Hi, Becky!

I decided to join this group because I also have a husband who's as stubborn as a mule and refuses to take better care of himself. It's so frustrating to find myself caring more about his health than he does. He's diabetic, has high cholesterol, bordering high blood pressure, sleep apnea (undiagnosed, but he has all the symptoms), and very high triglycerides. He also has a desk job and comes home and sits until bedtime. He has absolutely zero interest in exercising and, although he talks about going for a hike or bike ride, doesn't do either.

I know that I cannot force him to change his behavior and have chosen not to say anything about it to him. Other than to remind him to take his meds (which I may stop doing), I rarely say anything about his weight. He complains about being fat and I'll remind him that he's the only one who can fix that, but he doesn't do a damned thing to change that. He doesn't have much of a choice as far as food at home goes because I do all the cooking. However, he eats horribly when he eats out.

I love him with all my heart, but I worry that his health will become so bad that he will become incapacitated. It makes me angry that he doesn't stop to think about these things and the effect it will have on our lives.

I'm glad I've found a group of people who possibly face the same frustrations.

Try to stay positive.

Hi, I am here becauase I am changing the the effects my husband's choices have on me. He is insecure that if I loose weight I will want to leave him so over the years I have put on well over 70lbs since we been together. Alot had to do with my increasing stress levels and busy schedule so it was easy to fall in line with the bad eating habits and lack of excercise. I have been unsatisfied with my appearance for sometime now and I want to get in better shape for me. Although we weigh about the same, I am the overweight spouse. I am sick of being big and since I am on 5'5" tipping almost 300 really shows on me more. His smoking is also another issue.

I choose to start walking/jogging and eating healthier because I want to feel my best and be comfortable in my own skin. I also want to set a healthier lifestyle habit for my kids.

I think this group is an awesome idea and a good place for support and motivation.

Welcome Paulineg1977~~ I was at almost 300 at 5'5 about two years ago and it gets easier! Just remember to keep going! You can do this and get healthy!

That is frustrating. My hubby always talks about going on a "comprehensive diet and exercise plan" (whatever that means!*lol*), but manages to fall off the wagon within hours of saying that. *eye roll* I just keep rolling along on my own. I always keep healthy snacks on hand for myself, so that if he happens to bring home something for himself, I'll have something to munch on myself.

As for not being attracted to him, have you discussed this with him or do you just avoid any physical contact? While I would love for my husband to be in the shape/weight he was when we got together, his weight gain hasn't affected my attraction to him. I'm not sure how I would handle that situation.

If he's becoming increasingly aggressive, I can understand why the attaction isn't there. I agree with you that, if he's saying things like that to you, it is uncalled for. I know how difficult it can be to be in a situation where you feel you have no choice but to stay, however, if you think you might be in any sort of physical danger, please call a women's shelter or hotline. Do you have family you can stay with until you get on your feet?

If you can catch an opportunity where you're both relaxed enough to have an honest conversation, maybe you can get to the bottom of things. That would be best thing to do. Of course, if he's always tense and upset, this can't happen.

Think about it this way: if your kids were going through your situation, what would you prefer they do? Would you consider them failures or would you welcome them back into your home and be happy that they're safe? It does seem that you have a lot on your plate, but taking care of yourself is a priority. Without staying healthy, you cannot do what needs to be done.

Please feel free to add me, if you'd like.

he doesnt want to do counseling. I am just frustrated and wish for things to change but I know they arent going to. For the past 2 weeks he had been bringing up one of his exes in conversation, (she did this or I liked this about her, or sometimes I wonder what it would be like if), that kinda thing. I feel in my heart and in my gut that it is time to leave him, but it is just so hard.

he doesnt want to do counseling. I am just frustrated and wish for things to change but I know they arent going to. For the past 2 weeks he had been bringing up one of his exes in conversation, (she did this or I liked this about her, or sometimes I wonder what it would be like if), that kinda thing. I feel in my heart and in my gut that it is time to leave him, but it is just so hard.

I think if he isn't willing to put in the work, you've got a big decision. I'd look for a transitional housing program or a safe women's shelter in your area. (This is part of what I do for a living, so let me know if you need help locating one.) You either need to go or make a choice to stay and just change yourself. Either way, it looks like you are at a crossroads. But if you chose to leave know you are strong enough, smart enough, and worth it enough to make it on your own!

I'm pleased to hear you have your family's support - no-one should have to live as you have recently. I wish you all the best on your journey - it won't be easy (that's a given!), but you are taking the first step.

With regards to your car finance, I'm sure if you contact the company they will tell you a) if it's possible and b) what you need to do to remove your name from the agreement. At the very least they should put it on file that you have separated from your partner and no longer have any interest in, or claim to the vehicle, and any liability rests with your ex-partner.

I talked to him last night. It was kinda odd. He was like yesterday I was thinking about you and how much I cared about you and that things dont have to be perfect that I probably will never have a perfect relationship with anyone. He also said he wanted to change to make me happy. Odd that he says all this when I say I am leaving. A little too late for me.