2020yesyouwill2020 Member

Weighed in 200.8lbs!

Context. It's all context. If you're feeling off about the comment there's a reason. This friend may have not been good in the past and you ignored it for what ever reason. I used to surround myself with negative friendships because they offered some small pieces of positivity in my life when that was scarce. I think as we…

No costume but I had makeup

Crap weather.

I'm only where I'm at right now because of the women in my life who looked at me and saw something other than a whiner. They lifted me up by watching my so when I was at work, treating me to home cooked meals, and listening to my woes. I just needed someone who was on my side. My dad came back the next day and said a very…

Went to AA. It was okay. It was painful, but was nice to relive something I've swept into the deep and tried to forget about. Definitely going back. Next week it will be al anon. If anyone is on the edge of attending, just go. The people were friendly and it made me happy to see so many people trying to stop their drinking…

Sorry I've written a response nearly three times on my phone only to have it back out of the thread and eat it. I just wanted to add that I appreciate everyone's advice and seek to fully understand it. I'm not being rude if I ask you to explain yourself, I am genuinely wanting to understand. Two years back I was actually…

No I think I understood you well. When I wrote discuss it I meant the painful memories of living with an alcoholic parent and working through the lasting effects that had on me. Am I wrong? I did not mean the stuff with my brother. Each day I'm separating my mentality from that issue and each day my guilt and sadness are…

Worrying*

He went to work today by the way so I'm way less stressed. It's not my fault if he loses his job. It's irritating that he went to work because it means I wasn't his only option, which in my head is internalized as he chose to use me. Chose to abuse my kindness. Or maybe this whole thing was in my head to begin with and he…

Thank you off for talking to me. It helps so much. Today is the first day that I think I can go back to functioning normally.

I've looked into acoa meetings several times and you're right, actually going would be painful, and then to discuss it with people and cry in front of strangers.... Then to have them offer consolence is really intimidating and uncomfortable. Way easier to reach out to a bunch of online people. But my schedule is pretty…

I have my moment and then Pep myself back up. I remind myself that I can be the person I want to become because I deserve it. If you feel like rushing, force yourself to slow down. Sometimes I find a good spot to sit against the wall in my home, away from everyone, just for a few minutes. Life gets us into a rush…

He doesn't have a drug problem! It's crazy. The driving my car part is when I'm just way too tired from working nights to wake up early enough to go get him and do all of my motherly chores before I depart for work. Everything is settled now. I reached out to my friend who watches him occasionally for me and she said no…

I need to go on and on.... But I shouldn't

Yes my mother was an alcoholic and she passed away from complications due to alcoholism when I was 16. She was functional and fun most of the time, but the memories of her passed out so hadn't be almost 20 years later. I told him I was angry and that I was done with helping him in anyway. He doesn't respond with anger but…

It's like one *kitten* lie after another. I see my dad and his siblings and how they can't stand each other and thought it was weird. Same with my grandparents. I can't believe the people I grew up with are not my best allies but bums.

Which he did after he borrowed my car to get to the airport

And I would be fine driving him if he paid gas money. For the longest time he never offered me gas money until one day I was like dude I don't even work the same shift as you. I work the opposite shift now. Put gas in my car if you borrow it. He told me he spent his last 15 dollars putting gas in my car to pay me back from…

He literally got married yesterday. He doesn't have a car because he's an *kitten* who spent his tax return on a gaming computer. My fiance sold him his old beat up car for 250 bucks and asked him to out it in his name when he could. We got rain last week and he drove it through a flooded out creek on the way to work.…

Yes log it all. I was surprised to see some days I eat over 4000 calories. Not often but when I'm stressed I easily his 3000. So log it all. I meal prep on payday. I buy a huge filet of salmon and a pack of chicken, cook way too much rice and pair with veggies. That way I have no excuse to eat out. It works. You will get…

Me personally I eat ice cream and fries when I want to physically hurt myself or drink. We all have our poison. I feel like eating is less harmful than drinking but poison is poison. It usually takes me 2 days to process my emotions with the aid of food. I'm going to buy a used treadmill this week and focus on running out…

One woman suggested on my thread to make a list of why I want to lose the weight, why I have to, and read it in the heat of the moment.

I'm not obese but I am overweight. The emotional stress of it all is what hurts the most. I feel alone in this. I reach out to my dad and he says to be patient and my brother has it so hard but I have it hard too. Just because I'm thriving doesn't mean my life is easy. It's an easier life because I take care of my…

And the eating makes it a snow ball. I struggle with the want to purge but it's been years since I've done that. I just need to find another sitter, pay what I must, and then literally watch my brother lose his job. *kitten* *kitten*.

But instead I keep eating. Every time I wake up it's a cookie or fries or a wrap. I'm not even hungry I just have to put food in my mouth. I feel so out of control over the stress.

I do feel trapped. I want this type of relationship with my brother that I don't believe I will ever have. I love his children. I love the idea of us going camping as a huge family or renting a van or cooking together and having a meal together since we live so closely. I work nights and to pay a sitter is so expensive. He…

He doesn't live on my property, he lives a few spots down from me. I told him I would not give him rides without gas money and that he needs to call someone other than me. He went to Vegas and married that girl. Texted me asking for a ride from the airport. I want to punch him in the face. He has no money again but went…

Yeah I feel bad trash talking my brother to random people but I have to vent because I feel so horrible about cutting him off. I moved him closer to me to help kick start his life after a divorce and it's been constant care for him. He has had so many opportunities and he just keeps relying on me instead of taking care of…