Self-confidence
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,268 Member
My best friend and I were talking this morning about our good points and flaws. We are both pretty self-actualized but she said that the one thing she wants is for me to realize how pretty, smart, and worthwhile I am. That I need to focus on developing self-confidence. Now, I know the tips, tricks and techniques to do this but can't seem to make them work for me.
How do you increase self-confidence and self-worth? I think this is what has been detrimental for me in dating.
How do you increase self-confidence and self-worth? I think this is what has been detrimental for me in dating.
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Replies
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Fake it till you make it! Seriously, even if you don't feel confident in a particular situation, put a big smile on your face, hold your head up high and pretend -- eventually it'll come naturally!0
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I set goals and accomplish them, the more I accomplish the better I feel about myself.0
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I had to start intentionally seeing the good things in others and suddenly started seeing them in me. I don't think I realized for a long time how judgmental of other women I was mostly because I was unhappy with me! Sounds ridiculous to me now but is the truth!0
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Honestly,
I just stopped giving a @#$# what other people (random people, etc) thought of me or what I did.
Same here. I used to care a lot about what people thought, to an almost debilitating degree. But as I lost weight and started devoting more time and energy to the things that mattered to me (not just in terms of diet and fitness, but hobbies and interests that I'd been neglecting), I felt more alive, and I stopped caring whether or not other people approved. You have to be happy before you can contribute meaningfully to anyone else's happiness.0 -
A few things off the top of my head:
Maintain eye contact without being creepy about it
Talk about things you know a lot about, or pretend that you do
Always look your best, wear things that make you feel sexy/hot
Relax, don't fidget
Remember that if a guy asks you out, you should have the mind set that you are the one being pursued and he is trying to win you over
Smile
Have your own opinions without being judgmental0 -
I have never lacked self confidence in expressing my opinions (no crap right
) but with the crooked teeth and coke bottle glasses have never had much regarding the way I look.
It takes a lot of work and does often require external help.
A completely blown out ego is hard to recover on its own.0 -
I have never lacked self confidence in expressing my opinions (no crap right ) but with the crooked teeth and coke bottle glasses have never had much regarding the way I look.
It takes a lot of work and does often require external help.
A completely blown out ego is hard to recover on its own.
(((hug)))0 -
Honestly,
I just stopped giving a @#$# what other people (random people, etc) thought of me or what I did.
Totally this!!!! If I worry about what everyone else thinks of me, I'm telling myself that what I think doesn't matter. I think I'm pretty amazing and if other people don't realize that.....it's there loss. It doesn't affect me unless I allow it to.0 -
It will sound dumb but I listen to songs like Limp Bizkits "Break Stuff" a lot. Of course now that I just admitted to listening to Limp Bizkit I may need to go listen some more to repair the shame of admitting to it.0
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And I realize now I should of said "Killing in the Name of" by Rage against the Machine.0
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The funny thing is that I really don't get two craps what other people think about me. It is all about what I think about myself. Like somehow I am not worthy of being loved or even loving myself. I know that I am pretty, smart, nice, a hard worker, a great mom and friend, but it is getting past the irrational mind to the rational mind.0
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It will sound dumb but I listen to songs like Limp Bizkits "Break Stuff" a lot. Of course now that I just admitted to listening to Limp Bizkit I may need to go listen some more to repair the shame of admitting to it.
You really did just admit that. I may cry a little for you. :flowerforyou:0 -
Then you care. If you didn't, you'd be confident in yourself.The funny thing is that I really don't get two craps what other people think about me. It is all about what I think about myself. Like somehow I am not worthy of being loved or even loving myself. I know that I am pretty, smart, nice, a hard worker, a great mom and friend, but it is getting past the irrational mind to the rational mind.0 -
Then you care. If you didn't, you'd be confident in yourself.The funny thing is that I really don't get two craps what other people think about me. It is all about what I think about myself. Like somehow I am not worthy of being loved or even loving myself. I know that I am pretty, smart, nice, a hard worker, a great mom and friend, but it is getting past the irrational mind to the rational mind.
I don't think so. It is hard to explain. I feel like if someone doesn't like me, it is his or her issue. I don't sit at home wondering why. I just have a very internal locus of control.0 -
But if you don't care if other people like you, why do you feel like you are not worthy of being loved?0
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Honestly,
I just stopped giving a @#$# what other people (random people, etc) thought of me or what I did.
No other posts necessary ....read the above over and over! As long as you are having a good time and can respect yourself then everyone else can Gfy! End of story, just stop worrying or giving a **** what others think.0 -
Pretty much what everyone else said.. highlighting the REALLY not giving a fvck about what other people think, and about faking it till you make it. Practice on people that you for sure know you don't care.
Oh, and don't forget to project your voice! Mumbling definitely does not portray confidence. 0 -
I'm going to go against the grain on the topic of not giving a damn about what people say about you. I believe it is totally natural to care what people say, especially friends and family. The difference for between possessing self confidence or not is whether you stand up for yourself when someone does put you down or make a catty comment, etc.0
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But if you don't care if other people like you, why do you feel like you are not worthy of being loved?
I don't care if people like or dislike me. It is all internal. Like I am constantly kicking the **** out of myself. I don't need others to do it. I am not even sure why. Guess I am so used to it.0 -
But if you don't care if other people like you, why do you feel like you are not worthy of being loved?
I don't care if people like or dislike me. It is all internal. Like I am constantly kicking the **** out of myself. I don't need others to do it. I am not even sure why. Guess I am so used to it.
Well tell yourself to stfu! LOL0 -
But if you don't care if other people like you, why do you feel like you are not worthy of being loved?
I don't care if people like or dislike me. It is all internal. Like I am constantly kicking the **** out of myself. I don't need others to do it. I am not even sure why. Guess I am so used to it.
Well tell yourself to stfu! LOL
Okie dokie! lol0 -
But if you don't care if other people like you, why do you feel like you are not worthy of being loved?
I don't care if people like or dislike me. It is all internal. Like I am constantly kicking the **** out of myself. I don't need others to do it. I am not even sure why. Guess I am so used to it.
I stand by what I said.0 -
Hmmm interesting question :smokin:
I come and go with confidence and I'm just trying to think why.
I'd like to think I dont care what others think of me, but I do! Otherwise why not be a hobo on the street drinking meths, begging for cash and pissin in alleyways? Now that is a person that does not give a shiz what other people think!! I think other people matter in life. They have to. Otherwise why bother? A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet!!
I think confidence is caring about yourself. Giving yourself a break. Having a positive attitude towards your life and respect for yourself (and others). I think its having the strength to admit you make mistakes but not beating yourself up for them. Having the ability to laugh at yourself. Not taking life too personally, or too seriously!! Realising that we only have one short life and making the best of it. Smiling and joking a lot. Dressing to kill. Walking with your head held high and your chest out!!!!
I think when I lose my confidence I am thinking negatively about my self/life; how I look, how I speak, what a failure I am, why I didnt follow my instincts, why am I so useless at sticking to a diet/exercise!! These kind of thoughts bring me down and I lose my vitality.
But when I think positive thoughts, I feel confident. When I look in the mirror and think "I look good today" :bigsmile: On those days I can conquer the world! :flowerforyou:0 -
I think that the key to self confidence is to realize that failure isn't catostrophic. You'll be alright if things don't go your way and the people around you will still love you no matter what. To some degree they may actually love you more because fallability is admirable. No one likes to hang out with the person who can't adapt or is too head strong, competitive, etc. Most of these traits come from a fear of failure.0
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I come and go with confidence and I'm just trying to think why.
Me too. There are days where I have tons of confidence and others where I just want to crawl into a box.
For me, I feel the most confident when I'm wearing an outfit that I love. It is really hard for me to feel confident at work, where I have to wear an ugly polo and khakis, and have my hair pulled back (my hair to me is one of my biggest assets). Because of that, a lot of people are surprised that I am very different outside of work.
A lot of it is just holding my head high. I'm not perfect by any means but I know I am a good person and people like me.
My huge confidence problem is when I'm around people who are much better looking than me. My friends are all very pretty to me, and I don't think I'm that much more unattractive than them, so it works. But if I'm hanging out with very good looking thin people, I hesitate and act stupid because all I think about is how they look compared to me.
So yeah, like Anna said. Some days are awesome and some days are terrible.0 -
Honestly,
I just stopped giving a @#$# what other people (random people, etc) thought of me or what I did.
No other posts necessary ....read the above over and over! As long as you are having a good time and can respect yourself then everyone else can Gfy! End of story, just stop worrying or giving a **** what others think.
yep. pretty much this. it really came out when I got into Zumba and didn't care what others thought or said. I was having fun and getting in a good cardio workout.0 -
I totally get what you mean Megs. As you know ..lol. Self-confidence is not my strong suit .. and it really has nothing to do with what other people think of me. It is what I think of me .. which pushes onto there is no way that person thinks I am pretty ..because I KNOW I'm not. So it's not really that you care what they think of you .. it's you don't believe that there is any way they could think anything positive ... in terms of dating, not people in general.
I think that I always feel my best when I am eating well and exercising..which makes me wonder why I stop. It is usually because I take a hit and then don't think I am worth it so why should I bother trying to lose weight. I think that after you have a child and your relationship with the father goes bad it is hard to not take that hit on your self confidence. After all, if the man that you gave a child to can't love you enough to stay with you, who will. At least that is my thought process.
Maybe you could pick up a book at the library or something on self-confidence. See what they have to say .. see if you can incorporate a few of their ideas. I may actually do this too. Just know that you can always email me and maybe we can help each other along the way.
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