Have you ever stretched the truth in online dating?
NCTravellingGirl
Posts: 717 Member
I've only been online for a week, but I continue to be amazed at how clear it can be when people are stretching the truth or being unreasonable in their search so more people will find them. The most obvious is Body Type, which is of course subjective. I thought about that one long and hard when setting up my account...
But you can't fool people... here was my thought process...
I struggled to choose that for myself because while I've made great progress, I'm still a size 16, so I couldn't exactly say "About Average" in good conscience. I didn't think Plus a few lbs was honest either. My friends suggested Curvy, but I have real issues with that word. While I looked like I belonged in a Russ Meyer movie in my most recent picture, a lot of it is still fat! A lot of bigger girls use Curvy to avoid the dreaded BBW term, so I couldn't chose it. That left me with Full-Figured and BBW... I chose Full Figured...I'd rather err on the conservative side than have someone show up for a date and be shocked. That's why I also put up a full body shot. Let them make the call on if they were interested or not...even if it filters me out of most men's searches.
Yet I see men in my searches with beer guts hanging over the belt saying "About Average"... WHAT? Do you think no one will notice even if you come up in a search? I also see a lot of guys saying they are Stocky or Plus a Few Lbs looking for only Slender or Athletic/ Toned?! What??? I know women do the same things so I'm not saying it's a male issue... but I don't GET IT!!
SOOO.... have you ever stretched the truth? Ever shown up on a date where THEY stretched the truth? How did you handle it? Does it actually make you assume people are inaccurate or does it even matter?
But you can't fool people... here was my thought process...
I struggled to choose that for myself because while I've made great progress, I'm still a size 16, so I couldn't exactly say "About Average" in good conscience. I didn't think Plus a few lbs was honest either. My friends suggested Curvy, but I have real issues with that word. While I looked like I belonged in a Russ Meyer movie in my most recent picture, a lot of it is still fat! A lot of bigger girls use Curvy to avoid the dreaded BBW term, so I couldn't chose it. That left me with Full-Figured and BBW... I chose Full Figured...I'd rather err on the conservative side than have someone show up for a date and be shocked. That's why I also put up a full body shot. Let them make the call on if they were interested or not...even if it filters me out of most men's searches.
Yet I see men in my searches with beer guts hanging over the belt saying "About Average"... WHAT? Do you think no one will notice even if you come up in a search? I also see a lot of guys saying they are Stocky or Plus a Few Lbs looking for only Slender or Athletic/ Toned?! What??? I know women do the same things so I'm not saying it's a male issue... but I don't GET IT!!
SOOO.... have you ever stretched the truth? Ever shown up on a date where THEY stretched the truth? How did you handle it? Does it actually make you assume people are inaccurate or does it even matter?
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i've had two guys tell me they are non smokers, only to kiss them and find out they were lying.
i've also seen " average" or "athletic" and they are not either.0 -
My ex shaved 6 years of his age. But you couldn't really tell that in his pics.
It appears lying is the norm.0 -
I really wish they had a "genetic freak" classification for body type because none of the categories fit me. I am 6'4 and weigh 315. I still have about 50 lbs to lose to get where I want to be but I have a lot of muscle and I am very active. I am able to touch my temple to the inside of my knee cap when I stretch and can almost do the splits. "About average" will never fit, stocky sounds like "short and round", "athletic/toned" isn't quite appropriate. I list myself as "a few extra pounds" but it's about 35 to look good so that seems disingenuous too. I just post a few full body pics so if it matters, the women have full knowledge or at least the opportunity to have full knowledge.0
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No. I believe in truth in advertising. The most someone might accuse me of stretching is that my profile says I'm not trying to rush into anything which often implies someone is ok with sex w/o relationship. And I’m not ok with that. I just seriously am not rushing to get married. And yes, those guys who wanna get married and have kids are out there. I seem to attract all of them, when all my friends with biological clocks ticking get all the Mr Non-Commitments. Why why why?.0
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A couple years ago, I had guys get angry with me about two things they thought I was lying about:
1. My hair was straight in all my pics (the way I do it on the weekends) but during the week or when I’m lazy it’s curly since moving to very-humid-Louisiana. Makes me look completely different. So now I have pics of that too.
2. My size because my pictures show off my hourglass figure and you don't realize that figure is a size 16. I don't put this in my profile (if you look at me at in my race pics, you should be able to tell I’m a little larger than the other marathoners). But I *do* tell guys before we meet "you did catch that, even though I'm in great shape, I'm built like a linebacker, right?" so now when a guy gets upset about it, I tell him it’s his fault for not looking closely at the pictures.0 -
Im a secret russian cosmo-naut spy for the CIA..
I just said I was an audio visual tech...0 -
I classify myself as "a few extra pounds". I had it as "curvy" but someone I went out with said no... you're not curvy. Curvy doesn't mean "curvy" it means "heavy". So I changed it. I've been out with several guys that list "athletic build" and then post an outdated photo and when I've met them it wasn't so much I was upset with their body, but that they misrepresented themselves!0
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I don't really use my profile, but mine says, "A few extra pounds." Honestly, in photos, I don't look that terrible but I think they're a little deceiving because I don't really look like that naked.0
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Ever shown up on a date where THEY stretched the truth? How did you handle it? Does it actually make you assume people are inaccurate or does it even matter?
All the time!!! I don't go out with those guys again. Sometimes they're WAY heavier, like I wasn't gonna notice?? Most of the time, they said they were divorced but they're actually still technically married. I will admit a few of the separated guys I liked enough to tell them, "well, I won't get into a relationship with you until you're single but I'll invite you to join me with my friends so we can get to know each other." Funny how they never stick around.
By the way, OP, looking at what I can see of you, I would put average and have enough full body pics so they can see. Size 16 is average these days. If it made you feel more honest, "a few extra pounds." There was a post here before about "body type translations" and I can't find it, but they're not what we would think for being honest. You want to be honest, but you also don't want to cut out the group of guys who is looking for someone your size because they think "curvy" means 400+ pounds. So they're not searching for "curvy" and often have their filter set to weed out the "curvy" girls. Am I making sense?0 -
no i dont see the point, the person you meet will find out anyway...
i recently reactivated my account on OKC (goddess help me :laugh: ) I classified myself as full-figured since that was the heaviest option and also included an full body pic of me from february. if i were at my goal weight i'd put curvy but at this weight it's pretty much just fat that counts :laugh:
my favorite is the guy who puts up photos that are clearly old and outdated and he says that he's the age of the person in the photo. you already know he's lying about his age.
also the general rule is black (and asian) don't crack, so whatever age you non black and asians might think we look, go ahead and add 10-15 years and you're be closer to our real age. so i do find it hilarious when black guy who looks 41 puts up his picture and says he's 41 and try to pull the wool over my eyes about their age until you find out that he is indeed, in his 50's :laugh:0 -
A couple years ago, I had guys get angry with me about two things they thought I was lying about:
1. My hair was straight in all my pics (the way I do it on the weekends) but during the week or when I’m lazy it’s curly since moving to very-humid-Louisiana. Makes me look completely different. So now I have pics of that too.
2. My size because my pictures show off my hourglass figure and you don't realize that figure is a size 16. I don't put this in my profile (if you look at me at in my race pics, you should be able to tell I’m a little larger than the other marathoners). But I *do* tell guys before we meet "you did catch that, even though I'm in great shape, I'm built like a linebacker, right?" so now when a guy gets upset about it, I tell him it’s his fault for not looking closely at the pictures.
Janie -- my dad's nickname for me growing up was "the little linebacker". Yeah, I'm sturdy and broad!
Okay...here's one... I went out with a guy once that was disappointed in my boob size. Seriously! He said he liked girls with "B" cups and felt I'd misled... whatever! How the heck can you mislead on that one? Dudes are weird sometimes. Oh yeah.. I'm bigger than a B -- much bigger... :ohwell:0 -
No, I try to be as truthful as possible. I don't want to run the risk of attracting somebody for the wrong reasons.0
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I am truthful as well. I rarely rarely lie, why would I online? Rather be upfront than upset them later on.
And some people are really bad at their weight posting. I've seen people post about average or even athletic, when the were clearly not. I am kind of stumped on what to put as myself, because I want to say a few extra pounds, but I also want to say about average. What is average these days? With obesity at like 50% in the US, I'd say I can get away with "about average"....0 -
I am truthful as well. I rarely rarely lie, why would I online? Rather be upfront than upset them later on.
And some people are really bad at their weight posting. I've seen people post about average or even athletic, when the were clearly not. I am kind of stumped on what to put as myself, because I want to say a few extra pounds, but I also want to say about average. What is average these days? With obesity at like 50% in the US, I'd say I can get away with "about average"....
You can definitely get away with saying average. I would not say "a few extra pounds" for you....0 -
Oh that's good. And you saw my profile too, so I trust that.0
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I don't think lying is the norm personally. It is certainly not my norm...
I was going to say this would be a deal breaker, but the truth is that on both sides (men as much as women) want "the best specimen of man/woman" (tall, slim, young, beautiful), even though in reality they would normally compromise on some of these.
I think the problem with online dating is that many people are offered a list of criteria, and they then think of it as shopping (as someone else said), they create their ideal man/woman by using drop-down lists - uncompromisingly.
So obviously the normal reaction from people on the other side is to lie to fit as many of these shopping lists as possible (slimer/taller/younger than you actually are).
I think this is why I hate online dating. It's just uncompromising and so people lie to fit other people's standards - which has never been my thing.0 -
Well a lot of those female body types are all about interpretation. Considering some people on there can barely sting together a coherent sentence it doesn't surprise me that their interpretation might be a little different than mine. This is why pictures are important. It's better than having people list their size/weight/measurements I suppose.
I'm pretty honest in mine, I say I'm about average. One day I hope to be able to put "athletic and toned" but it will be a while yet. I mean, I am athletic, I'm pretty good at all sports and I'm in decent shape, but I know that's not what they're asking. I don't want to disappoint anyone.0 -
I just put average and then have a few full body shots. I think they look more at the picture anyway, which always looks at least similar to me (most say I look better in person haha), so I've never had anyone express disappointment, and I generally get called back for a second date...0
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ALWAYS tell the truth. ALWAYS.
There are a few things, such as body type, that are pretty subjective. Having an accurate picture will clear up any confusion for the reader of the profile. However, when it comes to age, income, and height, just tell the truth.
If you catch someone lying on their online profile, usually it's just the tip of the iceberg.0 -
I'm too lazy to lie, why take the effort to make up something.
I say overweight for my body size. It's true and broad-scoped enough that I won't have to change it for a while. If that scares women off, oh well.
The only thing I stretch the truth about is some of the questions about relationships. Thats only because I haven't been in many so I just go with what makes the most sense.
The problem with "curvy" is that the word has been ruined by girls who are afraid to admit they're overweight. Curves are sexy as hell, but when the curve starts at the shoulder and ends at the knee, you should not be allowed to use the word.0 -
I don't lie on online datine....that would just make a first date really awkward--as if it is not awkward enough!
As for body type, on one I have a few extra pounds and one I have "curvy"......I think I am both....so they both fit.
I have been lied to a couple of times.....one guy was a couple inches shorter than he said (big deal for me), another his one pic he had was from 10 years and about 50 lbs ago...he looked completely different. Another time, I was talking to a guy quite a bit on POF, then got an email from his account from his WIFE......and first she told me to leave him alone, then immediately after that, was another email from her teling me he was a complete loser and I could have him---please come get him!! LOL--funny now, but was irritating then.0 -
I never lied about anything during my online dating days, nothing. If I was smoking at the time (I was on and off for a long while), I was honest about that. I used the most current pictures that I could, some close ups and some whole body shots. At 5'7" and around 150 pounds at the time, I didn't even like to classify myself as thin, so I always chose "average".
I could never understand the point of attracting people online with lies, because at some point you may be meeting them and then what? You look like a tool!0 -
No, I never lie on my profile. What's the point? For example, I know I've got a few extra pounds on me, but I also write in my profile that I work out 5 days a week. Take it or leave it. Eventually, with the help of MFP, maybe I'll get to change my category.
However, I am also a tall woman at 5'10" and there have been many, many times when guys ask me before meeting if that's actually true or if perhaps it's just with heels on. Clearly it can be a deal breaker for short and/or insecure guys.0 -
I gave up trying to pick a body type....I just put prefer not to say and explain it in the profile. I am not barbie and I am not a beach ball shape....I am somewhere in between and put up full body pictures. I have taken pictures the day before and have them tell me I dont look like my pictures. I am not really sure that making a profile works, seeing that they have their own opinions just as you do on your own appearance. This may be why I gave up on dating years ago. Maybe he will fall in my lap. Show up at my door selling some ridiculous product I would never buy.0
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Completely and utterly honest.
I usually come across girls who aren't at all honest though, so it's fun to ask them questions directly about their profile and see how they respond. :-p0 -
I am honest in mine, and it pisses me off when others are not. I have literally gotten up and walked away on a first date because of lies on the online profile.
After reading all these posts apparently it is the norm, but I dont understand it at all. I see someone online I may be interested in, and via email/text it progresses to the point where we meet face to face. I get there and the about average girl is in reality 6'0 tall (which is cool by me if you tell me that) and is built like Brian Urlacher (with a beer gut). I walked right by her 2x as she was texting me that she was in fact there.
Once I realized I simply said, hey you lied on your profile, and your pics are a decade old or more apparently, then I turned and walked away.
So I tell the truth, no point in lying about who I am...I am awesome so if you dont like my online profile move the f*** on by and you dont get to bask in all my awesomeness!!0 -
I went on two dates with weekend with TWO different men. Both had decent photos on their profile and I was at least partly attracted to both. Spoke to both on the phone a couple of times and was able to hold a conversation.
Met up and OMG.... Both of these guys had lied. Definitely not "athletically built" or "about average". Pics from both were probably 8-10 years old. I don't get it .... VERY disappointing that people lie. Since when is 60 lbs overweight athletically built? I almost told the one guy just because your forearms are tone does not mean you're in good shape. Thing is, I've dated overweight men.. and they're fine, just don't like the lies. It's extremely off-putting. One guy I drove 90 minutes to meet, the other 2 hours.. .and this is just in one direction. I live in a very rural spot and the gene pool here is polluted. What a waste of a weekend!
I would have rather stayed home and watched a creepy flick by myself.
I'm passing every profile through a friend from here on out and he's going to give me the Yes or No.... apparently I'm a little daft in this area!0 -
A couple years ago, I had guys get angry with me about two things they thought I was lying about:
1. My hair was straight in all my pics (the way I do it on the weekends) but during the week or when I’m lazy it’s curly since moving to very-humid-Louisiana. Makes me look completely different. So now I have pics of that too.
This one just boggles me. Is a guy going to mad if he finds out a woman dyes her hair, too? I didn't even realize guys noticed stuff like that. I mean, they notice, but I didn't realize they thought about it one way or the other.0 -
I didn't lie in my profile, but I have met a couple of guys that look absolutely nothing like their pictures. I almost didn't recognize them, that was how far off it was. It was rather disappointing.0
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This one just boggles me. Is a guy going to mad if he finds out a woman dyes her hair, too? I didn't even realize guys noticed stuff like that. I mean, they notice, but I didn't realize they thought about it one way or the other.
I've had guys tell me I look *completely* different with curly hair, and that's not the woman they agreed to meet. I guess I don't notice it because when I look in the mirror I'm always just "me."
Also, amongst black culture it's a BIG deal whether or not a lady has her natural hair or whether she wears weave/wigs.0
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