One good thing:

carimiller7391

Name just one good thing that you can do for yourself in regards to this journey you are on.

maoribadger

Remember I can have a diversion whilst still generally maintaining forward momentum

KnitOrMiss

Be forgiving of myself and the fact that I am human. As long as I try something most days, I am still in the game. And maintenance is just as important as losing... Practicing patience now will pay off in the long run.

carimiller7391

I started this thread yesterday knowing that I was going to be getting weighed in this morning. I too have to be forgiving of myself. So far this morning I have put breakfast, lunch and snacks into the tracker. Put my weight into the tracker (UGH, not only did I gain, but I weigh 342.5)......I have a very long way to go. But I am looking at every 5 lb increment. Not going to do myself in by looking at the big picture.

KnitOrMiss

Cari, those are good goals... Right now, I personally am not tracking food. I haven't in some time. I got severely burned out on it. But the things I ate consistently and measured then, I still use those daily most of the time. I also keep my meals as close to what I did when I was measuring chronically, and just try to get in as much movement as possible. I was freaking out doing too much meticulous work... So, when it comes to the point where I am not making any progress at all (I keep playing hide and go seek with the same 10 pounds), then I might get back to it, but it became such a stressful chore for me, it was no longer helping! Good luck (and I was around 350 when I started a few years back, so that number is not too foreign to me, either)... Just keep swimming, as Dori would say.

maoribadger

I am trying to work on being kinder to myself. This isnt just weight loss related. I beat myself up a lot for having depression, being a lousy mum/partner/friend/nurse, for not controlling my self harm better and for failing to lose weight or for being the weight i am. My counsellor told me i hold myself to a standard id never expect of another human being and i know shes right. So as angry as i get at myself for not being able to do as many pull ups as my four stone lighter friend i am trying to tell myself that a lot of people my size or lighter wouldnt be pushing themselves at all in the gym so i maybe need to ease up and not berate myself for not being as fit or for having a weekend like the one just gone where i eat crap all weekend because generally im doing my best and id i keep trying i will get there eventually. Not sure if that makes sense.

KnitOrMiss

Lise, that makes perfect sense. I think it is human nature, particularly female human nature (I don't see it as pervasively in males), to hold ourselves to ridiculously higher standards than everyone else. For me, recommending others to counseling or to accept medication for issues beyond their control is a kind and guiding principle, yet hearing the same recommendations to myself triggers the roaring response of "Admit that and you're a total failure. Accept that, same. Other people manage and do far more than you even plan to do, much less accomplish." That type of thing. Negative self-speak is something every single woman I have ever met does. Only those who have been fighting for themselves for a long time have begun winning that war. I find that I do less of it now that I did years back, but when I have a rough time, that condescending inner me laughs until she shakes my certainty in myself. It's frustrating and scary and seemingly never ending.

Let me tell you, I've stolen this line many, many times, and will continue to do so with no regret whatsoever, "Depression lies." I am not certain who originally said this, but I attribute it to author/actor/activist Wil Wheaton. All of the things you beat yourself up over are related to the underlying depression, from my perspective (I always get frustrated that we can see others clearly, but not ourselves...). The only way to shake that, because for most people, depression is a very real thing, not always treatable, more often manageable at best, so the only way I see to shake this is to remind yourself constantly that depression lies. If your partner was lying to you, would you believe what was said? No. But depression is a conniving, convincing pain in the butt. We are often taken in. When you remind yourself that this is the lying voice in your head, even when that voice is screaming at you and being louder than even your heartbeat, it becomes easier to discount that voice, to mute it in a way, or to force it to the background.

As with determination to work out when you don't want to, to hit that gym, and to eat the celery when you want that damned chocolate bar, ignoring this voice, no matter how reasonable, rational, and seductive it seem, will be a choice of habit. It does get easier, even though rough days will remain a struggle.

One other random, but potentially frightening method is to try to disconnect yourself from yourself. When you are chewing your own butt off mentally, make that part of yourself an independent person. Say the mean me is ME, and say the inner me is me by my middle name, so the cranky me is Carly and the inner me is Michelle. Can I treat Michelle as meanly as I would myself? For people who already struggle with personality disorders of any kind, this may be difficult, scary, seemingly impossible, etc., but it is worth an exercise to attempt to see if you can dissociate yourself enough to accept yourself, you know?

I remain in a semi-constant state of frustration with myself, but that is part of my mental progress, and in some ways, it is a good thing, because if I'm frustrated, I'm not complacent. If I'm fighting to accept things, I'm still fighting and I'm still changing things. All I try to do is apply even 10% of the love, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and acceptance I give to others on a regular basis to myself. If I can be even 10% better to myself, that is a win. Because each percentage point after that first hardest step becomes slightly easier.

I know in all reality that voice will never stop being in the back of my head, and my acceptance, etc. of myself will never be at 100%, but if each day is a modicum of better than any other day, it is still a win in my book.

carimiller7391

Maybe it's just me.... I am so much nicer to me than anyone else is regarding my weight issues. My MOM who is trying to lose weight always gets on me about what I am eating or drinking (when I have soda) but I weigh and measure everything I eat. She don't weigh a thing other then herself. She has no clue what a serving of anything looks like. Even if I do guestimate a serving, like I am out to eat or something, I usually add extra servings to cover any extra calories. My best female friend tells me how lazy I am for not exercising like she does. Until she herself had gastric bypass June 2013, she wasn't that into fitness and weight loss. Now she tells everyone it's diet and exercise that's helped her lose weight..... I myself am being honest with people and telling them I had RNY Gastric bypass. Anytime I eat anything not prepped by my mom, who is not the healthiest cook in the world, my Dad tells me how fat I am and how I'll never lose weight. I'd love to tell him to take a good look at his wife for how "WELL" we eat at home.

Rant over..... sorry!!!

KnitOrMiss

Wow, I'm so sorry for all that you have to deal with. It's good that you're accepting of the limitations presented to you by your situation. In all likelihood, it is all of their own insecurities that cause them to question what you do, because even their subconscious-es know that if they bothered to do what you are doing for yourself, they might actually make some progress, but change is terrifying, and they are comfortable... (hugs) for being strong enough to do this for YOU!!!!!

maoribadger

Im off to gym in 30 mins so will come back to this. Ive been having a fairly down day and ended up losing it and breaking down in the car earlier so I need the exercise to have a clear enough head to read your response through. I should be along later feeling less angry/frustrated and down and much perkier with exercise endorphins!

carimiller7391

One good thing I am doing for myself today, I'm trying to take a 1/2 pto from work to get better.... feeling a bit under the weather today and want to nip it in the butt now.

KnitOrMiss

Awesome! I'm doing something for my spirit today. Even though I can't really afford it, I'm driving to another town to attend a holiday concert tonight that I've been invited to by someone who has been absent from my life and is now reaching out...

maoribadger

Well done to you both for doing something for yourselves. I did something for someone else today that always feels good. One my paediatric life support course which is never fun and supported someone who was struggling with it. She thanked me as we left for helping her get through it

KnitOrMiss

You know, especially with this season upon us, I need to do that, too. I need to find something to do for someone else today...it always makes everyone feel better... Thanks for the reminder, Lise. And sorry your good thing is a bummer, but it is still good. (many more huggles than is necessary...and they are neon huggles today, tu-tu!)