Support for a Friend

Psychgrrl

Hello Everyone,

I have a friend who plans to have this surgery. She is morbidly obese, diabetic, has high blood pressure, migraines. She sees this surgery as the answer to all her problems.

My worry is this procedure won't turn out the way she's hoping. She never exercises and eats very poorly (high fat, high sugar, high sodium, high calorie, lots of processed food) and I'm worried she doesn't have the habits in place to support her weight-loss post-surgery. I have said nothing and have just been encouraging her to get healthier. I've stopped asking her if she wants to hit the gym with me and we don't eat together any more because she just eats out all the time (Marie Calendar's is her favorite) and I don't.

It doesn't seem any of her doctors have mentioned diet/exercise. Or, they have and she just hasn't heard it.

Do lifestyle choices and habits matter as much as I think they do? Or does the surgery really fix the issue without changing anything else? She says she knows people who had this and dropped 80-90 pounds in a heart beat. I honestly don't know much about this. Am I concerned for no reason? What can I do to be there for her, regardless? She's permanently changing her body and things will be different for her no matter what else happens after.

Thanks--sorry I crashed your group.

rpyle111

Welcome! I think you are doing a noble thing for your friend, but am skeptical that it will do much good. This change and readiness needs to come from inside and the person needs to embrace the changes in order for them to be successful.

That being said, I hope that she gets into a strong Bariatric program (I believe that the Bariatric Center of Excellence certification is a good indicator of a strong program) which will educate about the life, food and exercise changes necessary to make the surgery 'work'. I spent nearly six months doing the pre-surgery plan, which includes learning how to eat post-surgery, increasing protein, limiting calories and drastically increasing exercise.

I believe that most programs require a certain amount of weight loss prior to surgery to show commitment and adherence to the plan.

I am a real advocate for hitting the pre-surgery plan hard and losing as much as you can and getting into as good a physical shape as you can prior to surgery. My post-surgery experience (about 4 weeks now) has been very easy, and I attribute most of this to my pre-surgery work.

While I doubt that you will be able to 'make' your friend change her habits and behaviors, perhaps you can get her to join MFP and join us here, where she can read about the many successful WLS folks and read their stories. There is a common thread of commitment and life changes.

Good luck to her!

Rob

Thaeda

You are a good friend for wanting to look into this-- it sounds like you really care about her. You have already received some excellent advice. I want to add that for me, this process has VERY MUCH been about changing the way I eat and live my life. The weight does NOT just "fall off"-- you can learn to "eat around" the restriction of the sleeve and there are people who have had the surgery and end up not losing much at all (or losing quite a bit initially and then regain in a short period of time). That being said, you cannot do this for your friend-- she has to decide she wants to do it. She is fortunate to have someone who cares so much about her, though. Blessings to you both.