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I want another daddy

JanieJack
JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
edited December 18 in Social Groups
Posted this on facebook last night...I still don't know what to think about this, and I'm kinda hoping it's just one of those 6yr old passing fancies.

Spent the entire night talking with a single dad at the park.
Once we're in the car, Peanut says to me, "Mommy, are you gonna fall in love with him?
"I don't know honey... but I must admit I hope we run into him again"
"I want you to fall in love with him."
"Honey, we don't even know him...so why would you say that?"
"I want you to get married so I can have another daddy."

Replies

  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    I can't stand these conversations! That must have been tough for you. I'm so leery about C.J. meeting any man I even see for a few months because I'm operating on "what if this relationship fails too" because I don't want to let him down if/when there is a breakup. It's a really hard balance to find. Kids are so smart! They understand so much. I think it's great that he talks to you about it, you must make it comfortable for him, which is great! My son definitely misses having a man's influence in his life, but I'd rather keep all the "maybes" away until I find the right man for both of us. Hugs mama!
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I don't introduce men to my son unless I think it's going somewhere. Or the guys in my Sunday School class (since we do a lot together as a group). This is the first time my son has seen me flirt with someone really, and the guy walked us to our car.

    I'm not sure if this was a "permission to date" convo or if there's something else that his 6yo mind is equating with "new daddy." Kinda like on Bones where Booth's son wanted him to get a girlfriend because his buddy's dad got a new girlfriend and she had a pool.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    That's nice that you have a group like that (Sunday School). I'm thinking about some kind of martial arts program for C.J. so he has some man influence from his instructor. Soccer was a little tough for him, but he really liked having his coach for guidance so we shall see. We've definitely had some bumps in the road this year so hopefully things get better.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I definately vouch for sports as another avenue for male influence. Our base here has sports through the youth center and I put him in every sport they do (golf, baseball, basketball, soccer), so my son has bonded with the staffers in a very positive way. It's nice having someone who can help him "toughen up and be a man" so I can stay in my nurturing mommy role.

    He's not grown yet, so I can't claim victory, but I've been told by folks who work with troubled children that he's incredibly well adjusted despite his father's absence.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    Yep, I'm working on the sports situation! Now that C.J. is getting to the point where he can join in and play I think it's going to be great for him. I wish I lived closer to the YMCA, but too far. I'm hoping to move in July so I'm going to scope out the area for something similar. Great that your base offers the youth center. Definitely a big deal to have that support! Nice profile picture by the way mama! Looks like fun!
  • caroljae
    caroljae Posts: 10
    Yikes! I have the opposite problem, mine says he never wants a 'step dad', he just wants it to be me and him. His dad is re-married and they have 2 children together - he is okay with that, but protective of his mom. I just tell him it's in God's hands.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    Well that could pose a problem too! lol! I guess it's all in how we introduce it and talk about it. I like the "it's in God's hands." My son would probably still take that literally and ask a million questions so for now I'm just going to ignore the subject altogether! :wink:
  • caroljae
    caroljae Posts: 10
    Well, right now we are on the same page....I've not been in a serious relationship since my marriage ended in 2006, and I don't want to be in one. I take that back, it's not that I don't WANT to be in one - but I don't want to put forth the energy and time, as we all know - being a single parent is extremely time consuming.

    I hope my relationship challenged life doesn't end up doing him more bad than good.
  • Behl9
    Behl9 Posts: 95 Member
    OP, I feel for ya. I have a 7 yr old little girl, she has asked me when I'm going to meet someone, if she's ever going to have a new dad (I corrected her and said her dad would ALWAYS be her dad, she meant a step-dad), are there any boys that I have a crush on, etc... I never really know what exactly to tell her, I try to respond slowly and make sure I think through what I'm going to say but gosh, she makes me feels pretty lame sometimes!
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    That's true. Even though my son's dad is very inconsistent and not really in the picture, I do try to remind my son that he does have a dad. Sometimes I'm sure he just misses his daddy. So hard sometimes!
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    It's hard for me to tell him he already has a dad, since his dad hasn't talked to him in months. And it was a couple months between the last phone call as well. So when I say stuff like that, I always get the follow-on question to the effect of, "But why doesn't he love me/spend time with me?"

    @caroljae I know how you feel! The first time I tried to find a "relationship" I just didn't have time. This time around I have more time, but I met someone who wants to hang out every day and I *just* don't have time for that...which begs the question... do I have *time* to develop a relationship? Probably not!
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