The power of permission....
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Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Sunday night I was making PB and chocolate dipped pretzels-- I make them every year to give as gifts. I decided instead of forbidding myself to have any, I would give myself permission to have what I wanted. I ate a few pieces of chocolate, had a few bites of preztel dipped in PB and that was it. I wasn't hungry, and I didn't really want any more. In the past, I would have been fighting the urge to eat them and invariably would "cave" and guilt would keep me eating and eating (I know there are many of you familiar with that routine "Well, I have screwed up... may as well go whole hog.."). It was peaceful and easy-- instead of anxiety provoking and stressful. Just thought it noteworthy and wanted to share it. Please do not interpret this as "will power"-- I was not exerting effort-- merely noticing and making my decision to eat or not eat based on what I actually wanted instead of based on emotions or some sense of "I have to eat them now because I only make them once per year" or whatever other nonsense I have let fuel my decisions in the past.
I am curious to know if this same "giving of permission" would work in other situations where I used to overeat in the past-- like at buffets, or at parties, or holiday meals? Certainly worth exploring!
I am curious to know if this same "giving of permission" would work in other situations where I used to overeat in the past-- like at buffets, or at parties, or holiday meals? Certainly worth exploring!
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I completely understand the whole "well, in for a dime, in for a dollar. I'll start being good AFTER
" thing. I'm still in the very early stages of my journey here, so I will have to come back later and see what kind of responses you get. Interesting stuff! 0 -
This is exactly what my Dr. told me to do. He said tell yourself you can have 2 different goodies at a party. If you allow yourself than it is no longer a forbidden item. Then there is no guilt in doing it. I think it is all about decision based eating. If you decide you really want something than have 1, you may find out it was only in your mind that you want to eat all of them.0
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It's worked for me so far. I eat what IIke just in small amounts. I do have to watch what I'm doing particularly with slider snacks. I do have to exercise. I do continue to choose protein first. But releasing myself from the "diet" mentality has been the best gift ever! I crave way less since I know it's okay to work in whatever I want in reasonable amounts. I don't give in to every whim immediately but allow myself chocolate or whatever in small amounts worked into my day around my nutritional needs.0
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I still struggle with either abstaining, or total indulgence. Overall, abstenance works better for me- at least in terms of food.0
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I'm going to ponder this. In the past I have had the issue that I can't just eat "one or two" of something I really like, I have to have it all. Now I've been abstaining and not having any, but really wanting it in my head. Maybe I might surprise myself if I did give myself permission to have a bite or two-- and it turns out I would be satisfied with that. Maybe it is worth an experiment the next time the situation comes up.0
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Congratulations Thaeda, you made it to the other side of the mountain! By removing the negative assumptions (Diet, Bad, Punish) you have taken away the powerful urge to rebel. Subconsciously we fight back against the "rules" that constrain us. Eat what you want, when you want it and over time you will have a healthy relationship with food. Keep it up.0
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I agree. I believe that if we deny ourselves everything we will eventually fall and binge. I too try and keep it to a bite or two. But I will say, right now I'm struggling with food. Not hunger, the urge to eat and I know it's the disouragement at my weigh bouncing up (I refuse to call it a gain because it's not going to be permanent). So for right now I am avoiding all treats because I don't trust myself to stop at a bite or two.0
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I am with you Thaeda! The power of permission lets us put ourselves in control and takes away a lot of stress. I think we really have to remove the judgment we place on ourselves and also on the foods we eat, labeling things "good" or "bad". At this point, I tend to choose not to eat certain things. People will say to me, "Can you eat this" or that, or whatever, and I say, I can eat whatever I want, and I eat what I choose to eat. That has helped me immensely, knowing that it's all my choice.0
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I do not think I am "there" yet.... but getting there. Also, if I pay attention to how food tastes, sometimes the thing I really thought I wanted does not taste nearly as good as I thought it would. Example-- my son had a birthday awhile back. I LOVE cake-- esp with LOTS of buttercream frosting.... but when I was eating the cake, it just did not seem that good to me. I ate less than half a piece. If I was not paying attention to how it tasted, I might have eaten the whole piece and then maybe another....paying attention is key for me.0
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I do not think I am "there" yet.... but getting there. Also, if I pay attention to how food tastes, sometimes the thing I really thought I wanted does not taste nearly as good as I thought it would. Example-- my son had a birthday awhile back. I LOVE cake-- esp with LOTS of buttercream frosting.... but when I was eating the cake, it just did not seem that good to me. I ate less than half a piece. If I was not paying attention to how it tasted, I might have eaten the whole piece and then maybe another....paying attention is key for me.
That's it for me, too. I have finally figured out that food isn't evil or out to get me and that if I just pay attention to how things taste or how my stomach is feeling, I eat so much less and I FEEL satisfied when I decide I've had enough. I don't feel guilty anymore for eating "bad" things. I don't feel ashamed that I ate too much. I cannot believe how much this surgery has done for me mentally. It's amazing to me each and every day. It's also a plus that nothing tastes as good as it did before surgery....except fruit. I didn't know that fruit tasted sooooooo good. I swear I can smell peaches all the way across the grocery store and pineapple (in small amounts of course) is heavenly. Candy, cake, cookies, all of those have a chemically taste to them these days but fruit just tastes like pure goodness.......sorry about that, I got a little off track lol.
I think that permission and forgiveness are just as necessary tools for this journey as our little sleeve tummies are.
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This is a great topic. Why? Because I too am tired of beating myself up about this stuff.
I want to enjoy my life but I want to do it a different way now. We've all come much to far to let mindless eating screw us up now!0 -
trinity9058 wrote: »
I think that permission and forgiveness are just as necessary tools for this journey as our little sleeve tummies are.
Yup!0 -
I don't think there is anything wrong with having something every now and again. I'm so regimented at this point anything out of the ordinary aggravates me. It could be i'm only a couple months post op, but old habits die hard......very hard for me.0
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Permission is a good thing, having the OCCASIONAL treat is fine and as Thaeda said, eating mindefully, but let's not forget things like "trigger foods". Another post on here recently was about Ice Cream and made me think of this post. For me Ice Cream is a trigger food. I haven't had it in about 4 years now and I refuse ti reintroduce it into my food plan. I do not want to find I still have no control with it and allow it to trigger all my bad eating habits again. I will give myself permission to have a small slice of cake or a bite off someone else's or even a piece of candy, but because I know Ice Cream is a trigger, I will not give myself permission for that. I guess my point is, permission is good but we need to be aware of our triggers, food, emotions, whatever the case may be. Part of Thaeda's "being mindeful".0
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pawoodhull wrote: »Permission is a good thing, having the OCCASIONAL treat is fine and as Thaeda said, eating mindefully, but let's not forget things like "trigger foods". Another post on here recently was about Ice Cream and made me think of this post. For me Ice Cream is a trigger food. I haven't had it in about 4 years now and I refuse ti reintroduce it into my food plan. I do not want to find I still have no control with it and allow it to trigger all my bad eating habits again. I will give myself permission to have a small slice of cake or a bite off someone else's or even a piece of candy, but because I know Ice Cream is a trigger, I will not give myself permission for that. I guess my point is, permission is good but we need to be aware of our triggers, food, emotions, whatever the case may be. Part of Thaeda's "being mindeful".
I feel the same way. I am not going to tempt myself with things that are possibly "trigger foods". Personally, adding things back into my diet that I had in the past isn't even really something that's important to me. I didn't have this surgery thinking about when I could re-introduce things back into my diet. I have a new normal now. I have tried to get out of the mindset of allowing myself "treats". Food choices are just that, choices. I have really tried to break away from any of the thinking that I had prior to surgery. For me, the kind of thinking and techniques that "normal" people use for diet/ lifestyle changes don't really apply to me any more. I feel that people who have had WLS are in a separate category. That's all just my thinking. We all have a different journey and different things work for different people. Bottom line is what Thaeda and Pat and Jamez and everyone else has said - be mindful, be good to ourselves, and don't beat ourselves up!0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Permission is a good thing, having the OCCASIONAL treat is fine and as Thaeda said, eating mindefully, but let's not forget things like "trigger foods". Another post on here recently was about Ice Cream and made me think of this post. For me Ice Cream is a trigger food. I haven't had it in about 4 years now and I refuse ti reintroduce it into my food plan. I do not want to find I still have no control with it and allow it to trigger all my bad eating habits again. I will give myself permission to have a small slice of cake or a bite off someone else's or even a piece of candy, but because I know Ice Cream is a trigger, I will not give myself permission for that. I guess my point is, permission is good but we need to be aware of our triggers, food, emotions, whatever the case may be. Part of Thaeda's "being mindeful".
Part of eating mindfully, for me, is remembering how food makes me feel. I know if I eat too much sugar, I am going to feel like garbage. If I am focused on taking care of myself, I will not eat so much sugar that I feel badly. I would like to get to the point where I can eat ANY food and have no worries about it "triggering" overindulgence. I think that could happen one day if I am eating slowly, tasting each bite, thinking about how full/hungry I am, and making my "next bite" decisions based on those factors.
Pat-- you know YOU--- if you prefer to avoid ice cream altogether, that is the right choice for you. Who knows? Maybe I am too idealistic in thinking I can eat absolutely anything- mindfully-- and still lose weight-- but for now, that is my goal.
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I have tried to get out of the mindset of allowing myself "treats". Food choices are just that, choices. I have really tried to break away from any of the thinking that I had prior to surgery. For me, the kind of thinking and techniques that "normal" people use for diet/ lifestyle changes don't really apply to me any more. I feel that people who have had WLS are in a separate category. That's all just my thinking. We all have a different journey and different things work for different people. Bottom line is what Thaeda and Pat and Jamez and everyone else has said - be mindful, be good to ourselves, and don't beat ourselves up!
I am also trying to get out of the mindset of "allowing treats". Actually, I am trying to get out of the diet mindset completely. Just choices--- if I eat protein and veg and stop when I am pleasantly satisfied, I will feel light and probably pretty good. If I skip protein and dive face first into a plate of cookies, I am going to feel like crap. Also, I am trying to take the time to consider what I "feel" like eating-- do I want something hot? cold? salty? sweet? crunchy? etc. I am also making an effort to really be present when I am eating-- really taste my food and choose that next bite (or not). It is a lot of work, quite frankly! But I am hopeful over time it will be a more natural process. I have spent so much of my life eating unconsciously--- eating this/that because it was "allowed", bingeing on this/that because it was "forbidden".... so tiresome. I want to have a truce with food--- to have it just be what it is instead of taking up so much space in my life.0 -
I would like to get to the point where I can eat ANY food and have no worries about it "triggering" overindulgence. I think that could happen one day if I am eating slowly, tasting each bite, thinking about how full/hungry I am, and making my "next bite" decisions based on those factors.
I agree with this. I don't know if I can do it or not, but I'm going to try. Part of me feels like if I eliminate what would be considered "treats" from my diet forever, I am letting food control me once again. I want to find the place where food is just that, food. I eat it "mindfully" knowing that for my health the protein & veggies come first, but if on occasion I want a treat, I can have it without apologizing to myself for cheating.0 -
Agreed!
I don't want to "choose"
I want to live my life eating foods...all foods, no matter what the food is considered by some under the label "good/bad"
This time around, I want to be the wiser/smarter and that means learning to know how much and when something is enough!
When I moved out on my own, I knew about good/right foods but I didn't know how to balance everything.
This time around, I am and will be smarter/wiser
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