Sorry I have been gone

PatrickB_87

My Grandmother passed on the 7th at midnight in her bed alongside her husband.

So of course the next day was a mad dash of laundry and a lot of apology emails to clients, the the next morning I was with my family and on the road to southern California for the funeral. We were their for a week with all our family so I had no way of getting on.

I kept up with my tracking but circumstance meant that most days I was over my goal. I have no real issue with it, it's what I expected. Between being busy all day, eating all breakfasts at the hotel, and most lunches and dinners at the retirement home my focus wasn't on hitting my calorie mark. I wasn't emotionally eating (though that would have been easy to do), I just gave myself the week off. I don't exactly cary a food scale around with me and I wasn't about to whip out my cell phone in the middle of a dinning hall with the 15 members of my extended family to figure out my meal plan. I got in a lot of walking but the only night I could muster the energy to exercise was also the night before the viewing and I had a splitting headache that was only made worse by the treadmill.

So I don't think I gained anything or lost anything over the week. Or at leas thats what I am telling myself. It seriously doesn't matter as its what I expected, It's just thrown me out of sorts. I've had more soda then I have in a long time.

The good bit is I got to see all my extended family after such a long time and meet the three new family members that I hadn't meet yet. My youngest 10yo cousin, my eldest cousins husband (I couldn't make it to their weeding 7 years ago (god they look to young to be married) for some lame excuse. I think I said exams for college but I think in reality it was the social anxiety and being disgusted with myself for my weight and not fitting into any of my nice cloths. The irony now...), and their child, my cousin once remove and my grandmothers great grandson. We had a lovely time together and playing many games of farkle.

But I am back now and everything is a total 360. The past week has been hurry up wait and now I am back full speed to work. This is usually the busiest time of year for me and missing a week has made it worse. So instead of being able to get back to my normal routine I am in rush mode. I haven't been on a bike in nearly two weeks and the weather isn't helping in that regard, not that it matters, I have too much work to be able to hit the road before the sun sets at 5pm.

We will be skipping christmas this year. We couldn't really afford the trip down for the funeral to begin with (I offered to help financially but of course they didn't want that) and now my parent's are going down to be with my grandfather for christmas (he doesn't want to celebrate either for obvious reasons). I'm happy to fly down their for the holidays but it's not really that kind of trip. They are checking in on him and their will be plenty enough to deal with. So hopefully I can use that time to have another adventure and get out from under this work and the stress.

Back to retouching christmas pictures... oh joy.

Any who thats my story.

wennim

Sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. You should be very proud of yourself for not using it as a free pass to completely go off plan. Hopefully you can continue that during the time you are catching up.

You aren't the only one who has missed family events due to social anxiety...we are considering attending the big christmas family get together this year that we skipped for the last 10 years. Not sure I am up for that yet though.

carostad

Oh, Patrick. I'm so sorry. The loss of a family member is such a hard thing to cope with. Especially at the holidays. I hope you're able to find some Christmas cheer in spite of everything.

Taking care of you right now is the most important thing. Whatever that looks like. We don't have to be perfect which is probably why so many of us got where we are. Thinking you're either perfect, or all out munching down. A little slide here and there is perfectly normal and managing it as part of your life is the absolute best thing you can do. Just focus on breathing, feeling as good as you can, and thinking about the big picture. The rest will fall into place, eventually.

Are you okay with skipping Christmas? In some ways, avoiding all the temptations might be good, but holidays are when I miss my deceased loved ones the most. See if a friend might have an opening at their table. Or maybe find a soup kitchen and do some volunteer work. Anything but sitting home and wishing you were not alone. If we were closer, I would totally invite you here. Most people are happy to have an extra friend with them at the holidays, especially once they realize that friend will be alone.

Keeping you in my thoughts...

Caroline

KnitOrMiss

Hugs to all... Patrick, a few years back (2007 or 2008), my grandfather passed peacefully in his sleep overnight from 12/25 to 12/26. My mom and her sister still haven't recovered, particularly as they lost their mom to cancer last October. Their brother has abandoned the two of them, but at least they have each other... (Oh, and to top it off, I was the only grandkid on my side - I have 3 siblings - who didn't call to wish him Merry Christmas, so I felt horrid for years, but therapy helped...)

So I can sympathize somewhat with losing family around the holidays. My former MIL died the week before Thanksgiving the year after my grandfather, I think (either year before or after), and she was ablaze this time of year, so decorating and all has been difficult since (I have to do the tree and cards as part of my paid job, so ...)... Since I have to do it at work, and my daughter is no longer at home, I get to cop out on decorating.

I am glad you are looking forward to getting caught up and taking care of you - that is the best gift you can give yourself! I do agree with Caroline, though, if being at home alone at the holidays is a little saddening, find something to do!!

Hugs and miss all y'all!
Carly

P.S. I posted on my wall in my feed, but I'll be hit and miss for the next while, but I'm still here ... if anyone needs me desperately and can't get me, baykay1010 has my personal cell number...as do a couple others I can't recall... I am still planning to check in daily, just might not be posting as much.... Love and hugs, and happy holidays to you - however you celebrate! C

PatrickB_87

Thanks everyone.

I just needed to get the stress of it off my chest. It's just thrown my routine out of whack and has made keeping up with my normal activity really difficult, not made any easier by the stress of work at this time of year.

But the month is almost over so I can soon return to a normal routine.

Still not sure what will happen for the holidays. I spoke with my family and I know they want my to come with them, and it sounds like my brother is going so I might be going as well. But I am concerned for their finances and for how my grandfather will feel, he may not want us all their after having family their for the past week (plus the difficulty of remember who we are). So perhaps I will be able to convince them to let me take my part of the bill, but you know family.

Any who, I can't wait for this week to be over.

KnitOrMiss

Maybe if they won't let you pay outright, offer to do the grocery shopping for the week, or make sure to stop for gas when it is your turn to drive! That way you can control a little of the outpouring. If you grocery shop, not only can you provide some healthier options, you could offer to cook, too, if your hotel room has a kitchenette, anyway. Offer to pay for the hotel, or dinner, and make a huge production of it being your Christmas gift to them. Couching it in a way that makes them feel ungrateful to refuse is a way to get those generous loving family members to accept an offer. If all these types of things fail, see if you can anonymously pay their electric bill back home for a month or something... There are ways...you may get your butt chewed, but if you find a way to say things that actually seem like you are doing things for you (I need the healthier snacks, Mom, or I can't use the bathroom properly, so let me do that shopping rather than give you a horribly complicated list...) it is easier for them to accept. Maybe offer to pay for a catered family meal (many stores offer a prepared meal that can be picked up or delivered) that way no one has to worry about meal prep or much clean up. And as always, you can just do something (like pay for the hotel or whatever) and play the better to ask for forgiveness than permission card. They may grumble, but it is harder to undo something already done...

maoribadger

All good ideas from the Oklahoma lady there Pat. And I am so sorry about your Grandmother. Your routine may be out of whack for a wee while until you recover but you have done it before and can do it again. x

julieworley376

Pat I am so sorry you lost your Grandmother. Be kind to yourself, you coped really admirably with everything that was happening around you, spring is coming, every day it gets closer.

carimiller7391

Pat, sending big hugs to you on the loss of your grandmother.