I have decided......
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,268 Member
After a lot of thinking this weekend I decided that I am going to be indefinitely celibate. I still plan on dating but there will be no sex. I am not even going to consider sleeping with anyone until I lose 20 more lbs. Since it took me 7 months to lose 30, I figure that this is a good way, and a decent amount of time, for me to work on my self-confidence and self-esteem.
This is going to be difficult because I am a very sexual person but I also need to figure out why I give it away so easily and quickly. I think it should be more important to me. Or in the end, I may decide that it isn't. Who knows. I just think it is time for some good old fashioned self-reflection. AND, when I lose this 20, I will be under 200, which means new tattoo and sex!!! Good rewards. lol
This is going to be difficult because I am a very sexual person but I also need to figure out why I give it away so easily and quickly. I think it should be more important to me. Or in the end, I may decide that it isn't. Who knows. I just think it is time for some good old fashioned self-reflection. AND, when I lose this 20, I will be under 200, which means new tattoo and sex!!! Good rewards. lol
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New tattoo and sex.... now that's worth all the hard work!!
good choice girl!!!0 -
I can't see it lasting....... :laugh:
Right, so you find a guy you want to date and he dates you. In a month he's asking for exclusivity. In a month you've lost, what, 5lbs.............still celibate? :huh:
Isn't it more do-able if you stop dating?? :noway:
Why dont you make it more realistic and just stop yourself till the 4th date?? :bigsmile:
Just looking out for your libido hun 0 -
I can't see it lasting....... :laugh:
Right, so you find a guy you want to date and he dates you. In a month he's asking for exclusivity. In a month you've lost, what, 5lbs.............still celibate? :huh:
Isn't it more do-able if you stop dating?? :noway:
Why dont you make it more realistic and just stop yourself till the 4th date?? :bigsmile:
Just looking out for your libido hun
^she has a point
good luck0 -
Do not attach a weight loss to such a thing,it is a recipe for disaster.
Understand your sexual wants,find a consistent basis for allowing them to be met (saying you want sex to be a sign of emotional commitment but short of that a FWB is okay...not) and stick to it.0 -
This to me sounds more reasonable and...Why dont you make it more realistic and just stop yourself till the 4th date?? :bigsmile:
You don't need to "punish" yourself for anything you've done.
Remember that thread about "do men need to be attracted to women to sleep with them?"? Well the answer is roughly yes, so you should have some amount of self esteem at least.for me to work on my self-confidence and self-esteem.0 -
Okay, I totally get all of your points and they make a lot of sense. I think I am screwed, bahahaha not literally, either way. I need to focus on the tangible so maybe saying after 4 dates would work. hmmmmm I will think about that.0
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I don't understand why women insist on being ashamed of their sexuality. There's nothing wrong with sex unless you are doing it for the wrong reasons - on the flip side, celibacy is totally fine, if that's what you really want. I think it's awful that you are punishing yourself with no sex until you lose weight. The problem isn't physical, you're problem is your perception. Dropping twenty pounds won't magically make you happier and make better decisions... But analyzing how you feel and why you might be doing a specific behavior will get you so much farther!
TL;DR, get some!0 -
If it is good motivation to keep losing go for it!
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A while back I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't even date until I lost a certain amount of weight. Didn't last because my confidence and self esteem improved before the weight came off. Now, I know I'm not exactly where I want to be but I'm still in a better place emotionally than I was. I think you are right that you need time to examine what it is you are looking for, so focus on that rather than a number.0
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I don't understand why women insist on being ashamed of their sexuality. There's nothing wrong with sex unless you are doing it for the wrong reasons
I agree, but unfortunately we still live in a society where we are judged (the mentality where too many partners and women are sluts but men are studs!!) and therefore are made to feel guilty about it :grumble:
From the days of virgin brides and a man only wanting a pure woman to the sexual revolution where women were actually allowed to enjoy sex, we've come a long way.........but a lot of people dont seem to have caught up with that concept so I'm afraid some women still worry that men judge them on this........I know a lot of men don't care, but a lot still do!
Probably in the next 100 years humans will evolve and mate like rabbits.........imagine that??.....wooo hooooo!! :bigsmile:0 -
I don't understand why women insist on being ashamed of their sexuality. There's nothing wrong with sex unless you are doing it for the wrong reasons - on the flip side, celibacy is totally fine, if that's what you really want. I think it's awful that you are punishing yourself with no sex until you lose weight. The problem isn't physical, you're problem is your perception. Dropping twenty pounds won't magically make you happier and make better decisions... But analyzing how you feel and why you might be doing a specific behavior will get you so much farther!
TL;DR, get some!
Oh, I am not ashamed of my sexuality. I am glad to be a sexual person. What I have realized though is it is the guys that are idiots. If you sleep with a guy too soon, they consider you a slut. Yes, I am not terribly thrilled to keep adding those notches to my bedpost without a significant relationship. So, what I am doing is taking sex off the table and working on me.
A friend and I have been talking about this for a while and I am just going to see if it makes a difference for me. I keep having the same situation happen of sleeping with a guy and then he disappears. Not only do I feel used by that but it does mess with my self-esteem a bit. So, I am going to change my MO and see what happens.0 -
Do what you gotta do Meggy!! Isn't there a saying .. something about the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.0
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Love this video (from a video game):Do what you gotta do Meggy!! Isn't there a saying .. something about the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBDi0iM2kcU
I'd be staining my pants with this guy standing in front of me. :sick:0 -
I think it's a great idea Meghan.
We all have different points of views on sex. We can agree on that.
But what I'm proud of is that you're putting YOURSELF first. You've decided to work on YOU and put everybody else behind. I think it's important to find out (like you said) why you're feeling this way.
For me, I have figured out that I'm a very very sexual person. My sexuality ties in with the way I view myself, my worth, my femininity. Because of this, I can't give it away to just anybody because it would definately mess with my self esteem etc if the guy were to just vanish (unless it was on my terms). That's just the way I am and I've accepted that.
I'm always for some good self reflection. Good luck on the journey.0 -
But what I'm proud of is that you're putting YOURSELF first. You've decided to work on YOU and put everybody else behind. I think it's important to find out (like you said) why you're feeling this way.
For me, I have figured out that I'm a very very sexual person. My sexuality ties in with the way I view myself, my worth, my femininity. Because of this, I can't give it away to just anybody because it would definately mess with my self esteem etc if the guy were to just vanish (unless it was on my terms). That's just the way I am and I've accepted that.
This, this, this!
I seriously can't even make out with a guy without getting all emotionally attached. So I have to put those boundaries up to protect my heart, my self esteem, not just the ministry. Mabye, after this period of self reflection, you'll discover you don't have to put up quite the same amount of boundaries, but you'll discover what works for *you* :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
My point isn't to say not having sex is a terrible idea, but the way you phrased it (which I took as a reflection of your mentality) shows an unhealthy attitude. You didn't say "I don't want to have sex until I feel confident in a relationship" you said "I don't want to have sex until I lose 20 pounds and hopefully I'm more confident". So yeah - work on you, but I'm encouraging you to be more positive about it because really... Isn't negativity what put us here in the first place?0
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