Thanksgiving Blues

paul87920

So this will be my first Thanksgiving post-op. I'm 6 months out. Everyone I will be seeing knows that I've had this procedure, yet I know I will have people pushing food at me. To make it worse I have three stops on the Thanksgiving circuit because my family doesn't get along well enough to spend the day under the same roof. Of course every place I will be going will have at least one person that does this to me.


I want to stay home. I want to watch Netflix.


I don't appreciate that there are people that just can't simply enjoy my company and leave it at that. I can only eat a few freaking bites of food anyways rendering that part of the holiday meaningless. Togetherness? Forget that. The majority of these people are dysfunctional personified. And thankfulness? Well... I'm thankful that this procedure will add years to my life. I'm thankful that it's so far pretty successful.

klcovington

Hopefully, it will go better than expected but I know that the holidays can be very stressful and extremely challenging --- pre-surgery let alone post-surgery. This is my first Thanksgiving post-op too and people are already having celebrations and lunches at work and I just ran into the "just have a piece" yesterday when someone had leftover chocolate cake and pumpkin pie. I think it is important to put yourself as a priority and realize that we don't have to apologize or feel guilty for wanting and needing to work on our health. If someone really loves us and cares about us --- they will understand. I told the cake/pie pusher that I was working on preparing for a 5K and they let it go and started talking about how awesome it was that I was doing that. They also said they needed to do the same thing. So...in caring for ourselves, it also serves to give inspiration to others. That is something I would not trade for a piece of cake any day!

janet0513

If I didn't enoy the fellowship, I would probably "stay home not feeling well". If you do go, telling them that you filled up too much at the other Thanksgiving get together might work. I have some food pushers in my family and Christmas will be tough since I will be 9 days post op on Christmas Eve and it is a bigger food event than Thanksgiving and I have only told 1 person about the surgery. I hope you enjoy your holidays and that it isn't as bad you anticipate.

Thaeda

janet0513 wrote: »

If I didn't enoy the fellowship, I would probably "stay home not feeling well".

Consider giving yourself a gift this year. Stay home. Watch Netflix. For me, having this surgery was part of a larger goal to learn how to love myself and take care of me. It has meant doing a lot of things differently than before. For you, maybe that means skipping the family functions full of dysfunction and just being with you.

asia1967

Paul: If I may, this is your new life, it was your decision to have the surgery to make your life better. Whether you go to these functions should also be your decision and you should do what is best for YOU!!! I wish you all the best!

garber6th

From the start of this whole process, I told myself that if the people around me weren't going to be supportive, there is a good chance that I wouldn't need them around me. Fortunately I have been very lucky in that area, but I was prepared to be a hermit during holidays or events, etc. My first Thanksgiving was 6 weeks post-surgery for me, and I was so fortunate to have friends accommodate me. A few weeks after that was Hanukkah, and I always host dinner for Hanukkah. I decided I still wanted to because it was something I loved doing and it turned out fine. I believe in continuing to do the things we loved before surgery, but we just might need to do them differently. If you are not comfortable making the rounds for the holidays, then maybe you and some Netflix is a good plan B. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you put yourself first, and don't let anyone pressure you.

pcoppock

I agree with the others. If being around these people is going to make things miserable for you, then maybe netflix and the couch aren't a bad option for you.


-Phill

pawoodhull

I have not had this issue at family holiday events or even work events. I did however have this at the home of one of my husband's classmates. After several times of being offered food and drink and saying "no thank you, I'm fine" I finally said "John, I had weight loss surgery, my stomach is too small to eat or drink anything more at this point. If I decide I want something later, I will let you know, but thank you so much for asking". He took it really well and later, when he was getting drinks for everyone, he caught my eye and raised an eyebrow, I nodded yes and he brought me a very small glass of wine. Nothing more was said. Now maybe your events won't go that way, but I have found that sometimes being direct and frim gets the message across and the behavior either gets better or stops. Again, I will stress the word "firm". No anger or emotion because those things only seem to fuel the bad behavior.

That said, if the stress is already an issue for you, what's wrong with staying home? Other than the fact you might just miss some of these folks, you're an adult and if you don't want to go, you don't have to. Again, firmly saying "I can't attend this year" period, is all you need to do. As my manager told me years ago, you don't need to explain the why of every decision you make. I had to do this one with my mother a few times for holiday events because she was so difficult to be around at that point. Not easy, but so necessary.

You made a decision to get your life on track and be healthy. That's your priority and if you think these events are going to derail you big time, then take your stand and don't go. Make other plans with friends. I bet you know other people who don't want to go to their family holiday party either. Or, volunteer at a local food kitchen. Or even stay home with Netflix if you prefer. But put yourself and your needs first. This is your first holiday season and until you are positive you can handle the festivities without going backwards in behavior, then do what is best for you.

imboswell

This is my first Thanksgiving post surgery (6 weeks) also. We have been invited out but I think I am going to cook for my family and stay home. It is so much easier that way. I still love to cook and I am not going to let my surgery change the things that I love. I will cook and since I know I can not eat much may 2 or 3 bites I will not be taste testing. I will save my 2 or 3 bites for enjoyment with my family dinner. I will let you know how it goes.

paul87920

I appreciate everyone's input. I've decided that I am going to go, and that I am going to put my foot down with the usual culprits. If I don't this won't end, and if I'm really lucky maybe I won't be invited back for Christmas.

pcoppock

Ha! I've got a few relatives I wouldn't mind not being invited back to.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!

-Phill

JeanneMarie11111

good luck to you during the holidays, I am also 6 mos out. I figure it might take me 5 meals to eat my favorites. I am very lucky in that my family and friends have been primed for my food proclivities, I have been a diabetic for 46 yrs. I guess the other part is that I have been primed to be very open about my health. Don't let anybody upset you during the holidays it's not worth it, if it gets to be too much just go home.

authorwriter

Gosh. The pressure people put on themselves with the holidays is ridiculous.

It's YOUR thanksgiving and if you want to pass it getting some well-deserved rest while watching favorites on Netflix, do so.

2BeHappy2

That's what I was thinking too Author...good grief!

ImaWaterBender

I know how you feel. This holiday is coming not after surgery, for me, but in that critical five month insurance diet period. And I am the cook. Smelling everything cooking all day is going to be hard.

I guess I have to get through 24 hours and then freeze the leftovers so that they are not so grabbable.

I wish I could fast forward past it.

jamezln

In my last psychiatric group meeting before surgery last month we spoke about people who just don't realize, actually realize this very thing and they are so use to us eating that they really don't think about it. I went out today for the first time with family since the surgery. They were all amazed that all I ate was 6oz sirloin. They asked tons of questions and made a big deal....in a restaurant. They aren't use to me being that way. It was always a pounds of meat and potatoes, then the leftovers of others or at least some. I can't really blame it on them. I think they too need an adjustment period. I've made a 180 degree turnaround.

Now if you don't want to go because they know, and they just try to push it on you, I agree with the others and I wouldn't go. Now if people just can't enjoy your company, I wouldn't even bother.

loriloftness

jamezln wrote: »

Now if you don't want to go because they know, and they just try to push it on you, I agree with the others and I wouldn't go. Now if people just can't enjoy your company, I wouldn't even bother.

Exactly!!! You have to get used to putting your needs first.

katematt313

Chin up! If you want to go, be the bigger (now smaller) person.

The best way to feel good in that scenario is to show how happy you are with the changes you've made to your life, show how good you feel, and look AWESOME (swank duds that FIT, good hair cut, etc.). Depending on the level of dysfunction in your circle, some people will be happy for you, others will burn up inside with jealousy. Win win. Just keep on smiling. You are SO much better than that.

Also, from one fiery personality to (I presume) another, don't go in spoiling for a fight or anticipating that you are going to have to be fending off food and jerks all night long. Instead, go in expecting to be treated appropriately, and if your hosts/friends/family can't meet your expectations, graciously decamp and head home for some hot apple cider and a good Netflix series.

I did this at a bridal shower I went to recently for my sister-in-law, hosted by my grandmother-in-law. The level of dysfunction in my husband's family is off the charts: granny is not nice (last Thanksgiving, she loudly insisted in front of a dozen people that I "must be" pregnant because my face was "fat and shiny" - blame it on the sauvignon blanc!!), and my sister-in-law has issues that make things tense between us (she's a raving...princess). Anyway, I showed up to this party, 50 lbs lighter and smoking hot, and it took about 10 minutes before anyone figured out who I was. I smiled and acted like I had not a care in the world, and was so gracious to everyone there. Not only did nasty granny and SIL look like they had sucked on lemons, but my transformation was the talk of the party, and I later heard that SIL's relatives thought the world of me. That couldn't have sat well. Feels good!

DJRonnieLINY

This will be my 2nd Holiday Season post op, the first was two months out. I do not know you or what "eating triggers" you may be working on so forgive me if this response strays into a bad area but it does seem you are allowing these people to have power over you.

At 6 months montsh out your family should have noticed a great weight loss and hopefully a more healthy you. Go to the dinners - eat what YOU WANT - and say no thank you to what ever else is offered. You may find the experience to be liberating.

Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving.

paul87920

I wanted to thank you all, and let you know that Thanksgiving went on without too much problem. Hope yours was lovely!

Thaeda

paul87920 wrote: »

I wanted to thank you all, and let you know that Thanksgiving went on without too much problem. Hope yours was lovely!

YAY!!! So glad to hear it.

DJRonnieLINY

Great news Paul

rpyle111

Very nice to hear that it went smoothly. Congrats! I am glad you went and spent time with Family, it is important (even if not always a bundle of laughs!).

JeanneMarie11111

yay I am so glad that it went well

jamezln

Good deal.

relentless2121

Great to hear that all went well on Thanksgiving Paul. I think for myself the anxiety about the holiday get togethers can be much worse than the actual days. Now you can relax and enjoy some time to yourself.