January 14, 2015
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KnitOrMiss
Posts: 10,103 Member
So, I've been in a holding pattern now for months. I was from June to September, then got back into it for a bit, then in November or so, I slipped back to maintenance. I got pretty sick over the holidays, and still have somewhat of a lingering cough. Things are pretty stressful at home - financially it is hitting a fever pitch in the spinning machine - only hope is we get thrown up, rather than being forcefully splatted into a wall. That stress is causing stress on my relationship, and so on and so forth and so on. And my "give a damn" got busted, and I just gave up caring about all of this. I'm sure we've all been there in some form or fashion, though, right?
Then yesterday, I realized part of my misery was that I'd been off my supplement schedule due to my staycation/sick week, and I had missed the supplements four days in a row straight due to life, and well... A light went off. And a fog lifted just a bit. And I finally felt like there was some hope in the world.
Then a friend shared some hellacious struggles. Being ostracized and punished for speaking the truth and shooting it straight and refusing to play the BS game. Hell, I'd probably get life in prison for that offense alone, right? She was miserable and suffering and had put a "I'm going to punch you in the face type of quote up on her wall here..." And it did just that. It hit me in my reality plexus... It knocked the wind right out of me. And it kicked my head around enough that my brain is back in the right place.
I'll still have to struggle to get back in place - to go further than I did before, but like any muscle, the more we use it it, the stronger it is. So even though I don't want to step out on myself again, I know that each and every time I can come back stronger because I'm learning something from every stumble and struggle and all of that.
Does this ever happen to you? Have you given up? Even if you are back for the 1,999,999,999,999th time, you are back, right? The old me would have given up for years at a time. Weeks/months of maintenance - NOT GAIN - before renewing my spirit? Those are some changes I can live with... And that is where I've gotten.... Because I can't do this all at once. I'm going to struggle, and I'm going to fall.
But it isn't how many times I fall down that matters in the end...it's how many times I get back up...
Then yesterday, I realized part of my misery was that I'd been off my supplement schedule due to my staycation/sick week, and I had missed the supplements four days in a row straight due to life, and well... A light went off. And a fog lifted just a bit. And I finally felt like there was some hope in the world.
Then a friend shared some hellacious struggles. Being ostracized and punished for speaking the truth and shooting it straight and refusing to play the BS game. Hell, I'd probably get life in prison for that offense alone, right? She was miserable and suffering and had put a "I'm going to punch you in the face type of quote up on her wall here..." And it did just that. It hit me in my reality plexus... It knocked the wind right out of me. And it kicked my head around enough that my brain is back in the right place.
I'll still have to struggle to get back in place - to go further than I did before, but like any muscle, the more we use it it, the stronger it is. So even though I don't want to step out on myself again, I know that each and every time I can come back stronger because I'm learning something from every stumble and struggle and all of that.
Does this ever happen to you? Have you given up? Even if you are back for the 1,999,999,999,999th time, you are back, right? The old me would have given up for years at a time. Weeks/months of maintenance - NOT GAIN - before renewing my spirit? Those are some changes I can live with... And that is where I've gotten.... Because I can't do this all at once. I'm going to struggle, and I'm going to fall.
But it isn't how many times I fall down that matters in the end...it's how many times I get back up...
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Will come back to this. Sorry0
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