Does losing weight bring up issues for you?
AthenaErr
Posts: 278 Member
EG: not knowing what to do about male attention? Worrying about not being one of the girls? Scared of being singled out as vain or selfish because you spend time exercising and eating right? I find I have strange and contradictory ways of thinking about looking good and often I feel these tie inot feminist concerns. For instance somewhere I feel I should not call too much attention to myself - fit in easily etc so gain weight because I dont want to make a fuss. So I dont want to refuse a treat because someone made it for me for instance. Or I dont feel its ok to spend time on myself. Its contradictory because at the same time I feel I should look nice (or 'presentable' -god I can hear my mother talking in that word!) and I am ashamed that I dont.
I had a mother who was a particular type of feminist in that for her it was ok to look good as long as you did not try too hard to look good. Quite an underhand message somewhere....I appreciate that she didnt give me complexes that I should value my looks v highly and start dieting etc young - I actually grew up with very healthy habits. BUT I still struggle with issues around losing weight that are about how people might see me if they thought I was too invested in how I look.
Anyone else?
I had a mother who was a particular type of feminist in that for her it was ok to look good as long as you did not try too hard to look good. Quite an underhand message somewhere....I appreciate that she didnt give me complexes that I should value my looks v highly and start dieting etc young - I actually grew up with very healthy habits. BUT I still struggle with issues around losing weight that are about how people might see me if they thought I was too invested in how I look.
Anyone else?
0
Replies
-
I am constantly worrying.
I always wonder if it's completely against my feminist views to want to conform to the 'accepted' body type. On the one hand, I do need to lose weight for my health, but on the other, is it so terrible that I want to be skinny at the same time? Gah. =( It's hard being different from society.0 -
At least part of my weight gain has always been about being invisible.
It has been interesting to discover just how invisible it had made me. Finding myself being looked at has been an odd experience. On the one hand, being noticed does make me feel kind of good. On the other hand, it makes me really angry when I consider quite why it was that I hadn't been noticed before. And then part of me feels annoyed with myself for caring either way.0 -
I worry that this newfound passion for "being healthier" and "getting fit" is a consequence of my environment. I was fine with my body (mostly) before moving to Los Angeles: once here, the self-loathing and insecurities kicked in. I'm also in a community where I am surrounded by stick-thin girls, which makes me by default one of the "fat ones." That was really what spurred my need to change, especially since the loneliness and sadness of relocation made me gain another 30 lbs!!!!
So I do worry that this is just for me to feel like I fit in, but at the same time I want to be a healthy role model for my clients. I want to be able to dress in professional clothes without looking frumpy or feeling extremely uncomfortable. I want to enjoy the things that used to be my favorite passtimes, but recently have become challenging. If I was worried about male attention, it would only be the attention of my S.O., of which I already have an abundance.0 -
A tiny part of me is annoyed that I am trying to aspire to societal norms of what a woman is "supposed" to look like. I know that part of wanting to lose weight is about wanting to feel better about myself. Instead of feeling invisible with my weight - I feel very exposed and self-conscious.
In my part time job I feel that as a female working the weekend shift its an expectation that everyone there is either a young student on their way to better things - or a mum that isn't realy interested in going anywhere as they are only there to supplement their partners wage. Although where I work is about 90% woman it is a very patriarchical in that the few males that are there are often deffered to by management and by a lot of the other workers - even though their abilities don't match the level of deference they are offered. I have always felt being overweight carries a certain perspective by many that you somehow lack self control and that it is transferred to actual job performance. In job interviews etc I have this horrible urge to shout out hey I may be overweight but I am a bloody good asset to have on your team, but it feels like an elephant in the room sometimes. Almost an apology.
I have found since losing a bit of weight that its weird walking through a shopping centre and not getting random looks of scorn from people. I love that I am getting more healthy but it's awful that society does treat you differently dependant on size. I am torn between wanting to be able to walk into any clothes shop and just pick something off the rack without somehow feeling ashamed and apologetic that I haven't made it out of plus sizes and saying screw it I am the same person inside and the size of clothing you wear shouldn't define how you are as a person.0 -
I have issues (ED, body image), so uh, that's not new or going to change without a lot more therapy than I feel like investing in.
My fiance periodically worries over his own insecurities, but he's been doing that since I was at 240. I know that he loves me for who I am, even though early on he mishandled telling me that he was worried about my health because of my weight.
I am bothered by wanting to fit into societal norms, but as much as I adore some folks, for example, Beth Ditto, I can't help but think that it's still not healthy to be that weight-- sure, my BP was good and my heart rate was great when I was at 290+, but there were definitely other issues that I was ignoring (acid reflux, sleep apnea). I worked out a lot, but again-- there were still things wrong. It's rough.
BMI isn't a perfect measurement of health, but there is no single measure of that, and that's what's frustrating. If I knew at my current weight that I was stupid healthy and perfect, I'd stay there, but I just don't think I am there when I take into account BF%, measurements, etc.
I want to look good, because I'm vain, but I also want to live a long and active life, and have the balance between the two.0 -
Yes. The fact that this act (losing weight, getting buff) has been so universally lauded above ALL ELSE is...well, it's something to chew on, that's for damn sure.0
-
I wrestle with this issue all the time. One thing that always pops up for me is this rebellious streak. I feel like being overweight is a way of saying "**** you and **** this system. I'm chubby but I'm awesome. Love me, love my fat." It's a way of differentiating yourself. It's also a way of desexualizing yourself and trying to be "seen" based on merit not looks. In some way, it's about trying to regain power.
I'm chronicling my weight-loss journey at my blog: http://restoringheartandsoul.wordpress.com/, where I'm really addressing all the emotional issues behind the weight. Would love to see you there!0 -
I pleased not to be the only one who thinks about these things. Thanks for responding. I will have to check out your blog jennifurious cos the rebelliousness is what I experience so much.
I sat through Prometheus wondering about this all again. Partly because Ripley was such a thing for me. I loved the first Alien where finally it's the woman who makes it out alive, who is the biggest kickass of them all. But this time I was looking at bodies and wondering - which one is it that I want and why? Wondering also whether any female body that I see in a magazine or a movie (even if its a fitness mag or a fighty movie) actually is the kind of body I could ahve or even is the body that can do what I am seeing. I see women in fitness mags running or lifting and I wonder does that model do any of these things I see her doing. Or is it all just fake.
What does a fit, healthy, strong woman of my age and build actually look like? I dont really know. Isnt that crap?0 -
I pleased not to be the only one who thinks about these things. Thanks for responding. I will have to check out your blog jennifurious cos the rebelliousness is what I experience so much.
I sat through Prometheus wondering about this all again. Partly because Ripley was such a thing for me. I loved the first Alien where finally it's the woman who makes it out alive, who is the biggest kickass of them all. But this time I was looking at bodies and wondering - which one is it that I want and why? Wondering also whether any female body that I see in a magazine or a movie (even if its a fitness mag or a fighty movie) actually is the kind of body I could ahve or even is the body that can do what I am seeing. I see women in fitness mags running or lifting and I wonder does that model do any of these things I see her doing. Or is it all just fake.
What does a fit, healthy, strong woman of my age and build actually look like? I dont really know. Isnt that crap?
Have you checked out Oxygen or Clean Eating? Tosca Reno is my freaking hero-- I don't quite want to look like her, since she does some bodybuilding competitions (and that's not my thing) but their fitness models are actual fitness models-- that's what they do. With Clean Eating, most pictures are of the food (or the chefs).
I have no earthly idea what I want to look like, other than strong. I'd like muscular definition in my arms and legs. Abs-- anything closer to flat will make me happy.0
