I would just eat before hand and then at there place eat a side dish or two if possible and if questioned just tell them you ate some before you came. Besides that you may have to tell them your allergic to milk products and became vegan to combat your allergic reactions. They seem to understand that more than your companion towards the abuse of animals. People make me sick.

You need to tell people if you expect them to understand what you're doing and why.

Most people will give you crap about it - for a little bit at least - but they'll eventually come around. And some folks will be more supportive than you can even imagine. My mother, for instance, asked me some questions and then became my vegan champion. She would also cook some extra vegan foods, or veganize the foods she was already making. I didn't expect it, but it's been nice. She has now been meat free for 6 weeks and tells me she doesn't miss it at all. I never would have thought that!

You just need to be polite about it - something I fully admit that I struggle with. I feel like people should just UNDERSTAND why veganism is awesome and I get upset when they don't get it. But the more polite and friendly and willing to explain it to people, the better it will be.

BILZPRINCESS - for the gathering, I don't think you should skip it. Honestly, people very rarely notice what other people are eating. If it's a BBQ situation you can still eat some veggies, some chips and salsa, have a beer or two. If you bring a box of veggie burgers for the grill and a pasta salad, no one will realize anything (if you don't want them too). But if you want, you can look at it as an opportunity to help educate people, as well!

P.S. Here is my go-to BBQ/potluck recipe. You can eat it as is, or put it over pasta/orzo/rice for a more filling salad

Black Bean, Corn, & Avocado Salad

Ingredients
1 can black beans
1 can yellow corn
1 avocado diced
1/2 c. cherry tomatoes quartered
1/4 c. sliced red onion
1 tsp freeze dried cilantro (or fresh chopped)
juice of one lime

Directions:
Rinse beans and corn in a colander to get off excess sodium and gunk until water runs clear.

Mix all ingredients in a bowl - gently so you don't smash up the avocado.

Let sit in the fridge for about half an hour so flavors combine.

Serve as a side dish, in a wrap, on top of a salad, or just enjoy it plain.

NOTE: This is great to bring to a picnic or BBQ. As long as you use enough lime juice and cover tightly the avocado won't brown.

Makes 4 generous servings

Calories: 310
Carbs: 26
Fat: 9
Fiber: 11
Protein: 9
Sodium: 355 (this is the count without rinsing the beans & corn)

I think there's no way to get away from telling your immediate family. You might even want to tell them that your body mounts an immune response (allergy) to eggs and dairy that makes you feel like you have a constant cold. Reassure them it isn't life threatening, but emphasize that it doesn't make you feel good (the truth). I have the same reaction to dairy that you do, and people seem to accept this better than when I say I'm avoiding it for ethical concerns. They take it as less of a challenge to their own dietary choices.

Now, I'm not sure about whether you were a vegetarian before, and people are used to that or not. If so, I think this should be really easy. Another thing most people appreciate is veg*ns pitching in with the food. Plus, it gives you something to eat, if everything is all meat and dairy. I just went to a Cinco de Mayo party, which was like that, plus massive amounts of booze. Once the booze started flowing, most people didn't notice anything about what I was eating. But, the host was apologetic before getting a buzz on. I felt bad about that, but I had brought a black bean & corn salad (much like Darkling Glory suggested), and loaded up my plate with that. It really saved me.

As veg*ns, and calorie-conscious people, we need to remind ourselves that social events aren't about the food for us anymore. It's about the PEOPLE, who we presumably love and/or care about. It may be a pain, but staying in contact with people in this culture will nearly always revolve around food. I have taken a hint about how to deal with these things by a former French teacher from Paris, who weighed less than a 100 lb. Then we had an end-of-semester buffet, she ate next to nothing--a taste of this and that. But, the things she did eat, she raved about. She knew how to act in festive situations without drawing attention to the fact that she was eating next to nothing. (By the way, I noticed all this because I was curious about the 'French Paradox'--how the French stay slim while eating rich foods). Anyway....there's something there that can apply to anyone who wants to be gracious, kind, and social at events with any sort of dietary restrictions.

I agree with previous posters that you should tell them and still go and enjoy yourself. I always bring a dish with me. My son has allergies so I make sure it's something the both of us can eat. Even if I just make a hummus wrap for us. Some easy things you could bring would be pitas, hummus, tabouleh. A lot of that you can find prepackaged at the store if you're in a rush. I also usually bring vegan chocolate chip cookies. My family raves about them!!

I use to catch a lot of flack from family at first, but last weekend I served an all vegan Mother's Day brunch for my parents and in laws. They all said everything was great!! It takes time, but stick with it!

You need to tell people if you expect them to understand what you're doing and why.

Most people will give you crap about it - for a little bit at least - but they'll eventually come around. And some folks will be more supportive than you can even imagine. My mother, for instance, asked me some questions and then became my vegan champion. She would also cook some extra vegan foods, or veganize the foods she was already making. I didn't expect it, but it's been nice. She has now been meat free for 6 weeks and tells me she doesn't miss it at all. I never would have thought that!

You just need to be polite about it - something I fully admit that I struggle with. I feel like people should just UNDERSTAND why veganism is awesome and I get upset when they don't get it. But the more polite and friendly and willing to explain it to people, the better it will be.

BILZPRINCESS - for the gathering, I don't think you should skip it. Honestly, people very rarely notice what other people are eating. If it's a BBQ situation you can still eat some veggies, some chips and salsa, have a beer or two. If you bring a box of veggie burgers for the grill and a pasta salad, no one will realize anything (if you don't want them too). But if you want, you can look at it as an opportunity to help educate people, as well!

P.S. Here is my go-to BBQ/potluck recipe. You can eat it as is, or put it over pasta/orzo/rice for a more filling salad

Black Bean, Corn, & Avocado Salad

Ingredients
1 can black beans
1 can yellow corn
1 avocado diced
1/2 c. cherry tomatoes quartered
1/4 c. sliced red onion
1 tsp freeze dried cilantro (or fresh chopped)
juice of one lime

Directions:
Rinse beans and corn in a colander to get off excess sodium and gunk until water runs clear.

Mix all ingredients in a bowl - gently so you don't smash up the avocado.

Let sit in the fridge for about half an hour so flavors combine.

Serve as a side dish, in a wrap, on top of a salad, or just enjoy it plain.

NOTE: This is great to bring to a picnic or BBQ. As long as you use enough lime juice and cover tightly the avocado won't brown.

Makes 4 generous servings

Calories: 310
Carbs: 26
Fat: 9
Fiber: 11
Protein: 9
Sodium: 355 (this is the count without rinsing the beans & corn)

I've been vegan for years, and in my experience it works best:

1) to let people know what you are and are not eating
2) clearly state that you do not expect to be catered to
3) come stocked with lots of protein bars, smoothie mixes, seitan jerkey and nuts (so you're not just eating salad)
4) show your gratitude if they do surprise you with acceptance and/or a vegan dish (or even if they don't...always show gratitude to your host )

and be confident, comfortable and happy with your choices...without ever being judgmental of others