weight loss, and dating
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katiemcddid
Posts: 7
I always think in my head "ive lost all this weight, guys might want to date me now".....not the case at all. Its like they know I used to be fat, or that im still too fat for them because I have 40 more pounds to go. Im always going to be big though because Im 5' 9" and have lots of muscle mass. Just ranting after feeling frustration tonight. ugh.
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Well done on the weight loss.
Perhaps I'm just odd but I've never been too worryed about how much a woman I was interested in weighed or used to weigh. What matters to me is first are they giving off "stay away" vibes, and then their personality. As beautiful as you are, perhaps your just sending out vibes that are telling us to stay away. If there is someone in particular that catches your eye step forward and say "Hello."0 -
Maybe I'm just pulling this idea out of nowhere, and maybe it doesn't apply to you, but perhaps you still feel fat even though you've lost weight already, and so you're always thinking that guys don't like you because of that. That mentality can really bring you down, and I know because that happens to me. If a guy doesn't seem into me, I will automatically blame it on my weight, even though that probably is false. Sometimes, guys won't like you, sometimes, they'll walk past you, sometimes they'll like your friend. It's hard to deal with, but that happens to me a lot. Think about when you like a guy yourself - first he has to have something that attracts you to him, and then you have to actually like what he says, and then someone has to be brave and ask for a phone number. It's a lot of work, and you might not get through all those steps with everyone, and it's not necessarily because of your weight that it doesn't work. It just might not work for whatever reason.
I think you are really pretty and congrats on the weight loss!0 -
Aw. You are adorable! I sincerely doubt it has anything to do with your weight. Dating is so hard and not fun. lol. Don't get down on yourself though. It isn't you.
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To be honest, I don't think your weight has anything to do with it. I think if you are positive and confident in yourself there is nothing that should keep a guy from finding you attractive. If a guy truly likes you then he will find you attractive both on the inside and out. It may sound like BS, but I think it is definitely true. You just haven't found the right person, like Helovesme87 said.0
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Congrats on your loss so far! My guess is that the way you view yourself hasn't changed even though your weight continues to drop. And I know this will sound cliche, but you are still so young. The people you know now are not necessarily those that will be in your life forever. Dating is a process - sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun- so don't get down on yourself about it!0
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I'm 5'9 and have 25lbs to go myself.. I understand where you're coming from.
I was rejected by a guy I was reallllly into several months ago (he friend zoned me after dating for a bit) and immediately my 1st thought was it was because of my weight or the 25lbs more to go.
But in reality, if that's why he decided I wasn't for him, then I don't want him. I have an awesome personality, kickin' curves (even with 25lbs to go) and I make the idiot crack up. If that's not enough, well screw him, he just wasn't the one for me.
A guy that's worth our time will see us for who we are, not how much we weigh. True, I want to look my best and feel 100% confident with my body but if a guy is going by the scale, well see you later because I'm more than that number.
Confidence is key.. not only does it make you more attractive but you'll weed through these situations a lot better. Rejection stung for me but he's not the only guy out there.....
I'm not really looking for something serious right now and even then, dating is difficult. It can get overwhelming. I'm glad I waited until I was more confident in myself because if not this dating world would have chewed me up and spit me out!0 -
Lol this is one of the main reasons why I lost weight, then I realised that I'm actually getting less attention than I was at my biggest! Like other people have said, confidence makes SUCH a difference. I now make sure I'm seen that way and the positives are endless!
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That's why you need to keep some before/after pictures, to remind you of all the efforts you've made - and realise that you're worth something, and certainly can stick to a plan. :laugh:
This change is a positive one nonetheless.
Try to build your confidence gradually perhaps by investing in new "fitting" clothes? Simple stuff like that for me was so massive.
Look at yourself in the mirror and try to love and respect yourself? Try sexy poses for fun?
When you improve the perception you have of yourself, the perception others have of you will improve massively.
Don't wait for someone to tell you that "you are beautiful", just rub your beauty in their face until they see it! :laugh:0 -
I always think in my head "ive lost all this weight, guys might want to date me now".....not the case at all. Its like they know I used to be fat, or that im still too fat for them because I have 40 more pounds to go. Im always going to be big though because Im 5' 9" and have lots of muscle mass. Just ranting after feeling frustration tonight. ugh.
First off congrats with the weight loss. Okay, a few things it could just be the guys you are meeting because there are men who like all shapes and sizes. I learned a long time ago it's all about a persons confidence and self esteem. I am not saying yours is low or lacking because I don't know you. What I am saying is if you have lots of this it will show and size won't seem to matter as much. My current dating guys have been with me big and now as I am losing they say my size never mattered to them it was how I carried myself and how confident I was that made them want to be around me.0 -
If I've said it once, I've said it a 1000 times. Beauty comes from confidence. Do things that make you happy and confident and the men will notice.
Another aside, you may be friendzoned by the men in your life. Go out and meet new people. That should help.0 -
Buying new clothes that are fitted and short (
) have definately helped with the confidence. I don't dress skanky (I don't think I do anyway) but definately more flirty.
So I agree, do little things for yourself, that make you feel confident.
Here are some things that have helped me:
*New "sexier and flirtier" type of clothes and taking pictures in my outfits :laugh:
*I smile a lot now at people in general.. on purpose and it seems it's made me more approachable
*Be more social.. on Friday night I went out and ended my night talking to an older gentleman at a show, nothing romantic at all but just making it a point to feel confident enought to talk to anybody0 -
And again, being more confident and secure in myself have helped me be able to say "Next!" when a guy doesn't work out or when I'm not feeling it.
I used to be a girl that would meet a guy and if I liked *some* things about him, I'd settle. Then I'd wait until he became what I needed/ wanted. Yeah, not a bright idea.
Now that I'm more confident, I see those red flags and just walk the other way. If they're not what I want, I'm confident in myself to say "I want more than this" and move on. It's truly empowering!!
Don't get down on yourself. :flowerforyou:0 -
I used to be a girl that would meet a guy and if I liked *some* things about him, I'd settle. Then I'd wait until he became what I needed/ wanted. Yeah, not a bright idea.
you're right... because they generally won't change. The search is for someone who is already what you need/want. So glad you have this mindset, and wish more women had it.0 -
you may be friendzoned by the men in your life. Go out and meet new people. That should help.
Good advice0 -
Confidence without arrogance....
I've been told they like it....
But dealing with weight issues always comes with selfesteem issues...
Work on you... the inner you. How you feel about yourself...
And BE happy.
Those silly fellas will follow.0 -
you'll do just fine when you come across the right guy ... but dating is over rated I can't remember the last one I've been on. :sad: :brokenheart:0
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i think it's about confidence. i'm 70-80 pounds overweight and i dont have a problem wrangling dates when i want them.. i just recently broke up with someone because i was getting the impression he wanted me to stay fat :laugh: honestly i think he was assuming if i lost the weight then i'd have better dating choices and would dump him, and he'd do all kinds of things to sabotage my diet (chocolate tour, cheese tour). he was on the tall and lanky side, so extra weight wasnt an issue for him.
anyway, i agree with the others. work on the inside you as well as the outside you. the thing is, if you have confidence and self esteem problems now and dont address them, then they will still be there once you lose the weight.
when we lose weight there are many psychological things that we need to confront, and self image and self esteem is one of those things 0 -
I agree that dating is overrated...you'll do just fine when you come across the right guy ... but dating is over rated I can't remember the last one I've been on. :sad: :brokenheart:0 -
If I've said it once, I've said it a 1000 times. Beauty comes from confidence. Do things that make you happy and confident and the men will notice.
This makes me very happy :bigsmile:
Great thread, and great to hear that most people feel weight is nowhere near as attractive as personality/confidence :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree about the confidence thing, although it's not something that comes overnight. I have lost about 70 lbs now and to tell you the truth, I get about the same amount of attention now as I did back then. It's about how you feel about how you look and what you put out there to other people that makes you more or less attractive or attainable.0
