LittleHearseDriver Member

I assume the singer of Staying Alive was anything but a woman's man.....

True story. I was down right hideous last week.

I like eggs, but lettuce can go fly a kite.

I assume those who insist on having the latest and greatest of everything have never had to work hard for what they have.

The dick doesn't swing far from the a-hole. I'm not calling you a dick or a-hole ;)

Because you're a male, that's why.

Note to self: Don't trust the Japanese.

We keep it very nippy in the embalming room. You're screwed.

Lettuce doesn't belong on sandwiches.

Sometimes true. Rarely true. *Based on what I've seen at work.

I assume every person is decent until proven otherwise.

Our MFP wedding vows stated that you must be able to message me back every 5 minutes. How are you going to uphold your vow if your phone is dead?!

Okay, I'll let you know when the next game is. Don't forget to tuck it in this time. Everyone could see the outline of your frank and beans and it so so embarrassing.

Dear anonymous, When I look back on our relationship, my favorite memories of you are the intimate ones. Not because of lust, but because in those moments you looked at me like I was the center of your world and thats truly all I ever wanted. One day, you'll look back and realize I was more important than the crazy meal…

I wish mental health was regarded as highly as physical health.

Have you ever toured Jack Daniels distillery? If you haven't I recommend it.

The Pink Tuxedo

Say it, don't spray it.

Sundrop & Moon pies

I dig this, its oddly romantic.

Silent orgasmers are the worst.

It sure isn't because there's no sexy way to properly clean your junk without looking weird.

"Women are so noisy during sex." *says something dirty* "Umm, I'm not into that."

Go for it. If it gets shut down, at least it was worth a shot.

I should of pushed myself to run another 5 minutes longer.

They can't help if they don't know the whole story. Sometimes getting it off your chest is a bigger relief than trying to figure out the problem.

I watch a movie that makes me cry, browse Pinterest for sentimental mumbo-jumbo, go for a walk or get on the treadmill and pretend I'm running away from my problems.

I'd like a jar of pineapple salsa from Blue Coast Burrito and a huge yet cute gym bag. P.S. If no one would die on Christmas Eve/Day that would be great too.

I can't wait to see your ugly Christmas sweater.

How they look with their clothes on.