Overwhelmed! How about you?

stellcorb

So, this isn't a completely weight-loss oriented post, so please forgive me...but I thought it would be nice to express my frustrations to some ladies I know may be in a similiar boat. Maybe more mommies will realize that they aren't the only ones who feel like it's not possible to keep up w/ our own (and others') expectations.

Day to day I'm realizing how completely overwhelmed I am by my life in general... but especially being a working mom and wife. Now, don't get me wrong, I have a good life overall.... I just wonder if anyone else feels as exhausted and helpless as I do when it comes to balancing work, home, kids, health, relationships, budgets and so on....

I have a good job that is high stress, long hours and a hard job to leave at work at the end of the day. I have a wonderful husband who picks up my slack at home with the kids sometimes when my hours go over... but we are sooo different, it's hard to get along sometimes. I am... let's just say... highstrung. I worry about all, guilt about most and get frustrated constantly... I have high expectations of myself and others and tend to get very disappointed. My husband is...laid back... to the extreme....and has pretty pronounced ADHD that he only medicates himself for at work. This just means that while he will do most of what I ask him to, he doesn't do much on his own. This means that scheduling, budget and planning all fall on me.

Also, I have an 8 year old stepson most weekends, but his mother refuses to communicate with me (after 7 years... come on!) and won't set up a consistent schedule, so I'm constantly nagging my husband to get info or reach out to her, which causes fights. It doesn't help that our weekends are booked full most of the time so planning is that much more of a pain. On top of that, I strongly disagree with how he's being raised by his mother and her family...his eating habits are unhealthy, he's allowed to play video games rated M for an unsupervised amount of time and he's allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate for his age (he was talking about Michael Myers from Halloween at the ripe age of 4). While I try to let this go because I cannot control it, it still bothers me b/c 1. he's not getting all that he deserves in structure and values 2. he is an influence on his little brother and sister that I cannot really control.

Lastly, there's my sweet babies... Max 3.5 and Nora almost 1 year... they're a joy and a stress all at once. My son is very bullheadeded and not easy to reason with... but has this sweet side that makes my heart melt. My daughter is beautiful and typically happy... but not so much lately. She's waking once or twice pretty much which makes me foggy day after day.

To cut this novel short and sum it up... my house is a mess, my yard looks like a jungle, I can't find anything and I dont have time to care...

Anyone else feel this way.... or is it just me? Rant away ladies!

jcgutierrez

All but the stepson sound like me life. Except the fact that my husband works almost all weekends, therefore I am almost a single mother. I have his helps in the evenings but usually after 7 oclock. I just get really frusterated. I have a 4 and 3 year old boys and 8 month old girl. I also work a job that requires alot of time and his does as well, but I would so much appreciate if her could help a little more instead of me caring for 3 kids sometimes its 4!

stellcorb

All but the stepson sound like me life. Except the fact that my husband works almost all weekends, therefore I am almost a single mother. I have his helps in the evenings but usually after 7 oclock. I just get really frusterated. I have a 4 and 3 year old boys and 8 month old girl. I also work a job that requires alot of time and his does as well, but I would so much appreciate if her could help a little more instead of me caring for 3 kids sometimes its 4!

Yeah, totally can't imagine 3 kids full time! Especially with your husband working all the time! I'm lucky that mine is just 8-5 Monday through Friday so he's able to take care of dropping the kids off at daycare and picking them up. I feel bad though b/c he's been working the same job for a long time without any real raises or opportunities but I'm scared for him to leave and risk not having as much vacation or different hours. Guess if he finds something I'll need to look for something with more predictable hours!

J3nnyV

First of all, I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. It is an awful feeling. You are not the only one with a messy house and a laundry list of "to do"'s that never seems to end. I'm glad you're reaching out.

My husband and I have talked recently about how wasteful we were with our time before our children were born. I fit so much into each day now that sometimes little things can really push me over the edge. Now I can't stand it when people are late and I'm kept waiting, but just 3 years ago that sort of thing wouldn't have mattered at all!

I don't have stepchildren or an ex to deal with. It puts a whole other dynamic into play. It sounds to me like you really care for him though because you're concerned about his mental and physical health. He is lucky to have you as his step mom.

I understand your concern about his influence over your children. In a weird way, I've felt that way a little bit when I realize my older son has picked up words and behaviours at daycare that wouldn't be my first choice. The reality is, your children will be influenced by so many people as they grow. We just need to try to be the strongest guiding light in their life. I think it is fair to have rules for your stepson in your house that are different then the rules he has with his mom. He may really thrive with structure and guidelines and you can feel good about the positive change you are making in his life.

Lastly, is there any way you could live with giving up some of the scheduling control about his visits? Tel your husb that going forward you are going to continue to make weekend plans for you and the babies, but it'll be solely on him to coordinate his older son's schedule in regards to pick up and drop off. There may be a few weekends of more chaos or missed visits, but ultimately your husband is a grown-up and he can do this. If he needs to medicate his ADHD for weekends in order to get this going, then maybe he has to make that choice for now. Sometimes spouses get complacent in their habits/roles. Maybe he is used to you taking care of business, but that doesn't mean you need to keep doing it if it is overwhelming you.

:flowerforyou:

MrsCarter00

Wow! I'm overwhelmed just reading about your life! Kudos to you for being able to handle all that!! I do agree with everything J3nnyvsaid and hope you're able to catch a break soon.

I am a SAHM and my husband works nights and has over an hour commute to work one way so when he's home he's generally sleeping all day but he only works 4 nights so the 3 that he is off he's very helpful! I'm a huge perfectionist and very picky about my house and things being done and kept in order but sometimes I just don't feel like doing what needs to be done and then I end up getting overwhelmed especially on the weekends when we are always go go go! Not a major rant but as J3nnyv said it's the little things now that can push me over the edge lol

Jillsie11

Ohhhhh maaaaan, I was JUST thinking about how overwhelmed I am!! In fact, my facebook status today says something about feeling so overwhelmed with life lately.

Your husband sounds like my husband's brother from another mother. My husband is a loving Dad and a hard worker. But he's also ADHD, I'm controlling and thus depend on myself to take care of all the "big stuff". I do the budget, bills, meal plans, most cooking, and cleaning. He works full time, and I work part-time. It's hard...while he IS helpful, it's hard to not be resentful of how differently we handle things. Of course- that IS the reason I love him. I couldn't be married to another me, lol.

Anyway, all's this to say- you're not alone!! Our yard looks like nasty, my floors need swept, we have a piece of siding missing from the front of our house (that my husband keeps telling me he'll finish). It's a constant juggling act!! I mean, it'd be really easy if we didn't care and could let everything go to Hell and a handbasket. It's a completely different story when you're intentional about being a good wife/mother. And also add in exercise/eating right- it's enough to make anyone crazy! I feel like I'm running like a chicken with my head cut off most days...

I don't think there's many mothers/wives who would say they got it all together. I guess it's just life for now...but like I said, be encouraged- you're in good company!

blink1021

I know how you feel although I do not have a stepson I do have a 9 year old boy and a 5.5 month old girl and I work full time also. Although my husband does try to help me out he is also ADHD as well as my son. It gets hard in fact I am sitting here right now looking at my living room thinking that my floor needs to be swept. If I go into my bedroom you will see the mounds of clothes needing to be washed. I feel tired all the time and when I am home on the weekends I want to spend as much time with my kids as I can instead of cleaning.

My husband means well but I am a control freak and have to do things my way. If you ever saw the man fold clothes it would make you cringe. I once let him start dinner before I got home from work and he read the directions wrong so it ended up as soup instead of a pasta meal. I am the bread winner in the family and work the most hours. I am just glad he tries he could be like my sisters husband and sits in his recliner until its time for work at 4pm and then sleeps till 11am in the morning so she still has to take her son to daycare because he can't be bothered to watch their 3 year old.

I take care of all bills, meals, cooking, and cleaning so once in awhile I do have a mental breakdown just had one back in February where I took an afternoon to myself and went shopping. Most of it was window shopping or shopping for the kids, but I was alone to browse and no one bothered me and my husband understood that I needed to do that without any questions and when I got home I was a new person. Sometimes you have to do that without the guilt. I know all about guilt I have it every time I drop the kids off at daycare or when I can't go to my son's school for an activity because the school gave only 3 days notice (my job requires 1 week notice unless a medical reason). I feel horrible but I grew up the same way my mother worked full time an hour from home I at least only have a 30 minute commute.

You are not alone.

daytolive

AGHHH where do i start?!

First off,I I think it's incredible what you're doing. You sound like you really have it together! It must not be easy working full time and balancing everything else out. Not to mention taking on step kid and ex wife.

I am a SAHM with 2 littles, 4 years and 8months. My husband is a stage tech/musician,so he tours the world about 6-8 months a year. Before having kids,I worked in a salon as a hair stylist and if my husband was in Europe,I'd take off and fly to be where ever he was. Now a days,It's nothing like it was. For instance: Right now my husband is in the UK for 5 and a half weeks!!!! I'm only going on week one We just moved to a new area,and have no help from anyone. I'm pretty much alone. Just today I was telling my husband on Skype that I feel so isolated and lonely. I almost wished I worked full time again for the social outlet.

My house is A MESS. I see hair balls on the hardwood floor,dust in the corners,my bathrooms are disgusting and the laundry is either still in the dryer or in the hamper. I don't know how women in the 50's did it?! I make every meal from scratch,i hate giving my son boxed or frozen meals,so that takes up most of my time. By the time the kids are asleep,the last thing i want to do is workout and/or clean the house. I feel like I don't have one second to myself....unless I get to take a shower,which is few and far (FAR)between. Sometimes I feel like walking out the door and not coming back. LOL!

My husband always likes to remind me that it won't be this way forever. One day the kids will be old enough to drive,or will have moved out of the house and then i'll be missing this time. Being a women and a mother is the hardest job in the world but we should be so lucky to have this job....even if some days we feeling like checking out.

stellcorb

Thank-you ladies soooo much for sharing and all the encouragement! It's amazing how similiar our frustrations are as mommies!
I have to share that this weekend I was actually able to wash, fold AND put away all of our laundry for the week yesterday and I feel like I finished a race or something. I even managed to wipe down some bathrooms and clean a toilet and I gotta say I'm MUCH more excited about it than my husband... but I think he's gotten used to the chaos.

Blink 1021 I relate to your quote below on SOOO many levels!
"My husband means well but I am a control freak and have to do things my way. If you ever saw the man fold clothes it would make you cringe. I once let him start dinner before I got home from work and he read the directions wrong so it ended up as soup instead of a pasta meal. I am the bread winner in the family and work the most hours. I am just glad he tries he could be like my sisters husband and sits in his recliner until its time for work at 4pm and then sleeps till 11am in the morning so she still has to take her son to daycare because he can't be bothered to watch their 3 year old. "

Just yesterday I had to lecture my husband on the advantages to folding clothes vs. wadding and stuffing just yesterday! Also, he's had some pretty awesome screw-ups in the kitchen... one recepie called for Roasted Red Pepper (which was sitting out for him)... he used Crushed Red Pepper instead... a quarter cup on each cupcake sized meatloaf... another recipie called for 1 chipolte chili.... he used 1 CAN of chipolte chili's... Oh yeah, he just made cookies last night and didn't pack the brown sugar... flour and chocolate chip cookies are GROSS! But, I agree too w/ the fact that there are some who don't even try...and I do love him more for it...

Jillsie11 you make a great point on the 'couldn't marry myself' part!

daytolive... you're husband's right on the this too shall pass angle... I do get afraid sometimes though of missing my life because I can't wait until the next step, stage etc... not sure if I'm the only one....