Geek Dating?
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rlmiller216 wrote: »Ah, girl nerds - for us the odds are good, but the goods are odd!
Couldn't agree with you more. Although I don't doubt that many of us fall into the odd category as well ^_^ I know I sure do.0 -
I see a lot of you guys talking about meeting on MMOs. I have done that in the past. Long distance dating can be a true pain. It is the ultimate test of frustration. Don't get involved unless you actually plan on taking it to the next step, otherwise it can be a little unfulfilling.
Geeks, nerds, etc, have always been stereotyped as the antisocial. It isn't always easy. I bet most of us could say they get along better with our PCs or online friends than most people in person. Your best bet is to just put yourself out there.
Of course this advice is coming from a newly single dude who is also in the same market... soo.. every man for himself I suppose.0 -
Yeah, coming out of your shell is scary. I'm just taking my first steps....and yeah, it is difficult to find others who are as into Buffy or LOTR, or Star Wars (books and movies, but not necessarily the games) who are also willing to step out into the sunshine and MOVE. It's even harder for those of us who are creeping up on 40. I'm not quite there, but still feel like I have to play catch-up for all the time I was living vicariously through dragon riders and Heralds and Xena.0
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I play in a LARP, we're definitely outside of the house and roaming around (hitting each other), it really is interesting to see the dynamics of it in place, because you have everyone from those stereotypical shy guys/girls to the loud mouth keyboard cowboys. Sometimes I wonder if we were all terrified at some point to show up. XD0
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I'm not a gamer but I would definitely say I'm a geek. I met my boyfriend at a screening of the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary. We didn't hit it off then but I was on okc at that time and specifically searched for guys who are into all things Whedon and metal music. I emailed a guy and we later realized that we'd met before.
Now we geek out together watching Doctor Who, Fringe etc. He is a gamer but he's ok with me not sharing that passion.
I also hang out at the local hackerspace (it's legal!) where I met a guy I was interested in a fair bit. I am also member of a political party that incidentally is full of geeks and nerds ;-) Met a guy there, too. Some of my friends have student jobs at a local computer game company. Sometimes they invite me along to company parties.
Bottom line: join clubs, go to places where geeks hang out. And try online dating.0 -
And just a bit about "friendzone" and being "too nice".
Sorry, that's just nonsense. Yes, there are women who like *kitten* and there are guys you like dating mean girls. But MOST people want to date nice folks.
You can't have a spark with everybody who is nice to you. I'm friends with lots of wonderful geek guys with whom I've never had a spark and they had none with me. There's also a guy I was majorly interested in but he "friendzoned" me. But using that word implies that he made a conscious choice of not letting me get into his pants. Also, just because I was nice to him and cooked him food and introduced him to Doctor Who doesn't give me any sort of right to his sexual interest.
By the way, what got me interested in the guy who wasn't interested and then later in my boyfriend was that they are kind and polite and well-spoken and caring and reliable and everything else that constitutes "nice".
So if you haven't found somebody recently, don't blame it on girls "friendzoning" you. Look at yourself. How do you interact with women? Do you get creepy-attached quickly? Or do you freeze and refuse to talk? Do you make eye contact? What about personal hygiene (sorry, but it can be an issue)? Or are your standards unrealistic - if ALL guys only were interested in dating stunningly beautiful fashion models, I'd sure be single. I'd also be single if I insisted on dating a Hugh Jackman lookalike.0 -
^^ This.
There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's just something some butthurt guys made up to keep them from facing the fact that there are girls who don't find them sexually attractive.
Fact of life - someone either wants to have an intimate relationship with a person or they don't. There is no obligation to jump into bed with someone simply because you get on well and have shared interests. Why do people seem to think there is?
It's rather naive to assume that because you (think you) are a reasonable human being, people who like the same things as you should want to date you. It doesn't work like that. And actually, in my experience, people who claim they can't get a date because they are 'too nice' are generally not reasonable human beings - they're usually people who get butthurt and whiny whenever they can't get their own way.
Don't be one of those people - take note of the advice given here, especially by @MikaMojito
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Best advice I can give is to make sure you truly love yourself and enjoy being alone with yourself before you even attempt to bring someone into your life. Know your insecurities and work on accepting/improving them. This is always harder than it seems though. We don't always want to admit our faults.0
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"Nice" is NEVER the reason women decide you're not a great bet for a romantic partner. You might need to do some serious evaluation about your actions and attitudes.
Many of the traits that make people "nerds" are very attractive to a lot of women. Intelligence, curiosity, the ability to develop skills and have interesting things to say, for example.0 -
Met my boyfriend through league of legends and been living together for nearly 3 years now
Its hard to find love but lots of people do it through games and forums now a days
just keep trying ^.^ 0 -
"Nice" is NEVER the reason women decide you're not a great bet for a romantic partner. You might need to do some serious evaluation about your actions and attitudes.
Many of the traits that make people "nerds" are very attractive to a lot of women. Intelligence, curiosity, the ability to develop skills and have interesting things to say, for example.
Agreed! I have never friend zoned a guy for being too nice, but have been accused of doing so on a few occasions.0 -
It's so difficult to come out of your shell I find when you're a "geek" , it's partly my fault for not being more outgoing of course but I keep thinking that someone's out there for me 0
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RunningCanuck2015 wrote: »It's so difficult to come out of your shell I find when you're a "geek" , it's partly my fault for not being more outgoing of course but I keep thinking that someone's out there for me
I don't think it is your 'fault'. You can't help who you are I agree that it's about getting out there, sharing hobbies and seeing what's what. The biggest turn off (for me) is desperation, where you get the feeling that any girl will do. I think it's about getting to know the person and connecting that way.
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I am usually "too nice" to be boyfriend stuff and get dumped in the friendzone
Other people have covered this well. Don't be a doormat, and don't put women on a pedestal. They're people. You can get into some weird problems with esteem issues and whatnot, on this road. Always look out for yourself, and the people around you too. Dating should be a "win-win" situation.Also where do you meet gamer girls!?
Mostly wanted to post to address this. IMO, it's not the similarity in hobbies that makes for a good relationship. Other personality traits and actions are way more important, like the partners being supportive of each other.
I've dated a few "gamer girls" and the relationships with the non-geeky girls were much, much happier because of these better personality traits. Not to say that gamers are inherently defective or anything; my point is that personality traits are a much more useful thing to keep in mind. It's nice to share hobbies, but I'd rather have gaming time be something I do without my partner and be happy the other 90% of the day.
This is a really good article, I think, which explains a lot of research into this:
learning-mind.com/psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate/
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I've dated a few "gamer girls" and the relationships with the non-geeky girls were much, much happier because of these better personality traits. Not to say that gamers are inherently defective or anything; my point is that personality traits are a much more useful thing to keep in mind. It's nice to share hobbies, but I'd rather have gaming time be something I do without my partner and be happy the other 90% of the day.
Personality is always important. Character is always important. But a lot of non-gamer girls can be quite intolerant of what can be a quite serious hobby, in both time & money investment.0 -
I've dated a few "gamer girls" and the relationships with the non-geeky girls were much, much happier because of these better personality traits. Not to say that gamers are inherently defective or anything; my point is that personality traits are a much more useful thing to keep in mind. It's nice to share hobbies, but I'd rather have gaming time be something I do without my partner and be happy the other 90% of the day.
Personality is always important. Character is always important. But a lot of non-gamer girls can be quite intolerant of what can be a quite serious hobby, in both time & money investment.
I agree, on my Mommy board I see women complaining every day about their partners playing video games, and how silly they think it is that they spend their free time and money on a "kid's activity". My husband and I understand each other if the dishes don't get washed or something because a new patch just dropped - makes for a happier marriage, lol!0 -
marieamethyst wrote: »I've dated a few "gamer girls" and the relationships with the non-geeky girls were much, much happier because of these better personality traits. Not to say that gamers are inherently defective or anything; my point is that personality traits are a much more useful thing to keep in mind. It's nice to share hobbies, but I'd rather have gaming time be something I do without my partner and be happy the other 90% of the day.
Personality is always important. Character is always important. But a lot of non-gamer girls can be quite intolerant of what can be a quite serious hobby, in both time & money investment.
I agree, on my Mommy board I see women complaining every day about their partners playing video games, and how silly they think it is that they spend their free time and money on a "kid's activity". My husband and I understand each other if the dishes don't get washed or something because a new patch just dropped - makes for a happier marriage, lol!
Seconded. Although it can still be aggravating sometimes, lol. We're both gamers but I've 'grown up' and take care of chores first. He hasn't (and we're not playing MMOs anymore so really, there's that thing called 'pause').0 -
Personality is always important. Character is always important. But a lot of non-gamer girls can be quite intolerant of what can be a quite serious hobby, in both time & money investment.
True, yeah. I've heard of that but never experienced it personally. I'd consider that intolerance a personality flaw though, and wouldn't proceed.
Edit: maybe I should clarify, and say I wouldn't encourage dating anyone who is "uncool," ha. That's a broader range. Partners should let each other do their things without a hassle.
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I've always found my BF's offline because they're the ones I've shared the most interests with. I met my husband on the ancient MMO Ultima Online 5 years ago. I ended up having to go through a long visa process and moving from England to the USA but its totally worth it. Try MMO's but be careful of course..cat fishing is easy, always make sure to video chat and stuff.0
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^^ Love this!Best advice I can give is to make sure you truly love yourself and enjoy being alone with yourself before you even attempt to bring someone into your life.
I used to crush on people based on my fantasy of what they were like (behaviors not looks). Figured out that since I liked those characteristics, why not develop them myself? Now I like myself :laugh: and so does my DH of 25yr.
There are people who may not be considered "physically" attractive - but who, due to their personality (kind, wise, generous, brilliant, funny, gentle, loving, adventurous, intelligent, enlightened, entertaining, uplifting, etc etc etc) are actually very attractive. We can develop those characteristics. A big first step for me was listening to others and thinking less about myself.0 -
^^ This.
There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's just something some butthurt guys made up to keep them from facing the fact that there are girls who don't find them sexually attractive.
Fact of life - someone either wants to have an intimate relationship with a person or they don't. There is no obligation to jump into bed with someone simply because you get on well and have shared interests. Why do people seem to think there is?
It's rather naive to assume that because you (think you) are a reasonable human being, people who like the same things as you should want to date you. It doesn't work like that. And actually, in my experience, people who claim they can't get a date because they are 'too nice' are generally not reasonable human beings - they're usually people who get butthurt and whiny whenever they can't get their own way.
Don't be one of those people - take note of the advice given here, especially by @MikaMojito
Thaaaaaaaaaank you.0 -
I unfortunately meet most gamers online, rarely through mutual friends. Personally, I'd love if there was some secret hangout all gamers and geeks hang out but I don't play magic and conventions are too seldom...
Honestly, most guy gamers I've known personally have been barred from my life for the "friend zone" battle. If you can't respect a woman enough to grasp the concept of "she doesn't owe you sex for you being a good friend" then you're a *kitten* human being who doesn't deserve the "grace" of my company.
P.S. My hubby is actually the opposite of a geek, he's actually kind of a jock (god am I still in high school?) our relationship works better than my more common interest relationships because we are so different. It has a certain kind of romance where he tries to play my games just to be able to relate. It's like trying to teach someone how to use the internet but more adorable.0 -
feisty_bucket wrote: »
Mostly wanted to post to address this. IMO, it's not the similarity in hobbies that makes for a good relationship. Other personality traits and actions are way more important, like the partners being supportive of each other.
I've dated a few "gamer girls" and the relationships with the non-geeky girls were much, much happier because of these better personality traits. Not to say that gamers are inherently defective or anything; my point is that personality traits are a much more useful thing to keep in mind. It's nice to share hobbies, but I'd rather have gaming time be something I do without my partner and be happy the other 90% of the day.
This is a really good article, I think, which explains a lot of research into this:
learning-mind.com/psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate/
I feel this is true. When I first met my now husband ( we met on a dating site )he wasn't that much of a gamer where I have been for years. He does play games more now but we have different tastes in games and hardly play games together. I fell for him as a person, not because he is a fellow gamer
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NordicLifter78 wrote: »It's so difficult to come out of your shell I find when you're a "geek" , it's partly my fault for not being more outgoing of course but I keep thinking that someone's out there for me
It took me years to embrace my "geek" as openly as I do now. I'm a bit of a chameleon; I can blend in pretty well with many types of people so I would often hide my love of geeky things in fear of being judged. But as I get older the more I realize how stupid that is; people should like you for who you are, period.
I think my problem is that I tend to be attracted to more the "corporate jock" type but I adore geekiness and it's harder to find that combination. I'm also probably entirely too picky and need to work on that.0
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