Help.
kobashi
Posts: 164
Okay.. so.. There is this girl that I work with.. I had always thought that she was cool and very pretty but never thought that I had a shot. Even though we do hung out a few times, it was always in groups. One day we also met up at the park but we both had our kids.
One day I was complaining about no healthy food in the breaker room and that night she brought me a sub from subway because I was working late. She is always happy to see me and everything... But, I can't tell whether she likes me or is just being a good friend.
So I went camping the last two night and she had said that she might come down on Wednesday night but had stuff come up and couldn't make it. She had to work Thursday so couldn't make it down either. I had sent her a text Wednesday night telling her she was welcome to come anytime. She never responded even though it wasn't a question, and we haven't talked/texted since then.
We didn't text all day everyday just a few sometimes and we would get into conversations and text quite a bit. I don't know how to read this. Everything smart in me tells me to just be friends and not make any effort but then the other part has me type out text messages and then delete them because I don't want it to be weird at work.
Just need someone to put me in the right.
Thanks.
One day I was complaining about no healthy food in the breaker room and that night she brought me a sub from subway because I was working late. She is always happy to see me and everything... But, I can't tell whether she likes me or is just being a good friend.
So I went camping the last two night and she had said that she might come down on Wednesday night but had stuff come up and couldn't make it. She had to work Thursday so couldn't make it down either. I had sent her a text Wednesday night telling her she was welcome to come anytime. She never responded even though it wasn't a question, and we haven't talked/texted since then.
We didn't text all day everyday just a few sometimes and we would get into conversations and text quite a bit. I don't know how to read this. Everything smart in me tells me to just be friends and not make any effort but then the other part has me type out text messages and then delete them because I don't want it to be weird at work.
Just need someone to put me in the right.
Thanks.
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Replies
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If you didn't ask a question, I can see why maybe she didn't respond - but if I was her, I probably would have responded. I think she could be into you, judging by the sub thing. I would call/text her on Sunday or Monday and ask about her weekend, and see what she says back, and then go from there.0
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If you didn't ask a question, I can see why maybe she didn't respond - but if I was her, I probably would have responded. I think she could be into you, judging by the sub thing. I would call/text her on Sunday or Monday and ask about her weekend, and see what she says back, and then go from there.
As I was posting this, she text me and asked how camping went. I can't exactly avoid her over the weekend. We work together on Saturday and see each other a few times a day on Saturday and Sunday. We have regularly went out with a group on Saturday night because we all close together.
This may seem so dumb and make me sound like a loser but after we met up at the park with her kids.. She posted this on her Facebook. "Today has turned out to be quite great
<Her child's name> and I enjoyed going to the park after I got off of work,I think she may have made a new friend. When we got home I checked my mail and I have met a huge milestone towards my mortgage (still FAR from being even close to paid) but just getting below that certain number is an amazing feeling! YAY!"
She had been having a terrible day before we hung out. I read way too much into this stuff but I am not the best dater and she has just an incredible personality. She has also admitted to creeping my Facebook.0 -
Definitely by the fact that she texted you and the status, she very well might like you. I think you should make a move.0
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I think its time to make a move, if you act now and get rejected, big deal at least you'll know. If you dont act and drift into friendzone well that shoots that. Go for it. I think the sub thing is a pretty good indicator, good luck.0
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Definitely by the fact that she texted you and the status, she very well might like you. I think you should make a move.
I don't want things at work to be awkward though. I am afraid if I make a move that it could really change how things have to be at work and I really just enjoy talking to her and being around her.
I don't know. I am worried though.. I have an issue with loving the chase and then when I catch it I don't want it anymore. Like a dog chasing a car tire.0 -
Definitely by the fact that she texted you and the status, she very well might like you. I think you should make a move.
I don't want things at work to be awkward though. I am afraid if I make a move that it could really change how things have to be at work and I really just enjoy talking to her and being around her.
I don't know. I am worried though.. I have an issue with loving the chase and then when I catch it I don't want it anymore. Like a dog chasing a car tire.
Well, do all womankind a favour, and dont bother then!!
Nothing worse than a guy being into you and when he gets you, not!! 0 -
Well, do all womankind a favour, and dont bother then!! Nothing worse than a guy being into you and when he gets you, not!!
Yeah but I like her a lot. It's not about her looks like with most. It's with her personality. We have better discussion than I have ever had with a woman in my life. Also, we have a lot in common. We both raise our children the same. We are both hard workers with strong life goals.
I didn't plan on dating anyone since all I do is work all the time, but I could seriously see myself with her in the future. Not just sexually either.0 -
Definitely by the fact that she texted you and the status, she very well might like you. I think you should make a move.
I don't want things at work to be awkward though. I am afraid if I make a move that it could really change how things have to be at work and I really just enjoy talking to her and being around her.
I don't know. I am worried though.. I have an issue with loving the chase and then when I catch it I don't want it anymore. Like a dog chasing a car tire.
Forget your issues about the chase. Well, don't forget them, because you clearly need to work it out.
I think you should say something like this, "Would you want to go __________ this weekend?" If she says, "Oh, I'm busy, but thanks," chalk it up to her not liking you. But if she says "yes" or "oh, I'd like to, but I'm busy, could we do it another time?" then yay! I highly doubt she'll say no.
If you ask a girl out who is too shy to say no, she'll make up excuses until you stop - it's fairly obvious that way. And if you ask her out in a low-key manner, things won't be so awkward at work if you break up.0 -
1) Ask her out!
1a) She says yes. Yay!
1b) She says no. Boo. Oh well. Don't be awkward and it won't be awkward.
2) Don't ask her out and accept the friendzone.0 -
1) Ask her out!
1a) She says yes. Yay!
1b) She says no. Boo. Oh well. Don't be awkward and it won't be awkward.
2) Don't ask her out and accept the friendzone.
THIS. Man up and ask her. It sounds like she may be interested, but if you never try, you'll never know.0 -
Youth is wasted on the young...
--P0 -
Okay. I text her last night and told her that "I've missed you!" since I hadn't seen her and she said "I was thinking that today, I forgot you weren't working"
Is that a blow off? Or am I reading too much into it?0 -
Okay. I text her last night and told her that "I've missed you!" since I hadn't seen her and she said "I was thinking that today, I forgot you weren't working"
Is that a blow off? Or am I reading too much into it?
You have a crush, she seems to have interest back.... You need to stop thinking too much on the subject. I would do one of two things, A. Ask her out this weekend... and make it clear that it's a date. B. Go do something, chill and get her out of your head until you see her at work again... then ask her out. If you keep thinking to much, your mind starts developing down the road fantasies and you could blow it. Ask her out and get it over with or chill out till you do.
My two cents.0 -
I think you were reading too much into it. Just ask if she wants to hang out.Okay. I text her last night and told her that "I've missed you!" since I hadn't seen her and she said "I was thinking that today, I forgot you weren't working"
Is that a blow off? Or am I reading too much into it?0 -
Youth is wasted on the young...
--P
Agreed!0 -
Okay. I text her last night and told her that "I've missed you!" since I hadn't seen her and she said "I was thinking that today, I forgot you weren't working"
Is that a blow off? Or am I reading too much into it?
Honestly, the answer is so in your face if it was a snake it would have bit you. In fact, it has bitten you several times. You have the responses from everyone. Either ask her out or don't but make your decision and stop *****footing around. Whatever you choose it's not going to be the end of the world.0 -
Okay. I text her last night and told her that "I've missed you!" since I hadn't seen her and she said "I was thinking that today, I forgot you weren't working"
Is that a blow off? Or am I reading too much into it?
Honestly, the answer is so in your face if it was a snake it would have bit you. In fact, it has bitten you several times. You have the responses from everyone. Either ask her out or don't but make your decision and stop *****footing around. Whatever you choose it's not going to be the end of the world.
Yeah this so would have bit you! Go for it! Only you can make it awkward. Jump both feet or you will never know!0 -
UPDATE:
Last night after work me, her and a co worker went out to IHOP for dinner. We had a pretty good time goofing off and ended up sitting outside of IHOP talking for three hours until 3am. She sent me a text last night saying that "She loved getting to see me." I don't know exactly how to take that but this morning we were texting and I asked her if she would like to do something without a group of people or even our kiddos for once. She said that she's okay with it just being us instead of a group like in the past.
It seems like when we hang out, neither of us want to leave even though we have to be at work early. It is very refreshing for me. Normally it's either i like them and they don't like me or the other way around. Not sure exactly how to take everything but I will take it all good for now!0 -
Hahaha, you found a way to ask her out and still beat around the bush, that's hilarious! But you done good and I hope it works out.
No one hangs out with someone until 3am if they don't like them 0 -
So I can't seem to get her to go on a one on one date. Always some reason... maybe she really can't get a sitter. Who knows.
Last night I text her and said basically "I feel like my day isn't complete if I haven't spoken to you all day" and "I just can't tell how you feel about me because you are so hard to read." She replied with something like "I don't dislike you" and "You need to get out more often."
Not what I wanted to hear. In person, she seems into me.. Flirting etc but in text who knows. She always refers to me as a friend a lot on her facebook.. Like "had a great time with friends today." I don't know.. Part of me thinks that I am reading too much into this and the other part tells me I need to give up and just be her friend. That is rough because personality wise she is tops.
I feel like I have to force any chance of us hanging out.. She has yet to really ever try to make us hang out... Maybe she is just being nice since I am kind of her boss at work? Not exactly but she is supervisory staff and I am management staff... Not her superior though.
Any help is appreciated.
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I'm going to be honest here. You shouldn't be asking questions like that over text. Find a way to address your concerns in person if you really need to know.'it would freak me out if a guy asked me that via text.
Maybe in person, ask,"I get the sense that you aren't as into me as I like you. Am I reading things right?" Hopefully if you nice about it she will give you a honest answer. And if it isn't what you want to hear, put a smile on your face and say, "thank you for being honest with me."0 -
Hm. You know how some men are into the chase and not the catching? Well, you do know, because you're one of them.
In the same way, some women are into being admired and chased and not caught.
The latest signals you seem to be getting might indicate this. It could be she's not ready for any relationship, too, though. It could be she has her own doubts about dating someone she works with. It could be she's interested in you but more interested in someone else.
You could clear the air by sitting down with her and finding out, just stating at the beginning that honesty won't hurt you're feelings and you're just trying to figure out if you guys have any hope of being more than friends or if it's good how it is. I don't see how that could mess up your work life or friend life unless you let it, as she will probably be flattered regardless of her answer.0 -
Erm, you might be freaking her out saying stuff like your day isn't complete without talking to her and you have no idea how she feels about you since you two aren't even dating yet. Just be a man, come up with a plan for a date, and then say, hey, let's pick a day to do this. If she says no or keeps making excuses, she's not into you and move on and it's not gonna be all that awkward because you skipped the crap about trying to get her to express her feelings for you. Just be cool.0
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You're still not being direct, and you're not going to get a direct response if you don't.
Tell her you would like to date her.
Though I've got to be honest, she doesn't sound super interested. I would expect to get shot down at this point. You just have to decide if it's worth it to put it out there. Instead you keep posting your vague conversations asking for help as though hoping that someone will tell you she must be secretly madly in love with you but can't because her evil stepmother hides her away in a tower when she tries to date.
You've asked for help. A few times. You've gotten the same answer every single time. Snake. Bite. Yadda yadda...0 -
First of all, I wouldn't suggest dating anybody you work with. Things can get really awkward really quick. Not to mention the whole sexual harassment thing, just be careful with that.
Second of all, she calls you her friend on facebook, what else would you expect her to call you?
I would suggest you look at the big picture. Do you really want to date someone you work with? You really just have to ask yourself if it's all worth it. Is it worth the possible rejection? Is it worth the possible awkwardness at work? She might like you, are she might have already friend zoned you because you haven't exactly shown much confidence based on some of your posts in this thread. She obviously likes hanging out with you, but the more doubts you have about if she likes you more than friends, the more doubts she's going to have.0 -
balls.0
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Ouch! "You need to get out more often?" I think it's time for you to take a step back. The ball is in her court. It's possible that she loves to be chased (the attention, flattery, etc.), so if I were you - I'd back off. She might try to engage you over text, but I suspect they'll be hollow attempts to get you chasing her again.
So far, it doesn't seem like she values her time with you as much as you do. =(0 -
Do you two just work at the same company but never see each other, or do you literally work with her in the same dept. and on the same assignments, etc.? I also would not recommend dating a co-worker unless you work for a large company and you never, ever see each other or work together on assignments, and one of you is not "higher up" than the other.
She may also be wondering if dating you is a smart idea or not, which might explain why she isn't a little more direct with you. She might also just enjoy being pursued by a nice guy even though she doesn't feel the same way back. It is hard to say, but roadie is right - think of the big picture..... do you really want to date someone at work? Step back from the pursuit and really think about it. (Just as I have been thinking about dating my chiropractor..... see my Doctors and Patients thread. LOL)0 -
We only work together actually one night a week. We work for an amusement park company. I am a full time employee and she is just a season summer employee.Do you two just work at the same company but never see each other, or do you literally work with her in the same dept. and on the same assignments, etc.? I also would not recommend dating a co-worker unless you work for a large company and you never, ever see each other or work together on assignments, and one of you is not "higher up" than the other.Ouch! "You need to get out more often?" I think it's time for you to take a step back. The ball is in her court. It's possible that she loves to be chased (the attention, flattery, etc.), so if I were you - I'd back off. She might try to engage you over text, but I suspect they'll be hollow attempts to get you chasing her again.
So far, it doesn't seem like she values her time with you as much as you do. =(
I think this is the most correct reply here. I have totally backed off and am now actually trying to focus on other things. We do still get along and flirt in person. I think she isn't ready for anything like I am so I will just be her friend. It sucks, but beats the hell out of things going wrong.
Thanks everyone for the advice. You are all right about me needing to "man up." I have a low confidence level and extreme fear of rejection that limits me in many ways but I think I need to start working on it on a smaller platform like maybe actually getting out more often.0 -
Thanks everyone for the advice. You are all right about me needing to "man up." I have a low confidence level and extreme fear of rejection that limits me in many ways but I think I need to start working on it on a smaller platform like maybe actually getting out more often.
You've lost a lot of weight. Great work. I'm sure that has helped your self confidence a bit.
Now take it to the next level by lifting weights. Stronglifts 5x5. In 12 weeks she'll be begging you to ravish her.
100%.
--P0
