Introduce Yourself!
alex_marie85
Posts: 55
Introduce yourself! I made this group because i couldn't find any other support groups on MFP. Losing weight and lifestyle changes are hard but they are infinitely harder if you live with someone who is dealing with the exact same issues and may or may not have decided themselves to go on this lifestyle change journey. It's a dangerous dichotomy of focusing on your own changes but also trying your best to support someone else who may or may not want to change.
You can be each others supports and each others worst enemies. We need a place to talk about this. We need a place to vent, to get ideas, to inspire each other to hope!
I'm Alex, 27, with about 100 lbs to lose myself. My husband wants to change somedays, and is getting better, but its still hard. Two foodaholics in the same house....often enabling each others bad habits (and sometimes supporting the good ones.)
What's your story? Why are you here?
You can be each others supports and each others worst enemies. We need a place to talk about this. We need a place to vent, to get ideas, to inspire each other to hope!
I'm Alex, 27, with about 100 lbs to lose myself. My husband wants to change somedays, and is getting better, but its still hard. Two foodaholics in the same house....often enabling each others bad habits (and sometimes supporting the good ones.)
What's your story? Why are you here?
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so my name is Nikki. Im not overweight at 132 pounds and 5'0, but my goal is to be 115-120 pounds. I already lost 15. But my BF is overweight at 260-270 pounds and he is short as well. He said he would start this journey with me in January but i am the only working my *kitten* off!!!! We were eating junk and takeout alot before and that has changed, but he still won't workout! i am sick of nagging, but it's just because i care. He went to the hospital with chest pains at 25 yrs old. U would think he would get serious about it right? well he's still smoking and doing nothing about his weight. I am proud of him for not eating a full big bag of chips everyday like before, but its so frustrating having someone with no drive and no determination!!!! I mean to make changes, you have to WANT to make changes, and i don't think he does....:sad:0
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Hi, y'all!
As I'd mentioned in my other post, my husband is diabetic, has high blood pressure, along with other health issues. I try (maybe more than I should) to make sure he takes his medication, eats healthy foods, and encourage him to keep his doctor appointments. I also invite him to go to the gym with me and offered to go with him whenever he wants. It's very discouraging to see him so unmotivated to want to improve his health.
When we got together seven years ago, he weighed 180 lbs. and was very fit. He had just retired from the military and still carried that posture. He's currently weighing between 260 and 265 and I can only see that getting worse as time progresses. If he didn't have all the health issues that come with obesity, I wouldn't really care what he weighed.
I just plan on doing what I've been doing and hope someday he'll see the light. Unfortunately, I think it's going to take something life-threatening to make him take notice.0 -
My name is Ariel. I moved away from all my friends and family back in 2008 to live with my boyfriend. It was a huge change. I moved from Oregon to South Carolina. I have always battled depression and this just seemed to make it worse. I miss my mom and my friends. I sit and read a lot as it is my escape, never really did much. Just started exercising Wednesday. My boyfriend has gained weight and it does not look good. He was already big when I met him but didnt have a belly. I made him weigh himself and he was shocked that he weighed in at 302, more than he thought. He keeps saying he will lose weight when I lose weight. Well I am starting to. He wanted pop and snacks yesterday and I refused, he usually ends up going out after I get back and getting it anyways. Yesterday I came home with flavored water for him to drink and he didnt complain. I just hope he starts trying to eat better and exercise. He has this idea in his head that he doesnt look bad and that men carry their weight way better than women do.0
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Hey, I am Sarah. My husband and I met in 2009. I was around 230, he was around 205 when we met. After being together a while we both packed on weight, ordering out, making burgers and potatoes. My husband got to his highest during our relationship and weighed in around 230-240, he is former Marine Corps and National Guard AND did martial arts so he was a fit SOB for a long time. He let himself go, got sedentary, drank a lot and packed on the pounds.
I have always been overweight, but during our relationship I ended up getting to 243. In September 2011 I got accepted in to a medical weight loss study for a trial drug. The drug is supposed to make me feel full quicker (I still have to make better food choices and exercise my butt off, literally). So on my journey that I have committed to I have lost almost 40lbs (so far), my husband says "I'm gonna work out at the gym with you"... that lasted one week. He said he would use a Ju Jitsu 6 month unlimited pass that I got him for Valentine's Day.. has not been touched. He is worried about his heart health so did not want to get involved in an exercise routine without a seeing a doctor, understandable. Both me and the doctor told him that was the dumbest thing he could have done and to at least just start walking. Never happened. The negativity and disregard for making changes to improve his health when the doctor has said "stop drinking, stop smoking, stop eating whole pizzas at one setting and START MOVING"...
It is frustrating when I am doing what I can to make better choices and really push myself with exercising (did my first 10k this past weekend) when your partner does not care about themselves. I know you cannot force someone to change and they can only do it for themselves. I just want him to feel better too (and stop complaining about how he is worried about his health without making any changes lol)
It is also difficult when the other person in the household is not paying any attention to their diet. He will eat the healthy foods that I make but he will also order chinese, pizza and anything he wants because it does not matter to him. I am working so hard on willpower, it is hard.0 -
Hey, I am Sarah. My husband and I met in 2009. I was around 230, he was around 205 when we met. After being together a while we both packed on weight, ordering out, making burgers and potatoes. My husband got to his highest during our relationship and weighed in around 230-240, he is former Marine Corps and National Guard AND did martial arts so he was a fit SOB for a long time. He let himself go, got sedentary, drank a lot and packed on the pounds.
I have always been overweight, but during our relationship I ended up getting to 243. In September 2011 I got accepted in to a medical weight loss study for a trial drug. The drug is supposed to make me feel full quicker (I still have to make better food choices and exercise my butt off, literally). So on my journey that I have committed to I have lost almost 40lbs (so far), my husband says "I'm gonna work out at the gym with you"... that lasted one week. He said he would use a Ju Jitsu 6 month unlimited pass that I got him for Valentine's Day.. has not been touched. He is worried about his heart health so did not want to get involved in an exercise routine without a seeing a doctor, understandable. Both me and the doctor told him that was the dumbest thing he could have done and to at least just start walking. Never happened. The negativity and disregard for making changes to improve his health when the doctor has said "stop drinking, stop smoking, stop eating whole pizzas at one setting and START MOVING"...
It is frustrating when I am doing what I can to make better choices and really push myself with exercising (did my first 10k this past weekend) when your partner does not care about themselves. I know you cannot force someone to change and they can only do it for themselves. I just want him to feel better too (and stop complaining about how he is worried about his health without making any changes lol)
It is also difficult when the other person in the household is not paying any attention to their diet. He will eat the healthy foods that I make but he will also order chinese, pizza and anything he wants because it does not matter to him. I am working so hard on willpower, it is hard.
That last paragraph...yes I SO get that! It's hard enough to exercise your own willpower but then to have it against someone who is continually eating what they want...it's frustrating as heck!0 -
Greetings to one and all! My name is Christina. My husband and I decided to begin the journey of losing weight together. He used to be in good health and shape. He got laid off over three years ago and began to slowly but steadily gain weight. He now is taking meds for cholesterol and borderline hypertensive. His blood sugars are running high and his family has diabetes in the medical history. He has no problem staying on meds for the cholesterol and has even used the meds as to why he can continue to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast as the meds will control his cholesterol.
His idea of a healthy meal is a cheese burger on a 'sandwich thins' bun.
It is a serious challenge to eat healthy when he would prefer a Tombstone pizza over a healthy meal. I am more likely to give in and have what he wants than make a meal I know he would prefer not to have or complains about.
He claims he is trying, but I guess I actually want to be healthy and he just "kinda" wants it.
I am overweight and I am headed in the right direction. He is overweight and is satisfied to be there. Help! I am in need of support from people who understand.0 -
Although it is more difficult with a spouse/partner who doesn't share your enthusiasm for health and fitness, I still believe the best way to deal with it is to be a good example. Use that frustration to your benefit and take it out at the gym or go for a run, bike ride, etc. You may not be able to control what your spouse/partner does, but you are still responsible for your own actions. Rather than giving up because he/she is being difficult, let it fuel your persistence. Of course, we still have a place to vent when we need to!:bigsmile:0
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Greetings to one and all! My name is Christina. My husband and I decided to begin the journey of losing weight together. He used to be in good health and shape. He got laid off over three years ago and began to slowly but steadily gain weight. He now is taking meds for cholesterol and borderline hypertensive. His blood sugars are running high and his family has diabetes in the medical history. He has no problem staying on meds for the cholesterol and has even used the meds as to why he can continue to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast as the meds will control his cholesterol.
His idea of a healthy meal is a cheese burger on a 'sandwich thins' bun.
It is a serious challenge to eat healthy when he would prefer a Tombstone pizza over a healthy meal. I am more likely to give in and have what he wants than make a meal I know he would prefer not to have or complains about.
He claims he is trying, but I guess I actually want to be healthy and he just "kinda" wants it.
I am overweight and I am headed in the right direction. He is overweight and is satisfied to be there. Help! I am in need of support from people who understand.
Hi, Christina!
I know what you mean about your hubby using his medication as an excuse to continue eating the way he does. Mine does the same. If you think it's going to be a running battle fixing things he would rather not eat, perhaps you can just cook something separately for yourself. I don't know if that's something feasible for you or not.
Since I control the grocery shopping and cooking, I buy/cook what I want, but there are times that my husband becomes a whiner and wants something else. That's when he'll fend for himself. I've told him that he's more than welcomed to take over the cooking, but he hasn't done that. *lol*
The way I see it, my first responsibility is to my own health, otherwise, how am I supposed to take care of other responsibilities? As frustrated as I become with my husband's attitude, I don't let him stand in my way or be an excuse for me to give up. I take care of myself first and do as much as humanly possible to take care of him. But, as his wife, I can only do so much.0 -
Greetings to one and all! My name is Christina. My husband and I decided to begin the journey of losing weight together. He used to be in good health and shape. He got laid off over three years ago and began to slowly but steadily gain weight. He now is taking meds for cholesterol and borderline hypertensive. His blood sugars are running high and his family has diabetes in the medical history. He has no problem staying on meds for the cholesterol and has even used the meds as to why he can continue to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast as the meds will control his cholesterol.
His idea of a healthy meal is a cheese burger on a 'sandwich thins' bun.
It is a serious challenge to eat healthy when he would prefer a Tombstone pizza over a healthy meal. I am more likely to give in and have what he wants than make a meal I know he would prefer not to have or complains about.
He claims he is trying, but I guess I actually want to be healthy and he just "kinda" wants it.
I am overweight and I am headed in the right direction. He is overweight and is satisfied to be there. Help! I am in need of support from people who understand.
Hi, Christina!
I know what you mean about your hubby using his medication as an excuse to continue eating the way he does. Mine does the same. If you think it's going to be a running battle fixing things he would rather not eat, perhaps you can just cook something separately for yourself. I don't know if that's something feasible for you or not.
Since I control the grocery shopping and cooking, I buy/cook what I want, but there are times that my husband becomes a whiner and wants something else. That's when he'll fend for himself. I've told him that he's more than welcomed to take over the cooking, but he hasn't done that. *lol*
The way I see it, my first responsibility is to my own health, otherwise, how am I supposed to take care of other responsibilities? As frustrated as I become with my husband's attitude, I don't let him stand in my way or be an excuse for me to give up. I take care of myself first and do as much as humanly possible to take care of him. But, as his wife, I can only do so much.
great job on this! It takes a strong attitude for us to say "I'm going to do this, regardless. I'm going to do this for myself, no matter what." and then not let your partner's choices affect you.0 -
Hello! My name is Hillary and I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We are both overweight, I need to lose 150 and he needs to lose 200 lbs. We were both overweight when we got together, but only slightly. It seems that bad habits and tendency to overeat really get worse together. At first it was probably awesome that we both felt safe and secure enough with eachother to just eat what we wanted, or go out and know the other person would always want to. But now it's getting to a point where we're both in bad situations with health and even our relationship is suffering. When you're this overweight it's hard to still have a passionate relationship. He hates himself and wants to lose weight as much as I do, but somehow we can't seem to do it together, because when one of us is having a weak moment it's like we have 2 voices in our head begging for a cheeseburger. Plus, if I can explain this right, we both sort of feel overburdened. I feel like I have not only my 150 to lose, but also his 200, because supporting him and making sure I'm looking out for his best interests is more emotionally draining than looking out for myself. It feels like too much to bear, but I love him and would do anything for him. I just don't want this to create a rift between us. Talking about weight and image is always hard in a relationship because you never want that person to get the idea you would like them better skinny, you never want them to get the idea that you don't want them. I don't want to hurt his self esteem by being too pushy, because I know it would hurt. I can imagine how hurt I would be if he said he missed my body from 6 years ago. It's a sensitive thing to tip toe around, especially when you're trying to take on such a huge goal!0
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Hi, Hillary!
I know what you mean about not wanting to broach the subject with your man. Would you feel more comfortable approaching it from a health angle? Perhaps you can tell him that you're wanting to take better care of your own health and ask if he would support you. At least this will open up the conversation without hurting his feelings.
I honestly have to say that I loved how my husband looked when we first got together. Nice, fit, and smokin' hot!
The fact that his body has changed doesn't affect how I feel about him, though. I worry about his health more than anything as he has medical issues due to his obesity. He is well aware of my concern, but until he's just as concerned and becomes more proactive in his own health care, I can only do so much. I can't force him to go to the gym or eat 100% clean, but I can keep the junk out of my house and, believe me, I do!
You CAN do this, Hillary. If he is reluctant, just continue on your health program without him. He can either lead, follow or stay behind. Even in a relationship, you're an individual and you have the right and responsibility to make good choices for yourself. You got this!
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Hello! My name is Hillary and I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We are both overweight, I need to lose 150 and he needs to lose 200 lbs. We were both overweight when we got together, but only slightly. It seems that bad habits and tendency to overeat really get worse together. At first it was probably awesome that we both felt safe and secure enough with eachother to just eat what we wanted, or go out and know the other person would always want to. But now it's getting to a point where we're both in bad situations with health and even our relationship is suffering. When you're this overweight it's hard to still have a passionate relationship. He hates himself and wants to lose weight as much as I do, but somehow we can't seem to do it together, because when one of us is having a weak moment it's like we have 2 voices in our head begging for a cheeseburger. Plus, if I can explain this right, we both sort of feel overburdened. I feel like I have not only my 150 to lose, but also his 200, because supporting him and making sure I'm looking out for his best interests is more emotionally draining than looking out for myself. It feels like too much to bear, but I love him and would do anything for him. I just don't want this to create a rift between us. Talking about weight and image is always hard in a relationship because you never want that person to get the idea you would like them better skinny, you never want them to get the idea that you don't want them. I don't want to hurt his self esteem by being too pushy, because I know it would hurt. I can imagine how hurt I would be if he said he missed my body from 6 years ago. It's a sensitive thing to tip toe around, especially when you're trying to take on such a huge goal!
Oh man, I understand the double burden thing, and the whole sabotaging each other (weak moments versus strong moments thing too.) It's really hard and I think if you let it it can create a rift. But I've been trying my best to just 'love' him the way he is, where he is, and continue on my journey, even if he's lagging behind. Eventually I figure he'll want to catch up and I can help him do that. *hopefully*0 -
Hey Everyone! My name is Jess and I have been with my boyfriend [now fiance as of yesterday
] for almost 5 years. When we first started dating we were both considerably smaller. He had always been thin, and I was in the middle of a weight loss journey--down about 80 lbs. However, as the years went by the stress of school, work, and you name it added up...and we both ended up gaining weight. So, I'm now back at square one, with a little over 100 lbs to lose. I am lucky enough to have a supportive fiance who finds me perfect the way I am, but also understands that I would like to lose the weight, so he encourages me to live a healthy happy life.
He however, isn't currently trying to lose any weight. He has made comments about how he isn't happy about being bigger than he used to be, and for a while he was eating good and exercising, but with his hectic work schedule, he fell off the bandwagon rather quickly.
We don't live together so I make healthy breakfasts for myself, pack healthy things for my lunch, etc. However, when we go out to eat he will order something that looks soooo good, even if I know it's not good for me, and then I'm really tempted to order something similar...and about half the time I cave. Sometimes we'll stay in and cook at home and he always finds a healthy recipe to try...so it's a back and forth all the time.
I try to be supportive of him, and don't want to push him because, like many of you have echoed, I want to be kind and I would never want him to treat me that way--especially over a topic as sensitive as weight/body issues. Now that the warmer weather is coming a lot of our "dates" are spent golfing, walking, etc. so our active time increases.
Like I said, he supports me and roots me on in my diet and exercise, but it would be nice if he was on the same track too--It's always better to have sometime to struggle through with. Which is basically why I joined this group, just for some support from people in the same boat.0 -
Hi, Jess! Welcome to the group! Congrats on your engagement!
I certainly can appreciate your dilemma, as I'm sure everyone else does. You do have an advantage in that your partner supports your desire for better health. Is there a reason why you feel you can't eat some of the same things your man does? Although I'm a proponent of clean eating, I still have the occasional "cheat." I firmly believe that depriving yourself completely is detrimental to weight loss. As long as it falls within your calories (and macros, if you're keeping track), you should be fine. I understand that certain foods are triggers for some people and it's better to not have any at all than to go overboard. However, if you can do it, I see no reason for complete deprivation.0 -
Thanks! It's not that I feel like I can't...I know one dinner isn't going to make me gain all of my weight back and that I can plan for special occasions and whatnot....but for now (I have faith that it won't always be like this) one meal turns in to "well let's just get dessert too" and then the next day I give myself lag to make "bad" choices...and so on...which only makes me feel guilty in the end.
So, I just need to get to the point where I can find my healthy balance.0 -
We don't live together so I make healthy breakfasts for myself, pack healthy things for my lunch, etc. However, when we go out to eat he will order something that looks soooo good, even if I know it's not good for me, and then I'm really tempted to order something similar...and about half the time I cave. Sometimes we'll stay in and cook at home and he always finds a healthy recipe to try...so it's a back and forth all the time.
I try to be supportive of him, and don't want to push him because, like many of you have echoed, I want to be kind and I would never want him to treat me that way--especially over a topic as sensitive as weight/body issues. Now that the warmer weather is coming a lot of our "dates" are spent golfing, walking, etc. so our active time increases.
Like I said, he supports me and roots me on in my diet and exercise, but it would be nice if he was on the same track too--It's always better to have sometime to struggle through with. Which is basically why I joined this group, just for some support from people in the same boat.
I so get this...sometimes my husband will be eating something TOTALLY unhealthy and I completely cave and eat it too...It's hard when someone is not exactly on the same page...but I'm finding it gets easier as I learn healtheir habits to not let his affect mine as much.
Maybe you can talk to him about your concerns...because it will get worse if you live together if things aren't address and since you are not living together/married yet, might be the perfect time to go ahead and start the dialogue.0 -
Hi everyone, I'm Lori! I am a newly wed as of December 31st, my husband and I have been together since July of 2009. I want to start off by saying, I love and adore my husband more than anything else in this world. He has been my biggest supporter through everything good and bad the last 2 and a half years. He is my rock and he makes me a better person.
Here's our story:
When we met, I was around 220 pounds. I have always struggled with my weight, my relationship before this one ended because he told me he could never marry me, even if I lost weight. I had bad genetics that he didn't want me to pass on to our children... He was a real winner. So, I had, not only a weight problem, but a self-esteem issue as well. When Dennis and I started dating, it took me a long time to grasp that somebody could love me for me, no matter how I looked. We went through the honeymoon phase; we ate out a lot, I tried impressing him with my skills in the kitchen and cooked the richest food imaginable, etc...
About a year in, I decided to quit smoking. BOOM! 50 pound weight gain (this was also due to the afore mentioned items coupled with quitting smoking). Things started to change for me drastically, I wasn't having my period, my body ached, I was tired all the time, I never wanted to see our friends, I never wanted to leave the house, be intimate, or even go to work some days. The more weight I gained, the more hopeless I felt.
In October of 2010, I made the decision that I would no longer hold myself prisoner. I began the steps to undergo Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass Surgery. This was a very long process and a decision that I came to over years and years of being significantly over weight. Dennis was extremely supportive in my decision; though at first, he did not agree with it. He said he liked me the way I was. But he was there for me EVERY step of the way. He took time off work to take care of me post-op, put up with my mood swings while I was trying to get used to the diet, held my hair back while I got sick from something new I ate, changed bandages, you name it... he did it.
Moral of the story... He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him sooner than I'm supposed to. His doctor has expressed that he is fine now, but he is on the verge of some serious stuff. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre diabetes... We continue to make strides together, I just don't want him to resent me.0 -
Hi, Lori!
My story is similar to yours. I had wls in March 2009 after trying every diet imaginable. My husband (still boyfriend at the time) was not quite on board with my decision, but didn't object. He was more concerned that I would have complications. Fortunately, I didn't have any complications and my recovery was uneventful. It did, however, change in that now I couldn't indulge and join him for every foodfest. It bothered him that I couldn't eat what he thought should be a full meal. Although he never said anything, I could sense his frustration.
Right now, my husband weighs 260 lbs. and is diabetic, has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and his triglycerides are through the roof. I also don't want him taken too soon, so I do what I can. I'm sure you also do what you can to encourage your husband to take care of his health, but, like mine, he has to want to. We can do all we can, but, our spouses/partners are ultimately responsible for themselves.0 -
Hi everyone, I'm Lori! I am a newly wed as of December 31st, my husband and I have been together since July of 2009. I want to start off by saying, I love and adore my husband more than anything else in this world. He has been my biggest supporter through everything good and bad the last 2 and a half years. He is my rock and he makes me a better person.
Here's our story:
When we met, I was around 220 pounds. I have always struggled with my weight, my relationship before this one ended because he told me he could never marry me, even if I lost weight. I had bad genetics that he didn't want me to pass on to our children... He was a real winner. So, I had, not only a weight problem, but a self-esteem issue as well. When Dennis and I started dating, it took me a long time to grasp that somebody could love me for me, no matter how I looked. We went through the honeymoon phase; we ate out a lot, I tried impressing him with my skills in the kitchen and cooked the richest food imaginable, etc...
About a year in, I decided to quit smoking. BOOM! 50 pound weight gain (this was also due to the afore mentioned items coupled with quitting smoking). Things started to change for me drastically, I wasn't having my period, my body ached, I was tired all the time, I never wanted to see our friends, I never wanted to leave the house, be intimate, or even go to work some days. The more weight I gained, the more hopeless I felt.
In October of 2010, I made the decision that I would no longer hold myself prisoner. I began the steps to undergo Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass Surgery. This was a very long process and a decision that I came to over years and years of being significantly over weight. Dennis was extremely supportive in my decision; though at first, he did not agree with it. He said he liked me the way I was. But he was there for me EVERY step of the way. He took time off work to take care of me post-op, put up with my mood swings while I was trying to get used to the diet, held my hair back while I got sick from something new I ate, changed bandages, you name it... he did it.
Moral of the story... He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him sooner than I'm supposed to. His doctor has expressed that he is fine now, but he is on the verge of some serious stuff. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre diabetes... We continue to make strides together, I just don't want him to resent me.
I so understand your last paragraph. I know what that's like. My husband has high bp, high cholesterol and borderline gout.0
