Sigh....
Follow_me
Posts: 6,120 Member
I thought maybe I finally got lucky on POF. Yet, it was another failed attempt at love. :-(
Ya'll have a great day!!
Ya'll have a great day!!
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So, what stage were you at? Did you meet? Were you dating? Or is 'getting lucky' just having someone you really like the look of, talk to you?? lol0
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We dated a couple weeks. She just turned out being somebody she said she wasn't.0
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Sorry, we've all been there though...0
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At least you were able to date for a bit, I don't even get to that point. All I get is guys wanting to hook up
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Awwww .. that sucks. I'm sorry!! I try to be as honest as I can .. they are going to find out at some point anyway! Better in the beginning than after you are already invested.
You could just jog around the neighborhood with those sexy legs and pick someone up! lol
Me too @AObryan86 .. I definitely have a type and they are not good for me! lol0 -
so sorry.... 0
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Sorry! 0
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Thanks Ladies. :-)
It's not that she is a scammer by any means. She was one of the very few I've ever met and immediately notice that good gut feeling. In fact, we both feel this way. We've been seeing each other for approx. 3 weeks and there has yet to be any intimacy. We discussed this I and told her we should wait on that as that's not what I seek. Yesterday, when I wrote this initial post I was very disappointed. Yes, she was hanging out in a bar, yet again the night before. She knows I have a problem with this. It's not an everyday thing maybe 3 times a week. She recently moved to my area and is temporarily staying with her older female cousin until she gets on her feet. Maybe it's the influence of her cousins drinking habit or the fact she knows few people in the area or maybe she does like to drink more that I feel comfortable with or maybe a combination of all the above. Time will tell I guess. If she cares about my feelings, hopefully, she will stop or at least minimize this behavior. Last evening she text and asked me if I wanted to walk with her. I accepted and we walked and talked a couple hours. She mentioned she needs to slow down and she wouldn't mind quitting drinking. I suppose I should just take the "wait and see" mindset to see where this goes.
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That is tough. I can honestly say that NOTHING good ever comes out of one half of a couple hanging out at a bar. Truly. Three times a week is a lot to go to a bar. Maybe she is trying to find some friends .. maybe if you go with her once and see how she behaves at the bar? Does she get falling down drunk and flirt around, does she just hang out with girls and have a couple drinks.
Definitely time will tell, you are right. But it isn't something to be dismissed either. If your connection gets stronger .. it may be enough for her to consider your feelings as well.
I hope it does!!!0 -
3 nights at a bar could be Thursday night, sunday and monday night football. Hanging out a bar doesn't make someone a drunk or bad person. I am probably at a bar 3-5 nights a week either watching sports or after I play a softball. When new to an area that is an easy place to go out and socialize. Maybe she is an extrovert that needs to be around other people and this is just where she knows she can go and talk to people and not seem like a creeper. It is one thing where she is a hard partier at the bar or just someone that goes to a bar.0
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Thanks for your comments and I've thought of these things. I have gone with her once. I'm not worried about her socializing. We all need that. But we all don't need that much beer. Of course, that's just my opinion. Like I said, I'm going to sit back, relax and see where this goes.
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Thanks Ladies. :-)
It's not that she is a scammer by any means. She was one of the very few I've ever met and immediately notice that good gut feeling. In fact, we both feel this way. We've been seeing each other for approx. 3 weeks and there has yet to be any intimacy. We discussed this I and told her we should wait on that as that's not what I seek. Yesterday, when I wrote this initial post I was very disappointed. Yes, she was hanging out in a bar, yet again the night before. She knows I have a problem with this. It's not an everyday thing maybe 3 times a week. She recently moved to my area and is temporarily staying with her older female cousin until she gets on her feet. Maybe it's the influence of her cousins drinking habit or the fact she knows few people in the area or maybe she does like to drink more that I feel comfortable with or maybe a combination of all the above. Time will tell I guess. If she cares about my feelings, hopefully, she will stop or at least minimize this behavior. Last evening she text and asked me if I wanted to walk with her. I accepted and we walked and talked a couple hours. She mentioned she needs to slow down and she wouldn't mind quitting drinking. I suppose I should just take the "wait and see" mindset to see where this goes.
Are you teetotal?? I dont really get why this has upset you so much. Hanging out at a bar is not exactly prostitution!! However, I am British and we have a pub culture so perhaps I'm just not used to a guy having an issue with a pub/bar!!
If you're worried about her being a drunk, then just ask her if she has a drink problem??
If you're worried about her flirting with other guys, then just ask her to be exclusive??
If you're worried she's out enjoying herself, then I suggest you get a life and go enjoy yours too!! lol
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It just sounds way too complicated for just 3 weeks. This should be fun and the serious stuff can come later. If her lifestyle is a deal breaker then don't see her anymore. The fact that you said "she knows I have a problem with this" comes off a little strong. You shouldn't be telling her what you have a problem with. She's not your long term gf or wife.
does this make any sense?0 -
It's a lifestyle thing .. she presented herself one way when they first met and is showing something else. that is why he is questioning it. He doesn't need to be told to go get a life .. he has one and has a way he wants to live it. She presented herself as living one way, that he wants, but is not living the way she said she did.
He absolutely should be telling her how he wants A girlfriend or wife to act if she wants to be with him. That is how you find out if you are compatible. If she wants to go to bars, that is her choice, but she now knows that she can't be with him if she does.0 -
It does sound complicated for just 3 weeks, BUT if there are problems with compatibility now, when it should be more "fun" then it would certainly seem there will be more problems later on. I do agree that he needs to be straight with what he wants....because if what he wants is something she is not, then really what is the point of continuing?0
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There's a difference between saying "I'd like to have a gf who does so and so" rather than "I don't like when you do so and so". Huge difference! If some guy was telling me how to act or he rather me not do something at 3 weeks, I'd drop him fast.
I got the impression he did it that way. But could be wrong. Nonetheless, her presenting herself living in a certain way... In 3 weeks? If this were 3 months, sure maybe by now you see the way this person really lives, behaves because of their habits, through time spent together, etc... But at 3 weeks there's no way he could have already seen the real person she is and also found out she's been deceiving him because she's really acting like she did 2 weeks ago.
It just seems like so much in just 3 weeks.
What if original poster was a gal on here? We'd probably be telling her she rushed because of that gut feeling she felt and got all excited and didn't see the real him. We'd tell her to just move on and def not to tell him what to do.0 -
Sorry Jen, but how does someone represent themselves as a whole person when you just meet? Unless he specifically asked her if she spends 3 nights down the pub? Not saying he didnt, but it just seems that she hasn't deceived him as such, just that he doesn't like pubs or her going to them. In which case, I agree, there is a compatibility issue.
As Diana is saying, misrepresenting yourself and deceiving are big words for a 3 week relationship. Telling someone how they should 'behave' after 3 weeks is a no-no in my world. I wouldnt do it, and wouldn't expect anyone to ask it of me. The whole concept of a healthy relationship is compromise and acceptance. Okay, we all have deal breakers, but you dont get into a relationship to change someone's behaviour......I guess that's the bit that I found far too controlling.....0 -
That's a tough one. I think I'm with Anna on this one. Is it her nature to go to bars? & you've only known her for three weeks? I don't know that you can ask her to change who she is especially so early in a relationship. but at the same time it's good that you express to her that it bothers you. Maybe you can ask her out more & go to other places to avoid her going to the bars?0
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Jennifer10723 wrote: »It's a lifestyle thing .. she presented herself one way when they first met and is showing something else. that is why he is questioning it. He doesn't need to be told to go get a life .. he has one and has a way he wants to live it. She presented herself as living one way, that he wants, but is not living the way she said she did.
He absolutely should be telling her how he wants A girlfriend or wife to act if she wants to be with him. That is how you find out if you are compatible. If she wants to go to bars, that is her choice, but she now knows that she can't be with him if she does.
Thanks Jenn. :-)
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Jennifer10723 wrote: »It's a lifestyle thing .. she presented herself one way when they first met and is showing something else. that is why he is questioning it. He doesn't need to be told to go get a life .. he has one and has a way he wants to live it. She presented herself as living one way, that he wants, but is not living the way she said she did.
He absolutely should be telling her how he wants A girlfriend or wife to act if she wants to be with him. That is how you find out if you are compatible. If she wants to go to bars, that is her choice, but she now knows that she can't be with him if she does.
Thanks Jenn. :-)
Hey, there is great compatibility with Jen and Follow me!! I think you two should get together
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Jennifer10723 wrote: »It's a lifestyle thing .. she presented herself one way when they first met and is showing something else. that is why he is questioning it. He doesn't need to be told to go get a life .. he has one and has a way he wants to live it. She presented herself as living one way, that he wants, but is not living the way she said she did.
He absolutely should be telling her how he wants A girlfriend or wife to act if she wants to be with him. That is how you find out if you are compatible. If she wants to go to bars, that is her choice, but she now knows that she can't be with him if she does.
Thanks Jenn. :-)
Hey, there is great compatibility with Jen and Follow me!! I think you two should get together
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Is it just the bar thing? Or are you on the fence with her anyhow?0
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The bar thing would bother me too. I have lived that life and have discovered through personal experience that in a lot of cases (not all) women and men who are drinking in bars (without their S.O.) three days a week are less inclined to take a relationship outside of that environment seriously. If you believe this woman values your relationship more than drinking, then it might be worth taking a chance, but be vigilant.0
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Joannah700 wrote: »Is it just the bar thing? Or are you on the fence with her anyhow?
There are other things as well. Last night we talked and decided we would be better suited as friends. It's all good.
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Joannah700 wrote: »Jennifer10723 wrote: »It's a lifestyle thing .. she presented herself one way when they first met and is showing something else. that is why he is questioning it. He doesn't need to be told to go get a life .. he has one and has a way he wants to live it. She presented herself as living one way, that he wants, but is not living the way she said she did.
He absolutely should be telling her how he wants A girlfriend or wife to act if she wants to be with him. That is how you find out if you are compatible. If she wants to go to bars, that is her choice, but she now knows that she can't be with him if she does.
Thanks Jenn. :-)
Hey, there is great compatibility with Jen and Follow me!! I think you two should get together
hehe! Nice gif
And yes, I think that like minds make good partners, so.............
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ANNA! Behave yourself. lol0
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