I didn't wait as long as you did (hehe) but my marriage was dead long before I pulled the plug. I was also doing a lot of self reflecting, therapy and reading on my own during the last 6 months we lived together.

It's scary getting back out there. I am 32, no kids and even then, it was terrifying.

The only advice I have is if you need to, start slow. If you're not ready for a serious relationship, just practice meeting new people. I did that for a while and it was fun. There was no pressure and no expectations. Even if I liked a guy, I knew I just wasn't ready and I kept myself in check.

Get out there and this may sound odd but make sure you're thinking and acting as a single woman now. It took a while for it to click in my head. Men need to see or at least get a vibe that you're available/ single. For me, this involved a lot of smiling, a lot of looking into eyes, the way I presented myself, being flirty even with men I wasn't interested in (for example the bartender) just for practice or to get into the persona.

Eventually I turned into a dater and had a lot of fun doing so...

Get out there and this may sound odd but make sure you're thinking and acting as a single woman now. It took a while for it to click in my head. Men need to see or at least get a vibe that you're available/ single. For me, this involved a lot of smiling, a lot of looking into eyes, the way I presented myself, being flirty even with men I wasn't interested in (for example the bartender) just for practice or to get into the persona.

Getting the right mindset is key to being a single person. Many people coming off long relationships (3 years or more in my definition) don't remember what it is was like to be single, especially if they couple off in their early 20s before they had a chance to establish routines as a single adult. Men do need to know that you're available and interested. Smiling and being flirty really help.

Yes, it is all about mindset. It might take a while to do the work for yourself, but it will be worth it for you to put a 'healthy' version of you out there when you start to date!

The only advice I have is if you need to, start slow. If you're not ready for a serious relationship, just practice meeting new people.

This!!

make sure you're thinking and acting as a single woman now. It took a while for it to click in my head.

This too. This goes beyond just flirting and smiling, but in actually *feeling* single. Since it's been a year you might be past this stage, but even after a year and a half from my divorce I would sometimes meet a new guy and *feel* like it was wrong to flirt with him because I'd been part of a couple for 15 years and loyalty to my ex was just ingrained in me. I'd say it took about 2 years for me to really feel like my own person 100% of the time.

As to how to start "looking" for a date, I've met guys at Sam's club, starbucks, the gas station, the comedy club, friends-of-friends and also online sites like Christian Mingle or Match.

Have fun!!

I also have two teenage sons (14 & 16) which throw another dynamic into things

Yes, you are right it does. Kids don't react well to a relationship status change with their parents. This is true for kids when they are 5, 15 or even 35 year old adults with kids of their own.

Now, your kids are 14 and 16, which means they are closer to legal adulthood, which means that a potential date won't have to deal with the some of the most intensive years of child rearing, which I believe to be birth-age 10. But at the same time, children today are having a much more difficult time leaving the nest as compared to previous generation. It's not unusual today to see a 25 year old with a college degree living at home because of how bad the economy is. That's something that I would consider if I were placed in a situation of dating a woman with kids above age 10 (not a situation I would think I would place myself in), but your potential dates probably won't think about that aspect.

What your date thinks about children/teenagers will be important.

I will add to the fact that you might see totally different kids around any new men. I introduced my kids to one person and had no clue who my daughter was! She was awful. AWFUL. I learned my lesson and haven't introduced them to anyone since. Hopefully when it's the right one everything will work out. Plus she's a junior so she'll be off to college soon! Good luck. I tried online dating. For me it was a total joke. Waste of money. But I think alot has to do with where you live.

I was married for 7 yrs, dated him for 5 yrs prior to that, and have been separated a year. So, like you, the idea of getting out there dating again was a bit intimidating. But as someone else said, my marriage was over long before I got the strength to actually leave so I had plenty of time to make peace with the end of that relationship and ponder the idea of getting out there again. I purposely chose to wait till now to start dating again....just didn't feel right dating when I was technically still married. (Divorce will likely be final by next week! wooohoooo!)

I have no means of meeting men, really. For the time being I'm still a stay at home mom so meeting at the workplace or happy hour isn't going to happen. None of my friends know single guys. So I did join POF just to test the waters. I've met a few really nice guys but for me - the key is getting to know them fairly well first before I meet up with them. Seems to work well. I still see the same guys and even if they never turn into anything more, I've met a few great friends if nothing else. And it's given me my confidance back as well.

I'd say just take it at whatever pace feels comfortable for you. And go with your gut feelings. I too have kids involved (mine are 4 & 6) and they don't have much of a concept of dating. I try to keep it fairly invisible to them (only going out on my non kid weekends and saving phone calls til after they're in bed).