Mental Demons
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Blugal1
Posts: 92
Just some thoughts for anyone out there who is feeling the same way.
So, I am back after an extended absence. I started out in January and did quite well (I think 4 or 5pounds the first month), a few more pounds in February... then it started going downhill. Self-sabotage. I knew I couldn't get away "with just one" but I did it anyway.
I have always found it easier to go to the gym or to ride than to watch my nutrition. Big time. It seems the more rules I make, the harder it is to follow them! MFP is the first thing that kept me on track for longer than 2 weeks. But I fell off the wagon!
I was talking to my riding coach about this - she likened it to addictive personalities - those who cannot have just one cigarette or just one drink. For me it is just one chocolate. If I tell myself "no chocolate" then I will try chips. If no chips, maybe a slice of pizza. I even will eat things I don't really like - a doughnut from work, for instance.
The "willpower" thing is what I struggle most with. I am a picky eater - but let's be honest, there are tons of healthy foods I like. I try to incorporate fruits as my sweets - I like lots of fruits. The trick is, not allowing them to go bad in my fridge while I do a run to the store for a mini-container of ice cream.
My brain knows this isn't helping - but I have trouble with it anyway. Where does "fear of success" figure into this??? I hate seeing all my hard work go out the window (case in point: I weighed in this morning and am now only 3 pounds down from January 1).
So, I am back after an extended absence. I started out in January and did quite well (I think 4 or 5pounds the first month), a few more pounds in February... then it started going downhill. Self-sabotage. I knew I couldn't get away "with just one" but I did it anyway.
I have always found it easier to go to the gym or to ride than to watch my nutrition. Big time. It seems the more rules I make, the harder it is to follow them! MFP is the first thing that kept me on track for longer than 2 weeks. But I fell off the wagon!
I was talking to my riding coach about this - she likened it to addictive personalities - those who cannot have just one cigarette or just one drink. For me it is just one chocolate. If I tell myself "no chocolate" then I will try chips. If no chips, maybe a slice of pizza. I even will eat things I don't really like - a doughnut from work, for instance.
The "willpower" thing is what I struggle most with. I am a picky eater - but let's be honest, there are tons of healthy foods I like. I try to incorporate fruits as my sweets - I like lots of fruits. The trick is, not allowing them to go bad in my fridge while I do a run to the store for a mini-container of ice cream.
My brain knows this isn't helping - but I have trouble with it anyway. Where does "fear of success" figure into this??? I hate seeing all my hard work go out the window (case in point: I weighed in this morning and am now only 3 pounds down from January 1).
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You are not alone. My downfall is keeping my self on track on the weekends. I tend to socialize and exercise a lot more. I am busy and don't tend to keep track of portion size. One glass of wine turns into 2 at hunt breakfast. Then I can't even estimate my intake by Sudnay pm, so I give up. Maybe w/ hunt season over and more structured activities, I can stay in the lines...0
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I understand the "fear of success". The simple fact is that eating whatever you want, whenever you want to so much easier than being healthy. You have to be willing to make a permanent change. I've been at this 7 months and have lost 31 pounds, but I still struggle most on weekends. I ate an entire fried Twinkie yesterday, so I went on a 60 minute bike ride to "pay" for it.
Portion control was (still is) my biggest problem. If one piece of candy tastes good, two will taste better. I finally found success by measuring and portioning what I ate every single time in the beginning. I kept candy in the freezer to make it more difficult to pig out on. I got a food scale to portion out chips, meats, and cereal. I still don't eat the most varied diet, you'll rarely see a fruit or veggie in my diary, but learning to portion has been the thing that got me on track.
(I really hope this post made sense. Cold meds are messing up the brain-keyboard connection)0 -
I agree that it is hard to stay within the confines of the diet. The foods you "cannot" eat become forbidden fruits and that is all that you want and you binge on it. I know, I do it. My vice is ice cream. I will treat myself to an ice cream bar but I will NEVER buy the whole box, because I know I will eat the whole damn thing!
Alton Brown said a great thing and it stuck with me. Don't make a list of the things you CANNOT eat, make a list of things you CAN eat.
Actually, Brown makes a distinction between energy-dense and nutrient-dense foods. His plan involves increasing his nutrient to energy ratio via four lists, which is very different from what most people consider as “basic food groups.”
The Plan of Four Lists
First, here are Brown’s lists.
daily
fruits
whole grains
leafy greens
nuts
carrots
green tea
3X a week
oily fish
yogurt
broccoli
sweet potato
avocado
1X a week
red meat
pasta
dessert
alcohol
0X a week
fast food
soda
processed meals
canned soups
“diet” anything
The columns are pretty self-explanatory. Brown eats those foods in the daily column each day. Foods in the 3x/week column are eaten at least three times per week. Foods in the 1x/week column are those he allows himself once each week, and foods in the last column he no longer eats.
The rest of the episode features recipes for some of the foods he includes regularly in his diet. I thought the sardine toast and almonds were fine (though primal folks would probably forgo the toast). I had a few issues with the smoothie though.
the above was taken from this web site.
http://weightmaven.org/2010/01/05/alton-browns-live-and-let-diet/#comment-4060
Personally, I find it hard to time at the supermarket, so I take only a hand held basket and shop only on the outside of market, except to get rice/quinoa/pasta. I allow myself only a certain time limit, meaning that I have to be in and out (not including checkout time) in 15 mins. The longer I hang out in the market the more bad choices I can make. I have a list, know exactly where I need to go and I am OUT!
Blugal, I also think its hard for us (at least for me) to tell my 'friends' what they could be doing for improving, everytime I have reached out to a 'friend' about their food choices I have gotten a beat down in return. Sure, its hard to hear and I have learned not to be pushy about people's diary. I can turn up the volume if you like
I want us all to succeed! I want us all to be comfortable in our own skin ! I want you to feel good NAKED !0 -
I know where you're coming from. I feel like I'll do well for 2-3 weeks, then I'll slip up once, then say "Oh well, I'll start again next week...after x,y or z..." You get the point. Then I'm back on track, and the cycle repeats itself. I'm getting better about not letting one bad choice lead to a "what the heck" sort of an attitude.
It's hard...really hard...to be "on" all the time, especially when I feel like so many people I'm around are naturally good eaters--not too much, healthy things--and don't have to try. I *have* to make a conscious effort to choose healthy stuff over junk, or stop at one serving size. And sometimes I just get tired of trying so darn hard.
I have to say one of the things I like most about MFP is when it tells me "If you eat like this everyday, you'll weigh XXX in 5 weeks!"...somehow, for me, it helps me focus on the big picture and not fuss over slower weekly weight loss.0 -
Thanks for all the replies.
Onawho, I will definitely take you up on your offer. I check your diary occasionally, it is always healthy and full of vegetables - something to look up to!!
dollarhorse, that is exactly how I feel! The crazy thing is, I lost 20 pounds last year (I started my counter this year from my "new" weight) but sometimes I feel like that was some OTHER person who accomplished that. It *is* hard being "on" all the time. Yet I do feel good when I have accomplished it.
So, keep on keeping on.0 -
Blugal,
Your doing it for you and nobody here (should) judge you. So don't judge yourself, as I like to say if you fall off the wagon get back on the horse... the wagon is where the group hangs out the horse is your own individual ride. Onawho, I love Alton and he lost a lot of weight creating his list (which I love), but I could never give up anything totally, heck I would eat an avacado a day if they weren't a million cals!
Sorry back on topic, each of us are doing it our own way, there is no perfect way, just your way. I am eating less... but I have not given up any particular food. Onawho is eating fresh, MGrady is doing crazy amouts of exercise, AC is eating Goldfish and Cheerios, Sally has started running, that is not everyone, but the ones I could think of off the top of my head.
We are here for you and to let you know you are not the only one with the Mental Demons... its ok to take two steps back but don't head that direction, always look toward your goal. You sound like you still see your goal, so your not lost.
Hope this helps a little
Sometimes we all feel this way! 0 -
Blugal,
Sorry back on topic, each of us are doing it our own way, there is no perfect way, just your way. I am eating less... but I have not given up any particular food. Onawho is eating fresh, MGrady is doing crazy amouts of exercise, AC is eating Goldfish and Cheerios, Sally has started running, that is not everyone, but the ones I could think of off the top of my head.
Oh my ! this made me laugh!!! AC is eating goldfish and cheerios !!
what ever works Blugal What ever works!0 -
hehe it's totally true- there's rarely a day that goes by where I don't have goldfish and cheerios!
In the past when I've tried to lose weight I've tried eliminating unhealthy things from my diet and I never stick with it for long. This time around I'm trying to eat healthier, but I'm also allowing myself to eat unhealthy stuff too as long as it fits in my calorie allowance. I love to bake and cook and today when I (very unwisely) came home from school starving, I inhaled two oatmeal sandwich cookies I made yesterday. I'm pretty irritated with myself for doing that, but... it happens. Eventually I'll learn to make healthier decisions more consistently but I'm not there yet. For now, I'm trying to learn not to let myself get to the point of being ravenous with hunger because that's when I decide that cookies make an acceptable lunch!
Like you, I've always found it much easier to stick with a workout plan than an eating plan. One of the things I love about MFP is that I can 'earn' back calories by exercising more. My dog I walk for about 45 each day, and I try and get out for several 3-4 miles runs a week. So, I try and eat the healthy foods that I know I *should* be eating, and then I try and get enough exercise to balance out the goldfish crackers 0 -
Blugal, I know just how you feel. This is HARD. SO HARD. And frustrating. When I'm happy and busy it seems like I have an easier time sticking to my diet...and then I look and feel good and I'm even happier... But then something triggers me and bam, off the wagon I go. MFP has been great for me because I keep coming back.
A friend is having a bbq this weekend with maybe some water activities if it's warm enough. Bathing suit time in a week? BAM! Off the wagon. That doesn't even make sense!!
My only words of wisdom are to keep trying, keep experimenting with what works for you. I keep coming back to low carb as the answer. It's the only thing that has really worked for me. Calorie counting is great in theory, but then I'm "allowed" to have anything in moderation. Ha. Moderation. If we were good at moderation we wouldn't be having this problem :-P
Best of luck.0 -
I am so right there with all of you!
The craziest thing, for me, is that I lose weight - say 5#, and all of a sudden I think "wow, I got this. No worries, I know what I'm doing and don't need to count anything anymore." Seriously, 5# and I think I'm a pro...and I have 95# more to go?!?! W.T.F?!?
I also find myself dissolving into the same, easy-to-grab food choices that I end up quickly getting burnt out on. This time around, I've made a concerted effort to really vary my diet as much as possible (have I mentioned that I HATE most vegetables??) and so far I'm really liking how I feel now. For some reason, things seem brighter, I sit up straighter, I'm overall just more happy. Is it the food? Probably most likely because I'm finally detangling myself from a worthless POS husband and am in an overall much better place in my life.
Duck said: "Calorie counting is great in theory, but then I'm "allowed" to have anything in moderation. Ha. Moderation. If we were good at moderation we wouldn't be having this problem" LMAO! Seriously - that is the TRUTH! You know, I'm thinking along your lines too - low carb is becoming more and more attractive. Although, I try to think about it as "high protein" instead and somehow that feels better.
Good luck to ALL of you. This is a very, very hard and frustrating journey, that's for sure!0 -
I will say with no doubt, that this is hard.
However, it is getting easier. Sure, I crave the stuff, but I threw it out. Last night I pre-planned my dinner, but when I saw how much sodium I consumed, I reworked it.
To me, it's not worth it stressing over the small stuff. This is a lifestyle change, but you need to keep this up the rest of your life. If you know you can get natural, clean foods rest of your life, so be it. Most of us can't. So what if you have a cookie (or two or three)? For the next 50+ years are you going to forbid yourself from any kind of treat? Work it into your calories and move on with it. Don't agonize over it, as it will just get worse
I also firmly believe that a person has to want change in order to make change happen. IE I quit smoking many times, but never stayed quit. Finally 2/2 the doctor told me I had lungs of an 85 year old woman (I'm 28!). That night I threw away my lighters, cigarettes and ashtrays. But I never succeeded before, because I didn't want it. I'm battling the fact that I could have been thin in my friend's wedding this summer, if I kept up with it from last august like I should have. I didn't, but I can't fix the past. I can only shape my future.
I have changed eating, I eat a lot more fresh foods, but I eat junk too. The reason is, I want my daughter to grow up healthy. I want her to see that we can still have a treat once in a while and be okay. I want her to see me eating more fresh fruits and vegetables thank junk food. It's a long hard road, but it does get easier. Best of luck to you!0 -
You know, I'm thinking along your lines too - low carb is becoming more and more attractive. Although, I try to think about it as "high protein" instead and somehow that feels better.
The first time I did an Atkins type diet the weight FELL off...almost scary fast...I was really motivated because I was going to Germany with my roommate for Oktoberfest and I wanted to look good. I was in the mid-140s when we left. Unfortunately I completely fell off the wagon on vacation (duh - beer) and didn't find my motivation again once we got back. But oh man, if you want to jump start some serious weight loss then try it. I didn't bother counting calories. There's only so much meat I can eat in one day.0 -
Uugh... my downfall has been ice-cream. I love, love,love ice-cream in the evenings since my internal furnace has changed so dramatically over the past couple years. My solution this month has been to just NOT buy it & bring it home...i.e. if it is not in the frig & easily accessible, then I don't eat it. I still CRAVE it, but am getting better at avoiding it this month.
Now, I've been trying to tune out some serious bone-on-bone pain, so my new "go-to" thing in the evenings is starting to be a small glass of Honeywood Mead, or Melon Midori. Is that better than ice-cream? IDK... but we all have our "mental demons" we gotta handle one way or another. I justify it by telling myself - well, at least I'm not guzzling the whole bottle.... lol J 0 -
Uugh... my downfall has been ice-cream. I love, love,love ice-cream in the evenings since my internal furnace has changed so dramatically over the past couple years. My solution this month has been to just NOT buy it & bring it home...i.e. if it is not in the frig & easily accessible, then I don't eat it. I still CRAVE it, but am getting better at avoiding it this month.
I'm a serious ice cream junky too. I certainly don't want to complicate your mission to avoid it, but if you ever really have the craving I've discovered the Klondike 100 Calorie Ice Cream bars and they're really good!0 -
The weight watchers giant fudge bar are super and like 120 calories and are HUGE! and super fudgy. Try those for an ice cream fix.0
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I FINALLY FOUND A SOLUTION - to my Ice cream cravings....
I just made chocolate coconut milk icecream - WOW! I am ECSTATIC to have found this recipe! It is Easy, AND it tastes Good!
even my hubby liked it!!!! (I did NOT atd the almond slices, & did use 1/3 cup honey as the sweetener) Deliciousness!!!
http://wholenewmom.com/recipes/dairy-free-coconut-milk-ice-cream-recipe-chocolate-almond-chip/
It's the FIRST ice-cream I have had in about 2 months!!!!! AND it's dairy-free0
