Willing to share the difficulties too...
Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Hey all. I have had some awesome "victories" lately, but I would be disingenuous if I did not share the difficulties, too. Last night, I came home emotionally worn out. My eating was out of balance all day. I forgot to eat breakfast, realized I had at 10:30 and figured I would just wait til lunch time. At 11:30am I ate half my lunch (I had done so the day before because I was not hungry. Yesterday I was VERY hungry but was restricing because restricting or overeating or over exercising is what I do when I get stressed, sometimes). I ate the other half in the late afternoon and grabbed a 100 calorie bag of nuts right before I went to the gym at 7pm after work. I worked out. Kept it to just 30 minutes-- so no over-exercising (YAY). Went home and made a good dinner (YAY).
After dinner, I was feeling lonely. My 17yr old is in inpatient treatment for suicidal ideation (she was hospitalized last Friday-- 3rd time in 2 years). She gets a phone call each night and she called me while I was at work, conducting an interview. I could not talk and she said she would try me later--- she did not and I felt SO SO SO guilty for putting work ahead of her.
So, I was feeling lonely AND guilty. Hubby was at his bowling league. An empty house is sometimes a trigger for me to overeat. I had the trifecta-- an out of balance eating day, uncomfortable feelings, and an empty house. I ate leftover Halloween candy-- about 400 calories' worth. Nothing compared to what I would have eaten pre-sleeve, but a LOT these days.
About 30 mins after eating all of that sugar, I was ready for bed. I have gained an increased awareness of the impact of foods on how i feel physically and I felt altered. I felt "tranquilized" --which was, of course, the feeling i was going for. When I woke up this morning, I had a twinge of guilt, but dismissed it. I needed that lesson last night. I needed a reminder that being out of balance--- restricting, working too much, not eating when I should because of work, etc. sets me up for a binge. I also needed the reminder that sugar puts me in an altered state--- and that is NOT how I want to live.
I am sharing this because I think it is only fair if I am going to "brag" about how well I am doing, I also need to be open about challenges, too.
Peace.
After dinner, I was feeling lonely. My 17yr old is in inpatient treatment for suicidal ideation (she was hospitalized last Friday-- 3rd time in 2 years). She gets a phone call each night and she called me while I was at work, conducting an interview. I could not talk and she said she would try me later--- she did not and I felt SO SO SO guilty for putting work ahead of her.
So, I was feeling lonely AND guilty. Hubby was at his bowling league. An empty house is sometimes a trigger for me to overeat. I had the trifecta-- an out of balance eating day, uncomfortable feelings, and an empty house. I ate leftover Halloween candy-- about 400 calories' worth. Nothing compared to what I would have eaten pre-sleeve, but a LOT these days.About 30 mins after eating all of that sugar, I was ready for bed. I have gained an increased awareness of the impact of foods on how i feel physically and I felt altered. I felt "tranquilized" --which was, of course, the feeling i was going for. When I woke up this morning, I had a twinge of guilt, but dismissed it. I needed that lesson last night. I needed a reminder that being out of balance--- restricting, working too much, not eating when I should because of work, etc. sets me up for a binge. I also needed the reminder that sugar puts me in an altered state--- and that is NOT how I want to live.
I am sharing this because I think it is only fair if I am going to "brag" about how well I am doing, I also need to be open about challenges, too.
Peace.
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Replies
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Your experiences are so insightful and so inspiring for us all. Thank you for sharing!0
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Most people can't see the storm when they are in it. Congratulations to you for doing your best to ride it out. That's all any of us can do. Maybe you can do some of that awesome yoga and center yourself this weekend?
-Phill0 -
Thanks so much for sharing, Thaeda. Now that I am over a year out, I have had some challenges too and it's good to know I am not alone. It means a lot and it makes a difference that you put all of this out there. My thoughts are with you, with all that you are going through.0
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klcovington wrote: »Your experiences are so insightful and so inspiring for us all. Thank you for sharing!
I'm helping myself as much as anyone else, but thanks!Most people can't see the storm when they are in it. Congratulations to you for doing your best to ride it out. That's all any of us can do. Maybe you can do some of that awesome yoga and center yourself this weekend?
-Phill
9am tomorrow morning you can find me in the hot room at my yoga studio.
Thanks so much for sharing, Thaeda. Now that I am over a year out, I have had some challenges too and it's good to know I am not alone. It means a lot and it makes a difference that you put all of this out there. My thoughts are with you, with all that you are going through.
Thanks for your thoughts. I keep reminding myself that all is well. Even in the challenging times all is working for my highest good.0 -
Thanks for this. I can relate to the feelings you get when going through a storm. I am in a storm right now with my husband being gone for a year(no not military or work related, its law related), my son is in the navy and is in CA, and my 17 year old is academically engaged, so I'm home alone a lot. I'm 15 months out from surgery and am not at goal and I feel as if im sabataging myself due to my family situation right now. I can do well all day but at night an empty house makes me sad. I usually try to exercise when I feel this way but sometimes the desire wins. It is good that you shared your story.0
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I read something on MFP in the early stages of my time here that went something like this: The path is full of trips and potholes, but we keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep making progress. It is only when we get stuck in a hole that we have a problem.
It helped me to understand that my failings in the past (weight loss failings for the most part) were not sue to that first bad day of eating, but the giving up afterward and the weeks and months of self-hating eating.
Your ability to be introspective and see what is happening in the moment is fantastic and is something I strive to achieve.
We're here for whatever support we can give electronically!
Rob0 -
Thank you for sharing the more human, less successful moments. And how you get through them and learn from them. I am encouraged by your posts-by their very 'realness.'
I hope your daughter is doing better and that she finds hope, encouragement, and health/healing.0 -
Thanks for this. I can relate to the feelings you get when going through a storm. I am in a storm right now with my husband being gone for a year(no not military or work related, its law related), my son is in the navy and is in CA, and my 17 year old is academically engaged, so I'm home alone a lot. I'm 15 months out from surgery and am not at goal and I feel as if im sabataging myself due to my family situation right now. I can do well all day but at night an empty house makes me sad. I usually try to exercise when I feel this way but sometimes the desire wins. It is good that you shared your story.
I find awareness of my feelings/behaviors comes before change. You seem to be gaining awareness of your self-sabotage-- so that is progress. Be gentle with yourself. I find noticing- without judgment- is a good first step.0 -
I read something on MFP in the early stages of my time here that went something like this: The path is full of trips and potholes, but we keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep making progress. It is only when we get stuck in a hole that we have a problem.
It helped me to understand that my failings in the past (weight loss failings for the most part) were not sue to that first bad day of eating, but the giving up afterward and the weeks and months of self-hating eating.
Wow-- that is some wisdom right there-- thank you for sharing that (and your experience) with me. My history is similar in that it was not the "failure" that did me in-- is was the giving up.Your ability to be introspective and see what is happening in the moment is fantastic and is something I strive to achieve.
TY...the present moment is all we have. Much of my eating/dieting has been "unconscious"--so for me, the key is to be fully connected, fully "whole" as I journey forward. To live "awake"-- and not allow myself to drift off into compulsive, unconscious behavior.
As to the encouragement/support-- I will take all of that I can get-- teamwork is everything!!0 -
weeziebeth wrote: »Thank you for sharing the more human, less successful moments. And how you get through them and learn from them. I am encouraged by your posts-by their very 'realness.'
I hope your daughter is doing better and that she finds hope, encouragement, and health/healing.
Thank you for your encouragement and your well wishes for my baby girl.
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Ty for sharing Thaeda. I know how stressful having a child in inpatient treatment for suicidal thoughts can be. We went through it too ( for 10 years) Along with all of the other stress in life it just builds up. You know that you were stressed and out of balance on your food intake and yes you got into the candy. But you held yourself accountable. Today is a new day. We are only after all--HUMAN. It is also tough having too many hours alone(my husband is gone a lot---drives truck for the dairy and works very long hours he us gone at times 16-18 hrs in a day) I think it is wonderful that you shared your difficulties too. Our journey will have many ups and downs but we will continue to go forward. Hang in there. We are here to support you...Donna0
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Thank you for sharing the struggles as well as the successes from someone that's in the beginning of this process it's good to know we all struggle at times.I hope your daughter is doing better wishing her all the best.0
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Ty for sharing Thaeda. I know how stressful having a child in inpatient treatment for suicidal thoughts can be. We went through it too ( for 10 years) Along with all of the other stress in life it just builds up. You know that you were stressed and out of balance on your food intake and yes you got into the candy. But you held yourself accountable. Today is a new day. We are only after all--HUMAN. It is also tough having too many hours alone(my husband is gone a lot---drives truck for the dairy and works very long hours he us gone at times 16-18 hrs in a day) I think it is wonderful that you shared your difficulties too. Our journey will have many ups and downs but we will continue to go forward. Hang in there. We are here to support you...Donna
I am so grateful for the support I get here. TY. I made a commitment to myself to sit for a few minutes just to identify what is fueling the compulsion---right now I am not sure what it is exactly, but when I was talking to a friend about being stressed, the need for control really jumped out at me. Ideally, if I can sit with the feeling long enough to identify it, then I can craft a way to meet the need presented by that feeling without having to "eat it away". For example, if I am lonely, I can reach out to my hubby or a friend. If I am tired, I can rest, etc. For right now, I am only committing to sitting long enough to ID what the issue is... not wanting to commit to too much too soon. I will keep posting about my progress. 0 -
Shoefly318 wrote: »Thank you for sharing the struggles as well as the successes from someone that's in the beginning of this process it's good to know we all struggle at times.I hope your daughter is doing better wishing her all the best.
I am happy to share what is going on for me. And thank you for your good wishes for my daughter. 0 -
Thank you for sharing. Just because our bodies change, it doesn't mean that we are no longer find ourselves in situations that challenge us and trigger old habits. Good for you for recognizing this in yourself and holding yourself accountable. Hoping your daughter is doing well and getting the help that she needs.0
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I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. It is heartbreaking when those we love don't see in themselves all of the amazing things that we see. I wish you all of the best.
Don't beat yourself up about your eating the other evening. Truly, we all stumble from time to time. Get up, brush yourself off, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will get to the finish line 0 -
Thaeda, I can not image the ups and downs with your struggles. Especially when it deals with a child of your own. You give us each insight into your strengths and struggles. We all have our weakness and you are willing to share them. This give other like myself the courage to move forward also.
Hugs!0 -
Thaeda, thank you for this post. I have my surgery in 2 days (Wed) and your post reminds me going into this that the surgery is only a tool, and so much of the work I do will be in my own head and heart. I have to realize that life will not be magically sunny and roses every day and when those grey cloud days happen I have to acknowledge them and work through them. You also remind me that I am human and I am going to make mistakes or bad choices, but it is how I move on from those bad choices that will determine my long-term success. You somehow posted what I needed to see, when I needed it. Thanks.0
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Thank you for sharing. Just because our bodies change, it doesn't mean that we are no longer find ourselves in situations that challenge us and trigger old habits. Good for you for recognizing this in yourself and holding yourself accountable. Hoping your daughter is doing well and getting the help that she needs.
That is SO true-- surgery just changes the bod--- not the brain!!
TY for your well wishes for my daughter. I talked to her this evening and she was in good spirits. 0 -
katematt313 wrote: »I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. It is heartbreaking when those we love don't see in themselves all of the amazing things that we see. I wish you all of the best.
Don't beat yourself up about your eating the other evening. Truly, we all stumble from time to time. Get up, brush yourself off, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will get to the finish line
Ty for your encouragement-- and yes, moving on is the way to go! 0 -
MistyHiker wrote: »Thaeda, I can not image the ups and downs with your struggles. Especially when it deals with a child of your own. You give us each insight into your strengths and struggles. We all have our weakness and you are willing to share them. This give other like myself the courage to move forward also.
Hugs!
Awwww you are a dear. I have learned that we are never alone in our struggles-- that as humans we are far more alike than different--- so, if I am having a challenge, it is likely others will be able to relate-- and a burden is far easier to bear when it is shared. 0 -
loriloftness wrote: »Thaeda, thank you for this post. I have my surgery in 2 days (Wed) and your post reminds me going into this that the surgery is only a tool, and so much of the work I do will be in my own head and heart. I have to realize that life will not be magically sunny and roses every day and when those grey cloud days happen I have to acknowledge them and work through them. You also remind me that I am human and I am going to make mistakes or bad choices, but it is how I move on from those bad choices that will determine my long-term success. You somehow posted what I needed to see, when I needed it. Thanks.
You are most welcome---sending you good wishes for your surgery.
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Thaeda, you are amazing! Your honesty and ability to communicate how you are doing (good and not so good) is fantastic! We all have these times and the ability to recognize them and own them is so important to our success in maintaining our weight loss long term. I too have been in that situation with work when one of the kids called. Mine wasn't a hospitalized kid it was an Air Force kid stationed in Afghanistan. The guilt when I got his voice mail, knowing I couldn't just call him back, the danger he was in during deployment, etc. But like you, I didn't have an option. Nothing either you or I could do about it.
I want you to know that you inspire me, you challenge me to do more than I want to exercise wise, and you encourage me with your posts and comments. I value your friendship here.
Pat0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Thaeda, you are amazing! Your honesty and ability to communicate how you are doing (good and not so good) is fantastic!
I want you to know that you inspire me, you challenge me to do more than I want to exercise wise, and you encourage me with your posts and comments. I value your friendship here.
Pat
Wow. High praise indeed coming from someone I admire so much--- TY, Pat-- I am most grateful for your friendship, as well. 0 -
Thaeda, thank you so much for sharing such a personal moment of your life. It is nice to know that each of us does not struggle alone. You have recognized your triggers and as we all know knowledge is power. Good for you for letting your guilt go and that you learned an important lesson throughout this difficult time.
I wish you and your daughter all the best! Keep up the great work and you are an inspiration to me and many here on the site.
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Thaeda, thank you so much for sharing such a personal moment of your life. It is nice to know that each of us does not struggle alone. You have recognized your triggers and as we all know knowledge is power. Good for you for letting your guilt go and that you learned an important lesson throughout this difficult time.
I wish you and your daughter all the best! Keep up the great work and you are an inspiration to me and many here on the site.
Ty much--- I get a lot of support here. This is a great group. 0
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