Vent! Ideas?
AJones1021
Posts: 70 Member
Hi girls!
#1 - I am so proud of all of you girls!! I'm so glad a good majority of us are sticking it out on here and seeing awesome results!! Yea!! :drinker:
OK, now, the vent:
My husband..ooooh my husband. When I started in January, he decided he was going to try Atkins. While I do not care much for the Atkins plan, I decided to support him because he's trying to do SOMETHING. He's African American, so he's already at higher risks for heart disease/high BP/etc., but he really needs to lose weight (a lot of it - like me!). So I thought the pros outweighed the cons of Atkins for a little while. So, he got a man cold one weekend and fell off of the Atkins bandwagon. While on it, he did phenomenal! Really, a great job. Since then, he's just been completely back to his old ways.
Forward to today - he gets allergy shots and sees an allergy/asthma specialist because he's got both pretty severe. His allergist was not pleased with him because he hasn't been taking his medicine (asthma meds - Advair/Singulari) regularly. He says he takes them about every other day - he just forgets..... (insert the hugest eye roll ever). Then, his blood pressure was up at his appointment - so his allergist suggested he go to his PCP. Husband called me bummed out about his appointment. I really, really do try to be sympathetic, but I am not the perfect picture of tact. no matter how hard I try
But really - why can't he just see what's important?! I feel like my perspective has changed drastically since I've started this journey. I live for my family, for our son - to see him grow and learn. I live to try and experience new things. I'm not necessarily asking him to be as corny as me, but, why can't he see that he is going to kill himself if he doesn't straighten up? I know it's hard work, I'm doing it right now (just like you girls!), but, I really want him on board. He has my 100% support and dedication to helping him achieve his goals, I just wish he would make the choice and do it. I'm really just frustrated with his crappy choices at home (which tend to give our son mixed signals since I don't participate - it's hard to practice moderation when the husband is constantly 'bad' and I'm typically 'better' with choices at home - i.e. exercising and food choices.). I am scared for him. If I could do it FOR him, I totally would - but there's the problem - I can't - lol
Bahhhhhh!!!
ETA: Any ideas on ways I can encourage without being a b-word or a nag? I talked to him last night about it before bed. He's got a big project going on at work this week - so I suggested we make his lunch at nights so he doesn't have to worry about figuring it out at work. I want to lay it all out for him like I did here - which probably should have been my first step, lol!
#1 - I am so proud of all of you girls!! I'm so glad a good majority of us are sticking it out on here and seeing awesome results!! Yea!! :drinker:
OK, now, the vent:
My husband..ooooh my husband. When I started in January, he decided he was going to try Atkins. While I do not care much for the Atkins plan, I decided to support him because he's trying to do SOMETHING. He's African American, so he's already at higher risks for heart disease/high BP/etc., but he really needs to lose weight (a lot of it - like me!). So I thought the pros outweighed the cons of Atkins for a little while. So, he got a man cold one weekend and fell off of the Atkins bandwagon. While on it, he did phenomenal! Really, a great job. Since then, he's just been completely back to his old ways.
Forward to today - he gets allergy shots and sees an allergy/asthma specialist because he's got both pretty severe. His allergist was not pleased with him because he hasn't been taking his medicine (asthma meds - Advair/Singulari) regularly. He says he takes them about every other day - he just forgets..... (insert the hugest eye roll ever). Then, his blood pressure was up at his appointment - so his allergist suggested he go to his PCP. Husband called me bummed out about his appointment. I really, really do try to be sympathetic, but I am not the perfect picture of tact. no matter how hard I try
But really - why can't he just see what's important?! I feel like my perspective has changed drastically since I've started this journey. I live for my family, for our son - to see him grow and learn. I live to try and experience new things. I'm not necessarily asking him to be as corny as me, but, why can't he see that he is going to kill himself if he doesn't straighten up? I know it's hard work, I'm doing it right now (just like you girls!), but, I really want him on board. He has my 100% support and dedication to helping him achieve his goals, I just wish he would make the choice and do it. I'm really just frustrated with his crappy choices at home (which tend to give our son mixed signals since I don't participate - it's hard to practice moderation when the husband is constantly 'bad' and I'm typically 'better' with choices at home - i.e. exercising and food choices.). I am scared for him. If I could do it FOR him, I totally would - but there's the problem - I can't - lol
Bahhhhhh!!!ETA: Any ideas on ways I can encourage without being a b-word or a nag? I talked to him last night about it before bed. He's got a big project going on at work this week - so I suggested we make his lunch at nights so he doesn't have to worry about figuring it out at work. I want to lay it all out for him like I did here - which probably should have been my first step, lol!
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I'm really lucky b/c DH is doing this with me. He got a high BP report at the dr. and it shook him; he cut out all extra salt and is making smarter choices. He likes MFP and logs everything all the time... He is an athlete and I think he sees it as a competition for himself. I think his persistence is as much vanity as dedication to the family. Truthfully, mine probably is too.
All that is to say, maybe you can help him see it in a different way. If he isn't motivated to do it for you and your child, would he be motivated to do it so he looked like you did when you two met? Maybe suggest a vow renewal or something and say how awesome it would be if you could fit into the sizes you were when you got married. Or maybe subtly show him how active and fit other people are around him (esp. other fathers his age).
I don't think it ever works trying to force someone to change their habits. I have a family member that continues to make horrible decisions for her health, but nothing I have said or shown her causes her to change her ways. She doesn't really want the change so I can't make her want it. Sadly, this might be the case for your DH.
However, if you do the majority of the shopping, you can always keep the junk food out of the house. Keep food around that he'd really have to work hard to binge on. If you do the cooking, make sure you keep portions appropriate and the meals healthy.
Truly, if he isn't motivated by his own health or by your success, he may just not be ready yet. BUT, don't let that get you down. You are doing amazing things for yourself and you family. You're a great example!
Sorry that wasn't too helpful! Just wanted to you to know you have support here!0 -
Thanks Lynn!!!
I agree, I can't make him want anything. I mean, I know in his mind, he wants to be healthier and wants to live a nice long life with Landon and awesome wife
He just lacks the motivation to do it right now. I'm definitely not giving up on him. I just keep telling him that I married him because I want to be with him forever - and that's a looooooooooong time.
Thanks for your suggestions - I do do the majority of the shopping & cooking. I used to be AWFUL about being a short order cook. He's very immature in that he doesn't like to try new things. He wants the same crap over and over again. I've since stopped making multiple meals and now only make one. If he doesn't want it - he'll make something else (and he does without complaint). I'm just going to keep on keeping on. He'll catch on one day!0 -
Yes he will catch on one day. Since my husband does none of the food shopping I also control what types of food are in the house so this helps a lot. DH is doing well with his weight loss and exercises alot but I know he snacks at work because people bring in a lot of food. I try to gently encourage him and give him healthy stuff to take with him. I also keep only healthy snacks at home and cook healthy meals. DH has really bad medical history on both sides of family-I mean rampant diabetes and heart disease that has led to several deaths! MIL had 11 siblings and only 3 of them are alive! : ( It is no joke and I don't mind being pushy when I see him getting off track because we have to face the facts and not be fearful in that.
Also if he does not want to do this because of his awesome wife, I don't know what is up with him. LOL.0 -
LOL- you crack me up, I can relate and I'm not the picture of "tact" either!
I JUST, and I mean last week, got my husband to join up here. He was doing well until yesterday I see he hasn't logged his calories. he's also out of town so I may cut him some slack
I think the motivation comes from different places with everyone. My dh had a horrible report from his pcp and was sent for a stress test and had to face reality that he needs to do something. His family history is horrible too. I just say to him, you are going to die and leave your children without a father (see what I mean about tact- LOL)
You obviously can't force him, but like others have said, making changes in your home when it comes to dinner and what foods are kept in the house will help. Can you pack his lunch for him? Yeah, he's a big boy and should be able to do it himself, but.........
Keep up what you are doing, seeing you changing and feeling good and being active may eventually motivate him too!0 -
Unfortunately, I think he has to figure it out for himself. All you can really do is encourage him. You can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink.
My DH was big on excuses & procrastination & then a routine physical turned up sugar in his urine. Yep, he was a diabetic. He found out right before Christmas & it was tough because he was feeling sorry for himself. However, it was his wake up call & he turned it around & lost 60 lb's in 3 months. He is doing better than me! He wants to be there to see our son grow up.0 -
Thanks for all the advice/support girls!
I'm trying to break him in slowly. I do do all the grocery shopping, so while menu planning I asked him what he wanted for lunch foods. He asked for cookies (among other things), so I bought him pack of 100 calorie pack Oreo crisps. I told him those were the cookies I bought and he could try them. He ate 'em! LOL. I know they're not the best, but they're not full fat Oreos like he normally gets.
I'm not really pushing on him, but I did pull up some pics from Photobucket and showed him pics of us when we had Landon. What a difference!!!
Slow and steady! He did quit smoking in January, so baby steppin'!0
