swagoner94 Member

We broke up.. thanks again everyone. <3

We work in video games. So it’s “crunch” while the game is about to launch. Once it launches it chills out for the next two years until we have to launch again.

Hey, I just randomly popped back over my old posts and saw this had new replies. This was valuable. Thank you for sharing it. It totally makes sense. I'm actually encouraged to hear it didn't immediately click for you and that it took some time. Since posting, he has said the words, "I love you," to me.. which is a big…

I’m not in love with the idea of marriage. There’s great things about it but marriage is a hard, self-denying commitment. It’s not glamorous so there’s nothing for me to be in love with about the idea. I mentioned earlier that it does, however, and primarily, hold insane value in my faith. What it represents and how I,…

Hi! Thanks. We’d be fine at work. Different bosses. No direct relation between my area and his. We keep it pretty professional. I’m sure people have picked up on it though. HR knows. Studio heads know. No problems.

Update: he says the question for him is not, “Is Alicia a great person.” He says I’m a host of wonderful things. He listed witty, beautiful, compassionate, kind, etc. (one of maybe two times he’s ever said those things about me). he says it’s not a question of even, “Do I love Alicia?” He says he knows that answer. He’s…

Thanks everyone. I think I will set a "deadline" in my own mind with little non-nagging nudges every now and then, and encouragement when he does show some improvement. If there's no significant change by that time-frame, I will do the hard task of moving on amicably. I know you're all strangers but I sincerely appreciate…

You’re so right. He said that. I heard it. He also DID give me what might be false hope because he also told me he never thought he would date again and here he is so the potential to open back up to marriage is revealing itself. But I’m in limbo. Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. Stick around to find out...... or don’t.

Thank you. Perhaps you’re right - which is a bummerrrr.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad you’re together and he excels in many other areas but you also deserve to hear those things and I wish he would humble himself and make an effort to give you that, even if it’s unnatural for him at first. Thanks for sharing this. It’s hard to hear but I understand. My guy even told me…

Haha thank you for you advice.

Thank you

Thank you! This is very practical and helpful advice. I appreciate it! :smile:

Thank you, I appreciate your answer!

Thank you for sharing this. My guy definitely calls what we have, a "relationship." He just knows that I don't date for any other purpose than to see if marriage is possible, and he isn't sure if he can open back up to marriage again. So, since he doesn't know that yet, he doesn't want verbal affirmation to give too much…

I'm so glad you've been able to love her well despite the lack of verbal affirmation. I think certain expressions of love are easier for some than they are for others. Few are masters of expressing them every way. But I do think both involved should make active efforts to try expressing those that come more unnaturally to…

I love to hear from people that have experienced something similar and can give me insight like this, from direct experience. Thank you for sharing this. My guy told me that he was absolutely not looking to date and was out of the game altogether and that I just came out of nowhere. I was new at work and on my very first…

Ah now I see your reply! haha, I got your message first. Thank you! I appreciate that. Honestly, all the opinions were bumming me out so thanks for this. Yeah, I often feel "despised for my youth." I know I'm young and I can already tell my 18 year old version of myself how much I had left to learn even in the years…

That makes sense. Thanks for your insight.

Do you think that's just because they haven't been the right gals or is it because the divorce had left you disinterested in the institution of marriage?

For my 23 years of life, I've never been one to casually date or see multiple people at a time. People always say 20s are for that, but personally, I've just never been compelled by that. I have such a high view of marriage and dating to me has always been solely for seeing if there's a potential for that. That doesn't…

Haha! Not "frequent." I'll just take any... at any frequency...

I sincerely appreciate that you asked someone on my behalf who had been in a similar place! Thank youuuu! Hard to hear but I appreciate it.

Thank you :) I hope so too. He absolutely knows how he's not meeting all my emotional needs and he's verbally committed to working on it and has asked for my patience. I just get a little impatient sometimes. It's been about a month and half since that conversation and maybe some improvement, but very little. To be fair,…

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I think we all have a knee-jerk reaction like the one you're noticing in me: to have what we want validated. Few are teachable and malleable by nature! But I AM very appreciative of all the advice I'm hearing. It is really hard to take action on the advice that goes against what I want.…

I know people always change. Life changes and can change our courses. We change our minds. Our likes and interests and dislikes change. People come in and out of our lives and that affects change. However, because he is 36, I think the frequency or polarity of those changes won't be crazy drastic. Either way, I acknowledge…

Yep. I do feel I need other forms of expression of his love. I feel like I’m constantly trying to show my love for him in all the ways I can! Words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch... the whole thing!

Thank you. I’d love to hear something different haha but this does makes sense and I appreciate your advice.

This is helpful. I know verbal communication of feelings anyways is not as easy for him as actions are. He gives gifts. He does things for me. I often feel he loves me. It’s me that needs that verbal affirmation from time to time. He has asked for patience and I’ve been giving it to him. Trying to keep being patient.

Getting everything we desire from a person doesn’t determine if they’re great or terrible people. He’s amazing and has treated me so well and done so much for me. But yes, I’m struggling in the stretches between his big actions and gestures to feel his love because those stretches in between are without verbal affirmation.