Guys - Y U NO ANSWER?
_SpeshK_
Posts: 496 Member
OK. I don't like "playing games" or whatever it is all you frequent daters participate in. (By this I mean "don't call until 3 days after the date - don't act too interested - pretend like you're seeing several other people - play hard to get" yadda yadda yadda)
From the get-go, I like to know what I'm getting into. This is why I don't go on lots of "dates" or see many guys, because if I am getting to know you and there's nothing there, I am not about to go through what I would consider a "charade" of dates, etc.
Anyway, when I am interested, I don't like to play guessing games. So, recently, I had been talking to someone for awhile, getting to know each other for around 2 months. We agreed to go on a casual date while I was in his state(we live 5 hours away from each other). Unless I'm terrible at reading signals(possible haha), we had a great time. He was so sweet and affectionate..he made a point to bring up little facts about me or funny stories I had mentioned to him throughout the time we had been getting to know each other, he kept telling me "you're so cute" - "you're so pretty" - "you're so sexy" and he kissed me several times. All in all, I'm thinking we were meshing pretty well. We have similar ideals, similar senses of humor, and we're both super laid back. Before I left, he even made a point of grabbing me by the waste and giving me this long, drawn-out kiss before we said our goodbyes.
So I ended up accidentally losing his phone number on a factory reset, and I sent him a FB message about 2 days later. I let him know that I lost his number or else I would have texted/called, but I just wanted him to know straight-up that I did have a really good time with him, I liked him, and I simply asked if he was in the same ballpark as me, or if it was more of a one-time thing. I also told him I know he's super busy, and that I don't want to intrude on what's going on in his life(he's opening a small business).
This dude never answered the CONTENT of my message, but he texted me to make sure I had his # again. WHAT?! Nothing?
I mean, clearly, he's not into me anymore (which is confusing enough as is) but why couldn't he just be honest and say that? I mean I put it out there for him to say, "it was a one time thing, I don't care to take it any further." I feel like via FB message, I gave him a pretty good out. I'm not even asking you guys WHY he's not into me anymore...I have my own theories...BUT...
Y U NO ANSWER?
From the get-go, I like to know what I'm getting into. This is why I don't go on lots of "dates" or see many guys, because if I am getting to know you and there's nothing there, I am not about to go through what I would consider a "charade" of dates, etc.
Anyway, when I am interested, I don't like to play guessing games. So, recently, I had been talking to someone for awhile, getting to know each other for around 2 months. We agreed to go on a casual date while I was in his state(we live 5 hours away from each other). Unless I'm terrible at reading signals(possible haha), we had a great time. He was so sweet and affectionate..he made a point to bring up little facts about me or funny stories I had mentioned to him throughout the time we had been getting to know each other, he kept telling me "you're so cute" - "you're so pretty" - "you're so sexy" and he kissed me several times. All in all, I'm thinking we were meshing pretty well. We have similar ideals, similar senses of humor, and we're both super laid back. Before I left, he even made a point of grabbing me by the waste and giving me this long, drawn-out kiss before we said our goodbyes.
So I ended up accidentally losing his phone number on a factory reset, and I sent him a FB message about 2 days later. I let him know that I lost his number or else I would have texted/called, but I just wanted him to know straight-up that I did have a really good time with him, I liked him, and I simply asked if he was in the same ballpark as me, or if it was more of a one-time thing. I also told him I know he's super busy, and that I don't want to intrude on what's going on in his life(he's opening a small business).
This dude never answered the CONTENT of my message, but he texted me to make sure I had his # again. WHAT?! Nothing?
I mean, clearly, he's not into me anymore (which is confusing enough as is) but why couldn't he just be honest and say that? I mean I put it out there for him to say, "it was a one time thing, I don't care to take it any further." I feel like via FB message, I gave him a pretty good out. I'm not even asking you guys WHY he's not into me anymore...I have my own theories...BUT...
Y U NO ANSWER?
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Replies
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How did you exactly word it about what he wanted...was it I had a great time and would like to get together again?
Or was it I had a great time,do you feel the same or just want me to leave you alone?
The first is an honest question the second is virtually an ultimatum that says he has to have the correct answer for you when maybe he wasn`t in the place yet to venture out that far in his thinking.
The "I know you are busy so don`t want to intrude was almost as if you were saying your interest was limited so no wonder he chose to try to keep communication open rather then fumble a question he had no idea what answer you wanted.
Have you tried to have normal pre date conversation with him or did you upon receiving a non answer to a does this make my butt look big question stop communicating?0 -
How did you exactly word it about what he wanted...was it I had a great time and would like to get together again?
Or was it I had a great time,do you feel the same or just want me to leave you alone?
The first is an honest question the second is virtually an ultimatum that says he has to have the correct answer for you when maybe he wasn`t in the place yet to venture out that far in his thinking.
The "I know you are busy so don`t want to intrude was almost as if you were saying your interest was limited so no wonder he chose to try to keep communication open rather then fumble a question he had no idea what answer you wanted.
Have you tried to have normal pre date conversation with him or did you upon receiving a non answer to a does this make my butt look big question stop communicating?
My exact wording was, "So I totally would've texted, but I lost your # yesterday doing a factory reset on my phone haha.
I'm not one for guessing games, so I just want to say that I really do like you and I had a really good time with you on Saturday. That being said, I have no idea what you think. I know you're a busy guy, and I'm not trying to invade you at all. Just wondering if you are thinking in the same ballpark as me or if it was simply a one-time thing. : )
-Kelsey"
What do you think? I have asked a few friends (guys&girls) what they thought of the message and they honestly said it sounded like a decent question to ask, and that it seemed opened-ended enough...what do you think?
I did try to text him and ask him how the shop was coming along, etc...and he hates Texas sports, so I made a joke about a trip I was going on and said "I'm going to Dallas this weekend - I'll be sure to buy and send you some Cowboys memorabilia!" to which he replied "you better not!" and a little more banter but he faded out of the conversation pretty quickly. Definitely no contact from him first. And I just kept getting a vibe that he wanted to cut ties, so I haven't attempted to touch base with him recently.0 -
Long distance is usually way too hard. Local dating is difficult enough without that added complication. Focus locally and you'll find someone.
Wishing all the best for you!0 -
Maybe I am in a cranky mood but to me that sounded like..
"Okay,I like you but don`t want to mess around so are you with me or I am not going to waste my time"
DM,not knowing anyones personal life situation you do need to understand that there are many of us that to focus locally means trying to find a single person out of an adult population numbering in the hundreds or less or an hour plus drive one way for even a small to medium city.
It is not as easy as you seem to believe given all the pratfalls that normally occur in meeting a person that is available,having them have that basic initial attraction and then it growing from there.
Distance is what we have no matter the venue.
Yes I would like to escape from here and am working towards it but that in and of itself is not an easy task always either.0 -
Ha, really? Even with the smiley emoticon?! hahaha. I definitely wasn't going for that. But I can see where you're going, and how it can be misinterpreted. I suppose if he was unsure of how he felt or where he wanted it to go and then received that message, he would feel forced to make a decision. Understandable.
Oh well. Clearly if it meant more to him, he would've made more of an effort since then...right? Am I crazy? Or would he feel like if he made an effort, it would be signalling to me that he wants what he thinks I want? DAMN IT. I wasn't trying to set an "ultimatum" but maybe it came off that way.
I think I'm starting to get it.
What's DUMB is that I wasn't going to say anything, but a guy friend of mine told me it would be best just to ask him .. I guess I just worded it wrong. haha. I definitely wasn't looking to jump into a relationship, I was more so trying to see if he was "into" me in a "will we see each other again" type of way. Not, "LET'S GET MARRIED ZOMGGGG"
edit: Carl well said regarding local dating. I live in a podunk town with people who 'settle down' and reduce their lives to babies and church. For those people that is fine, if that makes them happy. But even the closest "city" has bleak prospects. And I work about 80 hours a week, so it's very difficult to find someone who ISN'T a guest in my hotel that I am attracted to. Maybe in the future I can live somewhere *fancy* haha
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This made me laugh. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:I wasn't trying to set an "ultimatum" but maybe it came off that way.
Maybe you should learn to play "games" by the rules then... Then you can play to win!
Anyway, it didn't come across as too clingy to me, but it might after one date, and if one reads it wrong.0 -
I read this 100mph like you were talking really fast. Maybe he wants to slow it down a bit. You said yourself he's opening a business. That's stressful enough much less trying to start a new relationship at the same time.
If you wanna play games post a bunch of pictures with your friendzone guy bff. He won't know its your bff and maybe he'll step up his game.0 -
Ha, really? Even with the smiley emoticon?! hahaha. I definitely wasn't going for that. But I can see where you're going, and how it can be misinterpreted. I suppose if he was unsure of how he felt or where he wanted it to go and then received that message, he would feel forced to make a decision. Understandable.
Oh well. Clearly if it meant more to him, he would've made more of an effort since then...right? Am I crazy? Or would he feel like if he made an effort, it would be signalling to me that he wants what he thinks I want? DAMN IT. I wasn't trying to set an "ultimatum" but maybe it came off that way.
I think I'm starting to get it.
What's DUMB is that I wasn't going to say anything, but a guy friend of mine told me it would be best just to ask him .. I guess I just worded it wrong. haha. I definitely wasn't looking to jump into a relationship, I was more so trying to see if he was "into" me in a "will we see each other again" type of way. Not, "LET'S GET MARRIED ZOMGGGG"
edit: Carl well said regarding local dating. I live in a podunk town with people who 'settle down' and reduce their lives to babies and church. For those people that is fine, if that makes them happy. But even the closest "city" has bleak prospects. And I work about 80 hours a week, so it's very difficult to find someone who ISN'T a guest in my hotel that I am attracted to. Maybe in the future I can live somewhere *fancy* haha
I don`t think it is unreasonable to not want to invest a lot of time in what might amount to trying to catch a puff of smoke 5 hours away just that you probably came across as kind of blunt and cold with it as it was worded.
Yeah,did Match.com search for ladies 35-48 (fair range I think) and 20 miles from my zip code.
Not a terribly far distance but not around the corner either and the result was 3 pages and the third had 4 people on it.
Distance is a fact of life for many regardless of venue so if online can help find and sort out people quicker then more power to it.
Just everyone has to know that writing does not convey body language,facial expressions,tone of voice etc so it carries its own problems.0 -
If it were me I would have simply said I had a great time and that it was nice meeting him. I would have said i would text you but I accidentally lost your number doing a factory reset. If you would like to continue chatting please send me your number again. ( Or something like that). He gave you his number back, right? This is not a generalization however it has been MY experience that guys aren't always into the lengthy email replies. I would write nice long emails and get a one line reply! lol. Lesson learned for me
If he gave you his number again, just text him but keep it light! If you continue to probe with the " where is this relationship going" type questions then you may as well toss his number out cause that dude's gonna run! lol. Again... this is based on my experiences only and that does not mean this guy is like that but I do believe you need to just go with the flow for a bit. If he discontinues communicating with you then move on. There is someone else who is worth your time and effort! Good luck 0 -
erase edit! 0
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Seriously, how much time does it take to write an email, or respond to someone on Facebook? He's opening a business? OK, me too, and here I am posting here. Men ALWAYS have lots of time when they're interested in someone... ALWAYS. 100%.
I think the guy's reaction (or, rather, inaction) is just inexcusable. They met and had a pleasant date. They kissed. After that the guy can't be bothered to write a note? He's even got a perfect out if he's no longer interested: "We live too far away... I'm just too busy... etc., etc." That would take him 5 minutes to write, max.
Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it's typical behavior. You definitely deserved better.
--P0 -
Give it time? Let the dust settle? For goodness sake, stop overanalyzing this. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. He's just not that into you. I'm sorry, but it's that simple.
But if by chance he does like you, then he's a lazy slacker and you're better off without him. Sorry to be so blunt.
--P0 -
Seriously, how much time does it take to write an email, or respond to someone on Facebook? He's opening a business? OK, me too, and here I am posting here. Men ALWAYS have lots of time when they're interested in someone... ALWAYS. 100%.
I think the guy's reaction (or, rather, inaction) is just inexcusable. They met and had a pleasant date. They kissed. After that the guy can't be bothered to write a note? He's even got a perfect out if he's no longer interested: "We live too far away... I'm just too busy... etc., etc." That would take him 5 minutes to write, max.
Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it's typical behavior. You definitely deserved better.
--P
I felt this way, too. I mean, for a month and a half, he had the time to respond to my texts quite frequently, so why no time now to at least say "I don't see it going anywhere."?
Like I said, I wanted to know WHY he wouldn't answer...not whether or not he was interested. Clearly, if he were that into me, he would've already tried to get in touch with me.0 -
Give it time? Let the dust settle? For goodness sake, stop overanalyzing this. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. He's just not that into you. I'm sorry, but it's that simple.
But if by chance he does like you, then he's a lazy slacker and you're better off without him. Sorry to be so blunt.
--P
No need to apologize I shall drop it!
PS You know us womenz, we overanalyze the *kitten* out of everything. And we somehow believe there is hope in everything hahaha0 -
Seriously, how much time does it take to write an email, or respond to someone on Facebook? He's opening a business? OK, me too, and here I am posting here. Men ALWAYS have lots of time when they're interested in someone... ALWAYS. 100%.
I think the guy's reaction (or, rather, inaction) is just inexcusable. They met and had a pleasant date. They kissed. After that the guy can't be bothered to write a note? He's even got a perfect out if he's no longer interested: "We live too far away... I'm just too busy... etc., etc." That would take him 5 minutes to write, max.
Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it's typical behavior. You definitely deserved better.
--P
I felt this way, too. I mean, for a month and a half, he had the time to respond to my texts quite frequently, so why no time now to at least say "I don't see it going anywhere."?
Like I said, I wanted to know WHY he wouldn't answer...not whether or not he was interested. Clearly, if he were that into me, he would've already tried to get in touch with me.
Unless he decides to contact you you may never end up knowing what is going on in his head. I have dated guys for 2 yrs who ended it without so much as a word.. regardless of how many times I attempted to email, text, call.... after 2 years of being together! I know how frustrating it is but I say let it go and chalk it up to the fact he is just too immature to man up. If he does decide to call, or write and provides a reasonable explanation, then great.. but until then there is no point in putting anymore energy into him. You deserve a man.. not a boy!0 -
My exact wording was, "So I totally would've texted, but I lost your # yesterday doing a factory reset on my phone haha.
I'm not one for guessing games, so I just want to say that I really do like you and I had a really good time with you on Saturday. That being said, I have no idea what you think. I know you're a busy guy, and I'm not trying to invade you at all. Just wondering if you are thinking in the same ballpark as me or if it was simply a one-time thing. : )
-Kelsey"
Hey Kelsey
I think what you said here was reasonable, however, men dont really decipher messages like this. There is no tangiable question in there. You could have said "I really had a good time. Shall we do it again? "
I once had a guy tell me he never answers a text unless there is a question in there!!! :huh: Not sure if all men are like this, but they definitely are more straight forward in their thinking and dont read between the lines like we tend to do.... :laugh:
After 1.5 months and seeing as you are the one making all the moves here, I'd back off. I've found that men can kiss and cuddle and not actually be interested in anything more than a kiss and cuddle!! And then there is the distance aspect, coupled with his new business.................yeah, NEXT!! :flowerforyou:
~ETA - Reading that back I sound like I know men very well - I don't! :laugh:0 -
My exact wording was, "So I totally would've texted, but I lost your # yesterday doing a factory reset on my phone haha.
I'm not one for guessing games, so I just want to say that I really do like you and I had a really good time with you on Saturday. That being said, I have no idea what you think. I know you're a busy guy, and I'm not trying to invade you at all. Just wondering if you are thinking in the same ballpark as me or if it was simply a one-time thing. : )
-Kelsey"
Hey Kelsey
I think what you said here was reasonable, however, men dont really decipher messages like this. There is no tangiable question in there. You could have said "I really had a good time. Shall we do it again? "
I once had a guy tell me he never answers a text unless there is a question in there!!! :huh: Not sure if all men are like this, but they definitely are more straight forward in their thinking and dont read between the lines like we tend to do.... :laugh:
After 1.5 months and seeing as you are the one making all the moves here, I'd back off. I've found that men can kiss and cuddle and not actually be interested in anything more than a kiss and cuddle!! And then there is the distance aspect, coupled with his new business.................yeah, NEXT!! :flowerforyou:
~ETA - Reading that back I sound like I know men very well - I don't! :laugh:
HAHA It's cool! I'm already in the "next!" mindset. I have just been so aggravated at this guy for not answering my question. Posting the question definitely helped me understand a few different sides to the story, though! Thanks all you lovelies!
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Seriously, how much time does it take to write an email, or respond to someone on Facebook? He's opening a business? OK, me too, and here I am posting here. Men ALWAYS have lots of time when they're interested in someone... ALWAYS. 100%.
I think the guy's reaction (or, rather, inaction) is just inexcusable. They met and had a pleasant date. They kissed. After that the guy can't be bothered to write a note? He's even got a perfect out if he's no longer interested: "We live too far away... I'm just too busy... etc., etc." That would take him 5 minutes to write, max.
Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it's typical behavior. You definitely deserved better.
--P
This!0 -
Long distance is usually way too hard. Local dating is difficult enough without that added complication. Focus locally and you'll find someone.
Wishing all the best for you!
This, it just doesnt work out for most people. people have needs and most cant control the desire so they end up cheating. Dont do it, focus on local. You are what most guys look for so it will be easy for you to find a guy you want.0 -
My gf initially wasn't willing to deal with a long distance relationship (we live 7 hours apart). She was able to articulate it very clearly. Maybe he can't.
Anyway, after our first date (weekend), I told her I couldn't date her casually. And I was very clear that if she decided to try to date me, I would be making the effort to ensure we maximized our time together. We canceled our date plans for the second date and I went on being me. We still chatted and talked on the phone (her daughter was planning on going to college where I went, so I was a good source of information). She changed her mind about the distance relationship and I immediately scheduled (i.e., booked hotel, etc.) another weekend with her (I actually scheduled the next five).
Distance relationships are hard, but they can be done. You both have to commit to the idea that you're going to make time for each other. If you're sensing that he can't be bothered to respond to your email/FB/texts because he's too busy, then I'd say he isn't interested enough to make a distance relationship work.0 -
Yep.Distance relationships are hard, but they can be done. You both have to commit to the idea that you're going to make time for each other. If you're sensing that he can't be bothered to respond to your email/FB/texts because he's too busy, then I'd say he isn't interested enough to make a distance relationship work.
About long distance relationships, the dangerous thing is that you only get to see "the best aspect" of each other since you can see each other so rarely, and often organise amazing things to do when you see each other, on the weekend. Also you never get bored of your partner.
They are: always prime time, always exciting, always new and fresh. They are often deceiving for that reason.
They are also very slow paced, so the relationship can look like more than it is in reality. It might take quite some time to realise that they are not.
They work well at some specific points in your life though...0 -
Just a thought but maybe since he response was to make sure you had his number he actually wanted you to call him and discuss it and since you have not responded to him he thinks you are blowing him off.0
This discussion has been closed.