Norms of online dating early discussion?
NCTravellingGirl
Posts: 717 Member
So I'm really new to the fun/ torture of online dating and just want to know what to expect. I had someone send me a message and then an IM tonight. I wrote him back after checking out his profile, but we seemed to keep missing each other. So he then sent me a message with his phone number to text.
It just seems premature to me, but I am SO out of the loop on what this should look like that I don't know what to consider a red flag, haha?! The idea of giving my phone number or texting someone I've messaged back and forth with twice just scares me a bit... am I making too much of this?? What do you normally do online? When do you consider a reasonable amount of time to pass along a number?
It just seems premature to me, but I am SO out of the loop on what this should look like that I don't know what to consider a red flag, haha?! The idea of giving my phone number or texting someone I've messaged back and forth with twice just scares me a bit... am I making too much of this?? What do you normally do online? When do you consider a reasonable amount of time to pass along a number?
0
Replies
-
Some people are comfortable sharing stuff like that right off the bat, while others aren't. I personally am not. I would say just do whatever you feel comfortable doing or not doing. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about that. I also think nowadays people exchange numbers more readily so that they can text, almost like giving an e-mail address out right away to someone.0
-
You coudl always set your phone to not send caller ID. You would have to ring him, not text him so he wouldnt have your number yet.
I usually converse via email for a while, until I think its okay or there is the need to exchange numbers if meeting up. Doesnt necessarily mean much, he might just be keen and wants to talk to you. Up to you, how to approach it.0 -
You coudl always set your phone to not send caller ID. You would have to ring him, not text him so he wouldnt have your number yet.
I usually converse via email for a while, until I think its okay or there is the need to exchange numbers if meeting up. Doesnt necessarily mean much, he might just be keen and wants to talk to you. Up to you, how to approach it.
^^^^^^ This0 -
I set up a "junk" e-mail if you will. If they don't want to correspond though the dating site I give them that. I talk to people usually a few days to get a feel of what they're like before I'll give out my number. However, every now and then there is someone I click with and they'll have the number that day.
So many people now days have weird numbers I don't think it's a big deal. Heck, I have a WA state number and live in AZ.... probably won't ever change it. I have it on too many things and it'd be an undertaking to change.0 -
download kik messanger and give that out works from your phone just like text. but you can easily block people if needed0
-
I didn't want to go straight to phone numbers but it seems that a lot of people think you are playing games if you just want to email or IM first. Guys have told me that they have been duped or strung along for a long time by people misrepresenting themselves or have no intention of meeting. So, it seems to be standard to do phone and everything much sooner. Nobody wants to do more than a couple back and forths on the site. And then they get your number only to text and never call. The new age. Lol0
-
For me it's not really about "the new age" or "playing games".
It's just because you want to meet people face to face as soon as possible to see if you click. You can never know someone truly well, let alone by email/messenger only, these mediums only help seeing if there is any "initial attraction"/"shared interests".
in the "good ol' days" you would meet someone in person, so you'd know if you click straight away (at least partially).
Basically why waste ages online before meeting a guy to find out that you don't like him "in person" after having talked for weeks?
What a waste of life and emotional space.0 -
I usually email back and forth a few time before going to phone, I don't think there's a norm. Emailing is sort of time consuming and gets boring quick. I'd just rather get to the meeting stage quickly to see if there's any chemistry instead of emailing back and forth for weeks.
Just try not to be too pushy about it though. I emailed one girl and she immediately told me she wanted to skip the email part, yet she didn't give me a phone number or anything. I was a little put off by this so I just sent her my number, I figured it was her idea so I'd let her do the work. She texted me like 2 weeks later, I never responded.0 -
Some people rush the number exchange and some take it ridiculously slow, so there is no norm. I think it's just one of those things where you have to listen to your gut instinct and do what feels comfortable with that specific person. The good news is that cell phones have caller ID, so if someone starts being creepy, you don't have to answer or respond.0
-
I've been emailing with someone for 2-3 weeks and he sent me his cell phone to "text, if I want" and I ignored it and kept e-mailing lol. Unless we have a date planned, I don't usually feel like wasting a lot of time texting. Texting is truly time consuming! If he wanted my number to call, I would have given it to him. To me there's a difference.0
-
I say, if you like the look of him, dive in!!
I USED to have a bit of a protocol but I think its all a waste of time now. Which is why I thing numbers are swapped pretty quick.
Mask your number, talk to him for a while, if you click meet. If you dont click, dont meet.
But always meet in a public space......safety first!!
Go for it :flowerforyou:0 -
I was unsure of this at first as well...I talked to someone once, and he asked for my number....kind of threw me off. But, I think it is different for every situation........sometimes I am ok with giving it right away and sometimes I wait........just different vibe you get from different people I guess
0 -
A spinning instructor at my gym met her husband online so she gives great advice. She said she had to kiss alot of frogs before she go to her prince. It's really a numbers game so whatever you need to do to weed out the "nots" do it! Sometimes you can get a better indication of who the person is and what there intentions are once you talk to them on the phone. If that means meeting early do it but make sure its in a public place and make a short date for the first one like Starbucks or Panera for coffee or lunch.0
-
I don't do the online dating sites, but I do think you either need to talk on the phone/Skype or meet in person ASAP. It's easy to text and e-mail with someone for a while and think they're really great, only to finally meet them in person and realize there just isn't any chemistry. You can usually tell by a phone or Skype chat whether or not it's worth it to go on a date.0
-
I agree that until you meet face to face you can't tell real chemistry.........I talked/texted to a guy for several weeks, then we talked on the phone a couple times and then we had a 6 hr phone conversation, so I had high hopes. Hopes dashed as soon as I saw him--he was a couple inches shorter than he said, and looked several years older........very disapointing.......but definitely a lesson learned!0
-
I think it depends on you and the other person. For me generally I won't give out my number quickly - I'll even go on a date without doing so, but I ended up with a stalker once and rather not repeat that experience. However there are personality types / message styles / random people who I will give it out to more quickly. I either recongize them as someone who is reasonable (not stalker / creepy / dangerous) and someone I am interested in.
Also I'm not on the online datings sites a lot because it's blocked at work and doesn't load on my phone (I'm not on the internet much at home.) So if I'm actually interested, I generally like to go to the phone & texting.
And with having a stalker-type before, I can tell you phone number is the least of your worries on things they could know...0 -
For me it's not really about "the new age" or "playing games".
It's just because you want to meet people face to face as soon as possible to see if you click. You can never know someone truly well, let alone by email/messenger only, these mediums only help seeing if there is any "initial attraction"/"shared interests".
in the "good ol' days" you would meet someone in person, so you'd know if you click straight away (at least partially).
Basically why waste ages online before meeting a guy to find out that you don't like him "in person" after having talked for weeks?
What a waste of life and emotional space.
like.
i dont get the point of days and weeks of texting or IM messaging before you've met. it makes me thing he person has something to hide physically and is hoping i'm going to bond with his IM persona and somehow overlook what ever he lied about or wasnt forthcoming about on his profile :laugh:
besides that, all that stuff takes time.. i know what i like and i can only verify if i like it is i see and talk with it in person. anybody can say anything and pretend to be anything on the phone, over texts and over IM chat, but very few people are good fakers in person0 -
They're gonna ask for dirty pictures. Keep your face out of the shots and embrace your inner exhibitionist.0
-
I say, if you like the look of him, dive in!!
I USED to have a bit of a protocol but I think its all a waste of time now. Which is why I thing numbers are swapped pretty quick.
Mask your number, talk to him for a while, if you click meet. If you dont click, dont meet.
But always meet in a public space......safety first!!
Go for it :flowerforyou:
Yes this! I think SL and I only exchanged a couple of messages over POF before he gave me his number.. that same night we talked on the phone for hours.. and two and a half months later we're together and I couldn't be happier. But with guys before him, I normally swapped messages for at least a few days before giving out my number.
You never know what could happen!0 -
What about the opposite. If a guy messages every day and texts, but hasn't moved to the phone or in-person meet? Just wants a penpal I suppose and how to handle this type?0
-
What about the opposite. If a guy messages every day and texts, but hasn't moved to the phone or in-person meet? Just wants a penpal I suppose and how to handle this type?
Those are the ones to be suspicious of in my opinion. They seem to be hiding something, like a wife, and just trying to take stock in the singles scene or get off by attempting some dirty talk.0 -
If he won't at least talk on the phone, he's not serious about meeting you. He just wants a little sexting, maybe some naked pictures, but that's it.0
This discussion has been closed.