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Purging stress relief.

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EllaScarlet
EllaScarlet Posts: 165 Member
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Just got back from a lovely weekend away with my boyfriend. Got home, knackered, and worrying about a few things. Waited until Dad went to bed, popped into the kitchen for a snack, then ended up having a huge b/p. B/ping is like a drug to me. It gives me short term stress relief, and I am addicted to it. Does anyone else get the shakes while they binge?? It is so f***ed up - my body starts to shake from the excitement of all those calories, the high before the low. Even purging is a ritual to me, soothing, seeing all those evil calories being evicted. Then the milk after, to help my poor teeth. Bulimia has me locked up in it's prison. Sometimes I think I am free but I am proved wrong, time and time again :(

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  • ciaosophie
    ciaosophie Posts: 6
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    You're not alone, I feel the same way about it all. I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone.
  • Leo_Joy_HG
    Leo_Joy_HG Posts: 57 Member
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    Sounds like you're speaking my words. I love and hate the high of binging, the rush like pleasure and punishment of purging and the high then low of after a big b/p session. Bulimia gives me an illusion of freedom but never the real thing...
  • skywa
    skywa Posts: 901 Member
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    I know what you mean. I am not much of a binger. But if i eat until i am too full, when feel the minutes pass and my stomach becomes increasingly, painfully full. Purging is a great feeling. Its a relief.
  • vinylgroover
    vinylgroover Posts: 12 Member
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    Definitely feel ya. Binging and purging (usually) makes me feel better. Sometimes it's the ONLY thing that can make me feel better. I've gotten to the point with my bulimia where purging isn't punishment anymore, it feels good.
  • littlemili
    littlemili Posts: 625 Member
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    Guys please be careful how you phrase things. Some of what you are saying could easily be interpreted as pro-ED and could trigger someone to try purging. I hope some of you will take it upon yourselves to edit your responses.
  • flyawaybyebye
    flyawaybyebye Posts: 250
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    I'm struggling with this right now, too. Big time. It's not that I like purging. It's AWFUL. But it's a distraction and its own form of relief in a weird way. I hate it. But I binged earlier, then purged, and now have been binging all night. And want to purge again sooo badly. After a week of NOT doing it. It sucks. I was doing so well, but then everything caught up to me. Again.
  • EllaScarlet
    EllaScarlet Posts: 165 Member
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    Sorry Mili - I would never, ever want anyone to read what I have written and think 'ooh that sounds great'. It would be as bad as saying - 'heroin is great, you should give it a go' - but without adding that it is also highly addictive and can take over and ruin your life. I started this thread because I'm trying to understand why it has such a hold over me and it is comforting, in a weird way, to know that I am not the only one who has this twisted relationship with bulimia.

    I feel like bulimia is portrayed in the public eye as such a horrible, shameful condition - like anorexia's second rate sister, and not as dangerous as serious as anorexia. I feel like a lot of people don't realise that bulimia is not simply a case of people throwing up their meals in order to stay skinny. It is more akin to self harming, in a way, than to anorexia. The ritual of the act, the secrecy, the self punishment mixed with the relief.

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