Doubting myself

janet0513

I started the process at the end of June. I have done all the necessary meetings and tests (except the upper GI which is scheduled for Tues). I am the same weight as I was at the first meeting so I asked to meet with the dietitian. At my appointment, she said that I have met the necessary goal of losing 10 lbs. I actually gained 10 since starting and then lost it so they are using the higher weight as my starting weight. My consult turned into a pre-op consult and I have appointments with the nurse and surgeon next week. Things seemed to have taken a quick turn and are moving very quickly so I guess I am getting a bit scared. I haven't discussed surgery with anyone besides my boyfriend because I don't want hear all the negatives. This has been very difficult for me to decide. 2 years ago I lost 94 pounds, then gained 1/2 of it back. That was by biggest success with weight loss. Prior it has been never more than 30 or so pounds lost. There is a part of me that feels like I don't need the surgery and yet history has shown that I can't do it alone. I walk daily and have been lifting weights and doing cardio 3x/week since this process started. I log all my food and have made several adjustments to my diet. The lack of movement on the scale just proves more that I need help.

Did any of you have doubts right before the surgery? I started this process once before, then stopped. That was when I lost the 94 lbs. I was convinced I could do this since I was on a good track. I know this is a tool and I still need to put in a lot of work, but it is hard to get rid of that feeling that somehow losing the weight this way isn't putting in the work and may be less than healthy. Complications of course scare me too. I do have a clotting disorder so I am at a higher risk for that. I am currently 5'5'' and 261 lbs and I do not take any meds or have any comorbidities.

Thanks for letting me vent. Any support is welcome.

klcovington

It is normal to have doubts and fears and second (and more) thoughts. Research - research - research. Weigh the pros and cons. Consider all your options. And DON'T let anyone else determine when you are ready to make your decision. I started the process several years ago and then moved --- thankful that it worked out that way because I was not ready then. A couple years ago, I started talking to my doctors about weight loss options again because I was battling uncontrolled diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high heart rate, etc. I worked with my primary care physician and specialists and could not lose weight while keeping my blood sugar levels controlled. Because of this, it was determined that my best route would be something that could assist with a multitude of issues so after much research I chose VSG.

Best of luck to you!

rpyle111

Janet,

Here is my story. I see some parallels and I hope it makes some sense to you. You will have to figure out your path, but I had similar doubts along mine.

I went through the insurance approval process twice. The first time, I got insurance approval and was scheduled for my initial meeting with the Bariatric folks when my company switched insurance carriers, so I had to start all over again. It pissed me off (to the tune of giving up on the weight loss efforts for about six months), but was a blessing in disguise. I was not mentally ready to make the changes necessary, i was just going through the motions because I knew it was necessary.

A couple of years later, my hips started to go bad and I was no longer able to sell myself the fiction that I would be able to do it on my own, and I started to lose the ability to do the sports and other activities that helped me believe that I was mostly OK, just heavy. this time, when i got my insurance approval and went to the bariatric orientation meeting, something clicked.

I walked out of that meeting energized and ready to act. I hit the pre-surgery plan hard (1500 calories, 100g protein, 64 oz water, exercise more) and the weight started to fall off. As I passed 50 and then 60 pounds lost, I started to believe that I could do it all by myself and didn't need the surgery. I had multiple rounds with myself and finally decided to continue with the surgery because my history showed that I have been successful int he past of losing weight but then "something" happened and my plans were derailed and I ended up regaining all of the loss, plus! You can see my weight history since 1999 in my photos. With my newly found physical limitations, I couldn't afford to have another loss-regain cycle.

I decided to continue with the surgery and ended up walking into the surgery suite 102 pounds down from when I started in April. I realized that the habits and behaviors I had developed were designed by the Bariatric Program to be the same ones I would need post-surgery. And, I was 5/8ths of the way to my initial goal! I only had a couple of real worries about the surgery. 1) that complications would happen in the surgery itself which would drastically affect my life in a negative way, and 2) that the low calorie post-surgery life would turn me into a walking zombie (I'm 6'5 and sub-1000 calories was pretty scary to me) for the six months or so after surgery. After 6 months to a year, I see myself at my goal weight, and maintaining, which would put me at 1800-2000 calories per day, which was more than I was eating pre-surgery. So the future looks bright and sustainable.

Another member here had a similar story to mine and put it very powerfully about how she decided to have the surgery:

"this time, 'maybe' wasn't enough"

That rang very true to me, and helped me to where I am today. Nothing you are doing in the pre-surgery success will hurt you in the long run, and I know that the next 'something' is out there lurking. Withthe surgery, I am confident that 'something' won't have the power to derail me from the healthy life I have chosen!

Rob

pawoodhull

I spent my 20's, 30's, 40's and half of my 50's telling myself I could do this on my own and then making a million excuses on why it wasn't working. Then I finally admitted that I can't do this on my own. At that point I weighed 386, had developed arthritis from my lower spine down, high blood pressure and was inching into high cholesterol and diabetis. But the kicker for me was how compromised my mobility had gotten. Once again we were on vacation and I was watching the husband do all the things I couldn't do because I was too big, couldn't climb that hill/stairs/rocks, was in too much pain to do whatever it was, and I knew it was way past time to get honest with myself.

I had my sleeve 3 years ago. I'm still not to goal, I lose very slowly and I stall often. Part of that is just the way it is for this far out from surgery but the other part is that exercise is difficult and I injure easily. Once injured, I have to stop exercising to heal and since I hate exercise, getting back into it is challenging. It's a vicious cycle for me, but since I'm not ready to be done, I'm still working the plan and forcing myself to exercise. From my 2nd surgivesary to my 3rd I lost 15 pounds, so I am still actively losing even if it is slow.

Look, doubts are normal. Telling yourself you can do this on your own is normal. But the reality here is that if you could do this on your own, lose the weight AND keep it off, you would have. Surgery isn't a cure, it's a tool. Use that tool and you will lose the weight. Keep using that tool and you will keep the weight off. Simple concept. Hard to do. We all struggle to eat healthy and exercise. This isn't an easy journey, but it is so worth it.

We went on vacation last month, out to the Grand Canyon. I went everywhere the husband went and I did everything the husband did. I didn't watch him, I participated and you know what? I walked the entire south rim of the canyon! It was awesome and I would not have been able to do that before surgery. This is why I'm still working towards goal. This renewed life and restored mobility. This is what the surgery did for me.

Do your homework, look at all of the various weight loss surgeries and how they work. Look at what the restrictions are for each of them. Educate yourself and then decide what is best for you long term. Which one do you think you can live with the rest of your life.

My mobility is back, my blood pressure is normal and I have normal cholesterol and sugar levels. This is the best thing I ever did for myself and my ONLY regret is waiting until my mid 50's to do it.

loriloftness

Janet0513, my surgery is in a little less than 3 weeks. I have wondered if this is the right thing for me. I think, shouldn't I be able to lose the weight without going through surgery? All I have to do is eat right and exercise. If I know that, why should I do surgery? My answer is that I am looking to reach and maintain a long-term healthy life, not a short term fix. I, like you, have lost weight on my own but have never been able to maintain it and every time I gain back a little bit more weight that I had even started at. Now I'm to the point where I have high blood pressure even on bp medication, sleep apnea and pre-diabetes to where it may have to be addressed. I am not going to have a long life, much less a healthy life, if I don't take the action to get my weight under control. Having the surgery is my way of taking my life back. It's my way of being proactive in my health needs. It is not the "fix" in and of itself, but it is a tool that with my eating proper foods and portions and some exercise will allow ME to fix my weight and improve my health. I hope you find the answers you need and the peace of mind you are looking for.

janet0513

Thank you all for your input. I can see so many similarities with your stories and your concerns. I do have that feeling that I am healthy person who happens to be obese. I am 46 and I know that if I don't lose the weight, that can change in a flash making it more difficult to lose later. I have been lifting weight and think I put on a good deal a muscle which will help me later on. I want to go back to lifting once I'm cleared to do so. I was worried about this setting me back in how far I've come in that area. Knowing that I wouldn't be stuck at a 1000 cals for maintenance is re-assuring. I need to learn patience. Thanks again for taking the time to share your stories. It helped me put things in perspective. I have done a lot of research and I know that this is the right choice for me. I don't have a lot of support at this point so it is great to listen to people who have been through it.

authorwriter

Hi janet. You won't be able to eat after surgery. Your stomach will be small and misshapen. You may have issues with GERD. You may find that nothing really tastes good to you. You may find you take no enjoyment in food at all. Ever. Again.

Whatever decision you make, you'll be supported here. For me, there was no other way. I'm 10 years older than you and as I got older losing weight got increasingly difficult. I was also crippled and unable to do much in the way of exercise making it worse. Post surgery, I'm down to about 282 from my all time high of 353. I was starting to get co-morbidities. My blood pressure was beginning to go up and my A1C was creeping out of the normal range. the handwriting was on the wall.

I suffer from terrible GERD post-op. So much so, lying down flat to sleep is pretty much an impossibility. My back is greatly improved with weight loss and the help of a good pain doc. I feel waaaayyyyy better. But food just isn't what it used to be. I eat cottage cheese, Kroger carb master yogurt and Kroger carb master milk and make protein shakes all day with Unjury protein. I've been trying to get some spinach into the diet and a few vegetables. I also like poached eggs. and sometimes I like cheese. Thank goodness I am not lactose intolerant and I've always liked milk products. At least that has not changed.

I've tried eating chocolate and meat and waffles and things I really like pre-op. I eat the meat more because it satisfies a salt craving than anything else. If I never ate it again, I doubt I'd noticed. Everything else is too rich, too sweet, too salty, too fatty. In fact, I don't like fresh beef, I prefer beef jerky and do eat that.

What am I trying to say? Be sure. Be very very sure. I'm the voice telling you, be cautious, be careful. This is major surgery that will change your life in more ways than just helping you lose weight. You have to weigh all those options. lately I tell people, if you are younger, if you can at all lose it on your own, if you can and do exercise, if, when you do the pre-op diet, it works...think very hard about going through with the surgery.

I am a real advocate for this surgery and also the person who tells people be very cautious. The changes in my life have been profound. Most have been for the better, but there are a lot of weird aspects to this process that must be considered before going forward.

all my best to you and all my support, no matter what your decision.

rpyle111

authorwriter wrote: »

Hi janet. You won't be able to eat after surgery. Your stomach will be small and misshapen. You may have issues with GERD. You may find that nothing really tastes good to you. You may find you take no enjoyment in food at all. Ever. Again.

I'm going to quibble a bit here. None of us knows what Janet's experience will be. Caution is certainly warranted, but there is food life after WLS. I am enjoying the heck out of small portions of food. I am enjoying cooking for others even though I will only eat a small subset of what I am preparing. I am looking forward to joining a bunch of people who are at maintenance finding a way with their sleeves.

I like the description 'picky eater'. I like the descriptions of folks finding new and exciting recipes that mesh with their new stomach. As i move forward I have learned through watching others' diaries about machaca, quinoa crepes, etc.

All of us will change our relationships with food drastically to be successful. That doesn't have to mean an acrimonious divorce with food.

Just my take on it,

Rob

Thaeda

rpyle111 wrote: »

All of us will change our relationships with food drastically to be successful. That doesn't have to mean an acrimonious divorce with food.
Rob

^^^^^THIS!!!^^^^^

jamezln

Janet I was terrified of this surgery. I have secondary polycythemia and have to be phlebotomized every few months so to say you're worried about clotting I completely understand. I'm about 3 weeks out and i'm still worried. They do give you a blood thinner while your in the hospital, and they have you up walking after the surgery. When you go home they want you walking. I bought some compression sleeves also to wear at home, but your up a lot more when your at home.

I, like you, have lost weight only to gain it back. Finally I had to go risk vs. reward. Yo-yoing is so much worse than just staying heavy and staying heavy isn't an option anymore.

Good luck and stay strong. Remember why you want to have the surgery.

rpyle111

I had a blood clot in my leg a long time ago, but it pu tme in the medium/high risk for clotting category. they gave me an injection of lovinox daily in the hospital and sent me home with 2 weeks of it to give myself the injections. First time I have ever injected myself, but it went fine. They are very clot-conscious during the process.

JreedyJanelle

Good luck to you! I am turning 62 this year and I have lost and regained so many times in my life! I can't do it on my own! This is the best decision I have ever made! Although I wish I had done it years ago! Giving up sugar, eating healthy meals, and exercise has really helped me!

authorwriter

rpyle111 wrote: »

authorwriter wrote: »

Hi janet. You won't be able to eat after surgery. Your stomach will be small and misshapen. You may have issues with GERD. You may find that nothing really tastes good to you. You may find you take no enjoyment in food at all. Ever. Again.

I'm going to quibble a bit here. None of us knows what Janet's experience will be. Caution is certainly warranted, but there is food life after WLS. I am enjoying the heck out of small portions of food. I am enjoying cooking for others even though I will only eat a small subset of what I am preparing. I am looking forward to joining a bunch of people who are at maintenance finding a way with their sleeves.

Rob

Quibble all you want. Exactly what you say. NONE of us knows what Janet's experience will be. I say all I say because if she is unsure in the least little bit, she may find herself on the other end of this picking away at food that isn't of much interest to her and wondering if she could have just done it the old-fashioned way.

I know for sure that there was absolutely no other way for me, short of being locked in a cage and having food withheld by force, for me to lose weight. For whatever reason, my metabolism had pretty much shut down and I was immobilized physically by weight and infirmity. Knowing all that, I struggle with the fact that food is no longer enjoyable for me and all the mental issues that go along with that. There is NO WAY I'd undo the surgery because doing so would put me back where I was.

So I'm the voice in the crowd saying, 'HOLD IT! Think about this. Think very hard. Janet came on here doubting herself. Unsure of this decision. Anybody who is unsure needs to take a step back and rethink it. Because once it's done, it can't be undone.

rpyle111

Authorwriter, I've got no quarrel with you and agree that this is a very serious decision that should be rethought many times.

I only reacted to your declarative statements:

"Hi janet. You won't be able to eat after surgery. Your stomach will be small and misshapen."

Good luck and I wish you well.

Rob

authorwriter

I was only responding to her worry that she'd be restricted to 1000 calories a day for the rest of her life. That's a lot of calories for somebody with a sleeve. I was telling her not to worry about that. 1000/calories a day is a lot when you have a sleeve. Because our stomachs are small and misshapen. I wish you well, also.

homerismyhero

It's not an easy fix- and there's tough parts- especialy the social aspect. You body and the decisions you make are private- but at some point it does become public because people notice the changes. Your relationship with food does change, and there's some struggle there too. You have to relearn what role food has in your life- mostly fuel, but as Rob said- it can still be social when you cook for others or just enjoy being with them when they eat- but even with all that- I feel it was worth it all. I would do it again- and sooner!

janet0513

Thank you all for your input. It seems that even those who have had issues, no one regretted the surgery. I am not going into this lightly. I know that I am a person who can over think things too much, but I will be absolutely certain before making the final decision. Until then, I am continuing on with the process. I was not ready a few years aog, this time I am. I am having an UGI and meeting with both the nurse and surgeon this week so I think that this will help me settle this in my mind. Thanks again. I look forward to going through this with your support and following all of you in your journey.

pawoodhull

Thaeda wrote: »

rpyle111 wrote: »

All of us will change our relationships with food drastically to be successful. That doesn't have to mean an acrimonious divorce with food.
Rob

^^^^^THIS!!!^^^^^

AMEN! I still enjoy food. Yes my relationship with food has changed, it's fuel, not comfort, support or relief from boredom. But I do enjoy it. I'm also very picky. If it's not going to work into my calories for the day, or has no nutritional value (as in not enough protein vs calories) then I don't bother eating it. With a much smaller tummy making sure we are getting the most bang for the buck is a must.

Yes at first it was hard to eat and I still have days when I just don't want to bother and would rather not eat, but for the most part, this is a realitivly easy plan. being 3 years out I speak from a longer term place and I think the harder part is mental, making the right decisions, that kind of thing.