trying to be supportive/excited for prego twin

mae_frankson

Today was a rough day, my sister told me she was pregnant. Its just such an emotional blow. Anyone else been in this place i could use some advice.

Journeywithyou

I have. When husband and I was trying desperately to get preg my sister found out she was preg. She concerned telling us because she knew what we were going through. I had my moment of its not fair and cried my eyes out in my pillow not wanting to ever get out of bed again, when she was not around. But it was that a moment. Its OK to take your moment but don't get so lost that you miss the days of joys to come with your sister. It was such a relief for my sister when I told her I was happy for her.

A_Dabauer

Yep I've been there too. I'd been married 9 years, and my sister who is 6 years younger than me and barely married a minute got pregnant. I certainly was bitter, and had a hard time too. But everyone else needs to live their life too, and it will get easier as time passes. Not a ton of advice to give other than I did eventually have an amazing daughter

mae_frankson

Well we sat down and had a real talk about it and i explained that i really wasnt upset with her just at my own body...she was really relieved and so was i. I told her i might have bad days but to know that it wasnt her just some times people gwt us confused and want to congratulate me. Though soon enough it will be obvious w uh o is prego but till then...im just trying to be as kind as possoble and my husband has volunteered to correct people for me when needed. It is already easier just a big blow yesterday. Thank you all for your advice and insight, its so nice to know that im not all alone. I have been the only one in my group of frinds thats having trouble and they just dont get it.

miranda_mom

What Journeywithyou said really is true. It will get better with time. It's good that the two of you are being open and honest with each other.

Journeywithyou

Your right they don't get it- they try to be kind and say kind things and all you want is to scream and cry and them hold you and let you and not say a word. It will get better. The possibilities are endless in growing your family. Don't loose hope. The road was long, I was finally able to have 3 beautiful children.

mae_frankson

Each day gets easier, i will justhave to be the most awesome aunt right now.

KnitOrMiss

I had a similar situation, though it wasn't my sister, but a close friend. We both got pregnant around the same time. Our due dates were 2 days apart. I knew a few days before she did, and within 2 days of her announcing her pregnancy to us, I miscarried. That was a really rough, miserable, and depressing 8 weeks, until I discovered that despite the huge odds against it, I'd gotten pregnant again during that time. Even then, and slightly somewhat to this day, when I think back on it, I grumble a bit, as this girl was the type that if you did something, she had to do it bigger, better, faster, and stronger, so that she could be the center of attention. I felt like she had stolen something sweet and special and sacred to me. It was a lot of soul searching before I felt like I could forgive her!!! (So odd to feel like you need to forgive someone for getting pregnant, no?)

Then, when my now ex-husband and I were trying desperately for a second child, my SIL who was in the midst of a hellacious divorce (and thus living with us) discovered she was pregnant by her soon to be ex-husband. She deliberated for days and days, struggling with whether to say anything or what to say. I figured out she was pregnant at least a week before she told us, and lucky for me, I had a little life under my belt, because it wasn't nearly as hard to accept and be happy for her. She had one fallopian tube with 95% blockage, the other 100% blocked, and severe endometriosis, plus she'd had a good portion of her cervix removed due to precancerous cells, and so the odds were astronomically against her even conceiving again. This world works in mysterious ways. Only love, acceptance, maturity, and self knowledge will help...and those come at a price.

Hugs.

Alliwan

Ive found that Love is the only thing that outweighs jealousy.

Somedays that means I really REALLY have to work hard to love my friend or family that is pregnant so I am not insanely jealous.

We hadnt been trying to get pregnant, after 5 and a half years of no BC and they told us between my PCOS, weight and hubby's 'Homer Simpson' sperm (if you've seen that episode you know what i mean) that there was a greater chance of being struck my lightening than us getting pregnant on our own. So we didnt worry about it. Then lightening struck.

I got pregnant in July 2014. Didnt realize it at all till I was 7 weeks. In the time before I knew we were pregnant I went to a wedding, a road trip to see my brother, an amusement park and drank some wine for the first time in a couple years. By the time I knew i was pregnant it was too late, my progesterone is very low because of my PCOS and I lost the baby in September.

The week after we lost the baby we found out my husband's brother and his wife along with a good friend of my daughter's who is bairly 19 are both pregnant. I was due April 30th and they are both due mid May. The chances of being struck by lightening twice is so astronomically low I refuse to get my hopes up and fight the want/urge/need every single day.

Its been a struggle, a HUGE struggle. Even tho I have a daughter turning 18 this year and it is very illogical to want a baby, starting over with diapers and smelling like spoiled milk, it doesnt make it any less emotionally difficult to deal with. It is going to be even harder once the babies are born. I need to cuddle and smile and love these little lives that arent mine but are so very close in age to what mine would have been.

Plus the family members who complain they had to have sex 'a whole 6 months' before they got pregnant, or who tried for a month and it happened. /facepalm

Its mind blowing to me to see these parents who kill or abuse their kids, kids they can have in the blink of an eye, without trying, and those of us who want them and would cherish that life because of how much we desperately want a child cant have them. So frustrating sometimes.

But again, Love for my brother in law and his wife and my daughter's friend who is like a second daughter to me is all that overcomes my jealousy and heartache. It will take time and a struggle but you are doing so well with talking to your sister and working out your feelings as best you can.

Hugs! and hang in there!

Dragonwolf

Alliwan wrote: »

Ive found that Love is the only thing that outweighs jealousy.

Somedays that means I really REALLY have to work hard to love my friend or family that is pregnant so I am not insanely jealous.

We hadnt been trying to get pregnant, after 5 and a half years of no BC and they told us between my PCOS, weight and hubby's 'Homer Simpson' sperm (if you've seen that episode you know what i mean) that there was a greater chance of being struck my lightening than us getting pregnant on our own. So we didnt worry about it. Then lightening struck.

I got pregnant in July 2014. Didnt realize it at all till I was 7 weeks. In the time before I knew we were pregnant I went to a wedding, a road trip to see my brother, an amusement park and drank some wine for the first time in a couple years. By the time I knew i was pregnant it was too late, my progesterone is very low because of my PCOS and I lost the baby in September.

The week after we lost the baby we found out my husband's brother and his wife along with a good friend of my daughter's who is bairly 19 are both pregnant. I was due April 30th and they are both due mid May. The chances of being struck by lightening twice is so astronomically low I refuse to get my hopes up and fight the want/urge/need every single day.

Its been a struggle, a HUGE struggle. Even tho I have a daughter turning 18 this year and it is very illogical to want a baby, starting over with diapers and smelling like spoiled milk, it doesnt make it any less emotionally difficult to deal with. It is going to be even harder once the babies are born. I need to cuddle and smile and love these little lives that arent mine but are so very close in age to what mine would have been.

Plus the family members who complain they had to have sex 'a whole 6 months' before they got pregnant, or who tried for a month and it happened. /facepalm

Its mind blowing to me to see these parents who kill or abuse their kids, kids they can have in the blink of an eye, without trying, and those of us who want them and would cherish that life because of how much we desperately want a child cant have them. So frustrating sometimes.

But again, Love for my brother in law and his wife and my daughter's friend who is like a second daughter to me is all that overcomes my jealousy and heartache. It will take time and a struggle but you are doing so well with talking to your sister and working out your feelings as best you can.

Hugs! and hang in there!

This is a lot like me.

My stepsister and I were both pregnant at about the same time with her two youngest. My first pregnancy, I lost the baby at 20 weeks, so it was hard to handle at first (geographical distance helped, though, since they weren't a constant, unavoidable presence in our life; that sounds cold and mean, but it is what it is, and it did help to be able to keep our pain separate from her son).

One thing I still vividly remember was the woman I saw waiting at a bus stop. She was very much pregnant (like, probably 7 months or so, or just really showed) and was smoking a cigarette. She infuriated me at the time, both because of what she, herself, was doing, and because she basically represented all of the women who abused their bodies during pregnancy like that and for all intents and purposes got away with it, while there I was, doing the best I could with what I had, and still lost my son (for reasons unbeknownst to me at the time). It's not fair in the slightest, and it sucks.

The people that talk about how it took "so long" to get pregnant, when "so long" equated to a month or two or something like that make me want to smack them, too. Even for healthy people, six months isn't abnormal. Your timing just sucks. Try actively trying, complete with fertility awareness timing and/or medications and then come back with your whining. (Full disclosure - I did get lucky in the time it took me to get pregnant after I got diagnosed and started Metformin, but it took me a year to get my period back after going off birth control, and we weren't actively trying. I'm fully aware of the fact that the sun, moon, and stars happened to align just right, and would never in a million years say something like "it took so long" or "was so hard" for us, because I know we got lucky.)

It's along the same lines with weight for me, too. People talking about how they "ballooned" up by 20 or 30lbs, and how it took them "so long" to lose the weight, because they were only losing .5-1lb a week. It's all I can do to keep from screaming, "I gained four times that in the course of a year and have spent the past six years trying to get it off! Consider yourself fortunate that you do not have the hormonal issues that I do and realize that your weight came off as expected for the amount you had and the work you put in!"

lindseymp2015

I was there! When I saw my first neice I walked out of the hospital sobbing (from sadness, not tears of joy!) Not what the nurses seemed use to seeing! It still gets me and I was so lucky to be able to go through fertility doctors, using Clomid and Metfiin (for first 12 weeks) with several attempts and have been so lucky to have two children. But I still feel that when I see a friend/ family who gets pregnant so "easily." It's funny that it is still so raw and powerful emotion.