Being Outging / Yourself.
nightsrainfall
Posts: 244 Member
When I first meet someone, I'm friendly but not outgoing. While I am still 'myself' per say, I am more blank-minded and quiet. It's not that I'm holding back, it's that I can't think of anything to say! I'm better at being outgoing online where there's no body language to look for but once I'm in person with someone I can't come up with anything to say nor do I know what to do.
When I know people, I'm fine. I interact, joke, kid, think, speak, have things to say (sometimes have to get told to shush). What isn't so great is it takes me a couple months (to maybe a year) to get to know someone enough that I want to talk to them, have random things to say, will speak my mind, or will joke around with them. Work is a great example. I got called 'spunky' today, and if you ask any of my close friends (and family) I'm a spunky-kind-of-girl. However I've been here since April and they even made the comment that while they like jabs, comments, and come-backs - they did make the comment that it was unexpected for me because I had been so quiet and reserved the months before.
I should say itI'm even worse comes to dating. I have been called a liar before because they thought I was a "quiet and subuded" when really I like a little banter and tongue-and-cheek fun.
Anyone else shy-er or more reserved - and then how do you work on coming out of your shell or becoming more outgoing?
When I know people, I'm fine. I interact, joke, kid, think, speak, have things to say (sometimes have to get told to shush). What isn't so great is it takes me a couple months (to maybe a year) to get to know someone enough that I want to talk to them, have random things to say, will speak my mind, or will joke around with them. Work is a great example. I got called 'spunky' today, and if you ask any of my close friends (and family) I'm a spunky-kind-of-girl. However I've been here since April and they even made the comment that while they like jabs, comments, and come-backs - they did make the comment that it was unexpected for me because I had been so quiet and reserved the months before.
I should say itI'm even worse comes to dating. I have been called a liar before because they thought I was a "quiet and subuded" when really I like a little banter and tongue-and-cheek fun.
Anyone else shy-er or more reserved - and then how do you work on coming out of your shell or becoming more outgoing?
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I used to be like this and to some degree I still am. I think it was a combination of being insecure about whether people would like me if they got to know me, so I didn't let them get to know me. A bit of concern that my sarcasm is very biting and not everyone can take it, so I wanted to observe just how thick/thin skinned people were so I didn't offend them and people a little suspicious of peoples motives so I was cautious not give them any information that could be used against me.
I think I am way less concerned with it now because I have a good set of friends and when I meet new people they aren't that threatening. If they don't like me, I don't feel like my world will end because I've faced a bunch of crap a lot worse than having someone not liking me or being offended by what I said. I also no longer take myself so seriously that I think strangers care enough about me try to use me for personal gain.0 -
I think it is hard to be yourself when you don't know someone. I don't know that you can be comfortable enough with someone at first to truly be yourself. At least that is how I feel. It takes a while for my sarcasm to come out .. not really because I am afraid they won't accept it or me or whatever, but I have to like the person enough to be sarcastic around them or to even care enough about them to try and joke around with them. If that makes sense.
It is hard for me to talk about dating, because I haven't done it very much after being married for so long .. so I don't really know how I would be on a date anymore ..lol.
Not to mention .. I think you have to know a person a little before you have anything even to joke around about with them.0 -
not everyone gets my humor and i know i can be very tiggerish (like the winnie the pooh character) which can annoy some people (hell i annoy myself sometimes :laugh: ) so it's generally a good idea for me to be a bit more reserved when i meet new people
and get a reading on them first before i come at them all full mesha personality blazing :laugh:0 -
I am a lot better being "me" early on then I used to be.
One can`t give up core principles but we all must be willing to adapt or correct negative behaviors.0 -
I'm definitely much more comfortable around new people now then I used to be. I'm not sure if it's because I've been out on so many dates or if I'm just getting older and more comfortable around people in general. I just don't get nervous on dates anymore, most of the time I have a lot of fun, I've realized there's really nothing to be nervous about. I still have a hard time just approaching random people though, doesn't matter who it is usually.0
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I'm painfully shy in person.. I've always had really bad social anxiety.
Although I'm SO much better than I used to be.
I still have a really hard time maintaining eye contact, and I get kinda giggly when I'm nervous. Like a little *****.
Usually it's only at first, and then I can open up. Again, so much better than before. I don't hide from people like I used to.0 -
As long as my bs radar doesn't go off, I'm open and my same self. But if I sense you're full of crap, I just ignore you.0
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This is very much me. It takes me months to come out of my shell and start talking. I mean really talking enough to let someone start seeing who I really am, where I came from and the light in my eyes as I let them in. Its an extremely rare thing for me to find someone willing to stick with me long enough to see this happen.
I usually tried to stick with active verb-y dates because of this.0 -
I can really speak to this as well.
One part of me is the social directer for my friends...planning events and get togethers and surprise parties.
The other side of me is quite and reserved at work and with new people. I really need to be comfortable to completely come out of my shell.
I was working for 3 years before people at my work found out I was competitive at a girls weekend away playing board games...lol it was natural something I do with my family and they were shocked.
When dating I always find the best dates are with the guys who are quick witted. If I can have a good back and forth with them over the phone before I meet its usually at least a decent time. Doesn't happen often though.0 -
Growing up, I was the ultimate shy girl.....I'd get all flustered and wouldn't know what to say. It wasn't til I started joining club in HS and College did I become more outgoing....and then I blossomed into Miss Social Butterfly.
These days, I'm very confident talking to and about whatever.....because in the end, they are just human being like you and me. I don't think anyone truly intimidates me like they used to. You have to build up that confidence within yourself slowly....it takes time, but you'll get there if you make a conscious effort.0 -
Thanks for commenting everyone! I know being quiet and quieter / reserved when first interacting with people is a part of being myself but at the same time it doesn't allow me to get myself out there and show the personality I have when I do know someone and can better interact with them. Hopefully I can grow more to strike a balance between my reserved nature with people I don't know and my more social/outgoing nature with those I do.0
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I was extremely shy as a child, but ironically studying engineering forced me around a lot of men so I got more comfortable. I remember my first internship at GM in Michigan where they looked at me and said, "We know you're a girl, but you better not be easily offended because we don't filter anything for anyone"... and they weren't kidding. So I learned to be more comfortable around people in general, and now people would be shocked to hear that I was an introvert. I'm the one starting the party, getting everyone together, and making sure everyone has a good time
In my dating life however, I still haven't completely gotten over the shyness. I honestly forced myself to try online dating in the last week because I need to stop making such a big deal of it. It's OK to not get messaged back or for creepy guys to wink at me (ok, that last part is s stretch)... but I found that the more I put myself out there, the easier it gets. So I've got to change my attitude... or spend the rest of my life pining away over a bunch of unrequited crushes...0 -
Once a long long time ago I used to be shy..... Its was really hard to work myself out of it. Literally the only way I could was deciding that I wanted to be me and that all the smart funny stuff that my head said but never got out of my mouth needed to be heard. So I started saying what I wanted to. Thankfully my friends are a bunch of off the wall nuts lol0
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This is very much me. It takes me months to come out of my shell and start talking. I mean really talking enough to let someone start seeing who I really am, where I came from and the light in my eyes as I let them in. Its an extremely rare thing for me to find someone willing to stick with me long enough to see this happen.
THIS! I have yet to find someone to stick around long enough to really get to know me and how cool I am! I have even said to them the way I am now, I won't be in a few months! It takes me a long time to come out of my shell.0
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