i have a horrible image issue.. all i see in the mirror is fat, ugly and old.. i know it is not entirely true.. but i cant seem to be able to get a positive view on myself..

Sometimes it's helpful to think about thought as being on two levels. There is what we know rationally with our head. This is informed by logic and other people's views may influence our assessments at this level. There is what we believe in our hearts. This level of thought is affected strongly by emotion and it's what influences us most. I think that what you are stuggling with is that although you know your assessment of yourself is not entirely true, your feelings about yourself are so negative thet they are drowning out this rational assesment and affecting your self image.

The other factor in play is your anxiety disorder. As your sense of threat is high, your body's alarm system designed to keep you safe will be going off all the time. It's like a false alarm. In the absence of a specific threat, you are focusing on others perceptions of you and interpreting them as threatening.

All the above has everything to do with how you feel about yourself and the world and nothing to do with your looks. You are a beautiful woman, I know others here have told you the same.

As to how to be more postitive, you are doing some of the things that help. You are challenging your own perceptions by writing about them here, rather than hiding away completely. By so doing, you are getting objective evidence which helps you know your feelings are not entirely true.

I don't know enough about what else you are doing to be sure if these suggestions will be useful, but I would certainly condsider asking for a medication review for the bipolar and/or seeking cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt) if the depression you feel does not improve. It's the depressive episodes that are not currently sufficiently well controlled which is leading to your very negative self image. Given what you have posted about here before, I would also try and get some support for your relationship difficulties. Those are hard to deal with at the best of times, never mind when you feel so bad about yourself. But it will also be a big factor leading to low mood and poor self image. It may be that you'd be best to tackle one thing at a time. The main thing is that you are doing something about your difficulties and continuing the progress you are making here. A different type of help is good for relationship difficulties, namely counselling. They won't tell you what to do or encourage you to split up, they will just help you deal with the situation you are in and support you in finding the best way forward for you.

Be kind to yourself. When you have been especially harsh to youself, think about what you would do if you saw a friend being treated that way and be as kind to yourself as you would be to your friend. There is good research evidence demonstrating the effectiveness of learning self soothing skills in response to the shame brought about by self criticism. Often these skills have not been learned in childhood as a result of being raised in critical environments. If you would like to know more about this, you could read about compasion focussed therapy. Increasingly it is being offered alongside CBT for shame based problems.

I know sometimes when we have a lot of problems they seem overwhelming, but problems of this type can and do improve over time with the right attitude and the right kind of help. You always keep trying, karylee, despite the fact it is very hard to do so at times. That half the battle, please keep trying and you will find a way of making your life a happier one :flowerforyou:

I know this probably doesn't help but if that's you in your profile pic, you are a gorgeous woman! I'm so sorry to hear you are ill. I suffer from many of the same things you describe as well. I don't have much advice for you, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and those negative feelings you are having, though they seem real to you, are not the truth. You are beautiful just the way you are, extra few pounds or not. (((HUGS)))