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Hi Lori, I'm a compulsive overeater and suffer as you have described for much of my adult life. I have found relief in Overeaters Anonymous. It's a very safe place to share your feelings and issues with people who have similar struggles. There are effective tools that can help. You can find it online or I can get you more…
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Please separate your weight from your value as a person. I'm sure that you are your toughest critic. Believe me, I've been that person. Being that hard on yourself will likely just make failure more painful. We all fail, just get right back up... and when you do, pat yourself on the back!