Frustrating weekend

maoribadger

Saw GP friday and he thinks my depression is creeping back in but query whether its S.A.D or just another bout of general depression. Problem is Im maxed out on the AD im on (mirtazipine) and Ive refused to go back on the other one they use to augment it (olanzapine) as Ive lost 3stone since coming off it so he doesnt know what to do. Hes suggested trying a lightbox and has put me on pregabalin for the noise and anxiety even though I think mood is way more of a problem than anxiety. So hes writing to my shrink for advice and have to wait on the letter back. Added in I cant go to the gym atm with my hobbled ankle and Im very grumpy.

Had 3 days where Ive not been on plan, Ive tried to keep roughly to maintenance but Ive been out with family and not chugged much water so I suspect I wont see a loss or even a small gain this week when I weigh in tomorrow from water retention.

So back on plan in the morning. I wanted to go to the gym tomorrow but my mates persuaded me to wait til tuesday to see my PT for a proper training plan that will spare my ankle til its healed. Husband says I am like a caged bear at the moment.

Hows everyone else

KnitOrMiss

Hugs, hugs, and hugs!!! Hope this finds you in better spirits. I feel like a total troll that I've been out of touch for over a week. Darned vacation from work, throws everything off!!

I would have still gone to the gym and found seated exercises to do that were not weight bearing. Because not exercising when you are frustrated as all heck is killer, particularly when fighting depression to boot.

Make sure you are taking as much Vitamin D3 as you can...it helps with SAD. And if it won't conflict with your other meds, another friend is taking St. John's Wort to help with her SAD and anxiety issues with great success (but she isn't taking anything other than valium for her severe attacks - no preventatives)...

Hugs and good luck.

maoribadger

I did do some countertop press ups, leg raises and sit ups and fannied around with my kettle bell a bit and I also did some general walking. Started the light yesterday and not sure if its the light or the new drugs but somethings giving me headaches. Will persist however. Back with PT tomorrow, new trainers have arrived which are more achilles tendon friendly than what Ive been wearing so fingers crossed to some good calories burned tomorrow and a natural serotonin boost. I cant take St Johns Wort with my mirtazipine its kinda dangerous so will wait on a letter from the psych doc but in meantime am looking into some vits B and D

KnitOrMiss

I can definitely tell if my I miss my B-Inositol, B-12, and D-3.... Since it is winter now, sometimes I have to take my D-3 (5000 i.u.) twice a day.... Glad you know about that Sr. John's Wort. I've heard it can be great but has a HUGE list of interactions....

I'd check with your pharmacist about the meds having headaches as a side effect. And depending on how/when you are using the light... I get sunlight headaches badly if I'm not wearing glasses. I'm not sure if it is one that wakes you gently like a sunrise or one in your house for intervals, but make sure you have vision protection (even UV only glasses like for when you use the PC) whenever you are using it. It is your skin that needs to absorb the light, not your eyes...

Hugs.

maoribadger

I have a kind of doze in the morning between 7 and 8, I am downstairs with the kids and technically not asleep as I am often in conversation/refereeing but I lie on the sofa with my eyes shut while they eat brekkie and watch awful kids tv so Im having the light on then. I found I had a headache after but Id also just taken the pregabalin so who knows. Its a full SAD light not a wake up alarm though Im looking into one of those

maoribadger

Though I have to say it was strange explaining it to my 5yo. I try to keep all my 'stuff' away from her but shes sharp and immediately wanted to know what the light was for. I kept it to 'mummy sometimes feels sad when its all dark and grey so this is like having a little bit of sunshine in the house'. She just hugged and kissed me and said 'I will make you happy mummy'. Made me happy and sad at the same time

KnitOrMiss

Yeah, be careful of that. My daughter went through a huge depression of her own because she felt it was her job to make me happy. Might be time for a frank discussion about how it isn't anyone's job to make anyone else happy. Bodies are different and complicated, etc. Keep it at her level, but nip that expectation in the bud or it could blow up on you later. Speaking from experience, unfortunately.

maoribadger

Thanks for the thought hon. Tbh i never talk to her usually about any of it as i try to shield them both from it. I still make myself take them out, do arts and crafts with them, turn up at all their school trips and events, let them have playdates and generally do everything normally even when i really dont feel like it and ive been told they are happy well adjusted polite kids so i hope im getting it right and its not affecting them but i do worry it will one day and dont know how to handle it as they grow older and more aware

KnitOrMiss

Kids are far more insightful that we realize. The fact that she made that statement at all means that you aren't hiding it as well as you think you are. I know that is harsh to say, but your 5 year old accepts you as you are, and probably bases her entire sense of normal around her experience with you as a Mum, and all that. It is terrifying to realize that no matter how we try to shield them from the harsh realities of life, by 18 months, normal kids have already recognized most of our mood/mental issues to some degree. Hence the reason a child will place his/her hand on your face randomly, or climb into your lap when you feel like you least want it but need it most.

I'm glad that you don't let this be a crutch for you to excuse behavior, which I can say is far more successful than when I had a bad bout of depression when I got laid off from an awesome job right as my daughter was born. It was all I could do to get out of bed some days, even knowing she was depending on me... A very dark time.

And something, too - children are almost always on good behavior when they are out and about because they don't have that safety net or knowing reactions as well as they do with us. It actually shows security in their situations when they have a meltdown or tantrum at home, because they feel confident in being utterly themselves as they know we love them and will still love them even when they get mad, etc. So even though it is a frustration to many parents, they should see it as a blessing, because this represents comprehension and understanding of parental love/understanding/compassion/etc.

Obviously, true behavioral issues are a separate issue, as those will happen anywhere, anytime they are triggered.