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Thank you all for your answers and advice. <3
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Uhm, yeah, it's something like that. But it got to a point where I get sooo nervous when it's time for me to eat, every meal is a struggle, and on the other hand feeling hungry is, well, exhilarating. I know it's unhealthy, I'm aware of that, I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.
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I just want to try to fight this on my own, if possible. I just need some advice on where to start, how to do this. Is it even possible for me to do this on my own? I've been on and off diets all my life, I just never thought it would come to this. :\