kam26001 Member

https://youtu.be/QUMuDWDVd20

Acid reflux That one shipping box that sits in the corner of your room for 7 months and a week after you throw it out you sell something on eBay and could've used it. You dum-dum. YouTube's recommended videos. I already told you guys I don't wanna frickin' watch 20-something coeds try on the latest in athletic bra…

Someone who still uses old school hip-hop slang such as: Word up!, That's fresh!, and my personal favorite, Whoot! There It Is!

My brother just sent me a text saying he bought one of those manual juice presses but "the orange juice tastes nasty!" Haha. It's not supposed to taste like Minute Maid, ya noob.

9. I share a last name with an unpopular dictator. (Give me a chance here... that guy has been dead for 200 years now.) 10. Women love healthy men and unfortunately my diet is very poor. I subsist on things like cheese dip and dollar store tier oatmeal cookies. 11. Half my paycheck goes to a psychic hotline. 12. I'm known…

I had my mag levels tested at the cellular level and they were surprisingly within range. I still apply about 100mg of the oil at night because it helps me sleep all the way through the night, plus it gives me the sweetest dreams. I'm happy to see you benefitting from it, Aziz.

Tuna from Subway. I saw my dad order that once and I just looked at him with beaming pride. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

I exist because I am a miracle, as I believe we all are. People are always waiting for a miracle to happen. They pray hard, put rabbit's foots on their keychain, and even sing songs about it. (I see you Mike & The Mechanics) But look down at your feet. Wiggle your toes. Now realize you're standing on the heaven that is…

I say we meet up near the Simeon Panda autograph booth. I'll be the ectomorphic bloke in the Gymshark 3-piece suit.

Eat clean, healthy foods. If you want treats, just have some organic cookies. That's still clean. Be better than them; get your vegan doughnuts from the Whole Foods bakery and walk out feeling superior that you're incorporating spelt flour into your diet. When you're ready I'll tell you all about Superfoods. 😗

I can attest. When my anxiety is running high, anything that anyone does gets on my *kitten* nerves. Whatever I can nitpick to deflect from my own feelings of hopelessness. I snapped on a mailbox once for being so damn blue. Fortunately, I have the wisdom to live alone and not have any significant others til I can get my…

That whole Heaven's Gate debacle. I feel like I saw too much too early with that one. Their website is still up and running btw. It's my homepage. 🙄

https://youtu.be/JtTYqqDbRPQ

Her midnight soliloquy wafting from the courtyard garden below and into my slightly ajarred bedroom window on a cool summer night.

A doll room. No pumpkins, no candy, no organ music. I want to see people collapse in fear.

When someone FINALLY gives you a reason to use an insult you've been dying to use. (Hey, I'm no saint.)

I was just thinking the other day that I miss those long summer nights when you stayed out the entire night with a kinda newish friend(s). 12 straight hours of talking, silence, exchanging stories, debating, laughing... and then the sun came up and you guys grabbed some breakfast at a greasy spoon. It was the best way to…

Someone who says "Ew." when I enter the room.

Note to self: The Brinks truck makes its delivery between 1:47-1:49. But you didn't hear that from me.

What's the brand? 100 calorie cookies is something I might be interested in.

When you pull up to her house for the first time and she has a frickin' gargoyle statue on her mailbox!

Forget it. Guess I have to turn it in tonight. Talk about having a rough week. 😒

Trying to figure out my library password so I can renew this copy of Who Is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me.

https://youtu.be/aSBa55U0NfI

Browsing the Craigslist ads for a plush recliner under $50 while swallowing lots of my pride.

If she closes her eyes and starts humming "Amazing Grace" while chewing on a double cheeseburger.

Probably the Road Runner. We have a similar bone structure and we're both on uppers.

Yes, I have signed up for your member rewards card. 🙄 I left it at home though. 😬 Sure, it's 555-........ ah, you know what, I forgot my number 🙄 (just scan the *kitten* milk for the love of god)

Well damn. Thanks, Tina. Soooo... uh... *strokes goatee* Where do we go from here? 👀

Not to me. But then, I've been using the internet since I was 9. I'm far too gone.