cheating - why?
AnnaPixie
Posts: 7,439 Member
I was just commenting in another thread about incompatible sex and how it can be the downfall of a relationship.
This got me to thinking about why people cheat? And is there any good reason why?
Is it mainly because the sex in their relationship is unfulfilled?
Is it purely egotistical?
Is it because one person is not enough? So in which case should we have a polygamous society?
Is it unrealistic to have one partner for life?
It seems to me that cheating is becoming more and more prevalent in the world.............but why?
What do the peeps think? :flowerforyou:
This got me to thinking about why people cheat? And is there any good reason why?
Is it mainly because the sex in their relationship is unfulfilled?
Is it purely egotistical?
Is it because one person is not enough? So in which case should we have a polygamous society?
Is it unrealistic to have one partner for life?
It seems to me that cheating is becoming more and more prevalent in the world.............but why?
What do the peeps think? :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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To me it seems to be two different issues.
1. Is that a couple were only sexually compatible, for example they got down to things pretty quick, chemistry was there sexually and it progressed from there, that little spark fizzles out and they end up looking elsewhere for it (because all they had in common was being sexually compatible.)
2. The two people are very compatible personality wise but not at all in the bedroom. From seeing this from an outsiders perspective it seems that it works for a while but long term the incompatibility in the bedroom spills elsewhere.
Those are the 2 main reasons I can think of anyway.0 -
Cheating? Easiest answer ever!
People cheat because they are terrible human beings, they simply cant be bothered taking the honest route with their partner and ending the relationship first. Attempting to have cake and eat it = cheating.
People may want to stray for all sorts of reasons but they only cheat because they are cowards.0 -
Cheating? Easiest answer ever!
People cheat because they are terrible human beings, they simply cant be bothered taking the honest route with their partner and ending the relationship first. Attempting to have cake and eat it = cheating.
People may want to stray for all sorts of reasons but they only cheat because they are cowards.
this0 -
Most times it is because marriage resulted from things that had nothing to do with love.
Either it just seemed the thing to do or was expected,fear of being alone,chasing a fantasy from a romance novel etc.
Real life and issues develop and what was built on shifting sands starts to crack.0 -
To me it seems to be two different issues.
1. Is that a couple were only sexually compatible, for example they got down to things pretty quick, chemistry was there sexually and it progressed from there, that little spark fizzles out and they end up looking elsewhere for it (because all they had in common was being sexually compatible.)
2. The two people are very compatible personality wise but not at all in the bedroom. From seeing this from an outsiders perspective it seems that it works for a while but long term the incompatibility in the bedroom spills elsewhere.
Those are the 2 main reasons I can think of anyway.
I can see the sex angle, for sure. But why cheat? Why not just end the relationship and move on to someone more compatible?? Do you think that they actually LOVE the person they are with, APART from the sex? So they may have all their other needs met - mental, emotional, security - but physical needs are missing? Hmmm!0 -
I think that there are different reasons, obviously .. but it probably falls into the same couple of categories.
1. They are unhappy and this is their "out".
2. They need that little bit of spice in their life .. that something that tells them that they are not stuck.. that they still have it.0 -
Cheating? Easiest answer ever!
People cheat because they are terrible human beings, they simply cant be bothered taking the honest route with their partner and ending the relationship first. Attempting to have cake and eat it = cheating.
People may want to stray for all sorts of reasons but they only cheat because they are cowards.
Yep! Afraid of being alone?? Hurting their partner?? (assuming they never find out!)0 -
Most times it is because marriage resulted from things that had nothing to do with love.
Either it just seemed the thing to do or was expected,fear of being alone,chasing a fantasy from a romance novel etc.
Real life and issues develop and what was built on shifting sands starts to crack.
That's a good one Carl - chasing a fantasy!!
I once had a guy woo me into a relationship. We spent a lot of time together online and off. But when it came to me us wanting to sleep together he got scared and admitted he was married!!! Right in the throws of passion!! :noway:
Now, I obviously couldnt believe I'd been such a sucker!! And after I kicked him out and my anger subsided, I asked him - why??
He said: he couldnt spend the rest of his life not knowing what it was like to kiss another woman!!
As simple as that :huh:0 -
I think that there are different reasons, obviously .. but it probably falls into the same couple of categories.
1. They are unhappy and this is their "out".
2. They need that little bit of spice in their life .. that something that tells them that they are not stuck.. that they still have it.
1. Yeah, good one Jen, it could just be a good reason to end things because they are too cowardly to to take to face their partner without a 'good' enough reason.
2.Ego........grrrr!! This is the one that pisses me off the most!! :mad: Don't get into a monogamous situation if you're the type of person that needs a harem.......:explode:0 -
To me it seems to be two different issues.
1. Is that a couple were only sexually compatible, for example they got down to things pretty quick, chemistry was there sexually and it progressed from there, that little spark fizzles out and they end up looking elsewhere for it (because all they had in common was being sexually compatible.)
2. The two people are very compatible personality wise but not at all in the bedroom. From seeing this from an outsiders perspective it seems that it works for a while but long term the incompatibility in the bedroom spills elsewhere.
Those are the 2 main reasons I can think of anyway.
I can see the sex angle, for sure. But why cheat? Why not just end the relationship and move on to someone more compatible?? Do you think that they actually LOVE the person they are with, APART from the sex? So they may have all their other needs met - mental, emotional, security - but physical needs are missing? Hmmm!
Real love is unselfish and cheating is a selfish act, so I don't think love has anything to do with it. If they do love the person (not romantically, but the real deal) they would do the right thing and either discuss it with their partner, get therapy, or end the relationship. Cheating is cowardly and selfish and causes real damage to the person on the receiving end so I don't see where love fits.
That people seem to see it increasing? I'm still not sold on this, but I'm also trying to stay optimistic being single. I think it's just more visible because of the social networking sites. There have always been cheaters and non cheaters, but now it's just in our face all the time--almost advertised. Maybe people are more jaded now by seeing it more and adopting the philosophy of "if I can't beat 'em join 'em." If that's the case, that makes me sad. I know too many people in healthy marriages who wouldn't think of cheating on their spouses and I'm just going to hold onto that and tune out all the other BS. It's good to be aware of cheating, but not to the point of thinking everyone cheats. Many people in this group are not cheaters so it's not like non-cheaters don't exist. We're just diamonds in the rough!
HAPPY FRIDAY! :drinker:0 -
Yeah being a coward mainly, and not facing your responsibilities.
However, you cannot always face them straight away... In the sense that it's not always the right moment. By "waiting for another opportunity" you can sometimes minimize the damage done.
Like for example, you might not leave a crappy job before knowing you've got another job lined up for you after you leave your current crappy job (you need to wait for the right moment even though you hate your current job). Not that I'm suggesting doing the same with relationships, but just to illustrate the idea that it's not always the right moment, and some decision people make hastily might be more costly than the crappy "status quo" (e.g. being expelled from your home because you've got no income).
Also I suspect for someone who has been in a relationship for a very long time, there might be the one time mistake that you regret afterwards. A psychologist on TV said that in this case it might be better not to tell the partner because your relationship is successful, this little mistake aside. I found this interesting...
Yeah. It's not always black and white, there are shades of grey in between...
I think men should be allowed to cheat because they got the short end of the stick regarding orgasms. That'll teach you, women!0 -
Honestly open your eyes WIDE OPEN and look around at the society we live in now days and you don't even need to ask why. So many people say they can't understand things but don't walk around with blinders on society we live in now allows people to act any way they want with no real serious consequence to their actions.0
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Well, there is always Saudi Arabia then.Honestly open your eyes WIDE OPEN and look around at the society we live in now days and you don't even need to ask why. So many people say they can't understand things but don't walk around with blinders on society we live in now allows people to act any way they want with no real serious consequence to their actions.
They use the sharia:
"Muslim take cheating of wife or husband a very serious character flaw. In Islamic Shariah Laws if a married wife have sex with another man and four witnesses have witness the act of real intercourse going on and then testify in Shariah court, then such wife or such husband will be stoned to death."
See, there are still joyful places in the world were people are held accountable for their actions!0 -
That people seem to see it increasing? I'm still not sold on this, but I'm also trying to stay optimistic being single. I think it's just more visible because of the social networking sites. There have always been cheaters and non cheaters, but now it's just in our face all the time--almost advertised. Maybe people are more jaded now by seeing it more and adopting the philosophy of "if I can't beat 'em join 'em." If that's the case, that makes me sad. I know too many people in healthy marriages who wouldn't think of cheating on their spouses and I'm just going to hold onto that and tune out all the other BS. It's good to be aware of cheating, but not to the point of thinking everyone cheats. Many people in this group are not cheaters so it's not like non-cheaters don't exist. We're just diamonds in the rough!
HAPPY FRIDAY! :drinker:
Happy Friday to you too!! :flowerforyou:
I agree that its more publicised now. Just like most things in life, when you hear about it more, you think it's happening more. I dont know what the statistics are, say, in comparison to 50 years ago. But, I suspect it's more common now?
But like you, I dont live in fear of it happening and I think that cheaters are still in minority. Even going by the peeps on here, there aren't m/any that have admitted to it. But TOO MANY that have had it done to them. That makes me sad
I've never cheated or been cheated on. But I have been cheated WITH, if that makes sense. Albeit unknowingly
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To me it seems to be two different issues.
1. Is that a couple were only sexually compatible, for example they got down to things pretty quick, chemistry was there sexually and it progressed from there, that little spark fizzles out and they end up looking elsewhere for it (because all they had in common was being sexually compatible.)
2. The two people are very compatible personality wise but not at all in the bedroom. From seeing this from an outsiders perspective it seems that it works for a while but long term the incompatibility in the bedroom spills elsewhere.
Those are the 2 main reasons I can think of anyway.
I can see the sex angle, for sure. But why cheat? Why not just end the relationship and move on to someone more compatible?? Do you think that they actually LOVE the person they are with, APART from the sex? So they may have all their other needs met - mental, emotional, security - but physical needs are missing? Hmmm!
Real love is unselfish and cheating is a selfish act, so I don't think love has anything to do with it. If they do love the person (not romantically, but the real deal) they would do the right thing and either discuss it with their partner, get therapy, or end the relationship. Cheating is cowardly and selfish and causes real damage to the person on the receiving end so I don't see where love fits.
That people seem to see it increasing? I'm still not sold on this, but I'm also trying to stay optimistic being single. I think it's just more visible because of the social networking sites. There have always been cheaters and non cheaters, but now it's just in our face all the time--almost advertised. Maybe people are more jaded now by seeing it more and adopting the philosophy of "if I can't beat 'em join 'em." If that's the case, that makes me sad. I know too many people in healthy marriages who wouldn't think of cheating on their spouses and I'm just going to hold onto that and tune out all the other BS. It's good to be aware of cheating, but not to the point of thinking everyone cheats. Many people in this group are not cheaters so it's not like non-cheaters don't exist. We're just diamonds in the rough!
HAPPY FRIDAY! :drinker:
I agree that cheaters are selfish and self absorbed. I assume they use a multitude of excuses and justifications about why THEIR needs are the most important.0 -
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But like you, I dont live in fear of it happening and I think that cheaters are still in minority.
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Awesome. :drinker: <<<<cup half full!0 -
Well, there is always Saudi Arabia then.Honestly open your eyes WIDE OPEN and look around at the society we live in now days and you don't even need to ask why. So many people say they can't understand things but don't walk around with blinders on society we live in now allows people to act any way they want with no real serious consequence to their actions.
They use the sharia:
"Muslim take cheating of wife or husband a very serious character flaw. In Islamic Shariah Laws if a married wife have sex with another man and four witnesses have witness the act of real intercourse going on and then testify in Shariah court, then such wife or such husband will be stoned to death."
See, there are still joyful places in the world were people are held accountable for their actions!
:laugh: you crack me up!! :bigsmile:
I think I'd rather cut his knob off tho, and let him live!!
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Unfortunately, judging by how many men approach me that are still married, I think part of it is also that it's culturally more acceptable to cheat now than it used to be. The folks I've known who cheated (and that happens a LOT in the military) fall into two groups:
You've got the entitled folks who cheat while away...my needs are more important than anyone else's and besides, she's not gonna find out what I do because "what goes TDY stays TDY."
Of the folks who cheat on home station, it appears to be primarily emotional, not sexual, though the sex itself is often amplified by the emotional connection and the forbidden nature of the relationship. By emotional connection, I mean at home there is unhappiness and the partner can't or won't deal with it. The affair partner fills an emotional need, validating him/her, "getting" him/her, and catering to his/her sense of entitlement and unfairness.
I don't take this to mean cheating is inevitable. Rather, I look at the desire to cheat as a key indicator that it's time to talk to my partner and change whatever isn't fulfilling me at home. But most people won't do that.0 -
When I was 15, I had a goal to have sex with 10,000 women. I still have somewhere around 9990 to go. When/if I meet the lady that makes me happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with, it really wouldn't be fair to resent her for holding me back from my goals would it? See, cheating on her would just be me doing what it takes to love her properly.0
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To me it seems to be two different issues.
1. Is that a couple were only sexually compatible, for example they got down to things pretty quick, chemistry was there sexually and it progressed from there, that little spark fizzles out and they end up looking elsewhere for it (because all they had in common was being sexually compatible.)
2. The two people are very compatible personality wise but not at all in the bedroom. From seeing this from an outsiders perspective it seems that it works for a while but long term the incompatibility in the bedroom spills elsewhere.
Those are the 2 main reasons I can think of anyway.
I can see the sex angle, for sure. But why cheat? Why not just end the relationship and move on to someone more compatible?? Do you think that they actually LOVE the person they are with, APART from the sex? So they may have all their other needs met - mental, emotional, security - but physical needs are missing? Hmmm!
For an actual serious response:
How many people don't like their jobs? Why don't they just quit and then find another one that is better suited to them? I suspect the answer is the same, there are more benefits to being married than there are to being alone. It's just not perfect or even close and going outside the marriage provides some benefits that the marriage didn't for whatever reason.
I also suspect that cheating isn't any more prevalent. There is always a sentiment that the bad things are far worse now than ever before and the good things are far better than ever before. I'm suspect that cheating has been prevalent at similar rates for a long long time.0 -
Unfortunately, judging by how many men approach me that are still married, I think part of it is also that it's culturally more acceptable to cheat now than it used to be.
Gosh, I'm wondering who's accepting it though? Not me!! Not you!! And not most of the people on here? I can only think that the only people accepting of it are the people that think its ok to cheat. And that would be who the cheater is cheating with? For every cheat there is a cheatee!! (if there is such a word :huh:
"what goes TDY stays TDY."
Ok what does this phrase mean?? Over here we say "what goes on tour, stays on tour" :laugh:
Of the folks who cheat on home station, it appears to be primarily emotional, not sexual, though the sex itself is often amplified by the emotional connection and the forbidden nature of the relationship. By emotional connection, I mean at home there is unhappiness and the partner can't or won't deal with it. The affair partner fills an emotional need, validating him/her, "getting" him/her, and catering to his/her sense of entitlement and unfairness.
I don't take this to mean cheating is inevitable. Rather, I look at the desire to cheat as a key indicator that it's time to talk to my partner and change whatever isn't fulfilling me at home. But most people won't do that.
Yeah, I would say this is the most common reason. Just not happy in their relationship, and too much of a coward to leave! :ohwell:
Lack of communication is probably the number one reason for a breakdown in any relationship.0 -
When I was 15, I had a goal to have sex with 10,000 women. I still have somewhere around 9990 to go. When/if I meet the lady that makes me happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with, it really wouldn't be fair to resent her for holding me back from my goals would it? See, cheating on her would just be me doing what it takes to love her properly.
OMG!! :huh:
Gosh! You're nearly in the league of Warren Beatty with that goal
http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/entertainment/articles/2012-03/15/ken-barlow-1000-women-russell-brand-charlie-sheen0 -
But like you, I dont live in fear of it happening and I think that cheaters are still in minority.
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Awesome. :drinker: <<<<cup half full!
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Agreed! I like where your head is at!0 -
Its simple why people cheat. People now dont know how to work on things or work them out. People are impatient now more than any generation before. The iPhone, its an instant source of attention. Next time you are at a restaurant, watch couples there, as soon as one goes to the restroom, watch the other pull out the phone and watch them text and keep an eye out for the other to get out of the restroom, as soon as they come out of the door, the phone is hidden. Facebook and mfp, i get hit on by so many married and women in relationships.
Its all about attention and everyone has the mentality that the grass is greener on the other side and they are missong out and can do better. About the iPhone, studies have shown that people are losing the ability to communication skills so it hinders their work, relationship, and makes them withdrawn in social settings. Ive noticed as soon a person is upset, they have a backup date in their phone waiting. In today's society, attention has replaced love.
I will agree sexual chemistry is important but it can be worked on and its not everything. There are no perfect people and the perfect mate. There are always going to be things good and bad in a relationship and most can be worked out by communicating. DO you know, there is studies that show that most people would rather be on their phones instead of having sex and that almost 10 percent wll be on it during. If they had to choose, most would rather give up their relationship than their iPhone. Im telling you, the iPhone is the devil. I have had 3, it is addictive. People, put your phones down.0 -
Its simple why people cheat. People now dont know how to work on things or work them out. People are impatient now more than any generation before. The iPhone, its an instant source of attention. Next time you are at a restaurant, watch couples there, as soon as one goes to the restroom, watch the other pull out the phone and watch them text and keep an eye out for the other to get out of the restroom, as soon as they come out of the door, the phone is hidden. Facebook and mfp, i get hit on by so many married and women in relationships. Its all about attention and everyone has the mentality that the grass is greener on the other side and they are missong out and can do better. About the iPhone, studies have shown that people are losing the ability to communication skills so it hinders their work, relationship, and makes them withdrawn in social settings. Ive noticed as soon a person is upset, they have a backup date in their phone waiting. In today's society, attention has replaced love. I will agree sexual chemistry is important but it can be worked on and its not everything. There are no perfect people and the perfect mate. There are always going to be things good and bad in a relationship and most can be worked out by communicating.
Well said, my usually sarcastic friend!0 -
When I was 15, I had a goal to have sex with 10,000 women. I still have somewhere around 9990 to go. When/if I meet the lady that makes me happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with, it really wouldn't be fair to resent her for holding me back from my goals would it? See, cheating on her would just be me doing what it takes to love her properly.
Bwahahahahaha -- better get crackin'!0 -
DO you know, there is studies that show that most people would rather be on their phones instead of having sex and that almost 10 percent wll be on it during. If they had to choose, most would rather give up their relationship than their iPhone. Im telling you, the iPhone is the devil. I have had 3, it is addictive. People, put your phones down.
Yikes!!! I'm NEVER getting an iphone!! :noway:
I even heard that there are some people of the affluent society that are in rehab for texting addiction!!!!!!!!!!! :huh: SMH!0 -
Its crazy, I have friends in the restaurant industry, some people will come in and the server cant even get the person to order food because they wont quit texting and they totally ignore the people they came with. I went to a place with live music and the band was sponcered by a radio show and was on the air, one of the chicks in the band wouldnt put her iPhone down and everytime she got a text, it would send noise through the speakers. So many people in the audience, other band members, and even the radio djs asked for her to put her phone way for the hour set. You know its a problem when she is picking her phone over her career. She never put it away.0
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Its crazy, I have friends in the restaurant industry, some people will come in and the server cant even get the person to order food because they wont quit texting and they totally ignore the people they came with. I went to a place with live music and the band was sponcered by a radio show and was on the air, one of the chicks in the band wouldnt put her iPhone down and everytime she got a text, it would send noise through the speakers. So many people in the audience, other band members, and even the radio djs asked for her to put her phone way for the hour set. You know its a problem when she is picking her phone over her career. She never put it away.
The thing is, I dont even like answering my phone when I'm with a bunch of friends, let alone on a date or a one to one. I find it rude to disrupt the conversation for a text. I know sometimes you cant help it, you're expecting an answer to something, work etc, but if it's a constant all night distraction, why oh why, bother going out if you want to play on your phone all night?
As for the lady in the band, WTF?? :noway:0 -
We see it all the time. We will be out in bars or restuarants and when the guy is being ignored the whole night, we will ask him to come hang out with us. The chicks gets mad but hey, she should try to have fun and actually hang out with who they are out with. Like today, I went to the park, so many guys pushing the babies and the chick behind on her phone. Technology is a big reason why people cheat so much. Its like having your fav cake follow you around everyday when you are on a diet.0
This discussion has been closed.