom have picked 100 guests which means the Brides parents get 25 additional and they can have 25 additional. If they would like to invite more people than you will happily make physical room, but you will need them to contribute $150 per person over 25 to cover the cost of them since the budget is non-negotiable. (Obviously fill in your own numbers here). They can whine and moan all they want, but the checkbook really the dictator here (so it isn't personal - just means they need to put up or shut up. They have to prioritize their guest list. The best part is that you can make the numbers work whatever way you like, if they aren't writing the checks then they won't know what you really spent and there is no way they will be sitting there counting guests at your wedding. I know it sounds terrible, but they can't have what they don't pay for. You don't have to be mean, just honest... then it is all their decision on who they would like to invite especially if they have to pay for it!

HAHAHHA - THIS WAS MY ORIGINAL PLAN!!!! but my fiance caught on and wasnt tooo happy that i was nixing his family in favor of our friends/my family's guests.
my parents are inviting about 75 ... heavy sigh. i tried to limit his familly to 30 and he wasnt too thrilled.
he says its "his wedding too and his family should be able to invite who they want and its not fair that MY parents have 75 and his only get 30".... BAH
I hate sounding so petty and (i feel like i come off as being selfish - which Im really trying not to) but this is a LOT of money that my PARENTS have put aside and saved for YEARS (32 to be exact- so they had quite awhile to accumulate ) and i really dont think its fair that my family would have to sacrafice guests to accomodate his family that isnt helping in the slightest. Sooo... if they are paying, shouldnt they be able to invite whoever they want???
he says no... but i also think it rubs him the wrong way that my parents CAN do this for us & his cant... i dont know.
its a sore subject for us - and Im sure we'll figure something out. When we start to talk about it, Stevie just walks out of the room cause he doesnt want to fight.

OH I LOVE OUR FAMILIES!!! We have had NO Problems with people NEEDING to invite other people and stuff....
My inlaws live across the country- so basically we invited immediate family and some outliers to be respectful... knowing they won't make it. My mom has only suggested one or two people that I probably should have thought of in the first place.... we have been lucky in the family and invite department! :-D We are not traditional- and this is OUR wedding! :-D I hope it all works out for everyone... it IS your day- don't forget that.

as for the in-laws... im having a problem w all the guests they want to invite. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and his family isnt putting in a dime. BUT... they have ALL these relatives that they are adament about being included. (we're talking cousins and second cousins, their spouses, the kids, etc) and with the reception at $150 per, I am at my whits end. Im trying to be polite, because I honestly dont even think they understand (they are nice enough people) but come ON... I think Im going to just tell them that we have a cap on guests, and they have to limit their list to 20... pick your favorites (and hopefully they bring good gifts) hahahaha

I would tell them the budget for the wedding is $20,000 which means you can have 150 guests - the bride and groom have picked 100 guests which means the Brides parents get 25 additional and they can have 25 additional. If they would like to invite more people than you will happily make physical room, but you will need them to contribute $150 per person over 25 to cover the cost of them since the budget is non-negotiable. (Obviously fill in your own numbers here). They can whine and moan all they want, but the checkbook really the dictator here (so it isn't personal - just means they need to put up or shut up. They have to prioritize their guest list. The best part is that you can make the numbers work whatever way you like, if they aren't writing the checks then they won't know what you really spent and there is no way they will be sitting there counting guests at your wedding. I know it sounds terrible, but they can't have what they don't pay for. You don't have to be mean, just honest... then it is all their decision on who they would like to invite especially if they have to pay for it!

HAHAHHA - THIS WAS MY ORIGINAL PLAN!!!! but my fiance caught on and wasnt tooo happy that i was nixing his family in favor of our friends/my family's guests.
my parents are inviting about 75 ... heavy sigh. i tried to limit his familly to 30 and he wasnt too thrilled.
he says its "his wedding too and his family should be able to invite who they want and its not fair that MY parents have 75 and his only get 30".... BAH
I hate sounding so petty and (i feel like i come off as being selfish - which Im really trying not to) but this is a LOT of money that my PARENTS have put aside and saved for YEARS (32 to be exact- so they had quite awhile to accumulate ) and i really dont think its fair that my family would have to sacrafice guests to accomodate his family that isnt helping in the slightest. Sooo... if they are paying, shouldnt they be able to invite whoever they want???
he says no... but i also think it rubs him the wrong way that my parents CAN do this for us & his cant... i dont know.
its a sore subject for us - and Im sure we'll figure something out. When we start to talk about it, Stevie just walks out of the room cause he doesnt want to fight.

I don't think that is petty at all... it isn't like you are saying that none of his side can come, but what you are saying is that maybe some of the guests your parents want are more important than his mother's 2nd cousin (unless they are close of course). I will be honest and say my parents are helping me out, and I denied my father's request to add people to the guestlist. My fiance and I had a rule, if we both haven't met them before the wedding they aren't allowed in the room!

budget!! neither side is contributing much of anything. so the budget is the worst but the food and the guest list are tied for second! I just want to elope at this point

Oh god, satisfying the mothers is definitely my biggest issue.

My Mum expects a church and organ music and hymns and all the god related stuff - not because she's particularly religious, but because she thinks you need that to have a 'proper wedding'. Fiance refuses point blank to get married in a church (strong atheist) which doesn't bother me since I'm a less opinionated atheist who wouldn't have felt that hypocritical getting married in a church. So she won't ever be happy about that.

Mother in law is a bit less opinionated but doesn't quite see eye to eye with me on the matter of children. His side have lots of children as well. I refuse to have them at the ceremony and will only compromise on having them at the reception. She expects page boys and flower girls and I hate the idea of kids having responsibility. Prefer them not to be seen, definitely not to be heard. I probably sound completely abnormal, lol.

:flowerforyou: Gasp! It's hard for me to read all of these, I feel bad for everyone with such stressors!
I must give some advice: for the most part, DO what is important to YOU and your fiance. Otherwise you will look back and regret.

Now to back up,
I was married before many moons ago (or so it seems to me) and my parents did the expected - paid for EVERYTHING and didn't question anything. I am a HUGE pushover and my ex-mother in law is a giant controlling you-know-what and pretty much took over. She invited over 200 people and my parents invited 30. My parents ended up paying for over 320 guests... about 40 of his side didn't even show up after they rsvp'd yes! She basically also picked out my dress, did the centerpieces, the limo company, everything.. She went EVERYwhere with us and it was a huge annoyance. My ex-husband was an only child and had that typical only child syndrome. He wanted everything his way and his parents gave him everything (well, minus money for the wedding lol) I disliked the entire wedding planning process and I just seriously could not wait til the wedding was OVER! I drank a lot that day and the whole night was just a hot mess. Thankfully I have grown up over the past 4-5 years and realized what is important and who is important.

I, to this day, feel HORRIBLE about how I treated my parents throughout that whole process and that I didn't stick up for them and what the "brides side" wanted. I know everyone's family dynamics are different and unique but I just wanted to give a little insight..

My fiance now and I are paying for everything, literally EVERYthing ourselves this time. We also decided to have our "dream" wedding, since it's his first and my last (haha) and it's been tough. We have been saving like crazy, cutting costs for our everyday life and trying to do a lot of the stuff ourselves, etc. It's been hard but worth it. We never fight and we are in this together. We decided that since no one is helping pay, no one gets a decision... many people are allowed opinions, but we make the decisions We aren't trying to impress everyone (even though some outsiders think we are, which is obnoxious) but we are doing what we WANT!

My fiance's mom lives 1500 miles away and is the biggest sweetheart I know. If she had something to give us, she would. That is why I'm not bitter that she can't help out. His dad passed away years ago and just has a sister. I've tried to include her as much as possible but thankfully she is easy-going and super creative. She's baking our treats for the wedding as a gift. That is very cool to me! My bff is a graphic designer and is making the STD's and invites. My sister and other bmaid are helping me make the centerpieces and the jewelry for everyone.

I know I'm rambling, but I really just want all you brides to be to know that it really is all about YOU and your fiance. I just want everyone to step back and think about the few things that are THE most important, and make those the things you "fight for."

I hope and pray that this is everyone's last wedding and that everything on that day is everything you've dreamed of!

Oh thank goodness. I thought it was only me.