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Think positive. At around 7k calories per kg of fat that would mean you would would weigh nearly 300kg less than you do currently. No idea how much you weigh, but its fair to assume you would weigh less than nothing. You only survived thanks to beer. ;)
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Work. Train. Beer garden. B)
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+1 Inverted rows are a good way to train for pull ups. Doesnt even require any equipment, two tables and a broom will do.
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Well, if you check your calory allowance, go 500 below that and do two hours of swimming every day you might come close. But assuming you arent in prime shape, which will probably be true since you want to loose so much, you will probably be too fatigued to continue with that after a couple of days. Strength training wont…