Socially Inept
solman66
Posts: 175 Member
I just need to vent about myself and social ineptitude.
I was at the supermarket today and I noticed an attractive young lady while I was shopping. I was in the snack aisle and she came up and was looking at the same area I was. I found what I was looking for and left. As I'm walking away I keep thinking in the back of my head about how many people say to meet singles at the grocery store and similar places.
So I go to the vegetarian frozen section and start looking for some eggplant and new meat substitutes that I haven't tried yet. As I'm looking she starts down the aisle and happens to start looking in the same section again. Now I want to say something but all I can come up with is "Hello". She smiled and said Hi back. Without saying anything else, I grab some vegan sliders to try and start towards the fresh fruit section. Now I'm really kicking myself for not trying to start a conversation.
After picking up some fruit I decide to go back and see if she's still there and maybe ask her if she's a vegetarian and try to get some advice on foods to try. She was gone so I go to the fresh vegetables section. Wouldn't you know it, she ends up looking at the baby carrots the same time I'm there.
So I say "I'm sorry I seem to keep getting in your way.", but apparently I said it too quietly and she couldn't hear. So I repeat myself, but fumble and stutter through it. This time she heard me though and said "Thats ok. I guess we must like the same foods.". Now I WANTED to say something like "That seems to be true, maybe we could get together and have dinner sometime.", however I was so pissed at myself for stuttering like a moron that all that came out was "Yeah."
I'm such an idiot haha. Years of working in a field with little outside contact has made me terrible at talking to people in social settings that are not bars. I know it's one of those things thats only going to get better with practice, but I have no idea how to practice something like that.
I was at the supermarket today and I noticed an attractive young lady while I was shopping. I was in the snack aisle and she came up and was looking at the same area I was. I found what I was looking for and left. As I'm walking away I keep thinking in the back of my head about how many people say to meet singles at the grocery store and similar places.
So I go to the vegetarian frozen section and start looking for some eggplant and new meat substitutes that I haven't tried yet. As I'm looking she starts down the aisle and happens to start looking in the same section again. Now I want to say something but all I can come up with is "Hello". She smiled and said Hi back. Without saying anything else, I grab some vegan sliders to try and start towards the fresh fruit section. Now I'm really kicking myself for not trying to start a conversation.
After picking up some fruit I decide to go back and see if she's still there and maybe ask her if she's a vegetarian and try to get some advice on foods to try. She was gone so I go to the fresh vegetables section. Wouldn't you know it, she ends up looking at the baby carrots the same time I'm there.
So I say "I'm sorry I seem to keep getting in your way.", but apparently I said it too quietly and she couldn't hear. So I repeat myself, but fumble and stutter through it. This time she heard me though and said "Thats ok. I guess we must like the same foods.". Now I WANTED to say something like "That seems to be true, maybe we could get together and have dinner sometime.", however I was so pissed at myself for stuttering like a moron that all that came out was "Yeah."
I'm such an idiot haha. Years of working in a field with little outside contact has made me terrible at talking to people in social settings that are not bars. I know it's one of those things thats only going to get better with practice, but I have no idea how to practice something like that.
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Replies
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I've been like that all my life, no matter what jobs I've held (and I've held some very social ones). Meeting people is just very awkward for me.0
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First off,you did make contact with her,would have been just as easy and actually ordinary to tend to your business without a word except perhaps "excuse me" if you were in her way or passing in front of her.
Second,don`t presume that you just missed the chance of a lifetime,there is no way to know that and since you didn`t mention it am wondering if you looked for a ring or not.
The bottom line is that despite all the talk about guys being the take charge,never bat an eye sort,the truth is we have insecurities too,don`t have any greater love of rejection then women have and also can be shy.
It is expected (as seen here in threads regularly) that we put those things aside and initiate so at least give yourself some credit for being sociable and build on that.0 -
I've always experienced a great deal of social anxiety myself. You're definitely not alone. I also give you credit for speaking to someone at the grocery store. Usually I do not even make eye contact with anyone there. Or anywhere.0
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Second,don`t presume that you just missed the chance of a lifetime,there is no way to know that and since you didn`t mention it am wondering if you looked for a ring or not.
Yeah I don't think I missed chance of a lifetime, just kind of kicking myself for not being better at talking to women. And yes I did check for a ring, that's the first thing I look for when I meet a new woman. My eyes go to her face first to see if she's looking, then the hands.... then the boobs.0 -
One word pal-questions. Wherever you meet a woman, ask her open ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
In your situation at the grocery store, you could have asked what she was planning to use those baby carrots in. Maybe she answers with salad. Then you could ask her about salad varieties, smile and maybe she asks some questions back. If the rapport is good, ask for her number or ask her out to something of mutual interest on the spot.0 -
I'm the same way. I have the BEST conversation starters...AFTER I've left their sight! Sometimes I feel like putting my finger up in the air and saying "wait for it, something witty, brilliant and interesting is coming out of my mouth at some point!"0
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.Now I WANTED to say something like "That seems to be true, maybe we could get together and have dinner sometime.", however
Honestly, you are not alone in feeling like this - I feel like this all the time!!
However, you have to take baby steps. Maybe instead of what you wanted to say above, just start with, "Hey, I'm ______." Don't leap into the deep end if you haven't spent much time learning to swim in the shallow end. Start slow and work your way up. I have tried to be friendlier to people in general to increase my confidence.
It is hard when you work in a place where you don't interact a lot with people, or you're shy. I'm not naturally shy, but I do get scared of rejection somewhat so it is hard for me to be outgoing even though I want to.0 -
I totally feel your pain! Like Doll said, I keep my eyes on the floor too much so I couldn't even tell you if a male or female walked by, haha. I'm on a mission when I grocery shop so I stare at the list only!
So I'm working on changing that... and it is HARD! Today I went to brunch with my aunt and uncle. I dressed up a bit and felt more confident, so I started watching my surroundings. Maybe I just hit the jackpot of all restaurants, but there were a lot of tables of just guys there (could be gay? or just cheap because there was a coupon out for this place this weekend, haha). I was watching to see what would happen.... there was one table that looked my way A LOT... I made eye contact and smiled, so two of the guys at the table kept doing the same!
Kinda cool, except I'm there with family. What good does all that do me? It was weird... can't imagine approaching someone in a restaurant or them interrupting my meal with my aunt and uncle. So my thoughts were that I need to choose to do that somewhere I'm more approachable... OR I need to go back to that restaurant without my family next weekend, haha....0 -
Kinda cool, except I'm there with family. What good does all that do me? It was weird... can't imagine approaching someone in a restaurant or them interrupting my meal with my aunt and uncle. So my thoughts were that I need to choose to do that somewhere I'm more approachable... OR I need to go back to that restaurant without my family next weekend, haha....
Oh my goodness this is my life! I go out to the track with my dad once a week, and there are always cute guys and I wonder if they would approach me if I was alone.0 -
You're not alone. This happens to both men and women. Listen to DM. It sounds like he knows what he's talking about when it comes to meeting someone in a grocery store. I've been approached in some of the oddest places: grocery stores, Wal-Mart, parking lots, convenient stores, Pizza Hut. Let me tell you how some of them did it:
I was in Wal-Mart looking at the big bin of DVDs. I noticed a man and his son in the electronics section. Our eyes met. Then, I looked away and went back to digging for a bargain. The next thing I know, he is over there, digging with me, asking me about movies and talking to me about his favorite movie which led to another conversation altogether. I think we talked for thirty minutes. Then, we moved our conversation out to the parking lot. He asked me what there was to do in town. Unfortunately, I lived in a small town, and there was absolutely NOTHING to do there. So, we just ended up talking for a bit. Alas... he lived too far away and was just visiting family.
Another time, I was in a laundromat, reading a book. The cutie pie asked me what I was reading to spark conversation.
In line at the convenient store, I can't remember what he said. All I remember is that he was too cute. But, unfortunately, that was back when I was clueless and had super low self-esteem and didn't know how to respond, so I just turned my back on him. I know!!! It was AWFUL! My friends were like, "He was totally hitting on you, and he was FINE, and you turned your back on him!!!"
Edited to add: Make eye contact. Smile. That's the first thing you do. Sounds like you did that. Notice her reaction. If it's positive, try sparking a conversation. Go from there.
Practice. If you're shy and don't normally talk to strangers, you might could practice with someone you're not even attracted to. There's no law against being friendly.0 -
Kinda cool, except I'm there with family. What good does all that do me? It was weird... can't imagine approaching someone in a restaurant or them interrupting my meal with my aunt and uncle. So my thoughts were that I need to choose to do that somewhere I'm more approachable... OR I need to go back to that restaurant without my family next weekend, haha....
Oh my goodness this is my life! I go out to the track with my dad once a week, and there are always cute guys and I wonder if they would approach me if I was alone.
Okay, we may need the guys to back me up on this, BUT...
When I was young, I read in Seventeen magazine that guys don't like to approach a girl if she is in a group. They feel more intimidated by that. So, from the time I was 15, I made sure to give myself some alone space so that I would be more approachable. I've found, though, that two girls don't seem to bother them, and if they're the type to approach, they will. I still don't know about the crowd thing. Men?? Thoughts??0 -
You're not alone. This happens to both men and women. Listen to DM. It sounds like he knows what he's talking about when it comes to meeting someone in a grocery store. I've been approached in some of the oddest places: grocery stores, Wal-Mart, parking lots, convenient stores, Pizza Hut. Let me tell you how some of them did it:
I was in Wal-Mart looking at the big bin of DVDs. I noticed a man and his son in the electronics section. Our eyes met. Then, I looked away and went back to digging for a bargain. The next thing I know, he is over there, digging with me, asking me about movies and talking to me about his favorite movie which led to another conversation altogether. I think we talked for thirty minutes. Then, we moved our conversation out to the parking lot. He asked me what there was to do in town. Unfortunately, I lived in a small town, and there was absolutely NOTHING to do there. So, we just ended up talking for a bit. Alas... he lived too far away and was just visiting family.
Another time, I was in a laundromat, reading a book. The cutie pie asked me what I was reading to spark conversation.
In line at the convenient store, I can't remember what he said. All I remember is that he was too cute. But, unfortunately, that was back when I was clueless and had super low self-esteem and didn't know how to respond, so I just turned my back on him. I know!!! It was AWFUL! My friends were like, "He was totally hitting on you, and he was FINE, and you turned your back on him!!!"
Edited to add: Make eye contact. Smile. That's the first thing you do. Sounds like you did that. Notice her reaction. If it's positive, try sparking a conversation. Go from there.
Practice. If you're shy and don't normally talk to strangers, you might could practice with someone you're not even attracted to. There's no law against being friendly.
Wow. I gotta move down south.0 -
Come on down, Doll!
But I gotta warn you, the laundromat guy lived in Colorado, which btw is a great state for single women!!!! Just fyi!0 -
Come on down, Doll!
But I gotta warn you, the laundromat guy lived in Colorado, which btw is a great state for single women!!!! Just fyi!
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You're not socially inept!! That has got to be the most difficult way to ask someone out. You dont know if she is in a LTR, or dating or even gay!
Dont beat yourself up over that one. You did really well to just talk to her :flowerforyou:0 -
lol don't feel bad. with everyone else i'm confident and outgoing and know exactly when to say...soon as i like someone i turn into a mute or stutter like an idiot lol. happens to all of us.0
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Years of working in a field with little outside contact has made me terrible at talking to people in social settings that are not bars. I know it's one of those things thats only going to get better with practice, but I have no idea how to practice something like that.
Just go to random stores and practice talking to people you meet there. Not the ones who are carrying 3 kids and look super stressed and busy, but the ones who are casually browsing. Sounds silly but it works. When I worked with young adults afflicted by Aspergers this one little tip was a life-changer.
I'm not great at chatting up strangers, so I take advantage of my work trips as opportunites to practice.0
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