Obesity, weight loss and perspective
dbrightwell1270
Posts: 1,732 Member
About a month ago there was a post where a gal asked how losing weight affected ones view of herself. That thread targeted dating and relationships. I am wondering how weight loss has affected other peoples everyday life and relationships.
I feel so much better and am way more active. I also think I get treated better overall and that people are more receptive when I make small talk. More than anything though, I am much more appreciative of the few friends I had when I was heavier. To realize all the things I couldn't do and how they hung out anyway makes me value their friendships more than friendships that I've developed recently. The slack these friends picked up because it was difficult for me to do what should have been simple things like pick up something I dropped or walk to a bar a few blocks away is just awesome. After a while it must have sucked for them to have their fun limited because I couldn't be more active or I was tired or I was sweating profusely and keeping the women away from the table.
So what are your experiences?
I feel so much better and am way more active. I also think I get treated better overall and that people are more receptive when I make small talk. More than anything though, I am much more appreciative of the few friends I had when I was heavier. To realize all the things I couldn't do and how they hung out anyway makes me value their friendships more than friendships that I've developed recently. The slack these friends picked up because it was difficult for me to do what should have been simple things like pick up something I dropped or walk to a bar a few blocks away is just awesome. After a while it must have sucked for them to have their fun limited because I couldn't be more active or I was tired or I was sweating profusely and keeping the women away from the table.
So what are your experiences?
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Replies
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Everyday life: I get a lot more compliments now from co-workers friends and family.
Relationships: For the first time in my life, I went out on a date (four actually!) and got my first kiss on the cheek from a guy. I also get a lot more attention from men in general.0 -
About a month ago there was a post where a gal asked how losing weight affected ones view of herself. That thread targeted dating and relationships. I am wondering how weight loss has affected other peoples everyday life and relationships.
I feel so much better and am way more active. I also think I get treated better overall and that people are more receptive when I make small talk. More than anything though, I am much more appreciative of the few friends I had when I was heavier. To realize all the things I couldn't do and how they hung out anyway makes me value their friendships more than friendships that I've developed recently. The slack these friends picked up because it was difficult for me to do what should have been simple things like pick up something I dropped or walk to a bar a few blocks away is just awesome. After a while it must have sucked for them to have their fun limited because I couldn't be more active or I was tired or I was sweating profusely and keeping the women away from the table.
So what are your experiences?
Day to day: happier, more active, feel better about myself & the clothes I wear. Wear V neck shirts more so now, I'll approach anyone, I might not seal the deal, but I'll try. I also buy/wear bright color things now (running shirts/shoes/jackets) and wear things I never wore before.
Relationships: I feel more confident in myself, what I can bring to the table and more open to new things.0 -
Day to day.. I definately feel like I'm on the top of the world most days. I feel great. I turn heads.I smile a lot more. I am more cheerful. I don't get a lot of "poor me" thoughts anymore. My clothes say it all though.. I wear cute dresses, heels, bright colors, fix my hair, etc and feel like a million bucks when I do!
In dating... I was definately more outgoing and daring. I smiled a lot. I would look at men in their eyes, with a lot of confidence. I would flirt more. I definately had a "she-wolf" attitude.
(Now in a relationship.. that's different. I'm a mess but not because of my looks... that's another story though.)0 -
This is going to sound counterintuitive, but I think it has made me perhaps more naive about people.
I used to be suspicious of people who were nice to me. Now I find myself truly wanting to see the good in people and believing they see it in me. That may very well not be true, but I'd rather hope for the best in people and be disappointed than to assume the worst about everyone I meet.
For sure I am more confident and more self-aware. I know what I want now because I believe I can have it.0 -
Confidence. I love myself. I respect myself.0
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I can sit in booths, sit at movie theaters without it pinching my sides, also a bit more out going too. I was afraid of going out at times with friends because of my size. Sitting at certain places I wondered if I'd break the chair, would avoid booths altogether. Ordering food I'd be self-conscious and not order as much. I'd wonder in the back of my mind what the waitress was thinking. I was constantly winded and sweaty a lot too. It just made the whole experience worse.
Thanks to the confidence I been going to a Zumba class every week with a bunch of women and I don't care that I stick out being 1 of 2 guys in the class. I suck at it but I have fun so I keep going. I remember a lady approached me a few weeks back and gave me a thumbs up and a pat on the back for sticking it out. She mentioned to me that other ladies in the class were gossiping and all thought I'd quit eventually. In in my head I was " WHAT?!?!? WHERE ARE THEY?! TELL MEEE!!! HEADS WILL ROLL!!!! RAWR!!!" but I just smiled and nodded and thanked her for her kind words.
Which brings me to relationships. For the most part everyone's happy for me. Many of my family members have diabetes type II. I am the only one so far that has gotten it and reversed it. I don't brag or talk about it much but I know it motivates them. I also used to kick the *kitten* of my best friend into going to the Y with me but then he had to get a JOB and not have time to go. His excuse is his work sechdule, 7 days 14 hour shifts. bah I say if he is still breathing when he gets off work, he can go.:grumble: lol:laugh:
As for peronal personal like a S.O., girlfriend, dating that sorta thing.. nope. Still too damn shy:embarassed: plus mentally I see myself still as the almost 500 lb guy from before so I don't even bother. My guy friends give me **** about this all the time. How can I have the balls to go to a Zumba class with a bunch of women and yet, not have the balls to talk to them?:huh: In their eyes it takes more courage to go to a Zumba class as a guy than asking a girl out. I don't know...I can't explain it. :indifferent: I think it has to do with fear of rejection. They can't say no to me in a class. :smokin:
I also have a hard time with compliments. I'll get them every now and then but I have a hard time accepting them at face value. It's a mental thing.0 -
Everyday life: I feel much better about myself. I am happier and healthier. My confidence is much higher than it was before but it could still use some work.
Relationships: This still hasn't changed much at all... although I'd like to THINK I get more attention from women now than I did before.0 -
I feel so much better in my clothing and I love buying new clothes! I just have to wait until I drop a little more before I update my closet since I now fit into all my older clothes from college.
And dating- I am so much more confidence- it's scary. I am a confident person naturally but now watch out :laugh: Plus I love the male attention - probably from my even higher amount of self-confidence that radiates off me and my sexier clothing choices
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I can sit in booths, sit at movie theaters without it pinching my sides, also a bit more out going too. I was afraid of going out at times with friends because of my size. Sitting at certain places I wondered if I'd break the chair, would avoid booths altogether. Ordering food I'd be self-conscious and not order as much. I'd wonder in the back of my mind what the waitress was thinking. I was constantly winded and sweaty a lot too. It just made the whole experience worse.
Thanks to the confidence I been going to a Zumba class every week with a bunch of women and I don't care that I stick out being 1 of 2 guys in the class. I suck at it but I have fun so I keep going. I remember a lady approached me a few weeks back and gave me a thumbs up and a pat on the back for sticking it out. She mentioned to me that other ladies in the class were gossiping and all thought I'd quit eventually. In in my head I was " WHAT?!?!? WHERE ARE THEY?! TELL MEEE!!! HEADS WILL ROLL!!!! RAWR!!!" but I just smiled and nodded and thanked her for her kind words.
Which brings me to relationships. For the most part everyone's happy for me. Many of my family members have diabetes type II. I am the only one so far that has gotten it and reversed it. I don't brag or talk about it much but I know it motivates them. I also used to kick the *kitten* of my best friend into going to the Y with me but then he had to get a JOB and not have time to go. His excuse is his work sechdule, 7 days 14 hour shifts. bah I say if he is still breathing when he gets off work, he can go.:grumble: lol:laugh:
As for peronal personal like a S.O., girlfriend, dating that sorta thing.. nope. Still too damn shy:embarassed: plus mentally I see myself still as the almost 500 lb guy from before so I don't even bother. My guy friends give me **** about this all the time. How can I have the balls to go to a Zumba class with a bunch of women and yet, not have the balls to talk to them?:huh: In their eyes it takes more courage to go to a Zumba class as a guy than asking a girl out. I don't know...I can't explain it. :indifferent: I think it has to do with fear of rejection. They can't say no to me in a class. :smokin:
I also have a hard time with compliments. I'll get them every now and then but I have a hard time accepting them at face value. It's a mental thing.
I can relate to the fear of rejection thing. One thing I've learned, is if they do, chances are you're never going to see them again. I read a tip once, to help, drive a few hours away from where you live and practice. If you get rejected, so be it. As said, you're not going to see them again.0 -
... I don't know. Not to a point anywhere near being "done"... I have another 75-80 lbs to go. Ask me in a year.0
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A few weeks ago I flew for the first time in over a year and damn did it feel good to have the tray table actually work for a change. All those little things like not being out of breath from walking up stairs, fitting in booths comfortably, being able to walk through crowds without my gut bumping people (this one still feels weird), they all feel great.
But overall, I'm more self conscious now than I ever was when I was bigger. I never gave a hoot what people thought about me when I was 300lbs, I always just went about my business. Now people that I see often (coworkers, bartenders, waitresses, etc) all come up and talk to me about my weight loss and I HATE it. I remember last time I was home I went out to eat with my parents and some of their friends. One of my dads friends joked to my dad (who's a big guy himself) that he needs to watch what I order so he can learn how to lose weight. Screw that, I don't need people watching my every move, judging what I eat.
My confidence has not changed. I'm awesome and know I'm awesome, I just don't know how to project it so that other people understand that fact.0 -
I had two very contrary reactions when I lost weight the first time:
With “mainstream” individuals and the people I work with, people who always treated me bad started treating me nice. Whereas before, when I went in the store and no one really wanted to help me, now all the sudden people (ok, mostly guys I'll admit it) couldn’t wait to help me out. And I started hearing "them" talk about "fat people." Because now, somehow, I was "one of them."
So when I went over 200 lbs while pregnant w/my son I was mortified thinking I would get the "fat girl treatment" everywhere. And I did for a long while too. People commenting on what I put in my buggy at the store. People commenting on what I should eat (if anything) if I happened to be standing in front of a vending machine. People automatically assuming I was stupid, and later saying things like, “Wow, you’re smarter than you look.” What began to change it for me was running races and thus gaining the respect of my peers (even though I was still heavier). And eventually losing the weight.
I gained some back with the divorce (which I’m trying hard to lose) and I had to overcome the paranoia of hearing “them” in my head talking about “dumb, lazy, fatties” when I looked in the mirror. I had to remind myself that, not only are these people shallow and wrong, but I’m neither dumb, lazy nor neglecting my health/body to the point of “fatness.”
With the “black church” culture I associated with off-duty, I was already one of the thinner women in the church (whatever church we attended as we moved). So when I lost weight and stopped eating so much fried chicken and “fellowship food,” the women got offended and sorta rejected me. It was tough for me to lose my friends over something as dumb as losing weight. You would think they’d jump on the bandwagon. But, unfortunately, I now know that their husbands were getting on their case about “if Sister Wiggins could lose all that weight so can you.”
That said, I do enjoy liking what I see in the mirror. I enjoy all the male attention I never had as a fat/ugly/goody two shoes teenager and college student. And it’s nice to have female friends who aren’t worried about my “fat self” embarrassing them. And, depending on who I’m hanging with, it’s (selfishly) nice to be the “cute one” for once. People take me more seriously with less having to prove myself on the job. I’m strong, and look good, and I love it.0 -
I know it's human nature, and I am in no way going to ever stop it... but it's damn annoying for your whole personality to be judged based on your size. Everyone has issues and pitfalls, no matter who you are. Whether you're knee deep in debt, addicted to nicotine, genuinely ignorant, or OCD... it's not obvious with a two second glance from a distance. Weight problems are the only one's that we who suffer wear outwardly every day of our lives. I can't take a pill, or quit "food" cold turkey; I have to face my nemesis every day of my life. It's a daily struggle, and one I face on my own. I've been self-supporting since the first day I moved into the dorms 12 years ago. I'm one of the kindest most giving people you will ever meet. I'm pursuing a PhD in engineering, so I'm obviously NOT stupid.
I truly believe that the strongest people are ones who have fought and conquered eating disorders, whether anorexia/bulimia/obesity/etc... and though I'm not a religious person, bless each and every one of us who are fighting or have defeated this demon.0 -
I've noticed that I'm more insecure about it. I feel better, don't get me wrong, but I'm still thinking like I did 50 pounds ago. I think it's because I'm in a new place, with new people and they're seeing this version of me. I'm better than I was, but not where I want to be. There are times where I feel like saying, "Should have seen me two years ago..."
But relationships-wise, I'm not doing half-bad, especially for working with a complete blank slate. I went on a date the other night (first one ever, yeah I'm 26) and part of me was so conscious of all the people around me, while at the same time I had to keep reminding myself that this guy wanted to see me and found me attractive in some way. Also, the person two years ago wouldn't have had the cajones to do even do that.0 -
Generally speaking I am more bubbly and outgoing, so I end up interacting with more people than I did for a while there. Plus my confidence is slowly building again. Those two things combined have already made a huge difference!0
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But relationships-wise, I'm not doing half-bad, especially for working with a complete blank slate. I went on a date the other night (first one ever, yeah I'm 26) and part of me was so conscious of all the people around me, while at the same time I had to keep reminding myself that this guy wanted to see me and found me attractive in some way. Also, the person two years ago wouldn't have had the cajones to do even do that.
Congratulations! That's a huge accomplishment. Tell us more, single peeps always want details...0 -
I have to say how I feel has improved much faster than how I look. I have these running discussions with myself about what I can and cannot now do. I'm 42 and 316 lbs, but I feel like 16 and 167 lbs. Since I stopped eating constantly and started moving my mood improved.
Where I used to watch TV and read all day I'm active or looking for things to do all the time. One of my buddies got me involved in a C25K meetup (I just walk) and the coach almost has me convinced to sign up for the Detroit Free Press 1/2 marathon and run for the American Cancer Society team. I know the race is in October but I haven't run a mile since my freshman year at college. So as far as doing physical things I am starting to question my sanity.
I had a personal best today I walked 6 miles at 3 mph and probably could have done three more. Add to that the strength training I can almost do lunges without a stick for balance, and my life is really changing.
It's funny to me in the course of two months I have gone from thinking about steps to thinking in terms of miles and accepting the possibility of 1/2 marathons.
Life in general is better, I'm not quite up to sitting in booths yet but I can do all the other normal stuff.
On the dating scene, not much has changed, the people who liked and accepted me 60 pounds ago still like and accept me, everyone else seems to ignore me, but it is really their loss not mine.
I'm glad Dave posted this topic, good luck to you all.0 -
Lovely read everyone. Very inspiring to hear your stories of confidence gain and prejudice overcome.
I really need to get my *kitten* in gear as I've been slacking for a lot of months now. Reading your comments have just made me think how much better I feel when I'm slimmer. Must focus on that thought daily.......:flowerforyou:0 -
I can relate to the fear of rejection thing. One thing I've learned, is if they do, chances are you're never going to see them again. I read a tip once, to help, drive a few hours away from where you live and practice. If you get rejected, so be it. As said, you're not going to see them again.
good tip! :flowerforyou:
I think once you overcome rejection you're never going to fail at anything in life. It's such a great fear to have. It holds you back! And most of the time it's such a pointless emotion because the other person isnt caring how you feel, you're doing this to yourself. It's all in your own head!
Try getting out of your comfort zone in other aspects of your life @lacroyx. Practice at being on the losing side. I've just started a sales job (and I'm no salesperson!), and I am improving every day because I face rejection every day! See what I mean? Practice .... and say over and over you're never going to see them again so, who's looking?? Only you! :flowerforyou:0 -
Everyday life: Generally more energy, less soreness. It has helped a lot while traveling, especially when trying to take in an entire city in a day or weekend. Definitely more conscious of the clothes I wear, at least as far as size and fit are concerned. (For example, 2 weeks ago donated/threw out everything that was Large size shirt wise and anything more than an inch bigger than my waist line on pants)
Relationships: Things have gone markedly worse since I lost weight... which is extremely hard to do as they were not rosy to begin with. But this has to do with several factors such as traveling more, friends drifting off so going out less, and not participating much in places where I used to meet people (off and online). Hard to contribute much of that to weight loss, so not sure if it's helped or hurt at all. Outside of I get more compliments... though usually about my teeth.... and I have no idea how that relates.0 -
This (except for the she-wolf part, I do wear cute dresses though. And heels. On Saturday nights only).Day to day.. I definately feel like I'm on the top of the world most days. I feel great. I turn heads.I smile a lot more. I am more cheerful. I don't get a lot of "poor me" thoughts anymore. My clothes say it all though.. I wear cute dresses, heels, bright colors, fix my hair, etc and feel like a million bucks when I do!
In dating... I was definately more outgoing and daring. I smiled a lot. I would look at men in their eyes, with a lot of confidence. I would flirt more. I definately had a "she-wolf" attitude.
(Now in a relationship.. that's different. I'm a mess but not because of my looks... that's another story though.)
But I would add actually that for me the weight thing was actually part of a long chain of events (sorting out my life) that started... oooh... a very long time ago. I tackled my problems one by one so I think I've been building my confidence gradually.
What I enjoy the most now? Making fun of fat people like Anapixie. :laugh: Nah I don't know... The fact that I feel my body is not dragging me down anymore in relationships with women (yet I'm single
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This (except for the she-wolf part, I do wear cute dresses though. And heels. On Saturday nights only).Day to day.. I definately feel like I'm on the top of the world most days. I feel great. I turn heads.I smile a lot more. I am more cheerful. I don't get a lot of "poor me" thoughts anymore. My clothes say it all though.. I wear cute dresses, heels, bright colors, fix my hair, etc and feel like a million bucks when I do!
In dating... I was definately more outgoing and daring. I smiled a lot. I would look at men in their eyes, with a lot of confidence. I would flirt more. I definately had a "she-wolf" attitude.
(Now in a relationship.. that's different. I'm a mess but not because of my looks... that's another story though.)
But I would add actually that for me the weight thing was actually part of a long chain of events (sorting out my life) that started... oooh... a very long time ago. I tackled my problems one by one so I think I've been building my confidence gradually.
What I enjoy the most now? Making fun of fat people like Anapixie. :laugh: Nah I don't know... The fact that I feel my body is not dragging me down anymore in relationships with women (yet I'm single ).
You being so charming might have something to do with it!! :huh:0 -
Honestly, I don't feel much different. I mean, I have more energy and I generally feel better, but people are still a-holes sometimes. I've just come to realize that some people are just a-holes and it has nothing to do with me. Some people said I looked better but that was about it.
Relationship wise everything is about as disastrous as it's always been. I may have a few more options these days but I just can't seem to find someone I really click with.0 -
Honestly, I don't feel much different. I mean, I have more energy and I generally feel better, but people are still a-holes sometimes. I've just come to realize that some people are just a-holes and it has nothing to do with me. Some people said I looked better but that was about it.
Relationship wise everything is about as disastrous as it's always been. I may have a few more options these days but I just can't seem to find someone I really click with.
Given that I generally see anywhere from 10-70 customers a day, I've had a lot of compliments in the last year. I've had several people ask me for tips, ask me what they should change & a couple people told me that I inspired them. One lady has also lost 60lbs as well.
I've had a few people who scoff when I tell them I eat like a horse and I work out up to twice a day usually. They're lazy I suppose, I think they were thinking it was a magic pill.
I'm a dude, so people are generally still the same with the way they treat me. I'm sure girls have it differently.
Keep looking, you will.0 -
But relationships-wise, I'm not doing half-bad, especially for working with a complete blank slate. I went on a date the other night (first one ever, yeah I'm 26) and part of me was so conscious of all the people around me, while at the same time I had to keep reminding myself that this guy wanted to see me and found me attractive in some way. Also, the person two years ago wouldn't have had the cajones to do even do that.
Congratulations! That's a huge accomplishment. Tell us more, single peeps always want details...
Ha ha! Thanks! I will be happy to tell more when there's more to tell. Right now it's kind of... meh. :ohwell:0 -
Everyday life... unfortinatly my patients are now taking notice of me which I was able to aviod when I was almost 40 lbs heavier. In general people are more attentive and positive.
However I think alot of that has to do with the way I project myself now. I'm happy and confident. I know I look good and I have a general idea about what I'm going to look like when I lose these last 25 pounds.... I changed the way I dress now. I'm not walled off when people approach me.0 -
Day to Day: I'm full of energy, I'm more confident, I feel healthier, and I can run pretty fast.
Relationships: I've noticed women smiling at me more now than when I was bigger. I'm a little confident in talking to women now because I feel more confident.0
