So disappointed in myself

wennim

I have been on this change of lifestyle for a year. I have been so careful and accountable and doing everything that I should be. Eating the right foods, exercising, not binging. I would have thought it would be second nature by now. I don't know what has come over me but in the last two days or so I cannot stop eating. And it isn't good stuff either. I have eaten a full bag of mini marshmallows, ice cream and like half a bag of chocolate chips. I can't stop. The only reason it is limited is because it is all the was in the house and I refused to buy any more crap at the store this morning when I stopped for fresh vegetables. I am just sick over this. I know I need to stop it before it gets out of control but it isn't that easy.

maoribadger

Sometimes we have blips. Its ok to step off the road for a short time as long as you haul it back in and keep on the forward journey. Ask why its happened and what you can do to resolve it? Are you due on? Got something stressing you? Theres usually reason we seek solace in food and Im guessing you are maybe in your thirties...so you have 1 year of good work vs maybe 30 years of bad habits? Dont beat yourself up, celebrate the year you have had, accept the blip and move back to the person you want to be

Huge hugs hon you are doing just amazing and dont be so hard on yourself

KnitOrMiss

Not only that, did anything change in your diet or workouts this week? One dietary change could lead to a craving, and we all know sweets/junk have added addictive natures or additives that make it a slippery slope. I listen to some rock music, go for a walk, gorge a little on a healthy snack, or whatever. Anything to break the train of thought. Sometimes, we just get to that break point - we can't take another minute of this... Just think of this as a reset to your metabolism so it can kick back up a notch. Fill your belly full of healthy fats, safe carbs, and proteins... You beat worse than this before...you can do it again!

40andFindingFitness

I agree that it's a blip and it needs to be forgotten. Get yourself back on track and there's no beating oneself up allowed. I haven't had cake since May 2014. Last weekend I had cake. A few pieces of it. And it was good! I logged it and now I'm over it. I don't expect to never have cake again, I just expect that when I have it it won't be for a while and it will be logged and not a regrettable experience. You have to have realistic expectations or you'll end up feeling like this. Don't do it to yourself. (*)

wennim

Thanks guys. I have been ok today so far. ..only 9 am but it is something. I don't make any food off limits since I want to be able to eat everything once the weight is gone. I just don't know why I couldn't stop.
The funny thing is that I had none of the usual triggers. A major stress situation was resolved last week with my husband getting a huge promotion. Not pmsing. No change in diet and the last exercise change was a couple weeks ago. I have been very fixated on my apron of fat/skin and looking into the idea of a panniculectomy and if insurance will cover it. I can't buy a pair of jeans that fit in the legs and waist because I need the space for my rolls. There is soreness and honestly I am extremely embarrassed by it. I don't know if that is what is causing it or not. But I am back in the saddle today.

KnitOrMiss

You might look into a light support girdle to hold everything up and give the skin a chance to firm up what little it can. I know without a doubt that in many ways I'm there already, and as I continue to lose, it will only get worse. I have a huge gut overhang. My last female stuff doc literally made my hold my stomach roll up out of the way while he was doing my check up. And he wasn't nice or considerate about it. I was humiliated, but in a way, he was right... I would sincerely look into a compression/lift type deal. I've seen them essentially like tube tops for your bulge, etc. My worst problem there is the sweat/sores from the overhang, if I can't get my underwear to be a buffer there. Hope this isn't TMI, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this!!!!! HUGS

KnitOrMiss

P.S. I think part of the mental stuff might be that you've come so far, and you can't see it all, and realizing you weigh less than your son and still have skin that makes you feel less than attractive, and all of that does a number on your subconscious! (hugs)

40andFindingFitness

That's not TMI, I think it's interesting. I sometimes wear compression running pants under my pants because they are smooth and guard against the cold. On the days that I do that I feel like everything sits where it should.

wennim

KnitOrMiss wrote: »

You might look into a light support girdle to hold everything up and give the skin a chance to firm up what little it can. I know without a doubt that in many ways I'm there already, and as I continue to lose, it will only get worse. I have a huge gut overhang. My last female stuff doc literally made my hold my stomach roll up out of the way while he was doing my check up. And he wasn't nice or considerate about it. I was humiliated, but in a way, he was right... I would sincerely look into a compression/lift type deal. I've seen them essentially like tube tops for your bulge, etc. My worst problem there is the sweat/sores from the overhang, if I can't get my underwear to be a buffer there. Hope this isn't TMI, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this!!!!! HUGS

I have the sweat and soars too and that is the worst part. Seems to be getting worse as the overhang gets softer with less fat in it. That is the only reason that the insurance might possibly cover the surgery. It just seems like such and invasive thing that I just have so many mixed thoughts on it. I am losing the weight to be around longer and then if something were to go wrong in surgery...

I have resorted to borrowing a pair of compression shorts from my son that seem to hold things in place for exercise but the sweat is so bad that it makes it even worse after. I think I will look around for a girdle/tube thing and see if that makes me feel any more confident for when I leave the house. I just have so much skin everywhere that I almost feel like i am drowning in it. These are all things that I never really thought about at the start of the journey. I can't comfortably wear tank tops or shorter sleeves and I even have loose skin on my inner thighs. The worst is my "turkey wattle" on my chin/neck. TMI but lets just say getting frisky with the husband is not something that will ever be done with the lights on...ever again.

I am really trying to work on my self image but it isn't getting there as fast as I would like it. Been playing a lot of "bigger or smaller" with the hubby and yesterday I took my newest pair of pants and laid them on top of my biggest and the size difference was incredible ...but I still don't see it. I guess that goes to show how screwed up my mind really is. I have been taking progress pics too but they are all in bike shorts and a sports bra and I don't see the difference. ho hum..guess I just keep trudging along and wait for my mind to catch up with my body.

KnitOrMiss

I have to take updated pics to my ones from last year at this time, I think. I did a tee and jogging pants, then layered down to sports bra, etc. The ones I've been posting have been my heaviest known pics to now... Not my most recent progress.

I spent the better part of last year working on my head. I don't know if you realized that. I wrote a lot and thought a lot and beat myself up a lot and forgave myself a lot.... You'll get there!

Hugs...

maoribadger

I know what you mean about self image. I can see it in my face but not my body