Question for you daters out there
natashamcn
Posts: 145 Member
So Friday I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I met on POF who has a 2 year old daughter. He was unable to get childcare for the night and sent me a message Saturday morning apologizing. I accepted and we agreed to make plans for today. He had wanted to make plans for Saturday but I already had a bbq I was going to. Well, it is now 5pm my time and I have not heard from him since Saturday. We were both off work for the day and his mother is looking after his daughter for the day. I had told him to let me know if things change and he is unable to do something. At this point I'm feeling a bit peeved about the situation and am having second thoughts about going on the first date. I don't have any plans for tonight so my question is do I go or not if he ends up texting?
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Whether or not he is interested, someone that is that flaky is not someone I would bother pursuing anymore.0
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So you had plans Friday night and he never called or showed up- then sent you a message on Sat morning????
I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him again after that since he didn't bother to respond to you before the date/plans.0 -
So Friday I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I met on POF who has a 2 year old daughter. He was unable to get childcare for the night and sent me a message Saturday morning apologizing. I accepted and we agreed to make plans for today. He had wanted to make plans for Saturday but I already had a bbq I was going to. Well, it is now 5pm my time and I have not heard from him since Saturday. We were both off work for the day and his mother is looking after his daughter for the day. I had told him to let me know if things change and he is unable to do something. At this point I'm feeling a bit peeved about the situation and am having second thoughts about going on the first date. I don't have any plans for tonight so my question is do I go or not if he ends up texting?
If he doesn't let you know by 7pm, do something. Otherwise, just relax and drink some wine and dance in the mirror (preferably in bra/panties)
I've learned that people w/ kids sometimes don't play by the same rules/ways as others who don't. Whether or not he's just somewhat bad at communicating, or just shady, I don't know.0 -
On Friday his ex had decided last minute she didn't want to take their daughter for the night and he ended up spending the night with his daughter instead. It was my first time agreeing to a date with someone who has a child so I was a bit torn on whether or not to agree to a second date based on the fact he didn't send me a msg to let me know what was happening that night. He was quite apologetic and I decided to give him another chance as we seemed to have hit it off online. It was only the second date I have agreed to go on in the last year and I'll admit I was pretty excited. If I don't hear from him tonight he definitely won't be getting a third chance. He had mentioned dinner and a movie for tonight so our plans weren't 100% nailed down yet. Sigh...I hate dating.0
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You had plans and he didn't contact you abou breaking them until saturday? Right there would never have been a reschedule. I understand people with kids are busy but it takes 2 seconds to send a text say "I can't get a sitter. Rain check?" If he can't even do that he either A) has you as a back up date or
not interested enough to care about your time.
Since he hasn't planned anying concrete yet I would go on with your normal daily activities.0 -
You had plans and he didn't contact you abou breaking them until saturday? Right there would never have been a reschedule. I understand people with kids are busy but it takes 2 seconds to send a text say "I can't get a sitter. Rain check?" If he can't even do that he either A) has you as a back up date or not interested enough to care about your time.
Since he hasn't planned anying concrete yet I would go on with your normal daily activities.
See, I wouldn't automatically fly off and say hey doesn't care or isn't interested enough. You don't know him or the situation. So, I say still, wait till 7 tonight.0 -
So Friday I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I met on POF who has a 2 year old daughter. He was unable to get childcare for the night and sent me a message Saturday morning apologizing. I accepted and we agreed to make plans for today. He had wanted to make plans for Saturday but I already had a bbq I was going to. Well, it is now 5pm my time and I have not heard from him since Saturday. We were both off work for the day and his mother is looking after his daughter for the day. I had told him to let me know if things change and he is unable to do something. At this point I'm feeling a bit peeved about the situation and am having second thoughts about going on the first date. I don't have any plans for tonight so my question is do I go or not if he ends up texting?
If he doesn't let you know by 7pm, do something. Otherwise, just relax and drink some wine and dance in the mirror (preferably in bra/panties)
I've learned that people w/ kids sometimes don't play by the same rules/ways as others who don't. Whether or not he's just somewhat bad at communicating, or just shady, I don't know.
I don't think this is true - it's not the kids - it's the person. He was probably a flake before the kid came a long. Kids just make flaky people BIGGER flakes, but they make people like myself who pride themselves for being on time and courteous - even more so. I mean, I leave EXTRA early now if we have to be somewhere, just because I know kids will throw a wrench in the plans nearly every time.
OP - Don't go out with him. He is showing he has a reliability issue. You don't want to get messed up with someone like that. He has the same amount of time that every other human has. He could have made an effort to let you know what the plans were... if any. Go have fun!!!0 -
I wouldn't give him another chance. Calling or texting you on Friday to let you know he wasn't able to make it can only take a couple of minutes. No one is that busy, that they can't spare 2 minutes.
I know it sucks, but there is someone better out there.0 -
That's tough... if it were a worknight that would be one thing (I might still entertain him if he contated me late... I work in a secure room and often don't get my texts til 6pm so I'm not a stickler on that during the week).
But since you both have the day off today... seems to me he should have contacted you. If it were me, I'd come up with something else to do (date myself, PWAT, girls night in, etc) and if he actually contacts me, I'd tell him "I'm sorry, I didn't hear from you so I thought you had to cancel. I already made other plans."0 -
It is hard for me to imagine not sending some sort of message or call since that avenue is available.
That is just inexcusable rude and a sign he doesn`t take things seriously (not just dating but in general).0 -
It was my first time agreeing to a date with someone who has a child so I was a bit torn on whether or not to agree to a second date based on the fact he didn't send me a msg to let me know what was happening that night.
Oh, I missed that he didn't contact you til Sat for the Fri date... that changes my answer.. NEXT!!
I have a kid and sometimes things happen- babysitter backs out at the last minute, kid gets sick, etc. But I always let my date know what's up immediately. No excuse for his behavior. I wouldn't waste another minute on him. It's not about the kid. It's him.0 -
It is hard for me to imagine not sending some sort of message or call since that avenue is available.
That is just inexcusable rude and a sign he doesn`t take things seriously (not just dating but in general).
Me too, I'd personally always send a message of sorts. But I'm awesome.
But I'm also trying to be nicer and find the good in people. 0 -
I agree... kids or no kids, if he isn't letting you know ahead of time, I could only assume one of two things: a. he's not that into you b. he doesn't keep his word/ isn't thoughtful of others
Either way... he wouldn't be worth my time.
I have three kids. I've been a single mom for a while. If I have plans with someone, I make sure and let them know if something happens...
*my 2 cents*0 -
It is hard for me to imagine not sending some sort of message or call since that avenue is available.
That is just inexcusable rude and a sign he doesn`t take things seriously (not just dating but in general).
This.
When the other person is interested, they make it happen regardless of having children or not.
On to the next one!0 -
OK. It's decided then. On to the next one. I thought I was being insensitive to the child issue as I don't have any kids of my own but I have to agree with most of you that he could have at least sent a quick text.0
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I have two teenagers daughters and I know a thing or two about plans changing. It's a matter of a person's character as to whether or not they call (and I do mean call & not text) to let you know they aren't going to be able to make it. Either they respect you enough and hold you in a high enough regard to do so, or they don't and if they don't do you really want to be dating someone like that. I know I don't want my daughters dating someone like that and I sure as heck know I don't want to be dating someone like that.0
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Why would he not let you know until Saturday morning? Either he is super flaky or he lied about what he was really doing Friday night. I would not deal with him any longer. Today's modern technology offers people few excuses for not communicating in a timely manner in most situations.0
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You made the right decision in moving onto another person who will treat you with common decency.0
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on to the next one. he seems flaky, there's no reason why he couldnt have texted you friday to say that plans needed to be cancelled.
i agree with the person who said it's not a matter of the kid that's the problem, but kids do make flakier people even flakier since they have a better excuse. and maybe he's not flaky but is a bad planner and waits until the last minute to plan stuff like childcare0 -
The last minute cancellation isn't the problem... it's not having the courtesy to keep you in the loop. I wouldn't go out with him if I were you.0
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So what happened, did he contact you again?0
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Nope. No message or text whatsoever. HOW RUDE! But like I said earlier it's on to the next one
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Nope, move on. I have two small children and always get where I need to be and if I have arranged something where the kids can't go then I make sure that plans have been confirmed and on the odd chance something came up I would be very apologetic and make sure to let the other person know as soon as I did.
I hope the next one is much better!0 -
You had plans and he didn't contact you abou breaking them until saturday? Right there would never have been a reschedule. I understand people with kids are busy but it takes 2 seconds to send a text say "I can't get a sitter. Rain check?" If he can't even do that he either A) has you as a back up date or not interested enough to care about your time.
Since he hasn't planned anying concrete yet I would go on with your normal daily activities.
This. It is not hard at all to send someone a text or message letting them know they can't make it BEFORE the plans are supposed to happen. That's just rude.0 -
Nope. No message or text whatsoever. HOW RUDE! But like I said earlier it's on to the next one
Excellent Decision! I have 2 kids and my plans change sometimes based on my time with them, childcare etc etc. But I still know how to use a phone, email etc and if I am interested in seeing you I will let you know early and often if I have to change my plans!0 -
If a man really wants to see you, he'll see you.0
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My son is an AWESOME excuse to cancel out on stuff .. but I always let that person know ahead of time. lol0
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