THIS over-analyzer learned a life lesson, not the hard way
NCTravellingGirl
Posts: 717 Member
So yesterday I posted a topic about people disappearing from online dating. I shared my situation with someone I had been talking to for two week but never met even though he had suggested having dinner three days before and then dropped off the face of the planet after that.
I was really hurt my this... I shouldn't have been, but I was more emotionally invested than I should have been. The whole point on the online experience was for me to become OK with rejection, something I have shied away for years, thus unsurprisingly leaving me single because I never put myself out there. So, my rash emotional reaction was to send him a note saying goodbye and blocking him on POF.
This morning I realized I was being silly. If he disappeared, why am I blocking HIM? He won't CARE so it's pointless, so I unblocked him in my effort to just let go of it all.
Not 5 minutes went by and a message popped up.... from HIM. He told me he was glad I had unblocked him. He told me I was over-reacting... that he missed talking with me, and that he had created a plan to stalk me and come find my desk if I didn't unblock him by Monday. We work for the same company, same building with 4000 people, but opposites ends. We haven't met yet either, so we keep joking about running into each other so the comment about "stalking" was serious because we hadn't even exchanged last names... but he's in IT so he would have found me eventually...
Anyway, I share this because I feel like I got a second chance. I've read so many postings on here from women who make this mistake. I think I'm worse at it being both female AND an engineer who analyzes for a living. It doesn't mean anything will work out with him... but I feel grateful that he's accepting enough of my freak out moment. Don't think that you really know someone online... I interpretted his actions to mean things because of my perspective and fears! I was WRONG, and it almost cost me a friendship at a minimum. Stay calm and give things a chance... there aren't always second chances. Lesson learned for me luckily!
I was really hurt my this... I shouldn't have been, but I was more emotionally invested than I should have been. The whole point on the online experience was for me to become OK with rejection, something I have shied away for years, thus unsurprisingly leaving me single because I never put myself out there. So, my rash emotional reaction was to send him a note saying goodbye and blocking him on POF.
This morning I realized I was being silly. If he disappeared, why am I blocking HIM? He won't CARE so it's pointless, so I unblocked him in my effort to just let go of it all.
Not 5 minutes went by and a message popped up.... from HIM. He told me he was glad I had unblocked him. He told me I was over-reacting... that he missed talking with me, and that he had created a plan to stalk me and come find my desk if I didn't unblock him by Monday. We work for the same company, same building with 4000 people, but opposites ends. We haven't met yet either, so we keep joking about running into each other so the comment about "stalking" was serious because we hadn't even exchanged last names... but he's in IT so he would have found me eventually...
Anyway, I share this because I feel like I got a second chance. I've read so many postings on here from women who make this mistake. I think I'm worse at it being both female AND an engineer who analyzes for a living. It doesn't mean anything will work out with him... but I feel grateful that he's accepting enough of my freak out moment. Don't think that you really know someone online... I interpretted his actions to mean things because of my perspective and fears! I was WRONG, and it almost cost me a friendship at a minimum. Stay calm and give things a chance... there aren't always second chances. Lesson learned for me luckily!
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Lol I totally over analyze too..(not that I think I've ever blocked someone or really come to a wrong conclusion on POF...for me POF is a sad pathetic process of banging my head against the brick wall over and over again...definitition of insanity for sure
But I'm glad that you are getting a second chance at something.
Over thinking is probably a big issue I have and I need to KISS..keep it simple stupid.0 -
Did you ask him why he up and disappeared?0
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I would have asked why he "poofed", but I am an over thinker too and I think it just comes naturally to women to over think a lot of things, especially when it comes to men. I am glad you are willing to give him another chance, but breathe, and just go with the flow (I know it is super hard)0
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He actually shared that with me in his first message to me. He said he was exhausted and went to bed by 930 multiple nights (we chatted as late as 1 AM some nights so I was exhausted too and should have done the same)...feasible, yes, but I would have expected a message or something. I clearly have to stop expecting things in online dating... we hadn't even met yet so there should BE no expectations!0
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it is hard to not get expectations - I think it is how we are "wired" lol0
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Lovey, it happens in Molecular Life, too..... I am just kicking myself for something I misinterpreted 2 years ago... I hurt him terribly by jumping to the same kind of conclusion that came to you. On one level, he has "forgiven" me. But on a deeper level, he will never ever trust me again, even though he has tried to the best of his ability..... :brokenheart:0
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yeah... the guy I had written on for "poofing" texted me today and we did end up meeting...
My first instinct was to tell him that since I had not heard from him in days that I assumed we were not meeting. I sent this message instead: Hey...I'm confused. I haven't heard from you in a few days. Are you still wanting to meet?
He replied: Sorry I've been busy. Yes, if you want to.
I decided to go ahead and meet him. It was nothing spectacular, but it was a nice meal, and he was a gentleman.
So, yeah, maybe sometimes we just overthink things...0 -
I think you should stop over analyzing your over analyzing.
Just be at one with the internetz and it's 3 billion creepers.
On a serious note. When you meet someone you think you might connect, don't rush, be patient. Expect the knock backs and late replies. Comes with the territory.0 -
We work for the same company, same building with 4000 people, but opposites ends. We haven't met yet either, so we keep joking about running into each other so the comment about "stalking" was serious because we hadn't even exchanged last names... but he's in IT so he would have found me eventually...
I think you should meet ASAP!!! I'm surprised, knowing you are so close, he hasn't suggested lunch or something yet?? Be careful of guys that just want to talk, it may mean they are married!
3 months I chatted to a guy online. We lived a long way apart so meeting was never going to be easy, but still, it turned out he was married.
Sorry to throw that one in there ..... :flowerforyou:0 -
We work for the same company, same building with 4000 people, but opposites ends. We haven't met yet either, so we keep joking about running into each other so the comment about "stalking" was serious because we hadn't even exchanged last names... but he's in IT so he would have found me eventually...
I think you should meet ASAP!!! I'm surprised, knowing you are so close, he hasn't suggested lunch or something yet?? Be careful of guys that just want to talk, it may mean they are married!
3 months I chatted to a guy online. We lived a long way apart so meeting was never going to be easy, but still, it turned out he was married.
Sorry to throw that one in there ..... :flowerforyou:
You guys work in the same building and can't even go to lunch together one day?!?0 -
I like his playful response to you blocking him, which might have made another guy lose interest or turn into Mr. Huffy Hurtfeelings. I think you ought to meet this one. 0
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Honestly, he's asked where I thought might be a good place for a first date and also directly said he owes me dinner for all the late night loss of sleep. It's truthfully been me dragging out the first meeting... the fact that we work in the same building is making me hesitate. I've even been avoiding the main cafe since I know he's there daily.
Don't get me wrong, I want to meet him. I LOVE talking to him, but the meeting someone at work thing has never worked well for me.
I'm surprised he's still sticking around as crazy as I've acted with him, haha...Being the analyzer that I am, I can say that part of me is scared by how easily we chat, the fact that he's in IT like my ex, and yes, if you read my previous post, his undergrad is in engineering, and he's less than a year away from a masters in IT... I just haven't asked him if his middle name is DAVE!0 -
It's truthfully been me dragging out the first meeting... the fact that we work in the same building is making me hesitate. I've even been avoiding the main cafe since I know he's there daily.
Don't get me wrong, I want to meet him. I LOVE talking to him, but the meeting someone at work thing has never worked well for me.
You have to meet him to get over the fantasy of him. As you've said, you've invested emotionally already? That will only get worse. And the more you get to know him online, the more you will feel you have to lose offline, so there is absolutely no good reason to put it off.
Woman up!! Go meet him!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with Anna! Time for the next step!0
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OK Anna and Darla... I've got dinner planned with him tomorrow night :happy:0
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Yippi!0
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Yay!!!! Keep us posted!0
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That's awesome! Hope you two hit it off great, can't wait to find out!0
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Good for you!!! Good luck tonight 0
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OK Anna and Darla... I've got dinner planned with him tomorrow night :happy:
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
Good Luck and bravo!!! :flowerforyou:0
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