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Trimming the fat...not what you think.

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Z_I_L_L_A
Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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Do you ever think that some of these singles or yourself may need to trim the fat so to speak for dating? Too much baggage,issues,mental problems,emotional junk, and my favorite the X. I don't interfere with her life, I don't want to know anything about it, hell I don't want to talk to her or see her. But I know she would make anyone I wanted to date say oh hell no I'm not getting involved with this guy because of his X. This fat has to be trimmed but how do I do it?

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  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Absolutely!

    But you don't always realize your issues until you're faced with them. I thought, since my marriage was over YEARS before the divorce was final, that I was ok. But I wasn't. Some baggage took time to shed. Some baggage I didn’t even realize I was carrying until I tried dating and those old insecurities (brought on by my ex) rose to the surface.

    But when it comes to the X, there's not much you can do about that... other than keep everything electronic and/or hire an intermediary so you don’t have to interact with her when it comes to picking up/dropping off the kids.

    I don't know that I'd discount a great guy on account of his crazy ex, UNLESS it appears to me that he allows her to run all over him/manipulate him. Even if you have kids together, there’s such a thing as intermediaries to help one break free from a crazy, manipulative, drama-queen ex. My ex is not involved, which is bad for my son but the plus for any guy who dates me is no "baby-daddy drama."
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I don't think she runs over me but my daughter seems to think so. I kinda weigh things out like is it worth the trouble arguing with her. I don't like stress and the x is mine. I'm like will it make things better to put up a fight or just let it go to reduce the stress. Its like she thinks she has power over me and it gripes her to no end when I say NO! I love that word because when I was married it was always yes to what ever she wanted. Now NO rolls of the tongue real easy. Like I said is the fight worth it or not, will it make things better or not. If not why bother.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
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    I decided to fight now so that I wouldn't have to for the rest of my life. I'm putting my foot down once (strongly) and then letting go. I'm doing this legally for my son though, but similar concept. I feel like since I've taken a stand against him and started saying "no" more I've naturally just distanced myself from the stress he causes.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I just want peace and no matter what I do or act I won't have it because of her. She wants me to be the bad guy to make her feel better about some of the bad things she has done. I have no skeletons in my closet that she can use against me. She made the boo boo not me. I know if I started dating someone she would try to mess it up for me. I just want the X baggage to go.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,340 Member
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    She sounds like a sociopath. But on the bright side, if you meet someone you really like and who really likes you, the ex won't really matter. If the ex matters, the girl wasn't for you.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    Megs, she is evil under the guise of a religious front. In all actuality she runs hell when the devil steps out for a while. lmao...
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Uh oh, that means superpowers of evil. You might be screwed. lol
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    She sounds like a sociopath. But on the bright side, if you meet someone you really like and who really likes you, the ex won't really matter. If the ex matters, the girl wasn't for you.

    Absolutely, as long as the man makes it clear (as your relationship grows) that the ex is not more important as I am, then her craziness really doesn't matter.
  • beckykceb
    beckykceb Posts: 12 Member
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    okay, I don't know any of you yet, but I had to jump on here! I'd like my X baggage to go as well........ :)

    I agree with what Meghan said....."She sounds like a sociopath. But on the bright side, if you meet someone you really like and who really likes you, the ex won't really matter. If the ex matters, the girl wasn't for you."


    My X pulls the sanctimonious act as well......the holier than thou, though he is the one that made the "boo boo" as you call it (and is just REALLY a terrible person) :)

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