1.5 week "relationship." How laughable! :-(
bruintamer
Posts: 183 Member
Ok, so two Mondays ago on the Monday updates thread I posted that I became "official" with this guy I'd met on OKC. I originally wanted to take things slow especially since it'd only been 3 months since he broke up with his gf of 3 years. He claims he was completely over it and her and wanted more with me immediately and sort of rushed for that bf/gf status. Against my better judgement, I took that leap of faith and jumped in because I really liked him too.
This past Tuesday he worked late and I told him I was going to taco Tuesday at the bar with my guy friends. He said it was cool. Then I got drunk and didn't really check my phone the rest of the night until I got home at 1:30am. He got really upset that I didn't spend the whole night texting him back like I usually do when I'm just sitting at home. So yesterday morning, he tells me we shouldn't see each other anymore. He said he can't help but think everytime I go out with my guy friends that I'll get drunk and disappear for the night and that can play tricks on a boy's mind and that it made him realize he's not ready for all this relationship drama again. WTF?? He's the one making this into drama? It's not like I lied about where I was going or whom I was going with. He obviously didn't like me enough to want to try to fix it or communinate his feelings with me first, instead jumping right into breaking up? Or is this really a case of "it's me, not you" and he really realized he's not ready? Waaaaaaahhh. Back to being single....good thing I haven't forgotten how to be single yet...blah.
This past Tuesday he worked late and I told him I was going to taco Tuesday at the bar with my guy friends. He said it was cool. Then I got drunk and didn't really check my phone the rest of the night until I got home at 1:30am. He got really upset that I didn't spend the whole night texting him back like I usually do when I'm just sitting at home. So yesterday morning, he tells me we shouldn't see each other anymore. He said he can't help but think everytime I go out with my guy friends that I'll get drunk and disappear for the night and that can play tricks on a boy's mind and that it made him realize he's not ready for all this relationship drama again. WTF?? He's the one making this into drama? It's not like I lied about where I was going or whom I was going with. He obviously didn't like me enough to want to try to fix it or communinate his feelings with me first, instead jumping right into breaking up? Or is this really a case of "it's me, not you" and he really realized he's not ready? Waaaaaaahhh. Back to being single....good thing I haven't forgotten how to be single yet...blah.
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I'm willing to bet that he's all sorts of screwy. If he was with the chick for 3 years and is only 90 days out of it he's NOT ready. You basically dodged a bullet by him being mature about the whole thing. The adverse would have been trying to make it work, you potentially falling for him even with his current flaws, and being really heart broken when he kept doing it. I think you won out. Have fun with fish taco friday! (It's still lent right?)0
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Why did they break up???
I just got a divorce last year in October after a 10 year marriage but I wasn't in love with him anymore and my marriage had been dead for years. I did a lot of self reflection and did some therapy to help with the transition. I feel ready to date because I'm happy being alone and feel I don't need a man. If one comes my way that's worthy, I'll definately get into it.
3 years is quite a while. If they broke up on bad terms, 3 months isn't enough time for him to have healed. You are most likely a rebound. (I had one right after seperating)
Going out with your friends isn't "drama". He's creating drama and most likely isn't ready for a relationship due to his last break up. But again, I'd dig to why they broke up. Does he talk about her?0 -
True...better now than later. I moped for one whole day and that's all I'm allowing. I only knew this guy a month! I think it's still lent? I'm not religious, I'll eat anything, fish tacos included. Haha0
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So you went to a bar with all guys/how many guy friends are we talking about? females there?0
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Yeah, I think he's been all needy and dramatic. Sounds like how I was on a rebound relationship. I think he's done the right thing in stepping back for a bit. Just give him some space to figure it out. He will probably talk to you rationally in a week or so :flowerforyou:0
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Yeah, I think he's been all needy and dramatic. Sounds like how I was on a rebound relationship. I think he's done the right thing in stepping back for a bit. Just give him some space to figure it out. He will probably talk to you rationally in a week or so :flowerforyou:
Yup.. during my rebound I was a psycho needy girl. I'd freak out if he didn't call or text me in a day. Weird how we all go through that (if you get a rebound).0 -
If you're willing to eat fish tacos you can double your chances of finding a life partner! lolTrue...better now than later. I moped for one whole day and that's all I'm allowing. I only knew this guy a month! I think it's still lent? I'm not religious, I'll eat anything, fish tacos included. Haha0 -
1.5 week "relationship"...oh how I can relate. I started seeing someone about a month ago. He was the one to get somewhat serious pretty quickly. I was into him so I said ok...and broke it off with another guy who I was casually dating--but we've remained friends.
Anyways..."serious" guy after 1.5 weeks says (after not contacting me for a week) that he jumped into the relationship too quickly! He had only been out of his past relationship for a couple of months. So we've toned it down...a lot. And I can't help but thinking I screwed up by breaking it off completely with "casual" guy.
I've been making some pretty crappy decisions over the past year or two when it comes to men and dating.0 -
Why did they break up???
I just got a divorce last year in October after a 10 year marriage but I wasn't in love with him anymore and my marriage had been dead for years. I did a lot of self reflection and did some therapy to help with the transition. I feel ready to date because I'm happy being alone and feel I don't need a man. If one comes my way that's worthy, I'll definately get into it.
3 years is quite a while. If they broke up on bad terms, 3 months isn't enough time for him to have healed. You are most likely a rebound. (I had one right after seperating)
Going out with your friends isn't "drama". He's creating drama and most likely isn't ready for a relationship due to his last break up. But again, I'd dig to why they broke up. Does he talk about her?
He did talk about her and their relationship. He said it'd been really bad for a year leading up to their break up and the last year was long distance (about 2.5 hours) too. He said that he isn't the type to give up so easily though and so he stayed with her and tried to work it out, etc. then he said that it was so bad that he was more happy than sad when it finally ended. People kept asking if he was ok and he said he honestly couldn't have been better. I questioned it too but he kept reassuring me he was ready and that he knew I was what he wanted! So yea....I told him he should lay off the online dating thing for awhile until he gets his **** together...unless it's rebound.com or something. LOL. He was like, ouch!0 -
to each their own... but he sounds like a douche bag. I agree with other posts... you dodged a bullet... BUT i bet you he texts you in a few days when he gets lonely. Sounds like he has a co-dependency issue!0
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At least he was honest. He possibly realized he didn't want to deal with a girlfriend who spends the night out at a bar with a group of guys getting drunk and not returning his texts. Not that you did anything wrong, but I get why he wouldn't want that kind of relationship.0
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At least he was honest. He possibly realized he didn't want to deal with a girlfriend who spends the night out at a bar with a group of guys getting drunk and not returning his texts. Not that you did anything wrong, but I get why he wouldn't want that kind of relationship.
that's where i was going.. some guys don't like that.0 -
So you went to a bar with all guys/how many guy friends are we talking about? females there?
About 5-6 guys...I have no female friends in Ventura County at all....I'd have to drive to LA or Santa Barbara to see my girls. My cousin works at the naval base here and introduced me to his engineers last year after I broke up with my ex that I was with for 4.5 years...so all my friends here are guys. :-/0 -
to each their own... but he sounds like a douche bag. I agree with other posts... you dodged a bullet... BUT i bet you he texts you in a few days when he gets lonely. Sounds like he has a co-dependency issue!
He's already texting....said he'd still like to hang out sometime? I'm thinking you can't have your cake and eat it too!?0 -
At least he was honest. He possibly realized he didn't want to deal with a girlfriend who spends the night out at a bar with a group of guys getting drunk and not returning his texts. Not that you did anything wrong, but I get why he wouldn't want that kind of relationship.
that's where i was going.. some guys don't like that.
I understand that too. But he didn't even want to discuss it, just straight into breaking up. Eh.0 -
You will have nothing but misery with this guy if you allow it to continue...the be all sappy and lovey and then call you a tramp thing has already started.
Run far,run fast...for God sakes run.0 -
At least he was honest. He possibly realized he didn't want to deal with a girlfriend who spends the night out at a bar with a group of guys getting drunk and not returning his texts. Not that you did anything wrong, but I get why he wouldn't want that kind of relationship.
that's where i was going.. some guys don't like that.
I understand that too. But he didn't even want to discuss it, just straight into breaking up. Eh.
if you have nothing but guy friends you're going to have to find a guy who's secure enough to deal with that.
it's no different than if a guy were to go to a bar with 5-6 girls and get hammered, especially if they're single. people get jealous.0 -
to each their own... but he sounds like a douche bag. I agree with other posts... you dodged a bullet... BUT i bet you he texts you in a few days when he gets lonely. Sounds like he has a co-dependency issue!
He's already texting....said he'd still like to hang out sometime? I'm thinking you can't have your cake and eat it too!?
I wouldn't.... he sounds like he realizes he overreacted (uh yeah because you didn't even give her a chance to speak up) and this is too new to deal with that already.0 -
You will have nothing but misery with this guy if you allow it to continue...the be all sappy and lovey and then call you a tramp thing has already started.
Run far,run fast...for God sakes run.
LOL! Putting on the running shoes...thanks....0 -
1.5 week "relationship"...oh how I can relate. I started seeing someone about a month ago. He was the one to get somewhat serious pretty quickly. I was into him so I said ok...and broke it off with another guy who I was casually dating--but we've remained friends.
Anyways..."serious" guy after 1.5 weeks says (after not contacting me for a week) that he jumped into the relationship too quickly! He had only been out of his past relationship for a couple of months. So we've toned it down...a lot. And I can't help but thinking I screwed up by breaking it off completely with "casual" guy.
I've been making some pretty crappy decisions over the past year or two when it comes to men and dating.
What do you mean you've toned it down a lot?? You're still talking to/seeing "serious" guy then? And you can't fix this thing with casual guy? I had a friend lover situation like La_Amazona's and I never even got around to telling him I had a "bf" because it all happened so fast, so friend lover, here I come again!0 -
i wouldnt say he's a douche bag, just sounds like you two didnt communicate your expectations and are pissed off that the other person didnt mind them. that's no surprise since you only knew each other 10 days before starting to be bf and gf.
also, if i were a guy i'd find it odd that my new gf is out getting drunk with a bunch of guys on a tuesday. i'd be thinking wow if that's how this girl rolls on a tuesday, the weekends are probably insane. and yeah that probably would bother me, especially if we'd only known each other 10 days and i had no idea who the guy friends were. did you invite him to come along?0 -
I guess you will know how he meant it. but from what you write here I don't think he was blaming you. He is just anxious and insecure and texting is his way of dealing with it. He may recognise he has a problem which is why he says he's not ready for a relatiionship. It's such a pity as avoidance doesn't always help with these kind of problems. His wanting to stay in touch shows he still likes you, possibly regrets his hasty decision. It is a lot to lay on a new relationship, but it's very common and to me the main thing is how much the guy takes responsibility for it and doesn't blame or control. I can see why people would avoid someone with this problem, perhaps I would too, but I do feel for the guy.0
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1.5 week "relationship"...oh how I can relate. I started seeing someone about a month ago. He was the one to get somewhat serious pretty quickly. I was into him so I said ok...and broke it off with another guy who I was casually dating--but we've remained friends.
Anyways..."serious" guy after 1.5 weeks says (after not contacting me for a week) that he jumped into the relationship too quickly! He had only been out of his past relationship for a couple of months. So we've toned it down...a lot. And I can't help but thinking I screwed up by breaking it off completely with "casual" guy.
I've been making some pretty crappy decisions over the past year or two when it comes to men and dating.
What do you mean you've toned it down a lot?? You're still talking to/seeing "serious" guy then? And you can't fix this thing with casual guy? I had a friend lover situation like La_Amazona's and I never even got around to telling him I had a "bf" because it all happened so fast, so friend lover, here I come again!
Next time it's happening all too fast.. don't let it happen.
The Irish guy I dated last weekend was this way. He wanted to jump right in and start falling in love. Um no.
Yay for friend lovers (not!). :drinker:0 -
i wouldnt say he's a douche bag, just sounds like you two didnt communicate your expectations and are pissed off that the other person didnt mind them. that's no surprise since you only knew each other 10 days before starting to be bf and gf.
also, if i were a guy i'd find it odd that my new gf is out getting drunk with a bunch of guys on a tuesday. i'd be thinking wow if that's how this girl rolls on a tuesday, the weekends are probably insane. and yeah that probably would bother me, especially if we'd only known each other 10 days and i had no idea who the guy friends were. did you invite him to come along?
Naw, we were dating for about 4 weeks before becoming "official" and that official bit is what only lasted 1.5 weeks. And we spent a lot of time together so he knew about my guy friends and that I hang out with them occasionally and he said he was fine with it. I didn't invite him along because he was working until midnight that night. Still feeling a little blue today. I hate that someone I only knew for a little over a month can affect me so!0 -
i wouldnt say he's a douche bag, just sounds like you two didnt communicate your expectations and are pissed off that the other person didnt mind them. that's no surprise since you only knew each other 10 days before starting to be bf and gf.
also, if i were a guy i'd find it odd that my new gf is out getting drunk with a bunch of guys on a tuesday. i'd be thinking wow if that's how this girl rolls on a tuesday, the weekends are probably insane. and yeah that probably would bother me, especially if we'd only known each other 10 days and i had no idea who the guy friends were. did you invite him to come along?
Naw, we were dating for about 4 weeks before becoming "official" and that official bit is what only lasted 1.5 weeks. And we spent a lot of time together so he knew about my guy friends and that I hang out with them occasionally and he said he was fine with it. I didn't invite him along because he was working until midnight that night. Still feeling a little blue today. I hate that someone I only knew for a little over a month can affect me so!
Yeah I totally get that how someone can affect you like that. My scenario was very similar to yours and was the same as the guy you were dating to an extent. She had a bunch of close friends that were guys that she would catch up with, which is cool. However we were away for a weekend together and she got this fairly inappropriate text from one of them, we had been together for about 2 months. I called her out on it, but she didn't think it was bad. This worried me. I later found our after talking with her about it that she had slept with him in the past. Then I was pissed. We broke up after ensuing argument when we got home from being away. She didn't think it was bad, he was basically propositioning her, I was not keen on her hanging out with this guy when clearly he had motives...
You win some you lose some. I'd say he def wasn't ready and he will most likely text you soon
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If you're willing to eat fish tacos you can double your chances of finding a life partner! lolTrue...better now than later. I moped for one whole day and that's all I'm allowing. I only knew this guy a month! I think it's still lent? I'm not religious, I'll eat anything, fish tacos included. Haha
Bahahaha!!0 -
1.5 week "relationship"...oh how I can relate. I started seeing someone about a month ago. He was the one to get somewhat serious pretty quickly. I was into him so I said ok...and broke it off with another guy who I was casually dating--but we've remained friends.
Anyways..."serious" guy after 1.5 weeks says (after not contacting me for a week) that he jumped into the relationship too quickly! He had only been out of his past relationship for a couple of months. So we've toned it down...a lot. And I can't help but thinking I screwed up by breaking it off completely with "casual" guy.
I've been making some pretty crappy decisions over the past year or two when it comes to men and dating.
What do you mean you've toned it down a lot?? You're still talking to/seeing "serious" guy then? And you can't fix this thing with casual guy? I had a friend lover situation like La_Amazona's and I never even got around to telling him I had a "bf" because it all happened so fast, so friend lover, here I come again!
With "serious" guy, we are talking... he came over one night this week but I'm not waiting around and making myself exclusive for a guy that's back and forth on the seriousness. After sitting home alone the past 2 weekends, I decided I wasn't going to wait around. Unfortunately, when "serious" guy and I were serious, "casual" guy asked me out and I told him know...that I was seeing someone and it's gotten serious. Just doesn't seem right going back to casual guy even if it was a mistake. I wouldn't want him to think he was second fiddle. Another crappy decision??0 -
1.5 week "relationship"...oh how I can relate. I started seeing someone about a month ago. He was the one to get somewhat serious pretty quickly. I was into him so I said ok...and broke it off with another guy who I was casually dating--but we've remained friends.
Anyways..."serious" guy after 1.5 weeks says (after not contacting me for a week) that he jumped into the relationship too quickly! He had only been out of his past relationship for a couple of months. So we've toned it down...a lot. And I can't help but thinking I screwed up by breaking it off completely with "casual" guy.
I've been making some pretty crappy decisions over the past year or two when it comes to men and dating.
What do you mean you've toned it down a lot?? You're still talking to/seeing "serious" guy then? And you can't fix this thing with casual guy? I had a friend lover situation like La_Amazona's and I never even got around to telling him I had a "bf" because it all happened so fast, so friend lover, here I come again!
Next time it's happening all too fast.. don't let it happen.
The Irish guy I dated last weekend was this way. He wanted to jump right in and start falling in love. Um no.
Yay for friend lovers (not!). :drinker:
Lesson learned for me!!0 -
Co-Dependant man!!! Sounds like he doesn't know how to be secure on his own. He NEEDS to be in a relationship. Think hard if you're ready to deal with his insecurities. It is very seldom worth the hard work.0
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I have no female friends in Ventura County at all....
You're in Ventura? My mom and Sis are there. My sis, younger than me, gorgeous and vivacious is such a completely different person than her physics geek big sis. She's the life of the party, but still well grounded enough to be a good wife and mom. She really knows how to have a good time though (seriously, instant fun=just add my sis... so wish I could be like her!). If you need some cool chicas to hang out with in town let me know and I'll put you two in touch.0
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