I think I have Body Image Issues
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dcc56
Posts: 172 Member
A close female friend just stopped by my office and called me "Skinny-Mini" not used to that...Yesterday another guy called me "Slim". The neighbor the other night said if I stand sideways she might not be able to see me. Really hard for me to relate to these comments...sometimes I think I have "body image issues". As I work towards getting to 100 pounds gone, this is mighty strange for me. I know I should be proud of this but when I look in the mirror just out of the shower, I think I have a long way to go yet.
I just noticed there was a recent Body Image post in this group, didn't see it before I posted mine...I guess the only difference here is that....I'm a guy!
I just noticed there was a recent Body Image post in this group, didn't see it before I posted mine...I guess the only difference here is that....I'm a guy!
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Replies
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Spend a little time looking at old photos. The two you have from 5/30/13 are a good start. I am happy I took before pictures so that I can compare with those very unflattering pics. I am getting the same comments now that I am back to work, and I am enjoying them. We know there is more to go, but don't rob yourself of the joy that comes in the 'during' phase.
Rob0 -
Frankly, you look wonderful, and you've come a long way since your May 2013 photos, and you deserve all of the compliments and congratulations, but you are not "skinny" or "slim". You look normal to me.
I am thinking that it may be less about any body image issues you may have, and more about the people around you reacting to your weight loss (and comparing the current you to the obese you they remember).
I think a lot of us are in the same boat.
I had VSG in June, and have lost about 50 lbs since then, with 30 more to lose. I went to a wedding last weekend, and saw people I haven't seen in 5+ years, who didn't recognize me. I received the same compliments that you got, as well as cautions against getting "too thin", as well as sheer stupefication (is that the word?) that I had 30 lbs left to go.
Well, I know that the compliments are awesome but the rest of it is not warranted. I am at the very top of "overweight" BMI now, at just under 30. I am a woman's size 12. I need to lose 30 lbs to get to a "normal" BMI. I look [really] good but I am not thin. Many of the people who suggested that I was getting too "skinny" were women clearly smaller than me.
So, their comments had less to do with me and more to do with how they perceived me.
I think that the important lesson to learn is that you have to have your own, internal barometer of what is healthy and pleasing to you, based on medical science, the recommendations of the physicians that you work with, and your own reasonable, personal preferences.
All the rest is extraneous. Believe me - sometimes people can be super nice, but sometimes they can be discouraging, downright rude, and completely incorrect. So, take the awesome compliments to heart (you deserve them and they feel great), but don't allow the rest into your head. You know what is best for you!!0 -
I second what Rob and Kate said, but to add to that, sometimes "compliments" can come across in different ways depending on the delivery. I have a friend who kept calling me "skinny" and for some reason it annoyed the crap out of me. I just had to tell her to stop. I had another friend who made snarky, backhanded comments, like "Look at you, you think you're hot now", with a fake laugh, and finally I said, "you know what, I have been working my *kitten* off and yes I do think I am pretty hot". Now her comments are more positive and genuine. It can be hard to deal with comments and compliments from people when you aren't used to that, but you deserve to be proud of how far you've come, no matter how far you still have to go. I have learned to just smile and say "thank you"!0
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For many using "slim" or "hey skinny" is just a friendly way for them to relate to your new look.
@garber: were you bigger than your friend and are now smaller? Her comments might be coming from her own insecurity. It's obvious you have done very well and look very good - she maybe jealous.0 -
Ronnie, you hit the nail on the head! She was very insecure about me getting smaller than her, and she made comments about that too. I told her it wasn't a contest, I just wanted to get healthy.
I have learned that I have to cut people a bit more slack. I've realized that people in our lives are also adjusting to our weight loss and the physical and emotional changes in us. I have lost over 200 lbs so it's a pretty big and obvious deal that has definitely changed me (in positive ways), so of course that affects the people around me!0 -
I try to cut people slack. I am sure I have made annoying comments to people over the years. When I get annoyed I remember how upset I was when nobody even noticed when I lost the 1st thirty pounds!!!0
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The hard part, and I think this affects the ladies a bit more, is to make our friends feel secure in the friendship.0
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I weigh 222 and have 64 pounds to go to goal, so no where near skinny, but I get that a lot from people who always knew me at 386. I do believe most of them mean well and compared to what I used to look like, I probably do appear skinny. I too get that stupecifacation look (yes that's the word Kate) when I tell them I'm still working on it, especially when they find out it's 64 more pounds. I get a lot of the "from where?" questions. There might be some snark or negativity. If there is I don't know because I refuse to register it.
We all have days when we have body issues. I know some days I feel like I look great, others when I feel fat. But you have come a long way dcc56! Be proud of that, thank the folks who comment and tell those that question why you want to lose more that you are working toward a healthy weight. As I tell the folks who question me, I still weigh in the obese category. Until I don't, I'm still at an unhealthy weight. So yes, I'm still working on it.
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Ronnie, you hit the nail on the head! She was very insecure about me getting smaller than her, and she made comments about that too. I told her it wasn't a contest, I just wanted to get healthy.
I have learned that I have to cut people a bit more slack. I've realized that people in our lives are also adjusting to our weight loss and the physical and emotional changes in us. I have lost over 200 lbs so it's a pretty big and obvious deal that has definitely changed me (in positive ways), so of course that affects the people around me!
Amen to cutting people slack! I think often others are struggling with OUR changes too. 99% of the time their comments are meant as compliments. They may annoy us because WE have broken body images. We're understandably sensitive about this stuff! Bravo for those who can have an adult conversation with friends and acquaintances and help them relate to the changes in a positive way for both of us!0 -
A close female friend just stopped by my office and called me "Skinny-Mini" not used to that...Yesterday another guy called me "Slim". The neighbor the other night said if I stand sideways she might not be able to see me. Really hard for me to relate to these comments...sometimes I think I have "body image issues". As I work towards getting to 100 pounds gone, this is mighty strange for me. I know I should be proud of this but when I look in the mirror just out of the shower, I think I have a long way to go yet.
I just noticed there was a recent Body Image post in this group, didn't see it before I posted mine...I guess the only difference here is that....I'm a guy!
The other thread is me - LOL! So I understand. I think the one that got me recently was walking between cars. I laugh about it now but when it happened it made me feel odd.
Because when I walk between cars I've always turned sideway because I didn't want to help clean the cars when I walked between them. Anyone who has been big or is big totally get this - LOL.
I did this the other day in the parking lot. We got out of the car and headed to the store. My 5'-10" 165lb niece walking behind me laughs at me and says "Misty you can walk straight now you're small enough now". I just stopped and looked at her. But she is not only my niece but I count her as a friend and she saw the look on my face. She walked up to me and just hugged me and said "it's true you're smaller now" and just smiled.0 -
Misty, I loved your Post Reply, that made me smile! Thank you!
Thanks to everyone who responded here to my post, I now see many posts about this issue that I didn't have time to read before. There are just strange things happening in my world and I am just not used to this! Most of them are good things!
The OTHER thing I am not used to is being COLD a lot of the time...and winter is just
approaching here in Minnesota! I used to always be so HOT, keeping the fan going by my desk constantly...always turning up the air conditioning in the summer...wearing short sleeved shirts and light weight clothes all the time...now, I am just freezing. Looks like I lost my "insulation" layer and it is amazing how cold I am. My hands just get so cold I am sometimes sitting on my hands to warm them up! I don't dare say I am cold in my office, the women I work with are not used to the new me either...they have already told me that I should not dare to tell them I am cold after many years of complaining all the time that I was hot and going over to turn down the thermostat in the winter. Paybacks, well, you know what they say.
Have a great week.0 -
The OTHER thing I am not used to is being COLD a lot of the time...and winter is just
approaching here in Minnesota! I used to always be so HOT, keeping the fan going by my desk constantly...always turning up the air conditioning in the summer...wearing short sleeved shirts and light weight clothes all the time...now, I am just freezing. Looks like I lost my "insulation" layer and it is amazing how cold I am. My hands just get so cold I am sometimes sitting on my hands to warm them up! I don't dare say I am cold in my office, the women I work with are not used to the new me either...they have already told me that I should not dare to tell them I am cold after many years of complaining all the time that I was hot and going over to turn down the thermostat in the winter. Paybacks, well, you know what they say.
Oh yes! This is so me! In fact, I am sitting at my desk with my jacket on over my sweater right now, because it's 72 or so in the office. Everyone else is comfortable, it's just me.
I have a space heater under my desk that I use year round. Not daily, but a lot. I've learned to wear a long underwear type layer under everything during the winter and to keep a sweater handy during the summer. I have developed a wardrobe of jackets and cardigans for work/church/dressy events and zip up hoodies for the weekends.
My doctor told me that I had lost a 164 pound blanket, so being cold is normal. He also said for most of us, our body thermostat eventually resets to our new weight. I'm 3 years out from surgery, still losing and it hasn't happend for me yet. Maybe once we are all done and in maintenance for awhile. Any way we go, I would rather be at a healthy weight and cold than fat and hot any day!
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I am really shocked how cold I am recently. I only have a short walk from the parking lot to the building, so in the winter, i would keep a heavy coat in the car in case of emergency, but would generally make it through the winter wearing a fleece into the office and taking it off as soon as I was at my desk.
This year, i am already wearing a jacket and left a sweater in my cube for warmth!
Such a change.
Rob0 -
I am really shocked how cold I am recently. I only have a short walk from the parking lot to the building, so in the winter, i would keep a heavy coat in the car in case of emergency, but would generally make it through the winter wearing a fleece into the office and taking it off as soon as I was at my desk.
This year, i am already wearing a jacket and left a sweater in my cube for warmth!
Such a change.
Rob
And it's not even winter yet here in MI Rob!
It's only going to get colder from here! Might want to invest in a down jacket before they all get bought up.
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